Just Two Kids Stupid And Fearless
It's been a hell not having you around
I guess this is how I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna be the girl who cut herself to death. I didn't mean it, I just wanted the pain inside get out for a while. The kids gonna smile, laugh, and talk happily in the halls while walking to their next class, and I'm not gonna be there. The bimbo, and her popular friends won't waste their time on hating me anymore, because I followed their advice.
Taylor will hang out with Josh, Liz and Bryan like she used to, before me. They will be happy, and talk about a upcoming album, tour or concert they wanna hear or see. One chair at their table will be lonely, and maybe soon someone else will sit there, taking up my place. Will Josh date her too? Or will Bryan take her this time, and break Liz heart? Will they miss me, or just being lucky to not hear my depressed talk? I wish I can see if their words were lies, or if they really loved me for who I was.
Mom and dad will lose another, and their last, daughter in the same way. They will be sad, of course, but I'm sure they'll get over it. Well, they haven't got over Alice yet, but they loved her so much more than me. It really hurt to see them cry over Alice, and pushing me away, because they lost their favorite of us two. I wonder if they'll keep my room they way it is, or if they will change in to a closet or something like that. They kept Alice room in two years, until they tried to erase the pain with packing up her stuff and put in the basement, and used her room as a second guest room. Well, they kept her bed, and sometimes when I miss her I went in there and laid on the bed, like I used to when we talked endless.
I actually didn't think I would die like this. I wanted it the past 2 weeks, but for 11 mounts I thought I would die old with the love of my life. And since November, I was sure about it would be Alex I grew old with, and he made me feel so alive, and forever young.
I hate when I get bad conscious about something I've done. I promised Alex to be alive when he came back, it was mostly a joke though, I had no plans on dying these eight weeks. I can see his face when he gets a call saying I passed away, because of self harm. Who will even find me here? And when? Sure, the door is open, it is just to walk in, but who will even be worried? Taylor? Maybe, after a week or two. Alex might get a little bit nervous when I don't answer my phone for a week, but it is nothing he could do about it.
Alex I'm sorry.
What am I even sorry for? Because I died? Because I was bullied, so the only way I could make myself feel better was to self harm myself to death? But still, I'm sorry for I broke my promise.
What will he do after my funeral? Go back to Lisa? No, he was better than that, but I'm sure he will see other girls after a while. He's not even 24, and have so much time left of his life, but I will never stop loving him.
Thank you for making me last mounts amazing, don't blame yourself, this is not your fault. I love you, forever and ever.
Who will even show up at my funeral? Mom, dad, my relatives, Taylor, Alex, Jack, Zack, Rian, maybe Logan, Clarice and Jordan. If Liz, Bryan and Josh have the guts to do it, I wish someone would seriously kick them out. Where the fuck were they when I needed them to stand up, and help me the most?! They can't sacrifice themselves to get the stamp I have, because they don't wanna lose their pride. Taylor is insecure about it, but while they don't care at all, she cares a little. If this would happened to Taylor instead of me, and she refused to tell someone and get help, I would've done it for her, like her bestfriend. I would have stood up for her, fought her bullies, to show her I cared 100% about her.
For the first time since I met Alex in April last year, I felt lonely. If he was still here, nothing would've been different in school, or maybe. They started this right when he left, so maybe if he never went to the tour, they wouldn't have the guts to do it. I don't blame him at all, no no, I push him out and won't let him know. I'm sure he'll find out after this, and maybe blame himself for not being able to help me, but it's not his fault. It's me who isn't flawless. It's me everyone hates. I am the depressed girl, and have always been. Alex is perfect in every single way, and can make every one happy.
If it leaks out how I died, how will the school handle it? Will they replace my bullies, or will they just let them be and say "I hope it won't happen again."? But seriously, I don't care about them, it wasn't them who cut me too deep, right? I did it. I killed myself. Even if I didn't mean it, I did it, and there's nothing that can bring me back now.
I'm gone.
I'm dead and gone.
I'm gonna be the girl who cut herself to death. I didn't mean it, I just wanted the pain inside get out for a while. The kids gonna smile, laugh, and talk happily in the halls while walking to their next class, and I'm not gonna be there. The bimbo, and her popular friends won't waste their time on hating me anymore, because I followed their advice.
Taylor will hang out with Josh, Liz and Bryan like she used to, before me. They will be happy, and talk about a upcoming album, tour or concert they wanna hear or see. One chair at their table will be lonely, and maybe soon someone else will sit there, taking up my place. Will Josh date her too? Or will Bryan take her this time, and break Liz heart? Will they miss me, or just being lucky to not hear my depressed talk? I wish I can see if their words were lies, or if they really loved me for who I was.
Mom and dad will lose another, and their last, daughter in the same way. They will be sad, of course, but I'm sure they'll get over it. Well, they haven't got over Alice yet, but they loved her so much more than me. It really hurt to see them cry over Alice, and pushing me away, because they lost their favorite of us two. I wonder if they'll keep my room they way it is, or if they will change in to a closet or something like that. They kept Alice room in two years, until they tried to erase the pain with packing up her stuff and put in the basement, and used her room as a second guest room. Well, they kept her bed, and sometimes when I miss her I went in there and laid on the bed, like I used to when we talked endless.
I actually didn't think I would die like this. I wanted it the past 2 weeks, but for 11 mounts I thought I would die old with the love of my life. And since November, I was sure about it would be Alex I grew old with, and he made me feel so alive, and forever young.
I hate when I get bad conscious about something I've done. I promised Alex to be alive when he came back, it was mostly a joke though, I had no plans on dying these eight weeks. I can see his face when he gets a call saying I passed away, because of self harm. Who will even find me here? And when? Sure, the door is open, it is just to walk in, but who will even be worried? Taylor? Maybe, after a week or two. Alex might get a little bit nervous when I don't answer my phone for a week, but it is nothing he could do about it.
Alex I'm sorry.
What am I even sorry for? Because I died? Because I was bullied, so the only way I could make myself feel better was to self harm myself to death? But still, I'm sorry for I broke my promise.
What will he do after my funeral? Go back to Lisa? No, he was better than that, but I'm sure he will see other girls after a while. He's not even 24, and have so much time left of his life, but I will never stop loving him.
Thank you for making me last mounts amazing, don't blame yourself, this is not your fault. I love you, forever and ever.
Who will even show up at my funeral? Mom, dad, my relatives, Taylor, Alex, Jack, Zack, Rian, maybe Logan, Clarice and Jordan. If Liz, Bryan and Josh have the guts to do it, I wish someone would seriously kick them out. Where the fuck were they when I needed them to stand up, and help me the most?! They can't sacrifice themselves to get the stamp I have, because they don't wanna lose their pride. Taylor is insecure about it, but while they don't care at all, she cares a little. If this would happened to Taylor instead of me, and she refused to tell someone and get help, I would've done it for her, like her bestfriend. I would have stood up for her, fought her bullies, to show her I cared 100% about her.
For the first time since I met Alex in April last year, I felt lonely. If he was still here, nothing would've been different in school, or maybe. They started this right when he left, so maybe if he never went to the tour, they wouldn't have the guts to do it. I don't blame him at all, no no, I push him out and won't let him know. I'm sure he'll find out after this, and maybe blame himself for not being able to help me, but it's not his fault. It's me who isn't flawless. It's me everyone hates. I am the depressed girl, and have always been. Alex is perfect in every single way, and can make every one happy.
If it leaks out how I died, how will the school handle it? Will they replace my bullies, or will they just let them be and say "I hope it won't happen again."? But seriously, I don't care about them, it wasn't them who cut me too deep, right? I did it. I killed myself. Even if I didn't mean it, I did it, and there's nothing that can bring me back now.
I'm gone.
I'm dead and gone.
So, I just read what you have of this story and its prequel, and I really like what you have of both. At first, it was a little rough getting into it; it seemed kind of rushed at first, especially with all of the drama of how they got together and then broke up in like a day when they first met, but I have to say, after the time passed and they got back together again, this story just really started getting good. Some of the grammar is a bit off, but as you continued the story I noticed your improvement and that's awesome; that means you have definitely progressed as you have continued writing this.
I'm sad it was never finished, though. One thing I found a bit odd was that you continued with this installment after giving the first one an epilogue, due to the fact that means we already know the ending for Wendy and Alex, but... I kind of like how you did that. I don't believe I've seen an author do that before, kind of go back and fill in the time in-between in the sequel.
And this story is seriously so cute. Alex and Wendy's love is seriously so genuine; again, while it was a bit rushed at first, as I got into the second half of the first installment and this sequel it was just, wow, I just love their relationship. It's been a while since I've seen such a connection between the two characters and I seriously enjoyed it.
And I also liked the fact that as I got to the end of what you have so far, that you made it realistic. Alex understands she's not ready for a baby and is ready to sacrifice that. This is actually the first time I've seen this in a story, where it's being both considered and followed through with, along with the fact that both characters are for the most part peaceful with the decision. Hell I'm even peaceful with the decision, which really surprises me, because every other story where this has happened, I haven't been. And that's really weird for me, so kudos for pulling that off and making it convincing, and not making it so heartbreaking. I mean it is still a heartbreaking thing, but it's more understood that it's the best decision. Although the two characters being fine with it probably is what makes me as a reader somewhat okay with it. I'm happy you took that route as opposed to creating severe conflict, which is what I typically see with this idea. It was a nice change.
And, wow, this is a long comment. To sum up, I think you're a great writer and I really hope you're still writing on your own time, at least. I'm sad this wasn't finished, but I wanted to leave a comment letting you know my thoughts and just how much I've genuinely liked what I've read so far. Seriously, great job. If you ever choose to continue someday, I will be here to read. This story is too good to let go. I think these two characters should have more of a conclusion in this installment. But I guess overall I should be happy, considering with the last installment, we know that they end up together. So at least that's been told.
But still, if you continue, I'm willing to read. :)
7/5/16