We finally arrived at our new house in Baltimore after the longest flight ever. Dad came out a week ago with a friend and they decorated the house and unpacked everything. So the first thing me and Adam did when we arrived at the new house is check out what our rooms looked like. Mine had pink walls and Dad even put all my posters back up just the way they were at home. I had anew double bed in the middle of the room, my rainbow curtains, black carpet, a desk with a computer on and my TV mounted to the wall. Me and Adam ran from our own rooms to look at each others and they were pretty much the same, except everything in his room was purple or blue instead of rainbow and pink. We went downstairs and sat in the red, cream and black kitchen.
“So, do you two like your rooms?” Mum asked.
“We love them!” We said at the same time. I could tell I was going to like living here, it's a chance to start over and for the family to get closer. You see, Dad had a job in London which is 3 hours away from where we lived so he stayed in a hotel 5 days a week and only came home on weekends, but now, he works just across town, so he now gets to come home every night.
It's also a chance for me to go to a school where no one knows anything about me. You see, I suffer with depression, anxiety and social anxiety. Everyone in my old school back in England found out about that and bullied me even worse than before about it. No, I'm not looking to make friends here. I don't want friends. They all leave you in the end. As long as I've got my family, I'll be fine.

“So, you two start school tomorrow, are you looking forward to it?” Dad asked.
“Yeah, I've always wanted to go to school in America!” Adam said. That's the difference between me and Adam. He always had friends, he was always happy and everyone loved him. I was the freak of the family.
“No” I mumbled.
“Emma, I know you had a tough time in England, but this is a fresh start. Try and make friends” Mum said. I just nodded, not wanting to spoil anyone's happiness.
“Anyway, we're going out for dinner tonight to celebrate this fresh start” Dad said. We all cheered and went off to do our own thing. I went upstairs and shut myself in my room. I discovered the lock on my bedroom door and I locked it. I then went over to the unopened box of teddies and searched it until I found the small red box. I walked over to my bed and sat down. I opened the box and pulled out the first shiny piece of metal I touched, I rolled my sleeve up and took a deep breath. This is one of the only things my family doesn't know about me. And I hope they never find out. I pressed the blade against my wrist and dragged it across.
1 cut for not having friends.
2 cuts for being the freak of the family.
3 cuts because no one likes me.
4 cuts because I have a sick, twisted mind.
5 cuts for enjoying this pain.
6 cuts for not being able to do anything right.
6 new cuts on my left wrist and I'm euphoric. I know how bad that sounds, but it's true. The cuts help. Now all I need is a bandage and a long sleeve and no one will ever know.

I had just finished clearing everything away when there was a knock at my bedroom door. I made sure there was no blood or anything anywhere then walked over and unlocked the door.
“Hey honey, we're leaving in half an hour, we're only going to a little diner, so don't need to dress nice” Mum said.
“Thanks Mum, I'll be down in a bit” I said an locked my door again. I took a few deep breaths and paced my room a couple of times to calm myself down. If there's anything I hate, its eating in public.

After 20 minutes of successfully trying not to have an anxiety attack, I went downstairs and put my shoes on.
“So, are we all ready?” Dad asked.
“Yeah” I said, my voice wobbling a little. He looked at me.
“Honey, are you all right to eat out?” He asked. He was more understanding about my anxiety than Mum is.
“I'll be fine” I said as I took a deep breath.
“You sure?”
“Yeah, let's go!” I said and put a big fake smile on mu face. He smiled back and we all got in his car. The drive was silent, just the way I liked it. No one to disturb my thoughts. But all too soon we were there. I took a deep breath and stepped out of the car and followed my family into the diner. It was nothing special, but it had a friendly atmosphere. We sat down at a rectangular table with 4 seats around it and looked at the menu. I ordered a cheese burger and I didn't pay attention to what everyone else was ordering. I just focused on keeping myself calm.

Mum Dad and Adam were all talking when our food came and that's when I really started to panic. I looked around and a few people were looking at me. I tried to ignore them and took a bite out of my burger, chewed it and swallowed it. But there was still people watching and that's when my breathing sped up. My eye's started watering and my heart was pounding out of my chest, muffling my hearing. Dad got out of his seat, knelt in front of me and put his hands on my shoulders.
“Emma, look at me, focus on my voice, breath. Everything's okay. Nothing bad will happen. Relax. Breath. Focus on me, focus on my voice. Nothing bad will happen. I'm right here focus on me Emma, focus! Breath. Clam down. Relax. It's okay.” He kept repeating the same things over and over again until I calmed down.
“Are you okay Emma?” Dad asked.
“Yeah”
“Breathe” He reminded me, staying in front of me. I took 10 deep breaths and focused on Dad.
“It's gonna be okay” He said as he got up to sit back on his chair. I looked down at my burger and picked it up. I brought it to my lips but I couldn't do it.
“Can I eat in the car please Dad” I asked. He nodded and handed me the keys. I got in the car and finished eating my burger before going back in.
“You all right now” He asked. I nodded and sat back down.
“It's gonna be okay Emma” Adam said when he saw the panicked look on my face. It'll take me a few hours to get over this one. I smiled at Adam and went back to staring at the table.
“Its just a fuss over nothing” I heard Mum say. My head snapped up.
“You don't understand what it's like. Whenever I have an attack it feels like I'm about to die. I'd give anything to be normal again” I said coldly.
“Just stop getting worked up, it's not that hard” She said. I stood up and walked out. I couldn't be around her right now. I began walking and then remembered that I've only been in this country a few hours and I have no idea where I'm going. I turn back and end up on some street. Now I'm really lost. Suddenly, Dad's car came round the corner and relief washed over me. He stopped and I got in. Everything was completely silent.
“Please don't do that again Emma” Dad said calmly.
“I'm sorry” I said.
“You're not the one who should be apologising” He nudged Mum but she didn't respond.
“She could've had a severe anxiety attack out there Lou” He said. She still didn't respond.
“Just don't worry about it Em. All right?” He said. I nodded and looked at Adam. He took his seatbelt off and slid over to give me a hug. I held the tears back though. They didn't need to see that. We got back home and I went straight upstairs and locked the door. I got changed into my pyjamas and got into bed. I led there and thought about everything that just happened and I burst out crying until I fell asleep.

Notes

So my new story that I've been working on for days. I hope you all like it and sorry for all the sadness
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