My Calling
How It All Started
I guess I should tell you how it all started, or at least when I think it all started.
I was in 8th grade, Alex and his friends were in 10th, making them at least 2 or 3 years older then me. Our mother was out of town so Alex invited a handful of his friends over. Being a good big brother, he didn't want his little sister to feel left out in her own house.
"Come downstairs, Ave. Meet my friends." Alex had said, very convincingly I might add.
I agreed. The next thing I knew, I was being recruited into playing Spin the Bottle.
Everyone, all 10 or so of us, were gathered in a circle on the living room floor. An empty bottle of beer lay still in the middle. I looked around, seeing a few familiar faces. When my eyes connected with my brother's, it's like he remember that I was there, like he had forgotten.
"What are you doing Avery?"
"Playing a game, what does it look like?"
All his friends laughed at my remark, and Alex looked embarrassed.
"Oh, no you're not. Not this game."
I glared at him.
"Come on, Gaskarth. Let her play." That was the first time I noticed her. The bottle blonde clinging to my brother.
"But, Lisa..I don't want any of thes-"
"What's the worst that could happen?" Lisa rubbed up and down his chest. "She gets her first kiss?"
"Well.." It sounded like he was giving up.
Now that I think of it, it was Lisa's fault that all of this happened. She should have just let Alex tell me to not play. It's not like I really wanted to. But I did.
"Okay, you first, Dawson." Alex's friend, Jack, said.
Rian spun the bottle, and it landed on a brunette. She blushed, but crawled her way to the middle of the circle none the less. 10 seconds. That's how long they kissed. That's how long the rules said they had to kiss.
And half way through the circle we went. I was lucky enough not to have to kiss anyone yet. But it was my turn now, it was inevitable for me to kiss someone.
I spun the brown bottle and watched it turn. It was hypnotizing. As it came to a stop, I stared in horror at my brother.
The bottle had landed on him.
"I-I-"
"That's just sick man!" Zack Merrick laughed out.
I couldn't kiss my brother, I had thought. He's my brother!
"Come on guys..she's my little sister." Alex groaned.
"We never set any rules against it." A freckle faced kid had spoke. "You gotta kiss her, man."
"But-"
"It's only 10 seconds. It couldn't hurt that much."
I should have killed whoever said that.
Alex palmed his forehead. I started to relax, thinking he wouldn't make us do it. Imagine how baffled I was as he started scooting to the center of the circle.
"Come on, Ave. 10 seconds couldn't hurt."
I was frozen. Did he honestly expect me to kiss him? That was wrong on so many levels.
The boy sitting next to me had pushed me forward then, and I never fully understood the whole "glaring daggers" thing until that moment.
With no choice left, I crawled the rest of the way to meet my brother in the middle of the circle. I remember looking up at him with panicked eyes, only to get stone eyes back.
His lips were soft. That's the first thing I thought as his lips molded to mine. Soft, like pillows, or maybe cotton candy. They were sweet too. They tasted like warm chocolate.
One second.
A knot had started forming in my stomach. A knot, that even now, I was never able to undo.
Two seconds.
His hands were on my cheeks then. They were just as soft as his lips. I had seen this action done before, on tv, it always meant something of romance.
Three seconds.
People might think it's a little weird, to have your brother be your first kiss. I found it kind of relieving though, cause I knew I couldn't end up hurt that way. I was wrong!
Four seconds.
Something wet had touched my bottom lip. His tongue.
Five seconds.
For some reason, I had opened my mouth. I'm still not sure whether or not it was just a natural response or something I wanted. I always pray that it's not the latter, even now.
Six seconds.
It felt like this kiss was taking forever. Like time had slowed down, so I could savor the moment. Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that only happen when you love the person and really want it?
Seven seconds.
It may have been my mind playing tricks on me, but I swore that something had brushed against my boob. Then my brother's hand was on my shoulder, and I was even more confused.
Eight seconds.
His touch. It's like his hands were on fire, and the fire made me crave him. He had started something that he never put out. Not that he knew there was something to put out.
Nine seconds.
There had been a part of me that didn't want this to end. A part that had wished that no one else was in to room so that we could do whatever we wanted. I thought that it must have been the puberty hormones getting to me.
Ten seconds.
My brother pushed me away quickly, not that it mattered. I was a goner. I knew it, then and there.
No, I didn't know that I was in love with him, but I knew that there was something there. Something bigger than me, something bigger than the pedestal I've had Alex on for as long as I can remembered.
With that 10 second kiss, I was hooked on him. My brother. I needed him, in a different way then I have ever needed anyone.
And that was how my feelings for Alexander William Gaskarth had started.
I was in 8th grade, Alex and his friends were in 10th, making them at least 2 or 3 years older then me. Our mother was out of town so Alex invited a handful of his friends over. Being a good big brother, he didn't want his little sister to feel left out in her own house.
"Come downstairs, Ave. Meet my friends." Alex had said, very convincingly I might add.
I agreed. The next thing I knew, I was being recruited into playing Spin the Bottle.
Everyone, all 10 or so of us, were gathered in a circle on the living room floor. An empty bottle of beer lay still in the middle. I looked around, seeing a few familiar faces. When my eyes connected with my brother's, it's like he remember that I was there, like he had forgotten.
"What are you doing Avery?"
"Playing a game, what does it look like?"
All his friends laughed at my remark, and Alex looked embarrassed.
"Oh, no you're not. Not this game."
I glared at him.
"Come on, Gaskarth. Let her play." That was the first time I noticed her. The bottle blonde clinging to my brother.
"But, Lisa..I don't want any of thes-"
"What's the worst that could happen?" Lisa rubbed up and down his chest. "She gets her first kiss?"
"Well.." It sounded like he was giving up.
Now that I think of it, it was Lisa's fault that all of this happened. She should have just let Alex tell me to not play. It's not like I really wanted to. But I did.
"Okay, you first, Dawson." Alex's friend, Jack, said.
Rian spun the bottle, and it landed on a brunette. She blushed, but crawled her way to the middle of the circle none the less. 10 seconds. That's how long they kissed. That's how long the rules said they had to kiss.
And half way through the circle we went. I was lucky enough not to have to kiss anyone yet. But it was my turn now, it was inevitable for me to kiss someone.
I spun the brown bottle and watched it turn. It was hypnotizing. As it came to a stop, I stared in horror at my brother.
The bottle had landed on him.
"I-I-"
"That's just sick man!" Zack Merrick laughed out.
I couldn't kiss my brother, I had thought. He's my brother!
"Come on guys..she's my little sister." Alex groaned.
"We never set any rules against it." A freckle faced kid had spoke. "You gotta kiss her, man."
"But-"
"It's only 10 seconds. It couldn't hurt that much."
I should have killed whoever said that.
Alex palmed his forehead. I started to relax, thinking he wouldn't make us do it. Imagine how baffled I was as he started scooting to the center of the circle.
"Come on, Ave. 10 seconds couldn't hurt."
I was frozen. Did he honestly expect me to kiss him? That was wrong on so many levels.
The boy sitting next to me had pushed me forward then, and I never fully understood the whole "glaring daggers" thing until that moment.
With no choice left, I crawled the rest of the way to meet my brother in the middle of the circle. I remember looking up at him with panicked eyes, only to get stone eyes back.
His lips were soft. That's the first thing I thought as his lips molded to mine. Soft, like pillows, or maybe cotton candy. They were sweet too. They tasted like warm chocolate.
One second.
A knot had started forming in my stomach. A knot, that even now, I was never able to undo.
Two seconds.
His hands were on my cheeks then. They were just as soft as his lips. I had seen this action done before, on tv, it always meant something of romance.
Three seconds.
People might think it's a little weird, to have your brother be your first kiss. I found it kind of relieving though, cause I knew I couldn't end up hurt that way. I was wrong!
Four seconds.
Something wet had touched my bottom lip. His tongue.
Five seconds.
For some reason, I had opened my mouth. I'm still not sure whether or not it was just a natural response or something I wanted. I always pray that it's not the latter, even now.
Six seconds.
It felt like this kiss was taking forever. Like time had slowed down, so I could savor the moment. Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that only happen when you love the person and really want it?
Seven seconds.
It may have been my mind playing tricks on me, but I swore that something had brushed against my boob. Then my brother's hand was on my shoulder, and I was even more confused.
Eight seconds.
His touch. It's like his hands were on fire, and the fire made me crave him. He had started something that he never put out. Not that he knew there was something to put out.
Nine seconds.
There had been a part of me that didn't want this to end. A part that had wished that no one else was in to room so that we could do whatever we wanted. I thought that it must have been the puberty hormones getting to me.
Ten seconds.
My brother pushed me away quickly, not that it mattered. I was a goner. I knew it, then and there.
No, I didn't know that I was in love with him, but I knew that there was something there. Something bigger than me, something bigger than the pedestal I've had Alex on for as long as I can remembered.
With that 10 second kiss, I was hooked on him. My brother. I needed him, in a different way then I have ever needed anyone.
And that was how my feelings for Alexander William Gaskarth had started.
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12/25/14