Alex’s POV

Rain cascaded down the window of Jack’s bedroom, my reflection showing slightly. We’d flown out to Baltimore to be here for Austin’s funeral, just Jack and I. Zack and Rian had to stay with the bus in Oakland. Billie, Vic and Ronnie also came with us. Tino, Phil, Aaron and Alan had made the trip out too. Austin died in a car accident the night I was in Oakland with Jack. He lost control of his car, hitting a tree. He died instantly, because his seat belt wasn’t even on, he went through the windscreen, breaking his neck as he tumbled to the ground. That’s what the paramedics and a witness told me anyways. It was a tragic accident, but I feel like it was partially my fault.

“Alex” Jack whispered as he walked up behind me.

I felt his arms wrap around my waist as I placed my hands on his.

“I don’t know how I’m going to handle this” I spoke shakily.

“Baby, you’re allowed to cry, you’re allowed to have feelings” Jack soothed.

He turned me around as he fixed my red tie, it was Austin’s favourite colour. Just the thought of Austin brought out a new wave of tears and Jack had to calm me down.

“Make it a sweet, sweet goodbye. It could be for the last time and it’s not right” Jack sang calmly.

I clutched to his shirt as I let the tears fall harder. There was a gentle knock at the door and I turned around to see Ronnie leaning against the door frame. He looked smart in a suit.

“We’ve gotta go now guys. Also, Alex, someone is downstairs to see you. He flew out to be here for you” he explained.

I looked at Jack and he gave my hand a squeeze, I think he knew who was here. I walked ahead of Jack as we walked down the stairs and I walked into the lounge room. My eyes widened when I saw a familiar face.

“Ello’ mate” his soft voice spoke.

“Oli!” I exclaimed.

He smiled slightly as fresh tears started falling and he pulled me in for a comforting hug. I can’t believe he is here.

“I can’t believe you’re here” I whispered.

“I ‘aven’t seen you in a while an’ thou’ht I’d come an’ see you. I’m so sorry ‘bout Austin” he replied.

“Are you coming to the funeral?” I asked, pulling away from his embrace.

“Of course I am, I wan’ to be there wif’ you an’ I wan’ to say goodbye to Austin” Oli replied.

I wiped the tears from my eyes as I grabbed Oli’s hands and squeezed them gently. Ronnie and Jack walked into the room and I just knew it was time to go. Jack took my hand in his as we walked to the front door and he put up an umbrella before we walked to his car and got inside. I didn’t know how to feel right now. I was saying goodbye to a friend, my best friend...forever.

*Time lapse half an hour*

Jack and I walked down the aisle of the chapel. I was never big on religion, but Austin’s parents insisted that we do this. I looked at the casket where Austin lay and I couldn’t help but shake and cry. Jack pulled me close to him as we sat down at the front, with Oli on the other side of me and Ronnie beside Jack. I’ve never seen Ronnie cry before, but as I looked at him briefly, he was crying and that broke my heart.

“Jack” I whispered.

“Yes Lex?” he replied, looking at me with misty eyes.

“Can you sing with me?” I asked, choking back the tears.

He nodded as he lent forward and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. I saw the priest walk out and I knew the service was about to start. I looked up at the casket again where a photo of Austin was placed. He was smiling happily in the photo and I broke down into hard sobs as Jack and Oli comforted me. I don’t want to say goodbye to him. This doesn’t seem real at all, I don’t want it to be real. Before I knew it I felt light headed as I collapsed to the floor, everything going black.

“Alex!” Jack’s voice droned.

*Time lapse one hour*

I can’t believe I fainted, I felt so embarrassed. All the speeches had been made and it was now my turn. Oli had to help Ronnie read out his because he was crying too much, then Oli couldn’t even read his so Jack finished it for him. I stood up shakily as Jack and I sat on two stools beside the casket, guitars in hand. I cleared my throat as I looked out at everyone who was here.

“Austin was my best friend since we were kids. We had so many memories together, and it hurts to know we won’t get those days anymore. He was kind and funny, he was always there if you needed to vent out to someone. He will be missed so much. I can’t believe he’s gone, maybe he may have survived if his seat belt was on, but...he must have been overwhelmed with emotion. Emotion killed him. And, I know it was my fault” I sobbed as Jack put his hand on my shoulder. “He loved me and I was in love with Jack. I went behind his back to be with Austin, but then I told him we couldn’t do it anymore. I-I told him I hated him. My last words to him were I hate you I will never forgive myself. Austin if you can hear me. I’m so sorry buddy, I’m so sorry” I whispered as tears flooded my eyes, my body shaking as I choked out sobs.

Jack looked at me with tears in his eyes as I looked out at everyone who were now in tears.

“We’re going to sing a song for Austin now, it’s called Lullabies” Jack issued.

I wiped some tears away as we started to play and I opened my mouth to sing.

“Make it a sweet, sweet goodbye
it could be for the last time and it's not right.
Don't let yourself get in over your head, he said.
Alone and far from home we'll find you

Dead
Like a candle you burned out,
spill the wax over the spaces left in place of angry words.
Scream
To be heard, like you needed any more attention,
throw the bottle, break the door, and disappear.

Sing me to sleep, I'll see you in my dreams,
waiting to say, I miss you.
I'm so sorry”

Jack had to help more because my voice was cracking slightly as all my emotions ran out at once. I miss you Austin. I miss you so much. I sighed as Jack and I finished the song and I put my guitar down as Jack pulled me into his arms. We walked down the stairs as the priest finished the service. Jack, Billie, Oli, Ronnie, Tino and I walked up to the casket as we lifted it up and sat it on our shoulders. We started to slowly walk out of the chapel as people whispered prayers of condolences and good wishes for wherever Austin went. We got outside as we placed the casket in the hearse and I stepped back, Jack wrapping his arm tightly around me.

“Let’s go” I spoke softly.

Jack nodded as we got into his car. I’m glad it stopped raining but the clouds were still hanging over and it saddened me even more. I stared out the window through the whole drive as Ronnie, Oli and Jack talked quietly to themselves. Before I knew it we were at the cemetery and a lump was caught in my throat. This was it. The final destination. My heart started pounding as I heard Austin’s Dad start singing as Billie, Oli, Ronnie, Tino, Jack and I were pulling the casket from the hearse. We walked to where the grave was dug, placing the casket down as we stood around and listened to Austin’s Dad sing. It started to rain again, but Jack and I just stood in the rain, the water dripping down my face as it hid the stream of tears. Jack held me close as I choked back strangled sobs. Austin’s Dad finished singing as the priest approached, saying a prayer as the casket was lowered. People threw roses in, leaving me until last. I threw the red rose in, collapsing to my knees in the wet grass, Jack kneeling by my side.

“I’ll never forget you Austin. I’m sorry and I love you” I whispered, my cries taking over me.

I hate myself for this.

*Time lapse five hours*

It was night time now, the reception for Austin was still going on up the road at a friend’s house. But for me I just wanted to be alone, so I went back to the cemetery. I was standing by Austin’s grave, tracing my fingers along his name on the headstone.

“Austin, I’m so sorry” I whispered with a whimper.

“Don’t be” a voice echoed.

My head shot up as I stared at a familiar face.

“Austin?” I gasped.

I can’t believe I was seeing this. It was like his spirit was here and that’s what it looked like. He was just a mist of fog, his features showing slightly.

“It’s all in your head Lex, I can hear you though” he replied.

Fresh tears poured from my eyes as he stretched his hand out, running his hand down my cheek. It felt so real, so damn real. So real that it hurt.

“I never meant what I said Austin. I love you, I never hated you” I sobbed.

“I know” he replied, looking away for a second. “It’s time for me to go. Remember I’m always watching you Gaskarth. I love you” he whispered.

“I love you too” I choked.

And with that he was gone. My heart started aching as I hunched over, strangled sobs escaping my mouth.

“I’m sorry Austin!” I screamed hysterically.

The pain got worse as I lent against Austin’s grave, my head buzzing and chest pounding.

“Fuck” I groaned.

I felt like my heart was going to explode. I couldn’t breathe as I gasped for air. What’s happening to me! Before I could cry for help my body collapsed and everything went black, a wicked but echoed laugh flowing through my ears, just like Austin’s.

Jack’s POV

I’ve never seen Alex so torn in my life. He always acted so strong, I guess now he just cracked it. I sighed as I downed my third beer for the night. Oli came up to me and sat beside me with a beer in his hand.

“‘ey mate, wher’s Alex?” he questioned.

“I honestly do not know man, but I decided to give him some space” I replied.

“‘e was jus’ wif’ you a few min’tes ago” Oli mumbled.

I put an arm around Oli as he gave me a quick side hug and I sighed again. I saw Ronnie appear from upstairs. He had a panicked look on his face and I raised an eyebrow.

“Ronnie, w’ats ‘rong mate?” Oli questioned.

“Jack, I can’t find Alex, he isn’t anywhere in the house” Ronnie replied.

I stood up as my heart pounded and then my mind clicked.

“Come on you two, he’s at the cemetery” I answered.

Oli, Ronnie and I managed to slip out of the reception as we started to run down the road to the cemetery.

“Alex!” I called.

“Lex!” Ronnie yelled.

“Wher’ ar’ you mate!” Oli bellowed.

We reached the cemetery gates as I pushed them open. We walked down the path way before I heard someone groan. I snapped my head to the left and saw Alex hunched over Austin’s grave, clutching his chest.

“Alex!” I screamed hysterically.

His eyes locked with mine, but he quickly collapsed to the ground.

“Shit Alex!” Ronnie yelled.

I ran up to him as I knelt beside his body and tried to get his eyes open.

“No, no, no Alex don’t leave me! Alex! Wake up!” I roared.

“Call an ambulance!” Ronnie yelled to Oli.

I felt Ronnie’s arms grip onto me as he pulled me away from Alex as friends and family ran down the road, obviously hearing my screams.

“Jack stop struggling!” Ronnie growled.

“Let me go! Please! Just let me go! Alex!” I screamed loudly, tears choking up my throat.

*Time lapse one hour*

“Jack will you stop pacing please” Ronnie muttered.

“Shut up Ronnie” I snapped.

I saw him stand up but Oli sat him back down. We were at the hospital and I was honestly scared as hell. I didn’t know if Alex was going to be ok or not. I was worried of losing him, the thought sickened me.

“Oli” I whimpered.

“Wha’ is it mate?” he asked as he stood up.

“Hold me” I whispered, stopping in front of him.

Oli pulled me into his arms as tears started to fall from my eyes, blurring my vision.

“‘ey, it’s a’ight Jack, e’ll be fine” Oli soothed.

“I hope so” I choked as I nestled into Oli’s arms more.

“Jack” Ronnie mumbled as I pulled away from Oli.

I looked to my left as I locked eyes with the doctor.

“Mr Barakat?” he questioned.

“Is Alex ok?” I asked.

He looked at me, his eyes locked with mine, my heart suddenly dropping.

“I’m sorry” he whispered. “We tried everything” he added.

“No, no, no, no!” I screamed, dropping to my knees.

“Jack calm down” Ronnie soothed.

“Alex! No!” I sobbed hysterically.

~~~*~~~

“Alex!” I yelled.

“Jack?” Oli whispered.

I looked around my surroundings and saw that we were back at my house. I was curled up on the couch, Ronnie and Oli sitting on the floor by my side.

“Where’s Alex?” I asked worriedly.

“He had to stay overnight, he’s going to be ok though” Ronnie replied.

I breathed a sigh of relief as Oli squeezed my hand gently.

“Did you ‘ave a nigh’ terror Jack?” he asked.

“Y-yeah” I replied shakily.

“I migh’ take you to bed ‘ey?” he soothed.

“Thanks Oli, that would be great” I answered.

“I’ll come back tomorrow morning” Ronnie spoke as he hugged me then left.

“Oli” I mumbled.

“Yeah?” he replied.

“Can you stay please?” I begged.

“A’ight Jack” he answered.

I smiled as Oli helped me off the couch to carry me to my bed. I was so exhausted. I can’t wait to see Lex. I’m so glad he is ok.

*Time lapse next morning*

I was awake early the next morning and off to see Alex at the hospital. Ronnie drove me there and he rapped the entire time. I have to say, he was pretty damn good.

“Well here we are, want me to wait here?” he asked.

“I won’t be long” I replied.

Ronnie nodded as I grabbed the roses I got for Alex from the back seat and closed the door. I walked into the hospital and as if on cue, Alex came walking down the hallway.

“Jack!” he exclaimed, jumping into my arms.

“Hey gorgeous” I soothed, kissing his cheek softly.

Alex pulled away and gasped when he saw the roses. I smiled as I handed them to him and he smiled.

“Oh Jack, you didn’t have to” he soothed.

“Yes I did, because I need to ask you something” I replied.

Alex raised an eyebrow as I grabbed his hand and got down on one knee.

“Don’t freak out, it’s not what it looks like” I chuckled.

Alex smiled as he nodded and I squeezed his hand.

“Will you go on a date with me Alex?” I asked.

“Of course I will you big idiot” Alex chuckled as I stood up.

I laughed as I picked him up in my arms bridal style and walked out of the hospital, Ronnie bursting into fits of laughter.

*Time lapse six hours*

“Alex we better go no-woah” I gasped.

Alex turned around as he smiled at me, buttoning the last of the buttons on his shirt.

“You look stunning” I teased, causing Alex to blush.

“Not so bad yourself” he retorted.

I smiled as I walked up to him and undid two buttons, giving him a flirtatious smile and a wink.

“It looks sexier this way” I whispered, kissing him lovingly.

“Let’s get going now, I’m hungry” Alex whined.

I laughed as I took his hand and we walked downstairs.

“Loo’in good lads” Oli chuckled.

I smiled as we waved goodbye to Oli and Ronnie and started to walk to the diner that was not too far from my house.

“Beautiful night” Alex whispered.

“Like you” I replied.

“Stop it Jack!” he whined with a laugh.

I wrapped my arm around his waist and pulled him closer, kissing his cheek.

“Sorry babe” I teased.

We made it to the diner as we walked in and were seated at a table that overlooked the lake. I sat beside Alex because I missed the closeness we used to have.

“Remember the dinner we had with Billie and the guys?” Alex questioned.

“Sure do” I replied.

“Couldn’t stop thinking about you” Alex whispered, making me blush.

“Same to you” I cooed.

Alex smiled as we looked at the menus and I smirked wickedly as I decided to seduce Alex. My hand trailed up his thigh and I leaned into his neck as I placed a tender kiss under his ear.

“Jack” he hissed.

I grinned as I moved further up his thigh and swiftly grazed my hand along his crotch.

“Mnn, Jack” he moaned quietly, his hands gripping on the menu tighter.

“What’s the matter Lex, you a little excited?” I hissed, nipping his neck with my teeth.

“Jack, you’re a tease” he whispered.

I chuckled as I squeezed his thigh, another timid but desirable moan escaping.

“The things I will do to you Alex” I purred.

Alex’s face reddened as he bit his lip and looked at me. I kissed him softly as I ran my hand over his crotch again before pulling away. I smirked at my victory, that was until Alex brushed his hand on my thigh.

“Alex” I moaned. “To the bathrooms, now” I hissed seductively.

God it was good to have him back, fucking teasing bastard.

Notes

So writing the whole Alex part was so depressing and sad ;_; I did have tears in my eyes. I also tried to get into the feel of Oli's accent, I probably failed but oh well, I like taking shit to the next level :P Anyways, don't know when chapter 15 will be up. I'm trying to think of something. Anyone wanna see more smut cause I'll probably add it in. And I'll maybe have the guys start up their tour again with the cancelled dates. I dunno. I'll think of something. But enjoy. Title is from Lullabies by All Time Low.

Also: JUST LOOK AT THIS GIF. HOW MUCH GOD DAMN CUTER CAN IT GET ; ~ ;