Whatever you want
I wake up and the dream isn't done
"I'm so sorry." I told Zack. He walked closer. I stood up using the fence to hold me up. "Paige..." I wasn't looking up at his face. He took another step towards me. I stepped back still holding the fence. "Zack..." I said I didn't know what I wanted to say but I knew what I didn't wanna talk about. "Paige. I didn't know it was so bad." He sounded hurt. I looked up at his face tears relevant in my eyes. "Zack. There's a lot you didn't know..." He stepped closer and put his left hand on my cheek. "Then make me understand." "Ok."
He pulled me over to a picnic table and we sat down. He was holding my right hand. rubbing his thumb across the back of my hand. "Zack...When my dad left my mom started to drink. She used to tell me how it was all my fault he left and that if I was never born she would still have him." I wiped some stray tears off my face. "She hit me the day she died. I said awful things to her. I said that even if I left he would never come back for her. Then I went up to my room and I thought it was you but it was Beau, He stayed with me and I ended up loosing my virginity to him." I looked over at Zack. His expression unreadable.
"That morning when I found my mom. I didn't know what to do so I went to him. He saw me as weak and easy. He made me believe all sorts of things about myself, that I still believe today. He is the one who started my cutting problem. He is the reason I got addicted to drugs. It was all him." I turned to Zack. "You don't know how much I wish it was you at my window that night." His eyes met mine, I looked away. "I said those horrible things and he was the one there... She's gone." I was looking over my left shoulder. "Paige. It was not your fau-" "My fault?! Of coarse it was Zack! I killed my own mother! I might as well loaded the gun!" I jerked my hand out of his and stood up.
"Paige but it wasn't your fault." "Stop saying that." I looked down at the ground refusing the eye contact that he wanted so badly. "It was all my fault and I know that." "Why do you say that? I'm glad you were brought into this world and It almost crushed me that you thought you could just take you away from me like that." I looked up at Zack's face. He took a step forward and I stepped back. "Paige-" "Zack...I think we should just go back to the way it was..." I turned around leaving Zack standing there.
I walked down the side walk with my hands wrapped around my waist. I was crying. I walked into my house. I kicked off my shoes and dropped my bag on the floor. I heard Amy in the kitchen. I walked in awkwardly standing in the door way. Amy looked up at me and I gave a half smile. She stopped making dinner and walked over engulfing me in a hug. She let me cry on her shoulder since I was taller than her. "It will be alright sweetheart." She said while petting my hair against the back of my head. "Thank you so much for everything." She pulled me away. "Paige. We would like to offer you a deal." I wiped my eyes with my hands. "Alright." I said.
"We are gonna keep paying for this house and Norm and I are gonna move to Cali, but you can stay here. I mean you are 18." I gave her a huge hug. "You guys are the best parents I never got the chance to ask for." She returned my hug. "Your a great daughter." I pulled away and shoved my hands in the pocket of my sweat pants. "I'm gonna go up stairs..." "Alright." She said and went back to cooking. I turned around and went up the stairs. I walked into my room. I went into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror.
"It's for his own good. He doesn't need you, I mean who would. You're useless. Your also fat." I realized I was wearing Zack's shirt. He was the one who brought me clothes. I feel horrible about being so mean. I started to pace the bathroom. I started to cry again thinking about how I failed and how I can only do things half ass. I pushed myself against the wall across from my sink. I suddenly lunged forward and searched through everything till I found what I needed. A blade. I held it in my hand. The sudden feel of the cold metal against my skin made me feel more comfortable. I ran it along my wrist five or six times on each. Enough to teach me a lesson. They were so deep. Probably because I couldn't see cause of the tears in my eyes.
I sat on the floor for a few just watching the blood run down my arm. I leaned over and grabbed a towel and wiped the blood of the floor. I looked at my self and my wrists. I wrapped them in a little gauze and went into my room. I pulled down my covers and jumped in. I laid there until I fell asleep. Tomorrow was gonna be hell...
He pulled me over to a picnic table and we sat down. He was holding my right hand. rubbing his thumb across the back of my hand. "Zack...When my dad left my mom started to drink. She used to tell me how it was all my fault he left and that if I was never born she would still have him." I wiped some stray tears off my face. "She hit me the day she died. I said awful things to her. I said that even if I left he would never come back for her. Then I went up to my room and I thought it was you but it was Beau, He stayed with me and I ended up loosing my virginity to him." I looked over at Zack. His expression unreadable.
"That morning when I found my mom. I didn't know what to do so I went to him. He saw me as weak and easy. He made me believe all sorts of things about myself, that I still believe today. He is the one who started my cutting problem. He is the reason I got addicted to drugs. It was all him." I turned to Zack. "You don't know how much I wish it was you at my window that night." His eyes met mine, I looked away. "I said those horrible things and he was the one there... She's gone." I was looking over my left shoulder. "Paige. It was not your fau-" "My fault?! Of coarse it was Zack! I killed my own mother! I might as well loaded the gun!" I jerked my hand out of his and stood up.
"Paige but it wasn't your fault." "Stop saying that." I looked down at the ground refusing the eye contact that he wanted so badly. "It was all my fault and I know that." "Why do you say that? I'm glad you were brought into this world and It almost crushed me that you thought you could just take you away from me like that." I looked up at Zack's face. He took a step forward and I stepped back. "Paige-" "Zack...I think we should just go back to the way it was..." I turned around leaving Zack standing there.
I walked down the side walk with my hands wrapped around my waist. I was crying. I walked into my house. I kicked off my shoes and dropped my bag on the floor. I heard Amy in the kitchen. I walked in awkwardly standing in the door way. Amy looked up at me and I gave a half smile. She stopped making dinner and walked over engulfing me in a hug. She let me cry on her shoulder since I was taller than her. "It will be alright sweetheart." She said while petting my hair against the back of my head. "Thank you so much for everything." She pulled me away. "Paige. We would like to offer you a deal." I wiped my eyes with my hands. "Alright." I said.
"We are gonna keep paying for this house and Norm and I are gonna move to Cali, but you can stay here. I mean you are 18." I gave her a huge hug. "You guys are the best parents I never got the chance to ask for." She returned my hug. "Your a great daughter." I pulled away and shoved my hands in the pocket of my sweat pants. "I'm gonna go up stairs..." "Alright." She said and went back to cooking. I turned around and went up the stairs. I walked into my room. I went into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror.
"It's for his own good. He doesn't need you, I mean who would. You're useless. Your also fat." I realized I was wearing Zack's shirt. He was the one who brought me clothes. I feel horrible about being so mean. I started to pace the bathroom. I started to cry again thinking about how I failed and how I can only do things half ass. I pushed myself against the wall across from my sink. I suddenly lunged forward and searched through everything till I found what I needed. A blade. I held it in my hand. The sudden feel of the cold metal against my skin made me feel more comfortable. I ran it along my wrist five or six times on each. Enough to teach me a lesson. They were so deep. Probably because I couldn't see cause of the tears in my eyes.
I sat on the floor for a few just watching the blood run down my arm. I leaned over and grabbed a towel and wiped the blood of the floor. I looked at my self and my wrists. I wrapped them in a little gauze and went into my room. I pulled down my covers and jumped in. I laid there until I fell asleep. Tomorrow was gonna be hell...
9/1/13