Madison laid in bed clutching at her sides and trying to index the level of pain. A quiet knock reverberated off of the wooden bedroom door.

“Come in” Madison choked out in between breaths as another wave of pain rushed through her body. She closed her eyes and focused on her breathing pattern the way her very first doctor had instructed when she was just a kid. She opened her eyes when she felt the bed sink down under the added weight of another person.

Nate looked down at her with sympathetic eyes “how ya feelin today, kiddo?” he asked while patting her shoulder, even though he already knew the answer. He could easily tell that today wasn’t a good day. He had witnessed the days in which Madison had only enough energy to writh around in pain.

“Not good, it hurts” Madison’s voice croaked out in response.

“How bad? On a scale to ten?” Nate inquired

“eleven” Madison immediately replied before curling into the fetal position as another attack on her body erupted. Nate turned his head, quickly blinking away the tears that pooled in his eyes; there was no way he would show any kind of weakness when he was around Madison, she needed him to be strong.

“What can I do?” Nate asked

“Make it go away” Madison whimpered, the first of many tears finally falling down her face despite the amount of effort she put into holding them in. Nate gingerly pulled her into his lap, careful to not cause her any extra pain, she was always more sensitive on days like this and the slightest touch could feel like a knife stabbing through her pale skin. She cried into her brother’s chest as he rocked her back and forth.

“I know, I know” Nate whispered into her ear as Madison tensed up in pain.

“I want to die, Nate. I-I just want to die now” Madison whimpered as his arms tightened around her. She knew he hated hearing her talk like that but not feeling anything at all would be better than living everyday just to await for a cancerous disease to take her life for her.

“So, Alex?” Nate asked, desperately attempting to keep Madison’s mind off of the pain and the horrible thoughts that he knew were running through her mind.

“Hmm?”

“Alex Gaskarth, I saw him bring you home last night. When did that happen?” Nate clarified, pleased that the conversation seemed to distract Madison so far.

“We’re just friends”

“since when?”

“Yesterday….I guess. I dunno he’s a persistent bastard. “Madison couldn’t help but smile as she thought about the amount of effort that Alex put into getting her to hang out with him.

“Sounds like you like him” Nate poked. Madison shook her head in denial “I do not like him! He’s just….I dunno he’s nice to me and I guess it’s nice to feel….normal” Madison sheepishly confessed. Nate nodded his head deciding not to push the subject any further. He didn’t exactly approve of the friendship because he knew in the end someone was going to get hurt, he didn’t even have to ask her to know that Madison had no intention whatsoever to tell Alex about her situation.

“How ya feelin now?” he asked instead

“Better, thanks Nate” Madison crawled off of his lap and back under the warm covers of her bed. Nate nodded and made his way out of her room so Madison could sleep before the pain came back like it always did on bad days.

---

Madison was surprised to find Alex sitting across her room in her reading chair when she woke up.

‘W-what are you doing?” She asked harshly.

“Your mom said I could come wake you up. I'm surprised you literally managed to sleep the whole day away” Alex said. Madison shrugged her shoulders, not willing to offer an explanation for why she was too exhausted to do anything other than sleep.

“How long have you been here?” Madison rubbed at her eyes

“Like, an hour, maybe” Alex sheepily replied, playing with his hands

“So…you’ve just been sitting here watching me sleep for the past hour?” Madison raised an eyebrow and
Alex bit his lip “Well…when you say it like that…”

Madison laughed and shook her head “you’re such a weirdo, Gaskarth!”

Alex let his mouth fall open and covered his heart with his hands “We’re on a last name basis now? I’m hurt!” Madison laughed and threw a pillow at him, hitting him in the chest with a soft thud.

“really though, why are you here?”

Alex sat on the end of her bed near her feet and stared at her for a minute before focusing his eyes on his hands “I just wanted to see you” he shyly murmured.

“Why?!” Madison asked as if it were the most shocking thing she had ever heard in her life.

Alex shrugged “I dunno. I like being around you”

“Why?” Madison asked again, this time much more gently as she was genuinely curious

“you intrigue me Madison. You—you’re just…you’re mysterious and sometimes you’re a bitch-“
Madison flinched though she wasn’t sure why she was expecting to hear anything more than that
“but I know it’s just your defense mechanism. You’re scared and I don’t know why cause I wouldn’t ever hurt you. I just want to know you, Madi” Alex looked up for the first time, dropping his fidgeting hands into his lap and making eye contact with Madison.

Madison stayed silent for an agonizing five minutes before finally getting her thoughts together “I know you won’t hurt me—“

“then why do you have these damn fortresses built around you?!” Alex asked exasperatedly.

“Because it’s me that’ll hurt you, Alex. Y-you just don’t understand” Madison pushed her argument trying to give him another chance to abandon her before they both got in too deep.

“Because you won’t let me understand, Madi” Alex shot back growing more frustrated by the second.
“there are things you don’t know about me Alex”

“Then tell me! Just let me in, Mads”

“I-I can’t” she whispered

Alex stood up throwing his hands in the hair as he did so “Why?!”

“Because, it would change everything Alex! You wouldn’t treat me the same. I know because it’s the same every time someone finds out---“

“ What could be so damn bad that you can’t tell me!?” Alex yelled, tired of talking in circles with the green eyed girl in front of him. He was beginning to question himself, maybe she was right, maybe she wasn’t worth this much effort; but when he looked down at her with her head in her hands and her shoulders shaking with sobs he knew he couldn’t just give up on her.

Slowly he walked back across the room towards her, kneeling on the ground her pulled her hands from her face and brushed the stray tears away. Madison looked down at him not understanding what he was doing. Alex held both of her hands in his and spoke quietly “I won’t let you do this, mads. I won’t let you push me away because you’re scared. I’m here to stay, whether you like it or not.” Alex let go of her hands and cupped her face as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. Madison closed her eyes as his lips made contact with her skin, leaving a burning feeling when they were removed.

“Okay” she whispered, too exhausted to put up a fight with him.

Notes

It's been a while, I suck, I know.

-Katy <3