-Jack POV-

Three weeks. It's been three long weeks since Alex walked out. I text him every hour of every day just to apologize to him but I would never get a reply back and rightfully so as I didn't deserve one. The thing that made it worse was that I didn't know where he was as he moved out of his place so he no longer owned it, which would mean he's staying with someone else. Either way, it sucked and I just wanted him back, but it was obvious that wasn't going to happen so I let myself slip, slip further back than I ever have been, I was spending more and more money on my dirty habit and everything was just going downhill.

I looked around me, my bedroom was a mess, empty pizza boxes scattered on the floor, bottles of Jack and beer all lying on their sides, some still containing old liquid. I have only left the house once in the past three weeks and that was only to get more alcohol; I just can't handle the real world right now, and probably won't for a while if I'm being completely honest. It feels so strange not having Alex around, we've been inseperable for about 10 months or so now, and it's as if he's died, he's just not here, there is nothing to tell me he even existed in the first place, as if I made him up, just to feel better about myself.

I got up out of my bed, knowing that the time was about 3pm and deciding to finally take a shower after a few days of staying in the same pair of sweats and nothing else. It was time for me to go and interact with other people and make new friends; but more importantly, to get over Alex.

After spending longer than usual cleaning the excessive sweat from my body, I dressed up like I used to, skinnies and a flannel shirt and then styled my hair to my liking and brushed my teeth before grabbing my wallet from my desk and heading downstairs into the lounge. I plopped myself down on the couch and took out my tin from under the coffee table and rolling up one of my special cigarettes; lighting it and inhaling the whole thing and then walking out to my car and heading to the nearest nightclub.

---

I must have been here for a few hours now, the loud music causing my body pulse at the same time as each beat; the room was almost pitch black, only a few neon lights illuminating it so we could just about see our way over to the bar. I looked up from my phone where I had been staring at Alex's contact for a while, debating on calling him but deciding that it was best to not even bother. I saw a huge crowd of people on the dance floor grinding up against one another, laughing and having fun whilst I was sat at the back on a leather couch; and luckily this was one of the very few clubs where you could still smoke inside, so that's exactly what I did. I lit up numerous special cigarettes and pretty much chain smoked until I felt so incredibly relaxed and my vision turned blurry yet everything around me was spinning.

It didn't matter anymore, none of it mattered. I could throw my life away now as there was nothing to hold me back, there was no Alex in my life to make me want to be a better person. I could let myself go, do what I want and not give a care in the world. Now I realize that what I'm doing isn't wrong, it's just having fun, it's growing up and experiencing the world and new things, I need to stop it, I'm perfectly fine the way I am and I don't want to change, I don't need to.

I spotted a guy at the bar and I had to admit he was pretty hot, he had a mop of curly brown hair that came midway down his eyes, he was wearing a plain white tee and a leather jacket over the top and even though he was far away I could tell he was pretty tall, about the same height as me I'd say. Deciding to take the first step in moving on, I stood up and stumbled my way through the heaving crowd and propped my elbows up on the bar and ordered myself two shots and sliding one over to the curly haired boy. He gave me a confused look as to what I was doing before I opened my mouth.

''You look like you could use a drink.'' I smiled weakly.

''Uhhh, cheers,'' the guy spoke, an English accent coming from his mouth. ''I'm Jay by the way, Jay McGuiness.'' He stated, holding out his hand.

''Jack. Jack Barakat.'' I responded, taking my hand in his and shaking it.

''Yeah I know,'' he replied. ''I'm a huge fan, you're the reason I got into music and started a band.''

He carried on talking about his band, The Wanted while I just stared at him; saying that he was good looking was an understatement, he had the brightest blue eyes I have ever seen and stubble in all the right places along his jaw.

We had taken about 20 shots each by now and it's fair to say we were both completely out of it. I stood up from the bar-stool, gripping onto it for balance and declared that I had to go out to get some fresh air, this place was boiling and the sweating bodies from all of the people dancing really didn't help. Jay agreed to come with me so we both staggered our way out into the street and into the ally way next to the club.

I sat down on the floor with my back up against the wall as I was no longer able to stand and the British man did the same, he slouched next to me so that our shoulders were touching and I pulled out my tin from my back pocket, feeling the overwhelming need to smoke again.

''Youuuu don't m-mind do ya?'' I asked Jay, not sure if he was okay with smoking.

''Nooooope.'' he slurred. ''Maybe I could tr-try?''

I simply nodded my head as my brain could no longer form any sentences now. It took all of the concentration in the world to roll the tobacco up in the small piece of thin paper but after passing it to Jay, he managed to get it done to a satisfactory standard so I passed him my lighter so he could go first. He took a long drag, inhaling it deep into his lungs and quickly coughing it all back up, obviously him not being used to it which made me burst out laughing uncontrollably.

After passing it back and forth until it had ran out we just sat outside in the cold April wind, it was probably about 2am by now and I could feel myself starting to get sleepy, not because of the time but because of the mix of alcohol and drugs, I could feel my eyelids wanting to close and never open again. I lightly closed them, telling myself that it was only for a little while, and I heard Jay mumbling something incoherent in the background, the thumping music still pulsating my body as I felt the vibrations through the wall.

Suddenly I felt my body to shake only to realize it was Jay. ''Well?'' he asked.

''Well what?'' I questioned having not paid attention to him.

''Ugh, never mind.'' He groaned with a roll of his eyes.

I turned my heavy head around to face him, his eyes were darting all over the place; that was the paranoia from the Cannabis starting to kick in. ''You knoooow, you're cute when you're made.'' I muttered.

He swung his head in my direction, finally focusing his gaze on me with an unreadable expression on his face. He played with a strand of his hair in front of his eyes and pulled his legs up to his chest protectively. I had to admit he looked really adorably right now, he looked so nervous that he was cute, not Alex cute- no Jack, don't even think about him. Knowing that my conscience was right, I stared into Jay's blue eyes, I needed to get over Alex and I needed to do it sooner rather than later, I can't stay in this frame of mind forever, I need to get out of the place in my brain that is filled with Alex, and what I was about to do seemed like the only logical explanation.

I lunged forward and pressed my lips to Jay's forcefully, I placed my hand on the back of his neck and I greedily tried to enter his mouth. After realizing what was happening, I felt a hand on my chest that pushed me away and a confused Jay stood up.

''What the hell was that?" He asked.

He pushed me away? He pushed me away? Before Alex came along I would have guys throwing themselves at me, but now it's like no one wanted to know. I eagerly took a step forwardso that I could change his mind. ''Wanna get out of here? I live not too far away.'' I whispered, trying to sound seductive.

A look of pure anger and disgust climbed over his features at what I had just said and before I knew what was going on I felt a pang of pain hit my face...he punched me, he punched me right in the mouth. I brought my hand up to my face and touched the corner of my lip, seeing blood as I looked down at my hand.

I wasn't going to let him get away with that, I don't take shit from anyone, so I swung back, getting a few hits in here and there but it was safe to say he was winning the fight. I took a knock to the mouth a few more times, my nose, stomach and even a knee to my lower region. It wasn't long before a bright flash went off around us, and again, and again. Great, just what I need right now, the fucking paparazzi on my case whilst I'm getting my ass kicked. Before I knew it, people were pulling my away from Jay, and another person pulling Jay from me and breaking up the fight; the flashes still going off around us.

Shooting one last glare at his bloodied face, I walked away from Jay and called a cab to go home. This was who I am now, a drunken, aggressive no one who gets into fights for no real reason. It's all my fault, and nothing will ever be the same again.

Notes

thank you for reading, as always :)

<3