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Opposites Do Not Attract - Comments, page 4
P.S. - Holy crap, I think I beat the record for my longest comment hollaaaaa...
BTW, happy holidays! :)
OMG.
OH. MY. GOD.
WHAT. WHAT.
... I'm trying to comprehend what I just read. How did this all happen?! I'm so freaking sad now. :((
My God, you were not kidding.
I... I just don't even know what to say. I am so aggravated. Okay, so I'm gonna rant. Don't take it personally, I'm just doing this to comprehend it all.
I cannot believe he cheated on her. And NOT JUST ONCE. FOR MONTHS. MONTHS. Like are you kidding. Oh my God.
And then she was pregnant and the stress got to her and... I just can't. I don't understand; at the end he says he still loves her, but if that were true, how could he do that to her? I could maybe see how it would happen once, but he cheated on her all that time, and then acted like he didn't care about her anymore, and now this.
I just do not know how to comprehend this. Let me take a minute to point out some errors so I can take a moment to collect my feedback thoughts lol:
Of course, I sometimes wondered what it would have been liked if I had had married Alex.
'liked' should be 'like', and get rid of the extra 'had'
I just didn’t believe that that was a good reason not to show up to one of my best friend's wedding.
Okay, so something with reading this sentence was off to me... like the 'one of my best friend's wedding' part. I'm thinking, grammatically, it should either be 'show up to my best friend's wedding' or 'show up to one of my best friends' weddings'. Maybe... I'm trying to make the plurals connect and this is getting confusing... but does it make sense how the original sentence is confusing me? XD Or maybe 'one of my best friends' wedding'? I actually think that might be it! Or idk, maybe just edit the sentence in another way, lol.
The girl with fake blonde hair and fake boobs was rubbing his back, trying to comfort him. I looked at her is disgust.
The error is with the second sentence, I just kept the one before that so you could more easily reference where it was. lol. 'is' should be 'in'
Also, throughout this section, where Jack is yelling at Alex, I noticed there's a lot of exclamation points where question marks should be:
How long have you been cheating on her!”
“What was that!”
“What the fuck, Alex!
Or, if you don't change to just question marks, you could also do '?!' and that would work.
That night, I ended up in her bed, having made love to her instead of a using her as a casual fuck.
You don't need the 'a' before 'using'
She moved her hand further away from me and onto her stomach so I couldn’t try to discreetly touch them again, or at least I thought that was the reason.
'touch them again?' This kind of confused me... should it be 'it' instead of 'them'? I was confused on what made up the 'them', lol.
Throughout the chapter, another note would be when you put 'fiancee'. Technically, there should be an accent mark on the first e of this word, but that's getting really technical and that may also relate to formatting, so you may not be able to do a lot with that. But just something to note.
Okay, I have gone through the things I've spotted, trying to get a clearer mind... XD Ugh, this was just so depressing though. I nearly did cry though, I think you had too much faith thinking I wouldn't. lol. Not sobbing but y'know, teared up a little. Because it's just so sad. I just can't believe Alex did that, and didn't even properly apologize or explain himself, although I'm not really sure how he could've done the latter. But it just doesn't seem like the Alex that we grew to know with the story. Sigh... idk. Poor Ash though. And I'm just kind of annoyed she ended up with Jack. lol. Kudos to him for being there and comforting her, by all means, but it's just... yeah, idk. Just too stuck on Ashlex I guess.
The thing I find ironic is that Alex is engaged again, so it's like, what? He's not doing that with Lisa, like cheating on her, but he did that with Ash? I don't really understand how the same thing basically doesn't happen. But I guess he learned from it, maybe, idk.
As for a sequel, I think maybe I would try reading it considering how this ended. But if you just left it with this, it would make sense too and it wouldn't be too horrible if there wasn't a sequel. You know? So I can understand you closing with this chapter. I also understand you waiting to possibly do a sequel to work on your other stuff. Whatever you're feeling girl.
Don't really know what else to say. But I guess some final thoughts: amazing job with this story. You are seriously such a talented writer and pay such great attention to detail. You know how to write more than just dialogue and filler and I commend you for that. I also commend you for dealing with all of my long ass comments and the corrections I point out; other authors would have been beyond annoyed or done with me at this point, lol.
I'll definitely be checking out future stuff (although obviously I feel like I have a slight bias towards Alex, so that's kind of where I'm at. Don't be offended, though, I'm sure your Jack stories are amazing).
And, yeah, let's just wrap up this comment. It's nice to meet you Lise! It's good to know your name. :D Haha.
@SophieGaskarth
It will have to be at a later time, I'm working on a new story now. You might like that one too, though... I hope...
@Newyork_xo
Thank you :D
I'll have to see if I'll ever have time to write a sequel, for now I have to focus on my already existing story and the new one that's going to be popping up soon.
@RHSK143
I love my plot twists ;) Often I make them a bit more obvious, but this time it had to end with a big bang.
I also don't mind ending my story on a sad note, but I just wanted to give people the option for me to end it in a happy note.
So... I've slowly been reading this story over the last few months. I really enjoyed it. That ending definitely threw me off though. Poor Alex. :(. I'll totally read if you did a sequel thought. Well done! :-)
Ah! Mega plot twist there in the Epilogue. I didn't really see that ending happening. There were hints of it throughout the story but I wasn't expecting Ash and Jack to get together. You could do a sequel but honestly I don't think you need to. I like how you ended this story.
@Nanook
It's just the epilogue you need to worry about ;) This was just a summary of everything and a nice way to close it off by reflecting on everything. I don't think the epilogue is sob-worthy, but then again, I don't know how you react to specific situations. You might cry, but I feel like there will be more hatred towards me for making it end this way. I don't think there has been any obvious foreshadowing, but that was the whole point, but I did make specific things happen which might lead to the epilogue making more sense. Like, the only foreshadowing from the last chapter is Ash's new found confidence (I won't tell you what it leads to just yet).
As for my name, everybody who knows it from this website just calls me Lise, so you can call me that as well. It's not my full name, but I've gotten used to it now. Or you can use the name I use on my gmail TOO LAZY TO WRITE OUT FULL NAME (it's just an inside joke I have with somebody, but you can probably understand it from me telling you that everybody calls me Lise but it not being my full name...)
I already wrote that first chapter and it's way too long, but I'll put it up as after the epilogue, which I'm planning on putting up today. I just want to edit it one last time since I keep changing events and want to make sure it all works together. (A couple weeks ago I literally rewrote the whole thing. Well, literally might not be the right word. I looked at each paragraph and rewrote it to make it sound more like something I would write now, but some sentences are the same and most of the dialogue still is as well).
Ohhhhh... with the way you ended off chapter 66, I thought something was still coming. XD Never mind, though, I see what it meant now, lol.
And aww, that's great you have the new tool, lol. I hate autocorrect. :/
And oh, okay, I just couldn't figure out if it was like just a different spelling, because it kept happening. XD And I was just confused, lol. Idk why it would correct it though, then, that's annoying.
But yes, you're right, the new tool IS WORKING, I ONLY FOUND ONE THING!! :D XD
I was stuck sharing a bathroom with this guys who I absolutely hated and he absolutely hated me.
'guys' just needs to be singular. lol.
But as for the rest of the chapter, I'm trying to figure out why I'm not sobbing. Or is it just the epilogue I need to worry about? I know you said that in your last response, but I was expecting something to happen in this chapter to aid to that oh no show. XD Or maybe there is foreshadowing... hmm...
I'm clearly great at picking up on things. Just great at it.
By the way, I just realized I've been commenting and talking to you this whole time, but I've never even asked your name! Mine's Jenna but I feel like my profile says that... lol. Yours doesn't though. :O
But anyway, great job with the final chapter, I guess? No, no, it was very inspiring, I was just ready for the bomb too soon I guess, lol. I'm interested in seeing what happens in the epilogue.
And aww... your author's note. <3 As of late it's been a struggle for me to write but when I used to write I know that feeling you were talking about... it can be hard to let go or write for new projects. :(
@Alex Gascarth
I KNOW! I'M DEAD AS WELL!
WHAT IS MY LIFE COMING TO!
ONLY THE EPILOGUE LEFT!
Be the new OG or first shipper for the new story ;)
@Nanook
Prank day was the last day xD Now it's just closing off everything. Don't be worried about what happens next chapter, worry about the epilogue.
I installed the Grammarly extension for google chrome, so editing should be a lot better now xD Too bad I still have to go through alllll my previous chapters (I've done the first ten so far). It's even correcting my message right now!!!!
First mistake was me merging two sentences together... great job to me.
Yep, I know about the whole disbelieve and disbelief... I keep doing it wrong, but I do know the difference between the noun and verb. Consider it a typo ;)
You see, chapter 66 already has fewer mistakes because of this awesome thing! Some mistakes are overlooked, but still. There's fewer stupid ones. It's something.
In response to your last comment...
Yeah, that's true. It seems like it's going so fast now though. :O I can't believe the next chapter is the last one. And then the epilogue. Uh oh. What happens on the last day of school? If it's a 'sparkling surprise' it can't be that bad, can it? XD
And oh, that sucks that your brother went through that. As far as I know, we always have our high school's prom at the same place. It hasn't really changed and there haven't really been any complaints about the venue. However, I didn't really enjoy it; I've actually enjoyed my college's dances more than my high school prom, lol.
And yeah, black is probably the best. But anything is better than full-out white in my opinion, lol.
Now, as for the updates...
Great job with them. Aww... Ash showing concern in the prom chapter. :( That was kind of sad... but I loved Alex's reaction to her look, lol. He was just so stunned.
A few things I spotted for 65:
When I realised everything was going ok over there, I heard a jaw drop beside me, a weird noise escaping.
This was just something I found a little odd, maybe needing to be reworded. All I kept thinking is how do you hear a jaw drop? Unless someone has a serious cause of TMJ. So maybe you should say here, "When I realised everything was going ok over there, I heard a weird noise come from next to me. I looked and saw Alex with his jaw dropped." Just a suggestion for rewording, lol.
He shook his head in disbelieve as he made me spin around so that he could see me fully.
I think I pointed this out before, the word 'disbelieve.' Upon a Google search, XD, 'disbelieve' is a verb while 'disbelief' is a noun. I think it would be 'disbelief' here, since the action is shaking his head, and the 'disbelief' would be describing it, or saying what it is. If that makes sense... lol, I feel the need to try and explain because I think this happened before. It seems familiar anyway. XD
Of course she was going to make sure that Alex and I had a couple more, just because he was his son and she would never be satisfied with the amount of pictures and how they turned out.
It should be 'just because he was her son' lol.
It was quite chaotic at the beginning, but as soon as everybody started listening, it was done it no time.
'it was done in no time' lol.
lol. Chapter 66 was humorous to say the least. XD Sad fact of life though for me: I could probably fit into their shoes, and vice versa, mainly because I have such big feet for being so tall. XD Or maybe it would be like Jack having a size up, idk. XD And same with their clothes. I think I might actually wear bigger clothes, due to the fact that they're so thin lol. XD How sad.
But that was a pretty good prank they did, and you spread word about how not to go by gender norms if you don't want to. :)
Just one thing spotted in 66:
We all entered our first glass, sitting down quietly and neatly before our teacher walked in.
'glass' should obviously be 'class' lol.
I'm sad that this is going to be over, but I'm interested in seeing how you have it end, just so the wonder can be answered, lol. *Thinking face emoji*
Great job with the chapters! Can't wait for the next! :D
@Nanook
Basically it would get annoying if I added more and more filler chapters xD Just imagine me doing that just to make it longer, making it take ages for something to actually happen.
I actually got reasons behind my I did something for once!
Yeah, I don't exactly live in a very big city (it's considered a large town). But last year, they paid a lot and got nothing for it, just because they had to get the big venue for so many people. So, my brother's prom was literally shitty food on a paper plate while sitting on benches. I don't believe the group would have been much bigger than 400 people, but that's still a lot for my school (or it would mean raising the price from 50 euros).
Black is always the best when having dinner. It just doesn't show stains as fast except if the food is powdery (like has powdered sugar on top) or is white.
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@Nanook
This is why I was so conflicted about whether or not to do a sequel. All those questions, though! They would've all been answered in the sequel, but I guess I can sorta answer them a little.
Him saying he still loved her at the end: well, it's kinda like that whole speech Ash gave to Jack about still loving Alex. And I guess it's also him really trying to fix what he had done, but only making it worse in a way. But mainly it's the same as Ash still loving him as well.
Oh, btw, that whole fianceé thing isn't really my fault, unfortunately. I know about the accents, but I write on google docs, which just doesn't let you put accents on letters. Same with café. It really gets on my nerves! And I really don't feel like going back later when I post the chapter and then adding all the accents.
Then the whole punctuation thing. I try not to use ?! or !? in my writing. It's even more grammatically incorrect than putting an exclamation mark at the end of a question instead. I actually thought a lot about the exclamation and question marks in this part, but once I changed them all to question marks, I felt like the whole anger was gone. Sure, it says that he's shouting, but the writing doesn't really reflect it. Rather than being actual questions, they're more like rhetorical questions and he really isn't expecting an answer. It's more like he's so in rage that he just can't even, you know what I mean?
As for Alex being engaged again and not cheating, I can answer that as well. This kind of has a spoiler if there ever is a sequel, so don't read this if you don't want to know. Well, when Alex proposed, he was 23. At first, he was super happy and couldn't want to get married, but as the wedding came closer, he started freaking out. Like, he didn't know what to do. So, instead of talking to anyone, he finds comfort in having sex with other girls, making the whole concept of getting married a lot more distant. This also kinda explains why he's so different to the Alex throughout the story.
Alex explaining himself was going to happen in the sequel as well, causing a little drama. As for the pregnancy part, it also comes back a lot in the sequel, but there's no point explaining that because it doesn't add much to the explanation about the sequel, except for one part.
Once again, I'm so sorry for ending it this way. I just happened to be listening to a sad song while coming up with the idea and writing it... But I feel that if I had ended it with a wedding or something, it just wouldn't have been as effective. Like, come on people, stop ending your stories in a wedding!!!
Thanks so much for the compliments. I actually always look forward to your comments. They actually give me something to reply to. I try to reply to everyone, but I always feel so bad if all I say is 'thank you :)" When I answer to you, it's like writing a whole essay.
Happy holidays to you too :D Now, off to family I go!
12/26/16