Walls
Strength to Stay
During the break between sound check and show time, I managed to escape to a little café near the theatre.
A million thoughts ran through my mind at once, and I longed to put my ear buds in and tune the world out. Knowing that that wouldn’t solve anything and that I didn’t exactly have that option anymore, I settled for staring down and the coffee and scone that counted as my dinner for the evening and tried to sort out my thoughts and feelings of everything that was thrown at me during the day.
It had been months since my last encounter with him but even the smallest flash of his general hair color sent me spiraling back into paranoia. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that even after so long, I wasn’t as over it as I told myself I was.
Then there was running into Alex and being thrown the curveball of possibly going on a tour.
Lately I would become overwhelmed at the slightest idea of socializing; a direct result of closing myself off from the world and holing up in my shoebox apartment. Tour just sounded dreadful, too much going on at once and way too much forced socializing for my liking.
I knew that logically I would have to take the opportunity; I desperately needed the money and I had always said I wanted to travel the world. I couldn’t even explain to myself why I wouldn’t want to go.
Frowning at that thought, I knew that I would take the offer if it was given to me after the show tonight. It would be a chance to get away and experience life for once.
I was so caught up in my thoughts that I hadn’t even heard the ringing of bells signaling that someone had entered the café, or my name being called until I had two messy haired boys sitting directly in front of me, coffee’s in hand.
Alex snapped his fingers in front of my face, gaining my attention.
“Braedynne,” He drawled out as my mind brought itself back to the present. I could feel myself tensing up at the realization that I actually had to socialize and talk to someone while I was supposed to be having my ‘Braedynne and thoughts’ time.
Eyebrows furrowing together and lips pursed, I replied curtly to the men sitting across from me; uninvited I may add.
“Alex, Jack,” I nodded, raising my eyebrows as I raised the warm mug to my lips.
Alex seemed slightly taken aback by my tone while I had to question if Jack even heard me.
Practically shaking his whole body, Jack looked at me excitedly as he loudly exclaimed, “Tour’s gonna be so much fun! We’re going places we’ve never played before, and We Are the In Crowd and Mayday Parade and The Summer Set are all gonna be there! And you’ll get to meet everybody and hang out with the coolest people ever!” He rambled on, sounding more like an excited boy on Christmas than a grown man about to headline a major US/ European tour.
I simply raised my eyebrows in response, inquiring in a quiet voice that contrasted with his, “Are you sure you need any more of that?” I questioned as I motioned toward the mug sitting in front of the man.
Chuckling lightly, Alex replied, “It’s hot chocolate; I cut him off from caffeine an hour ago.”
Struggling not to smile at the front man, I opted for a curt nod and found a sudden interest in stirring my coffee.
“So,” Jack began as he realized I wasn’t going to say anything, “Where are you from?”
“Down south,” I replied shortly, quickly loosing what little will I originally had to actually make conversation.
“Ooooh,” Jack began again, making my response seem a lot more exciting than it should have been. “What brings you to the Big Apple?” He continued.
“College,” I replied, losing patience at a rapid speed.
“Are you still in college? What college? How old are you?”
“No, NYU, and I’m 19,” I replied, standing up as an attempt to get away from his intense questioning game.
“Jack,” Alex interrupted as his friend began his next question, “Stop fucking interrogating her,” He demanding with a light laugh, his face apologetic.
Jack simply ducked his head and took another sip of his winter drink as he glared back at his friend.
“Well I’m just going to head back to the theatre,” I began, sticking my thumb over my shoulder in an awkward motion, “I guess I’ll see you guys later.” I then turned without waiting for a response, beginning to make my way down the busy city streets.
-----------
Later that night I was sitting beside Jeff Maker, All Time Low’s lights guy, anxiously waiting for the boys to go on so I could finally figure out where the fuck I knew them from.
As the intro began, I turned a few knobs and adjusted the sound accordingly. I did the same for the next couple of songs that I vaguely remembered hearing around back south. I just couldn’t place where or when.
“Alright guys, this next song is off of our album So Wrong It’s Right, feel free to sing along if you know it. This one’s called Stay Awake,” Alex introduced the next song as the music began.
My ears perked up at the familiar music as I sat up straighter in my seat, desperately trying to place where I recognized the song from.
“Caught in a cold sweat, stuck splitting hairs,
And drinking too much,
I’m on my way to striking out,
Go to sleep with the pressure of everyone,
Watching and waiting, they’re yours for the taking,
But I still have my doubts,”
Alex sang into the mic, my lips moving along with the words that I somehow knew.
Mind racing, my brain worked to place the memory.
“Before you ask which way to go, remember where you’ve been,”
That line struck a nerve as memories flooded my brain.
“Come on Braedynne, it’ll take like an hour, tops,” My sister tried to convince me to walk into the dingy tattoo parlor with her so she could get a tattoo.
“Bobbi, I really don’t think it’s a good idea, mom and dad would kill you,” I tried to reason with her although I knew it was no use; she had her mind set.
“Well, it’s a good thing they’re hundreds of miles away, then,” Bobbi replied, taking my hand and dragging me in with her.
Sitting holding her hand as the tattoo artist set up his supplies, I turned to my sister. “So what did you decide on?”
“Lyrics. On my foot, so I can hide them easily,” Bobbi replied. I could tell she was nervous; she had always hated needles with a passion.
Deciding to distract her from the pain that was soon to come, I attempted to turn her attention to me.
“What song?” I inquired, trying to catch her eye.
“Stay Awake. All Time Low,” She stated, her eyes transfixed on the needle the man was now sterilizing.
“Which lyrics?” I asked her. I knew that was her favorite song ever, racking up hundreds of plays on her iPod. Though it was her favorite song, I had never taken a particular liking to it, never really listening to the lyrics and the meaning behind the words.
“Before you ask which way to go, remember where you’ve been,” Bobbi replied, turning her head to look at me finally.
“Hey, you had those lyrics on your wall at home,” I stated as realization hit me and an image of our room back home came to mind.
Bobbi nodded and I could tell she was struggling to keep her attention on me as the needle pressed into her skin and her grip tightened around mine.
“Just keep talking,” I looked at her, desperate to distract her from the pain she was enduring. “All Time Low, they’re one of your favorites, right?” I asked, trying to distract her by getting her to talk about anything.
She nodded before smiling to herself. “Yup. Right behind Yellowcard. After I get my stupid college degree and shove it in moms face, I will go on tour with them,” She insisted with a laugh, referring to our parents forced both of us to go to the university even though neither of us really had any desire to get degrees.
“Okay, you do that. Let me know how that works out,” I replied to my twin with the same laugh.
My Jaw dropped at my realization, and I managed to work through the rest of the set in a daze before dashing off to find Matt the second it was done.
If Bobbi’s ridiculous dream had been to tour with these guys, then god damn it, I was going to fulfill it for her.
“Hey Braedynne! Great job in the booth, you’re welcome to come on tour with us, just let me know by Wednesday!” Matt said excitedly as soon as I was in his line of vision.
“I’ll do it,” I replied before the sentence was even fully out of his mouth.
A million thoughts ran through my mind at once, and I longed to put my ear buds in and tune the world out. Knowing that that wouldn’t solve anything and that I didn’t exactly have that option anymore, I settled for staring down and the coffee and scone that counted as my dinner for the evening and tried to sort out my thoughts and feelings of everything that was thrown at me during the day.
It had been months since my last encounter with him but even the smallest flash of his general hair color sent me spiraling back into paranoia. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that even after so long, I wasn’t as over it as I told myself I was.
Then there was running into Alex and being thrown the curveball of possibly going on a tour.
Lately I would become overwhelmed at the slightest idea of socializing; a direct result of closing myself off from the world and holing up in my shoebox apartment. Tour just sounded dreadful, too much going on at once and way too much forced socializing for my liking.
I knew that logically I would have to take the opportunity; I desperately needed the money and I had always said I wanted to travel the world. I couldn’t even explain to myself why I wouldn’t want to go.
Frowning at that thought, I knew that I would take the offer if it was given to me after the show tonight. It would be a chance to get away and experience life for once.
I was so caught up in my thoughts that I hadn’t even heard the ringing of bells signaling that someone had entered the café, or my name being called until I had two messy haired boys sitting directly in front of me, coffee’s in hand.
Alex snapped his fingers in front of my face, gaining my attention.
“Braedynne,” He drawled out as my mind brought itself back to the present. I could feel myself tensing up at the realization that I actually had to socialize and talk to someone while I was supposed to be having my ‘Braedynne and thoughts’ time.
Eyebrows furrowing together and lips pursed, I replied curtly to the men sitting across from me; uninvited I may add.
“Alex, Jack,” I nodded, raising my eyebrows as I raised the warm mug to my lips.
Alex seemed slightly taken aback by my tone while I had to question if Jack even heard me.
Practically shaking his whole body, Jack looked at me excitedly as he loudly exclaimed, “Tour’s gonna be so much fun! We’re going places we’ve never played before, and We Are the In Crowd and Mayday Parade and The Summer Set are all gonna be there! And you’ll get to meet everybody and hang out with the coolest people ever!” He rambled on, sounding more like an excited boy on Christmas than a grown man about to headline a major US/ European tour.
I simply raised my eyebrows in response, inquiring in a quiet voice that contrasted with his, “Are you sure you need any more of that?” I questioned as I motioned toward the mug sitting in front of the man.
Chuckling lightly, Alex replied, “It’s hot chocolate; I cut him off from caffeine an hour ago.”
Struggling not to smile at the front man, I opted for a curt nod and found a sudden interest in stirring my coffee.
“So,” Jack began as he realized I wasn’t going to say anything, “Where are you from?”
“Down south,” I replied shortly, quickly loosing what little will I originally had to actually make conversation.
“Ooooh,” Jack began again, making my response seem a lot more exciting than it should have been. “What brings you to the Big Apple?” He continued.
“College,” I replied, losing patience at a rapid speed.
“Are you still in college? What college? How old are you?”
“No, NYU, and I’m 19,” I replied, standing up as an attempt to get away from his intense questioning game.
“Jack,” Alex interrupted as his friend began his next question, “Stop fucking interrogating her,” He demanding with a light laugh, his face apologetic.
Jack simply ducked his head and took another sip of his winter drink as he glared back at his friend.
“Well I’m just going to head back to the theatre,” I began, sticking my thumb over my shoulder in an awkward motion, “I guess I’ll see you guys later.” I then turned without waiting for a response, beginning to make my way down the busy city streets.
-----------
Later that night I was sitting beside Jeff Maker, All Time Low’s lights guy, anxiously waiting for the boys to go on so I could finally figure out where the fuck I knew them from.
As the intro began, I turned a few knobs and adjusted the sound accordingly. I did the same for the next couple of songs that I vaguely remembered hearing around back south. I just couldn’t place where or when.
“Alright guys, this next song is off of our album So Wrong It’s Right, feel free to sing along if you know it. This one’s called Stay Awake,” Alex introduced the next song as the music began.
My ears perked up at the familiar music as I sat up straighter in my seat, desperately trying to place where I recognized the song from.
“Caught in a cold sweat, stuck splitting hairs,
And drinking too much,
I’m on my way to striking out,
Go to sleep with the pressure of everyone,
Watching and waiting, they’re yours for the taking,
But I still have my doubts,”
Alex sang into the mic, my lips moving along with the words that I somehow knew.
Mind racing, my brain worked to place the memory.
“Before you ask which way to go, remember where you’ve been,”
That line struck a nerve as memories flooded my brain.
“Come on Braedynne, it’ll take like an hour, tops,” My sister tried to convince me to walk into the dingy tattoo parlor with her so she could get a tattoo.
“Bobbi, I really don’t think it’s a good idea, mom and dad would kill you,” I tried to reason with her although I knew it was no use; she had her mind set.
“Well, it’s a good thing they’re hundreds of miles away, then,” Bobbi replied, taking my hand and dragging me in with her.
Sitting holding her hand as the tattoo artist set up his supplies, I turned to my sister. “So what did you decide on?”
“Lyrics. On my foot, so I can hide them easily,” Bobbi replied. I could tell she was nervous; she had always hated needles with a passion.
Deciding to distract her from the pain that was soon to come, I attempted to turn her attention to me.
“What song?” I inquired, trying to catch her eye.
“Stay Awake. All Time Low,” She stated, her eyes transfixed on the needle the man was now sterilizing.
“Which lyrics?” I asked her. I knew that was her favorite song ever, racking up hundreds of plays on her iPod. Though it was her favorite song, I had never taken a particular liking to it, never really listening to the lyrics and the meaning behind the words.
“Before you ask which way to go, remember where you’ve been,” Bobbi replied, turning her head to look at me finally.
“Hey, you had those lyrics on your wall at home,” I stated as realization hit me and an image of our room back home came to mind.
Bobbi nodded and I could tell she was struggling to keep her attention on me as the needle pressed into her skin and her grip tightened around mine.
“Just keep talking,” I looked at her, desperate to distract her from the pain she was enduring. “All Time Low, they’re one of your favorites, right?” I asked, trying to distract her by getting her to talk about anything.
She nodded before smiling to herself. “Yup. Right behind Yellowcard. After I get my stupid college degree and shove it in moms face, I will go on tour with them,” She insisted with a laugh, referring to our parents forced both of us to go to the university even though neither of us really had any desire to get degrees.
“Okay, you do that. Let me know how that works out,” I replied to my twin with the same laugh.
My Jaw dropped at my realization, and I managed to work through the rest of the set in a daze before dashing off to find Matt the second it was done.
If Bobbi’s ridiculous dream had been to tour with these guys, then god damn it, I was going to fulfill it for her.
“Hey Braedynne! Great job in the booth, you’re welcome to come on tour with us, just let me know by Wednesday!” Matt said excitedly as soon as I was in his line of vision.
“I’ll do it,” I replied before the sentence was even fully out of his mouth.
Notes
Here's an update! Hope you guys are lliking it so far. Thanks for all the comments; I love the feedback; keep 'em coming!Update again next Monday!
XOXO
Lilly
i love this story btw^.^
1/22/13