Don't Let This Memory Fade Away.
Chapter 12
“Why are you freaking out about it so much?” Jack started to raise his voice. “It really scared me, Jack. Having dreams like that scare me really fucking bad. I used to have night terrors, but nothing compares to this one. You didn’t respond in this one. I was scared that it was real, and that I fucking lost you! And you treat me like this now!” Alex leant forward and pushed Jack’s chest. Jack didn’t understand why Alex was freaking out so much about it. After all, it was just a dream.
“Stop it Alex! I just don’t understand why you’re so upset over it! You don’t have to fucking push me!” Alex took a step back and covered his eyes with his palms. Jack felt really bad now. “Look, Lex please don’t cry…” Jack reached out to place a hand on Alex’s shoulder, just having it shrugged off by the older boy. “Leave.” Alex sobbed out. “Alex please…” Jack tried once more to comfort his boyfriend. “No Jack!” he spun around to face him, and screamed at the boy. “I need some time, okay?! Please leave…” Alex put his back to the boy once more, and covered his gaping jaw with his shaky hands. “Fine.” Jack let out a sigh, and walked out of the room, and shut the front door with more force than needed. He was so confused at Alex.
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“I need you over here…”
Alex had grabbed his phone and dialed Tay’s number. She answered, and he sobbed to her about Jack. “I’m just so angry Tay! I don’t know what to do! I’m so fucking emotional and I’m done! I don’t know why this dream that I had has made me like this… but I feel so alone and scared that something bad is going to happen.” The English boy has screamed over the phone and broke back into tears. He felt as if he was unable to breath. A full on panic attack had taken place.
“Okay Alex you seriously need to calm down. You’re scaring me. I am on my way over.”
Then Tay had hung up the phone.
Alex’s knees gave out, and he was sitting on the floor in the hallway, shaking. He looked lifeless. He was having the worst panic attack he’d ever had. Shakily, the boy picked himself up to walk out to the kitchen and take some Ativan. He was used to having Anxiety attacks, but not frequently. He had medication just in case, though. And this was a time when they were needed. Only needing to take 1 pill, Alex placed 3 in his mouth, and gulped them down with a glass of apple juice. He scooted his bum onto the counter, and raised his knees up to his chest, waiting for Tay to make her way to the house. It would take about 15 minutes. “She’s almost here…almost. Don’t worry. Stop crying…” he spoke to himself, covering his face into his knees, and rocking a bit back and forth. Alex breathed heavily, and started to feel the medication kick in. He knew that taking 3, would make him pass out for a day or two.
Tay arrived in her car, and walked her way up to the door. She walked right in, without acknowledgment, and Alex put his legs down, being pulled into a tight hug. “Lex you’re going to be fine. I love you, okay. Just calm down. Did you take your Ativan?” Tay moved her hands to Alex’s cheeks, and looked him in the eyes with a concern look. “Yeah I did… I took 3 actually.” The boy responded, shame covering his face a bit. “Really Lex? 3? You’re going to be knocked out like a baby.”
“I know. That’s why I need you here. Can you watch over me when I fall asleep?” Tay grabbed his hands, “Of course I will.”
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Alex was resting his head on Tay’s lap, feeling himself drifting to sleep. He couldn’t stop thinking about Jack.
Jack was back home, sitting alone, and rubbing a hand through his hair, rocking in his seat. He felt like shit for saying those things to Alex. He really hurt him. He had to go speak to him… It had been 6 hours already. He was breaking apart. He was so utterly in love with the boy, and he hated the fact that he hurt him. Jack couldn’t deal with himself, knowing that Alex was probably at home crying his eyes out still. “I’m so sorry… I’m losing control right now, not being with you…” Jack spoke into a tissue, feeling like Alex was listening.
He needed to do something.
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Alex woke up from his slumber, a little surprised that Tay wasn’t there. A second after, he heard banging around in the kitchen, notifying himself that it was Tay after seeing long dark brown hair swoop over her back. A bit drousy, he stood up from the couch, and waddled his way into the kitchen. He tapped the counter to alarm Tay that he has awoken, and she spun around “Oh hey Lex. Did you sleep fine?” She picked up a cup of tea, and handed it to Alex. “Thanks… and yeah, I guess.” He looked down at his cup, and tilted his head to take a sip. “That’s good. Yeah, uh Jack stopped by a couple hours ago…” Tay stated.
Alex froze. His eyes widened with the mention of the younger boys name. “O-oh.” Alex was speechless. “Yeah. I went to wake you, but he told me not to. He wanted to respect the fact that you needed sleep after having a rough night. He only stayed over for about 15 minutes. Lex… He really cares about you. He walked up to the door, and his eyes were all puffy and red. He immediately asked if you were okay. But he wasn’t surprised that I was over here, since I always am. I told him that you were sleeping, and offered to wake you up. But he said no. He left after saying for you to call him when you got the chance, and that he was sorry.” She picked up her tea, and gestured Alex to the couch. They sat down with their legs criss-crossed, and sipped on their tea. No one spoke for a couple minutes, they just enjoyed their tea and the company of the other.
“I should probably call him, huh…” The English boy stated after a while of silence. “Yeah. You should… Do you want me to spend the night? I know mum won’t be home tonight.” Tay always called Alex’s parents by mum and dad. “Yeah, I mean if you want. I’d enjoy the company.” Tay shook her head, and stepped out of the room, as if to clean out their mugs. But she really did for Alex to call Jack.
The older boy rested his head on the back of the couch, and put his palms over his face. He sighed loudly, and grabbed his phone from the arm of the couch. There were no texts, no messages, nothing. He remembered telling Jack that he needed “space” and that he wanted to be “Left alone for a while” which totally wasn’t the case. He needed Jack with him. He needed the presence of another human being that made him feel relaxed and comfortable. That’s why he called Tay.
Alex tapped on the contact list, and scrolled down to “♥Jack♥”
He then clicked on it, and it allowed two options. Either call, or text. He really felt as if he needed to call the boy, and tell him how he felt about the entire situation. So that’s what he did.
The phone was dialing for its 7th time, and there was an answer. A small, tired voice came from the other line, almost sounded weak, and like he had been crying recently. “hello…?”
“hey.” Jack sat up from his lying position, and immediately knew it was Alex. “A-alex… hey.” He sounded surprised. “I just needed to check in with you. Tay told me that you came over earlier. I’m sorry I was asleep. I took medication, because I had a panic attack.” Well that makes Jack feel even better. “Yeah… I did come over earlier. Listen Lex… I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you like that, and I feel like shit…” Alex cut the boy’s words off. “Jack.” “What…?” “I love you. Okay? I’m sorry that I yelled at you. I really am. And I love you.” Jack felt relieved hearing that. “I love you, so much. And I’m really sorry babe.”
“Stop it Alex! I just don’t understand why you’re so upset over it! You don’t have to fucking push me!” Alex took a step back and covered his eyes with his palms. Jack felt really bad now. “Look, Lex please don’t cry…” Jack reached out to place a hand on Alex’s shoulder, just having it shrugged off by the older boy. “Leave.” Alex sobbed out. “Alex please…” Jack tried once more to comfort his boyfriend. “No Jack!” he spun around to face him, and screamed at the boy. “I need some time, okay?! Please leave…” Alex put his back to the boy once more, and covered his gaping jaw with his shaky hands. “Fine.” Jack let out a sigh, and walked out of the room, and shut the front door with more force than needed. He was so confused at Alex.
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“I need you over here…”
Alex had grabbed his phone and dialed Tay’s number. She answered, and he sobbed to her about Jack. “I’m just so angry Tay! I don’t know what to do! I’m so fucking emotional and I’m done! I don’t know why this dream that I had has made me like this… but I feel so alone and scared that something bad is going to happen.” The English boy has screamed over the phone and broke back into tears. He felt as if he was unable to breath. A full on panic attack had taken place.
“Okay Alex you seriously need to calm down. You’re scaring me. I am on my way over.”
Then Tay had hung up the phone.
Alex’s knees gave out, and he was sitting on the floor in the hallway, shaking. He looked lifeless. He was having the worst panic attack he’d ever had. Shakily, the boy picked himself up to walk out to the kitchen and take some Ativan. He was used to having Anxiety attacks, but not frequently. He had medication just in case, though. And this was a time when they were needed. Only needing to take 1 pill, Alex placed 3 in his mouth, and gulped them down with a glass of apple juice. He scooted his bum onto the counter, and raised his knees up to his chest, waiting for Tay to make her way to the house. It would take about 15 minutes. “She’s almost here…almost. Don’t worry. Stop crying…” he spoke to himself, covering his face into his knees, and rocking a bit back and forth. Alex breathed heavily, and started to feel the medication kick in. He knew that taking 3, would make him pass out for a day or two.
Tay arrived in her car, and walked her way up to the door. She walked right in, without acknowledgment, and Alex put his legs down, being pulled into a tight hug. “Lex you’re going to be fine. I love you, okay. Just calm down. Did you take your Ativan?” Tay moved her hands to Alex’s cheeks, and looked him in the eyes with a concern look. “Yeah I did… I took 3 actually.” The boy responded, shame covering his face a bit. “Really Lex? 3? You’re going to be knocked out like a baby.”
“I know. That’s why I need you here. Can you watch over me when I fall asleep?” Tay grabbed his hands, “Of course I will.”
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Alex was resting his head on Tay’s lap, feeling himself drifting to sleep. He couldn’t stop thinking about Jack.
Jack was back home, sitting alone, and rubbing a hand through his hair, rocking in his seat. He felt like shit for saying those things to Alex. He really hurt him. He had to go speak to him… It had been 6 hours already. He was breaking apart. He was so utterly in love with the boy, and he hated the fact that he hurt him. Jack couldn’t deal with himself, knowing that Alex was probably at home crying his eyes out still. “I’m so sorry… I’m losing control right now, not being with you…” Jack spoke into a tissue, feeling like Alex was listening.
He needed to do something.
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Alex woke up from his slumber, a little surprised that Tay wasn’t there. A second after, he heard banging around in the kitchen, notifying himself that it was Tay after seeing long dark brown hair swoop over her back. A bit drousy, he stood up from the couch, and waddled his way into the kitchen. He tapped the counter to alarm Tay that he has awoken, and she spun around “Oh hey Lex. Did you sleep fine?” She picked up a cup of tea, and handed it to Alex. “Thanks… and yeah, I guess.” He looked down at his cup, and tilted his head to take a sip. “That’s good. Yeah, uh Jack stopped by a couple hours ago…” Tay stated.
Alex froze. His eyes widened with the mention of the younger boys name. “O-oh.” Alex was speechless. “Yeah. I went to wake you, but he told me not to. He wanted to respect the fact that you needed sleep after having a rough night. He only stayed over for about 15 minutes. Lex… He really cares about you. He walked up to the door, and his eyes were all puffy and red. He immediately asked if you were okay. But he wasn’t surprised that I was over here, since I always am. I told him that you were sleeping, and offered to wake you up. But he said no. He left after saying for you to call him when you got the chance, and that he was sorry.” She picked up her tea, and gestured Alex to the couch. They sat down with their legs criss-crossed, and sipped on their tea. No one spoke for a couple minutes, they just enjoyed their tea and the company of the other.
“I should probably call him, huh…” The English boy stated after a while of silence. “Yeah. You should… Do you want me to spend the night? I know mum won’t be home tonight.” Tay always called Alex’s parents by mum and dad. “Yeah, I mean if you want. I’d enjoy the company.” Tay shook her head, and stepped out of the room, as if to clean out their mugs. But she really did for Alex to call Jack.
The older boy rested his head on the back of the couch, and put his palms over his face. He sighed loudly, and grabbed his phone from the arm of the couch. There were no texts, no messages, nothing. He remembered telling Jack that he needed “space” and that he wanted to be “Left alone for a while” which totally wasn’t the case. He needed Jack with him. He needed the presence of another human being that made him feel relaxed and comfortable. That’s why he called Tay.
Alex tapped on the contact list, and scrolled down to “♥Jack♥”
He then clicked on it, and it allowed two options. Either call, or text. He really felt as if he needed to call the boy, and tell him how he felt about the entire situation. So that’s what he did.
The phone was dialing for its 7th time, and there was an answer. A small, tired voice came from the other line, almost sounded weak, and like he had been crying recently. “hello…?”
“hey.” Jack sat up from his lying position, and immediately knew it was Alex. “A-alex… hey.” He sounded surprised. “I just needed to check in with you. Tay told me that you came over earlier. I’m sorry I was asleep. I took medication, because I had a panic attack.” Well that makes Jack feel even better. “Yeah… I did come over earlier. Listen Lex… I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you like that, and I feel like shit…” Alex cut the boy’s words off. “Jack.” “What…?” “I love you. Okay? I’m sorry that I yelled at you. I really am. And I love you.” Jack felt relieved hearing that. “I love you, so much. And I’m really sorry babe.”
Thank you (: it's going on a small hiatus, I'm very busy with school and relationships ect.
10/8/13