Walls
Lost and Found
Still reeling from the fact that I was idiotic enough to miss the chance at getting this beautiful and intriguing girl’s number; I slowly made my way to my original destination; Starbucks.
What even I didn’t understand was why I was so disappointed in myself in the first place. I was Alex Gaskarth; the heartless yet charismatic and charming man whore. Conceited as it sounds, it was mostly true and it was the reputation I had managed to attain for myself over the years. But for some reason, I couldn’t get the thought of Braedynne and her eyes out of my mind.
Her eyes; when she looked me in the eyes, they looked so familiar. Not the eyes themselves, but the look in them and the lack of happiness behind them. They looked familiar because her eyes were mine a few years ago. After Tom, I was lost, miserable, and didn’t want to let anyone in. In my mind, anyone could leave at any given moment no matter how hard I tried to keep them alive. It had happened once, so who was to say it wouldn’t happen again?
That was it I decided. Her eyes told me what no words could ever communicate. She was hurt and afraid, and as a result wasn’t happy or content. I knew logically that there was more; a complete story, but all I was going off of was the eyes I had the chance to see for a split second.
I was intrigued by this girl, and I didn’t know what to do about it.
After ordering and paying for the large order of coffee from a Starbucks I had happened to come upon, I balanced the three drink trays and began to leisurely make my way back to the theatre; all while pondering my newfound interest in this random girl on the streets in New York.
I knew that realistically, I would never see her again. I only met her because she ran into me, and I tripped her.
Another thought occurred to me then; what had she been running from? Once she had fallen, she didn’t seem to be in much of a hurry, just in a trance almost. So why had she been running? What or who had her checking over her shoulder so much so that she ran straight into another person?
Realizing I had literally spent my entire outing thinking about a random girl I had run into and what I thought her eyes told me about her, I had to laugh at myself. The thought of never seeing this girl again actually saddened me. This thought just confused me even more.
Why was I so attached to a girl I had held one conversation with? And why was I saddened by the fact that I wouldn’t see her again?
So caught up in my confusing thoughts, I hadn’t realized I was already backstage of the venue. Shaking my head at my thoughts, I smiled politely at all the people bustling around backstage as I made my way through the confusing hallways to the dressing room.
I overheard Rian informing a most likely pissed off Matt of my whereabouts. Throwing a smirk on my face, I managed to force open the door with my hip.
“I’m here, I’m here; and I come bearing coffee,” I spoke as I glanced around the room, my eyes settling on the extra person there.
Taking in the black skinny jeans, combat boots, tribal sweater, beanie, and the long black hair, my mind couldn’t bring itself to believe what I had previously deemed impossible.
The girl turned around, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“Alex?” She questioned as my jaw dropped, my doubts being proved wrong.
“Braedynne?” I responded automatically as my brain raced to process this information.
Braedynne, the girl I had been so sure I would never see again was now standing in my dressing room. Was she some crazy fan? That couldn’t be true because she hadn’t recognized me on the street. What was she doing here then? My mind racing trying to figure out the answer, I realized I should be rejoicing right now. This is what I had wanted, wasn’t it? To get the chance to see her again, maybe figure out her story?
Before I could say or think anything else, Jack spoke.
“Awww, Alex, did you sleep with our new sound tech? You just gotta ruin everything for us, don’t you,” Jack spoke. Sadly he was only half kidding. In his eyes, me sleeping with her was a major possibility.
“Yeah, you two know each other, how exactly?” Rian jumped in, wanting to have part in this conversation.
One glance at Braedynne told me that she wasn’t in any state to answer the probing questions of my band mates. Forcing myself not to get lost in her deep blue eyes again, I ignored my band mates and moved my eyes down to her Elmo band-aid clad knee. Taking notice to the way she was careful to keep her weight off of that leg, I took a step forward.
“How’s your knee?” I asked, my eyebrows furrowing and the corners of my lips pulling down in focus at the kids band-aid.
“I’ll live,” Came her quiet reply.
I could tell by her voice that she was just as confused as I was with what was going on around us, so I decided to get us both some answers.
Tearing my gaze from her knee the look at Jack, I tried to figure out a way to ask what I wanted to without coming off as rude and ignorant.
For once, Jack took notice to my internal dilemma and answered my question without needing me to voice it and end up humiliating myself in the process.
“Braedynne could be our new sound tech until Evan gets back. That is, if she likes us,” He joked sending a smirk to Braedynne before continuing, “So how long have you two known each other exactly?” He asked, his curiosity obviously getting the best of him.
“About a half hour now,” I answered truthfully, chuckling a little to myself at that realization.
I’ve met this girl an hour ago and already she’s had me happy, sad, surprised, worried, and confused. My mind was still trying to process all this new information being thrown at me.
Obviously my mind was working a little slow today, because I still wasn’t completely comprehending the fact that I could get the chance to spend months on end with this girl that had completely caught me off guard.
That would give me the chance to figure out her story and satisfy my own curiosity about this girl.
Time was moving in slow motion with my brain taking so long to process things, so I tried to shake the trance I was in; turning once again to face Braedynne.
“So, have you met everyone?” I asked her, looking down at her, silently willing her to look up at me.
Looking up in what looked like surprise at me addressing her, she quickly answered.
“Yeah, well I-uh met Jack, Rian, and Zack,” She glanced over at them before bringing her gaze back to meet mine once again.
“Well, there are plenty of other people to meet if you decide to come on tour with us,” I started, smiling down at her before being interrupted by Matt.
“Come on, Gaskarth, time for sound check. Braedynne, you can just go out to the sound booth and get set up,” He directed us both out of the dressing room and into the hallways, both of us heading separate ways; me to the stage, and her to the sound and light booth at the back of the venue.
Catching up with Jack as we went to work on making sure our guitars were tuned correctly, he struck up the conversation.
“So, Braedynne,” he trailed off, smirking at me while simultaneously placing the guitar strap around his neck.
“What about her,” I asked, confused.
“You seem to have taken a fine interest in her,” Jack said, feigning a horrible English accent to try and make light of the question that I knew he honestly did want an answer to.
“I don’t know man, I just met her less than a hour ago but I just feel drawn to her,” I told him honestly, deciding to confide in him about what was going on in my mind.
Trying to hide the shock that I had actually given him a direct answer to his prying questions for once from his face, he replied.
“What do you mean by drawn to her?” He asked, and I could tell the inner gears of his brain were working, trying to figure this out just as much as I was.
The thing about Jack is that he’s hilarious, stupid, and tells way too many dick jokes; but he knows when to be serious and is actually a great listener and most of the time gives good advice.
“Gaskarth! Barakat! Get your asses out here and quit fooling around!” Matt bellowed from across the stage.
Jack smiled apologetically at me before turning on his heel and literally skipping to his spot on the stage. I followed closely behind my best friend, shaking my head to try and clear my thoughts for the time being.
What even I didn’t understand was why I was so disappointed in myself in the first place. I was Alex Gaskarth; the heartless yet charismatic and charming man whore. Conceited as it sounds, it was mostly true and it was the reputation I had managed to attain for myself over the years. But for some reason, I couldn’t get the thought of Braedynne and her eyes out of my mind.
Her eyes; when she looked me in the eyes, they looked so familiar. Not the eyes themselves, but the look in them and the lack of happiness behind them. They looked familiar because her eyes were mine a few years ago. After Tom, I was lost, miserable, and didn’t want to let anyone in. In my mind, anyone could leave at any given moment no matter how hard I tried to keep them alive. It had happened once, so who was to say it wouldn’t happen again?
That was it I decided. Her eyes told me what no words could ever communicate. She was hurt and afraid, and as a result wasn’t happy or content. I knew logically that there was more; a complete story, but all I was going off of was the eyes I had the chance to see for a split second.
I was intrigued by this girl, and I didn’t know what to do about it.
After ordering and paying for the large order of coffee from a Starbucks I had happened to come upon, I balanced the three drink trays and began to leisurely make my way back to the theatre; all while pondering my newfound interest in this random girl on the streets in New York.
I knew that realistically, I would never see her again. I only met her because she ran into me, and I tripped her.
Another thought occurred to me then; what had she been running from? Once she had fallen, she didn’t seem to be in much of a hurry, just in a trance almost. So why had she been running? What or who had her checking over her shoulder so much so that she ran straight into another person?
Realizing I had literally spent my entire outing thinking about a random girl I had run into and what I thought her eyes told me about her, I had to laugh at myself. The thought of never seeing this girl again actually saddened me. This thought just confused me even more.
Why was I so attached to a girl I had held one conversation with? And why was I saddened by the fact that I wouldn’t see her again?
So caught up in my confusing thoughts, I hadn’t realized I was already backstage of the venue. Shaking my head at my thoughts, I smiled politely at all the people bustling around backstage as I made my way through the confusing hallways to the dressing room.
I overheard Rian informing a most likely pissed off Matt of my whereabouts. Throwing a smirk on my face, I managed to force open the door with my hip.
“I’m here, I’m here; and I come bearing coffee,” I spoke as I glanced around the room, my eyes settling on the extra person there.
Taking in the black skinny jeans, combat boots, tribal sweater, beanie, and the long black hair, my mind couldn’t bring itself to believe what I had previously deemed impossible.
The girl turned around, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“Alex?” She questioned as my jaw dropped, my doubts being proved wrong.
“Braedynne?” I responded automatically as my brain raced to process this information.
Braedynne, the girl I had been so sure I would never see again was now standing in my dressing room. Was she some crazy fan? That couldn’t be true because she hadn’t recognized me on the street. What was she doing here then? My mind racing trying to figure out the answer, I realized I should be rejoicing right now. This is what I had wanted, wasn’t it? To get the chance to see her again, maybe figure out her story?
Before I could say or think anything else, Jack spoke.
“Awww, Alex, did you sleep with our new sound tech? You just gotta ruin everything for us, don’t you,” Jack spoke. Sadly he was only half kidding. In his eyes, me sleeping with her was a major possibility.
“Yeah, you two know each other, how exactly?” Rian jumped in, wanting to have part in this conversation.
One glance at Braedynne told me that she wasn’t in any state to answer the probing questions of my band mates. Forcing myself not to get lost in her deep blue eyes again, I ignored my band mates and moved my eyes down to her Elmo band-aid clad knee. Taking notice to the way she was careful to keep her weight off of that leg, I took a step forward.
“How’s your knee?” I asked, my eyebrows furrowing and the corners of my lips pulling down in focus at the kids band-aid.
“I’ll live,” Came her quiet reply.
I could tell by her voice that she was just as confused as I was with what was going on around us, so I decided to get us both some answers.
Tearing my gaze from her knee the look at Jack, I tried to figure out a way to ask what I wanted to without coming off as rude and ignorant.
For once, Jack took notice to my internal dilemma and answered my question without needing me to voice it and end up humiliating myself in the process.
“Braedynne could be our new sound tech until Evan gets back. That is, if she likes us,” He joked sending a smirk to Braedynne before continuing, “So how long have you two known each other exactly?” He asked, his curiosity obviously getting the best of him.
“About a half hour now,” I answered truthfully, chuckling a little to myself at that realization.
I’ve met this girl an hour ago and already she’s had me happy, sad, surprised, worried, and confused. My mind was still trying to process all this new information being thrown at me.
Obviously my mind was working a little slow today, because I still wasn’t completely comprehending the fact that I could get the chance to spend months on end with this girl that had completely caught me off guard.
That would give me the chance to figure out her story and satisfy my own curiosity about this girl.
Time was moving in slow motion with my brain taking so long to process things, so I tried to shake the trance I was in; turning once again to face Braedynne.
“So, have you met everyone?” I asked her, looking down at her, silently willing her to look up at me.
Looking up in what looked like surprise at me addressing her, she quickly answered.
“Yeah, well I-uh met Jack, Rian, and Zack,” She glanced over at them before bringing her gaze back to meet mine once again.
“Well, there are plenty of other people to meet if you decide to come on tour with us,” I started, smiling down at her before being interrupted by Matt.
“Come on, Gaskarth, time for sound check. Braedynne, you can just go out to the sound booth and get set up,” He directed us both out of the dressing room and into the hallways, both of us heading separate ways; me to the stage, and her to the sound and light booth at the back of the venue.
Catching up with Jack as we went to work on making sure our guitars were tuned correctly, he struck up the conversation.
“So, Braedynne,” he trailed off, smirking at me while simultaneously placing the guitar strap around his neck.
“What about her,” I asked, confused.
“You seem to have taken a fine interest in her,” Jack said, feigning a horrible English accent to try and make light of the question that I knew he honestly did want an answer to.
“I don’t know man, I just met her less than a hour ago but I just feel drawn to her,” I told him honestly, deciding to confide in him about what was going on in my mind.
Trying to hide the shock that I had actually given him a direct answer to his prying questions for once from his face, he replied.
“What do you mean by drawn to her?” He asked, and I could tell the inner gears of his brain were working, trying to figure this out just as much as I was.
The thing about Jack is that he’s hilarious, stupid, and tells way too many dick jokes; but he knows when to be serious and is actually a great listener and most of the time gives good advice.
“Gaskarth! Barakat! Get your asses out here and quit fooling around!” Matt bellowed from across the stage.
Jack smiled apologetically at me before turning on his heel and literally skipping to his spot on the stage. I followed closely behind my best friend, shaking my head to try and clear my thoughts for the time being.
Notes
Hiii (:This chapter was in Alex's POV because it allowed me to foreshadow a lot, but most of this story will be in Braedynne's point of view mostly because I feel so awkward writing through a man's eyes. Probably because I have a vagina. But really, who knows?
Thank you all who've commented, it literally means the world to me and honestly keeps me motivated to continue writing. I know have up to Chapter seven written out, but I refuse to post more than once a week so if I every become crazy busy I'll have things to fall back on so you lovely readers won't have to go long without an update :)
So I think now that I have three chapters up, I'm going to update every Monday so it's more steady; and hopefully it will make your Monday's a little more bearable.
Well, this has been an awfully long authors note so I'll leave you with:
Comment, subscriptions, anything are greatly appreciated.
I hope you're liking this story as much as I am!
And follow me on Tumblr:
XOXO,
Lilly
And as an extra note: the primary website for this story is on Mibba. If you have a Mibba, I honestly sujest you keep up with Walls on there, I update there first, and that would most likely be the first place I post any new information!
i love this story btw^.^
1/22/13