It was a mildly warm night, though the ground was wet from rain. We were currently sitting at one of our favorite parks, the same one we went to on most Summer nights, to be happy or sad. It was a nice escape from reality. It was public, though it was built for a Church, and most of the time no one was really here unless you count the skaters on the tennis court.


We'd cleaned the swings well enough to sit on them and I loosely held to the glass bottle that contained the one thing I needed most right now - Beer. Two of my very best friends, some girls I grew up with, were seated on either side of me. One of them drank from a Four Loko can, the other had a Faygo pressed to her lips. They had agreed to come out with me for several reasons. One, I'm a blast to drink with. Two, we were losing our minds in our small town. Three, they knew I had something to tell them.


"So guys, now that I'm half way through this forty, I'm ready to spill the beans."


"Oh, I've been waiting for this moment!"


Diana is a bit of a character. She's half Mexican, a little heavy and a total goofball. Saying she's a perv would be an understatement but she's got enough wisdom to help me get by. More than anything, we were kind of each other's support system. We held tight to each other when everyone else slipped away.


Lindsey, the other friend, was different. She's a complete social butterfly, she gets drunk entirely too easy and she's been my constant for as long as I can remember. We became distant the Summer I moved in with Rae, but we never lost touch. I prayed we never would. She was a tall redhead with big boobs that Diana loved to stick her face in - seriously. We survived divorce, home-schooling and drunk mothers together.


"IhadsexwithAlexlastnight."


"What?!" Diana jumped out of her swing and nearly shoved me back on the ground. "You slut! Why didn't you tell me?!"


"Okay, not a slut," I growled, clinging to the chains of my swing. "Secondly, did you not hear the part where I said last night?"


"I'm sorry, he's just so hot," Diana breathed, a grin on her lips. "Was he good? Was it big? How many times did you get off? Oh, this is so juicy!"


"D!" Lindsey and I yelled in unison. "Please, just stop. I have a lot to think about right now."


"Look atcha," D, sighed, tipping back her can. "You had Dustin wrapped around your finger, you had that sexy muffin Jer in your fingertips and now you're back to Alex."


"Do you see why I have so much to think about?"


Lindsey shrugged, placing her hand on my back for support. She would want to gossip about the sex later as well, but right now she knew I needed my best friend to hug me, nothing more. But, since Rae wasn't here and Lindsey was next in line, she climbed off the swing and wrapped her arms around me. It took everything for me not to start crying right then and there.


"Here's the plan. Dustin is working tonight so we're going to go buy you some beer and go home. From there, we'll get drunk and make a completely ridiculous decision about your future."


"Deal."


We made our way back to the car with Diana going on and on about my sex life. She meant well, I know she did, she just didn't always see the seriousness in a situation. Like, how I wanted to maintain a friendship with Dustin while also asking him to leave. Or how my heart was stuck with a guy who didn't give two shits about me, or how I'd just slept with my ex-boyfriend because I was lonely and I know damn well he isn't coming back to stay. He never does.


The thirty second drive to Sheetz was simple. I'd finally started telling Diana some things about last night, but not enough to give her ammo. By the time we'd tossed our empty cans and bottles and collected enough money for two cases of beer, we were back to talking about Jer.


"I just don't get why you're so stuck on him," Lindsey mumbled, pulling change out of her purse. "He's a great guy and I love him, but rumor has it he's been with over fifty girls."


"Rumor isn't lying," I sighed, staring out of the window. "Everything I believe in goes against him, but I just can't help myself. He made me feel.. Free and alive. Like there is no life or death, just the moment. He taught me how to live in the peace of a moment."


"That's deep.." Diana whispered, the smell of Grape Loko sneaking up to the front seat. "But Jess, do you really think he's coming back? And if he does, what about his girlfriend?"


I shrugged my shoulders, trying to focus on my feelings for him instead of his feelings for her. It was true, he had a girlfriend. The first girlfriend he's had since I've been with Dustin. But all of those things he said.. They can't have been lies, can they?


"Oh fuck, Jessie!"


Blinking away his memory, I glanced to my best friend who was pointing to the car beside us. I had no idea who that car belonged to, but when I glanced through the window, I saw his face. His beautiful fucking face. That hair, those eyes, that smile. Fuck, he was perfect!
And then I realized who I was staring at. He's back. He fucking came back. Why didn't he call me?! Panic was rushing over my body. I felt guilt for sleeping with Alex. This whole time I was holding out hope and the one second I let it go.. There he was.


"Jeremy," my voice trembled as I said his name. Then, I was out of the car. I was by his window, Lindsey beside, and I was almost crying from joy. "Jeremy!"


He jumped, his eyes popping when he saw three heads peeping into his window. Then, he relaxed into a gorgeous smile. His fingers clicked the button and the window went down, the smell of pot dancing around my nose.


"Jessie Ann," he grinned, not even looking to my friends. "I'm back."


"You're back."


"He's back."


"I wanna touch his back side!"


Even though Lindz and Jer laughed at D's comment, I remained quiet and collected. If would could describe what I was feeling, I'd write a whole book on that very moment. But they can't. It was pain and hope.


"You didn't call me, asshole."


"I just got back into town. Today. I swear." He half-smiled, making my heart break. "How are things with the douche bag?"


"Well.. I'm single."


"That's funny," he smirked. "So I am."


And that was all it took. Those few words sent me crashing down all over again. The vicious cycle would never end.

Notes

If this gets more comments I swear I will update more often. And, you know.. Better.