Once Upon A Time, I Could Take Anything
You've Shown Me, Eventually, What You'll Do
"Do you want to come with me to a party tonight?"
My bedroom was such a miserable place to be. It was neat, no clothes scattered on the floor, not dust forming in the corners and certainly no cobwebs hanging from my ceiling. My furniture was spray painted black, having been passed down from my older sister when this house came to be mine. Panels walls that once made this place room so ulgy were now coated in thick, white pain, while the floor boards and windows were painted black. The wall directly to the left once you opened the door was hand-painted by my eldest ex-step-sister, birds flying away from everything that held them down, and the wall above my hand was filled with free-style designs. It suited me, every bit of it, even the Rolling Rock bottles over flowing my trash can.
A lot had changed since I was a fourteen-year-old girl with a troubled heart. Some might even say I've become more cold and more closed off, if you could imagine. Flings were sort of my thing for a while, but over time I grew to love one boy and one boy alone. He was my first for many things, all of which I will hold close to my heart, but my fear of the things Alex did to me back then have never left my soul. Four years have passed since that horrible Summer, almost to the day, but I can only pretend it's been that long since Alex Gaskarth caused problems in my head. Spending two years trying to forget someone can be a bit of a task, but I'd almost done it, until he showed back up in my life. Under the circumstances, I told Alex to get lost and figure out where he belonged in life, only to have him return a year later and try to wiggle his way into my heart again. He almost made it, too, but Alex had a trend when it came to me - I was a way to spend his time when we was bored. Four times since we broke up over Kelly, he's come back and begged me to mend things.. The last time I saw him was about seven months ago, when we agreed it would never happen again, I couldn't handle it again.
Alex is to blame for many of the problems in my life, I think. Certainly it can't be fair to blame him, but your first love leaves an impression on you that you can never scrub away, especially when they keep returning to your life only to make you fall apart again. I tried to get better when Alex and I spilt, honestly, I did. Eventually I stopped snorting and popping pills, I stopped smoking pot.. I even only drank at social events.. But this last time Alex came back, it made me take a good, long look at the life I have now. Was that who I really was? No, it wasn't. I'd changed to conform to the life style my new boyfriend wanted, which wasn't a bad life.. But I wasn't happy. That's why when said boyfriend's best friend came to party with us one night, he made me lose my sense of direction. Drinks, drugs (he offered, I refused), kissing.. Just to feel alive again made me realize what I was missing.. Even if it was wrong, so, terribly wrong..
I fell in love with that boy that night. It resulted in a fist fight, my then-relationship coming to an end and the boy that made me realize my life is worth living, jumping state. I was all alone when he left, shattered, wishing he'd just come back and fix the way he'd fixed me the night before. But, I am me, and nothing ever works out how I want it to. The ex-boyfriend still lives with me, however he knows we'll never be the same, even if we do hook-up when I drink too much.. Fuck, my drinking, don't even get me started on that. I drink to forget that boy, to wash him away, but it only leaves me lonely.
Guess that's why I answered the phone tonight. Why I pondered over the request so intently. Oh yes, I knew what I was going to do and I knew how it'd end. We didn't need to talk about the things that had happened over the last seven months, I didn't need an excuse as to why he was calling me up again, I just needed to know that he was there when I needed someone the most.
So when Alex asked me to attend a party, I had nothing left to lose...
"Be here in twenty minutes."
My bedroom was such a miserable place to be. It was neat, no clothes scattered on the floor, not dust forming in the corners and certainly no cobwebs hanging from my ceiling. My furniture was spray painted black, having been passed down from my older sister when this house came to be mine. Panels walls that once made this place room so ulgy were now coated in thick, white pain, while the floor boards and windows were painted black. The wall directly to the left once you opened the door was hand-painted by my eldest ex-step-sister, birds flying away from everything that held them down, and the wall above my hand was filled with free-style designs. It suited me, every bit of it, even the Rolling Rock bottles over flowing my trash can.
A lot had changed since I was a fourteen-year-old girl with a troubled heart. Some might even say I've become more cold and more closed off, if you could imagine. Flings were sort of my thing for a while, but over time I grew to love one boy and one boy alone. He was my first for many things, all of which I will hold close to my heart, but my fear of the things Alex did to me back then have never left my soul. Four years have passed since that horrible Summer, almost to the day, but I can only pretend it's been that long since Alex Gaskarth caused problems in my head. Spending two years trying to forget someone can be a bit of a task, but I'd almost done it, until he showed back up in my life. Under the circumstances, I told Alex to get lost and figure out where he belonged in life, only to have him return a year later and try to wiggle his way into my heart again. He almost made it, too, but Alex had a trend when it came to me - I was a way to spend his time when we was bored. Four times since we broke up over Kelly, he's come back and begged me to mend things.. The last time I saw him was about seven months ago, when we agreed it would never happen again, I couldn't handle it again.
Alex is to blame for many of the problems in my life, I think. Certainly it can't be fair to blame him, but your first love leaves an impression on you that you can never scrub away, especially when they keep returning to your life only to make you fall apart again. I tried to get better when Alex and I spilt, honestly, I did. Eventually I stopped snorting and popping pills, I stopped smoking pot.. I even only drank at social events.. But this last time Alex came back, it made me take a good, long look at the life I have now. Was that who I really was? No, it wasn't. I'd changed to conform to the life style my new boyfriend wanted, which wasn't a bad life.. But I wasn't happy. That's why when said boyfriend's best friend came to party with us one night, he made me lose my sense of direction. Drinks, drugs (he offered, I refused), kissing.. Just to feel alive again made me realize what I was missing.. Even if it was wrong, so, terribly wrong..
I fell in love with that boy that night. It resulted in a fist fight, my then-relationship coming to an end and the boy that made me realize my life is worth living, jumping state. I was all alone when he left, shattered, wishing he'd just come back and fix the way he'd fixed me the night before. But, I am me, and nothing ever works out how I want it to. The ex-boyfriend still lives with me, however he knows we'll never be the same, even if we do hook-up when I drink too much.. Fuck, my drinking, don't even get me started on that. I drink to forget that boy, to wash him away, but it only leaves me lonely.
Guess that's why I answered the phone tonight. Why I pondered over the request so intently. Oh yes, I knew what I was going to do and I knew how it'd end. We didn't need to talk about the things that had happened over the last seven months, I didn't need an excuse as to why he was calling me up again, I just needed to know that he was there when I needed someone the most.
So when Alex asked me to attend a party, I had nothing left to lose...
"Be here in twenty minutes."
I just keep stumbling across more and more of your stories. I've now read what you have of this story and the prequel.
This story overall... it's just so real. And I commend you for that. There is nothing cheesy about it, and you just go with the things that actually happen in life. Which is mainly because you based it off of what's happened to you, and so that has just made this the most authentic story I've read. Truly.
I'm not sure how much is true or if anything is exaggerated, but I just wanted to tell you that I admire you for all you've been through. Going by what's happening with the character, your life definitely hasn't been easy and you've had a lot of hardships. I'm sorry you had to go through so much, no one deserves that.
But it definitely was able to make an interesting story. I'm bummed to see this was never continued, perhaps it got a bit too difficult to write, you weren't receiving as much feedback as you would have liked... I don't know. But if you ever do choose to pick it up again, I will be here to read. I would like to know how it all rounds out for this character. I don't expect a cheesy ending, but with where it left off... I'm sure some decision was made.
But yeah, you're seriously an amazing writer and that is why I keep checking our your stuff. This story has to be the best one so far for me, just with how it comes from a true story/your life. You really know what to write for it in that case and that makes you an awesome writer, for knowing the subject you're writing about.
Once again, I will be here if you ever choose to continue this or wrap it up. I think it honestly could have ended with the prequel, save the last line where Alex showed back up again. But I would be interested in seeing where this installment goes if you were to continue.
Even though it's been a while since you've written for it, I just wanted to leave feedback to let you know I enjoyed it. :)
5/14/17