There is a bridge in Paris covered in locks.

I would be completely honest, but it seems honesty gets me into a lot of trouble. So I tend to skip over being honest with interviewers and often tell them I've never met certain people when the truth is... they've given me the most wild rides of my life. Of course, no one wants me to have a love life. They don't want happiness nor do they want me to write songs about my happiness. Why would anyone think of that? Heaven forbid I actually be happy for once. Heaven forbid that maybe, Alex Gaskarth actually means something to me. It all started back in Paris. There is this bridge in Paris full of locks. You write the person you care about on the lock, lock it onto the bridge, and throw the key into the water. That way, you can never unlock the person who left a huge mark on your life. Alex's name is on the lock in my hand right now.

The lock was put here by me. Back in Paris, all things seemed possible with Alex and everything could change. It was like for once, I wasn't just some idiotic young girl with a dream of hitting it big in Hollywood. It was just... an idiotic girl in love. Maybe you've heard of my name, maybe you haven't. It's not a big deal to have a tour that takes you back to where you went with the first love of your life. The first man who completely shattered you and left you laying on the ground.

He hadn't meant to. The boy was just trouble even when he meant to help. And that's all he ever meant when it came to me. He just wanted to help me reach my dreams. How could he have meant to ruin everything? No, I didn't blame him for anything. Alex was a good man and everything that happened had been my fault. "Lucky! Are you done romanticizing everything? Get over here!"

My manager always did like to yell at me. Then again, she had every right. I need to start following the schedule she sets. It's just hard to follow such a tight schedule when Wanderlust hits. I nod slowly, looking up at my manager. Her eyebrows were knit together and I could see the annoyance in her blue eyes. There were a few stress wrinkles on her browline, but other than that, no signs of aging. "I'm sorry."

She's tapping her foot in annoyance. She knew all about what happened with Alex and unlike me, she blames him for everything that happened that year. Even the overdose. I told her that he tried to prevent it, did everything he could to stop me but in the end... it was my doing. Not Alex's. Mine. "Oh, Lucky. You need to stop focusing on that boy. Get your head in the game."

I wish I knew what was going in her head. Jessica always did have an interesting way of speaking and she was always so vasty different from the way I worked that I wondered what kind of thought process she had. Unlike Alex, she wasn't comfortable with sharing that with me. There was always this barrier between us that would make it hard for me to ever truly understand her. I didn't know her. I wasn't sure if I knew anyone around me. "Yeah. Forget about him."

Jessica sighed, handing me the itinary for the day. I raised my eyebrows when I realized that one of the items on the list was an interview with All Time Low. "I thought we were going to forget about Alex."

I fingered at my freshly dyed tips, admiring the sea blue color I had picked - the one Jessica was worried would cause people to think I might be depressed. I couldn't fathom why a color in my hair would worry people. It was my hair and I could do whatever I wanted with it. It was one of the freedoms I had earned by moving out of my consertive parents' house... something that wouldn't have been possible without Alex. Jessica sighed, leaning against the bridge and my attention snapped back to her. "It's not my idea. I told them not to do this, but really... it was out of my control. Came from the label. They think by attatching you to Alex, you can get more fans."

Oh. Not this again. I don't want to earn my fans through Alex. I remember talking to Cassadee about the whole "being with a member of All Time Low". It was one of the reasons I walked. She told me that while some might accept it and even accept your career on your own... there's always those few that will react as if you're using them. I would have felt bad for Cassadee, but she looked so happy so I assumed she never needed anyone to pity her. She could handle it, perhaps. "I thought we agreed that wasn't for me."

It wasn't for me. I couldn't have Alex if I wanted my own career seperate from the Hustler fanbase. He was untouchable because of his career. Neither of us could ask the other to give up what we loved. "Yes, but the label thinks now that you're slightly more established, you could reconsider the relationship. I'm sorry."

My hazel eyes look down to the ground as I played with the ends of my hair. I didn't want to be the person that used another for the sake of their career. It wouldn't be using if you loved him... that was the argument the label always presented. That was the reason Cassadee made sense about staying with Rian. Love was a fickle thing. Could I go back to Alex and have what I wanted if I loved him? "I'll try it, but I make no promises."

Notes

I don't know. I'm sorry for existing.