Three Musketeers

'Alex what the fuck? I'm sorry I need to go" I left him standing there. I walked for hours in till I made my self think about what had just happened. I'm engaged. To Andy, but we knew this wasn't right at all.......... Alex ignored me after that we didn't speak for months nearly a year. Every day I died a little more inside, I knew I had fucked things up badly but I'd rather have this than face the consequences of having kissed him back and breaking Andy more than I needed to with the whole situation. Jack was passing messages on but nothing was coming back from him. I felt bas as shit. Everyday I contemplated leaving Andy, but it was harder than leaving my abusive ex Joey because I wasn't scared of Andy.He dotted on me more than any boy had ever done before.People could see I was crumbling Andy didn't know what to do know one did. No one knew how shitty the teens were for me. I'm not talking about boys didn't like me. No I couldn't give a shit. It was bad not having my dad around but it's worse that your brother is in the army, your sister moves to live with my aunty in LA because she can't deal with my mom's drinking abandoning me with her. Then my brother decide's to do the most life threatening job without helping or protecting the public. No he's willing put's his life on the line everyday to train wild animals, animals that even though they are in captivity could turn at any moment will turn at any moment. So having Alex helped a lot but doubts are always there. Like why do you hang out every single day and he's the first one to text you and last one to text you at night. Sends you funny cute messages at 4 am. He's the one on the other end of the phone when you've a bad dream or a moment at 3 am. He's the one who'd rather stay up and make sure you are fine and safe than get sleep for a big math test the next day. He's all of that to me he still is then why was nothing done sooner? Finding out someone is in love with you is great, finding out that the person you're in love with is in love with you, is even better but finding out that you're best friend who you've been in love with since you were 14 has felt the same for longer is amazing. But then you think about it and wonder why they never made a move on you and doubt forms in your mind even though you know this person they can turn into a utter stranger within minutes of these thoughts forming. I wasn't popular at school my best friends were in bands, I was in a band. I was the weird kid at school, who had piercings, bright hair and lots of makeup at times. Her dad was never there but her parents weren't divorced what the fuck? I was picked on and Alex defended me all through high school, but what he doesn't know is when they went on their first tour and I'm still in my final year. I'm getting bullied twice as hard, I develop mental illness. When I was 16 I was diagnosed with psychosis, he doesn't know that, neither does Jack. No one knows
It became a year since the engagement in till Alex was finally speaking to me again. We were back on tour with them. Alex and I were finally the bestie's we once were. Then we went and fucked it all up in an interview.
"First love?" Asked the interviewer
"I've been in love with the same boy since I was 14" I laughed the boys made little comments and hit my lightly on the head. Just banter. But sadly Alex answered the same answer to the question and someone picked up on it. They made a very accurate tumblr post about the love we shared. Sadly Andy found it and well.....
"Whats this?" He asked me as I walked into the bus, Andy pointing at a laptop.
"What's what?" I asked innocently.
"This post" I stared at the computer screen. My heart sank because I knew this was coming just I didn't know when. "well?"
"I'm sorry Andy its not true. It's just the banter we have. We're like brother and sister. You've seen us."
"Yeah I've seen you two. Jasey there is something way bigger than family love going on there."
"Andy don't be crazy, I love you. We're getting married. I love you" My hands cupping his face
"Jasey yes you are in love just not with me and I've been kidding myself all this time."
My hands fell, I backed off "Oh"
"I've seen the way you two look at each other, I just hoped one day that would stop and you would look at me that way."
"Andy its not true" tear forming in my eyes.
"Jasey stop kidding yourself, It over"
I slipped the ring off my finger and gave it to him. He took it and balled his hand up. He walked past me Placing the ring on to my chest.
It's 3:45 am and I am sitting on a park bench in the rain. I'm fucking freezing. I have no makeup left, I'm soaked through and for a split second I thought maybe Alex had forgotten the love and moved on but as soon as the thought entered my head he tapped my shoulder.
"What are you doing Jasey?"
I turned around tears all down my face. Holding the ring up "He ended it" Alex pulled me in for a hug. Tight hug the hug that made everything all right. I pulled out and sniff "urm he found......he found out where my heart really lies" I looked up at him. I expected that cheeky smile just dead look. "what? have I missed something?"
"I met this girl. Julie"
The rest of the night was a blur. Alex will never know. Months passed. We took time off to record. I didn't see Alex ever. Nor Jack. My life had changed so much.

Notes