Winny’s POV:

I breathed in shakily as I walked past the many pews. All of them were empty right now, but it wasn’t going to stay that way for long. It felt like what had been many days since my grandfather passed away, but the day of his funeral had finally arrived. For the past few days, people from the public had access to the church and casket to pay their respects. There were constantly guards in every corner to keep an eye on people, but luckily nobody tried anything. It was all closed to the public again and it was time for the actual funeral. All the people who had traveled from close and far, many of who were staying with us, were here.

It was going to be one full church.

Because I was direct family, I sat all the way in the front, along with the rest of my family. The last time I had been in this church, I sat one pew further back. Back then, we had all gathered for my youngest aunt’s wedding. That was one happy occasion. It was so strange to think how different things were then. Everything was decorated in such an uplifting way, beautiful pink flowers all around, the sun shining brightly. Now, I was just glad that my grandpa still had been able to see his youngest daughter get married and even walk her down the aisle. That was just when his health problems started, before they were anything serious.

And now here we were. White flowers to symbolise death. People in all black. Dark sombre faces.

I, myself, was wearing yet another black dress, plain and down to my knees. This time a hat was thrown into the mix, but that didn’t pep up the situation in any way. There was no other way to feel right now.

I was sad, yet also over being sad already. It was like my body had used up all the sad that I had left in me. It was more like a numbness. All I could do was listen and stare ahead. It wasn’t denial, I knew what had happened, and I knew it was reality. It wasn’t like I was trying to live in my own world. Maybe it was just all the training I had. Show just the right amount of emotion. Too little, and you seem heartless, too much and you seem out of control, But still, nothing can actually prepare you for anything like this.

Sitting there, listening to the pastor do his talk, and even listen to my dad give a speech, I felt like I had only been there for a couple of minutes. In reality, it was much longer than just those few minutes. But this was exactly what I was talking about when I mentioned the numbness. I just tuned everything out. Maybe it was just a new level of sadness, because when I woke up from my trance as everybody started moving around me, I felt a single tear on my cheek, which I wiped away quickly.

I looked around in slight confusion to find that the pallbearers (who were some of our most loyal guards), were busy picking up the casket. The ceremony was about the move outside as we completed the burial. We all had to follow outside where my grandfather was going to be buried in our special plot. The graveyard here already wasn’t open for public burials, but our family still had a special area separate from the other notable people, such as important scientists. We didn’t do the whole thing of being buried inside the church.

As the front row, we had to follow behind the pallbearers. I just did exactly as the rest of my family, who all copied my dad. We stood up and slowly shuffled down the pew until we reached the aisle and also continued down that. Pew after pew joined behind us as we made our way to the back. Everybody was silent, especially us. We weren’t even uttering a peep. The only sound was that of feet shuffling and the occasional whisper of people further at the back.

The strangely cold air for late spring hit my face and bare legs as we stepped outside. I focused on making sure I stayed in rhythm as we started down the marble steps. Messing up now would mean more than just a quick trip. It would mean having no space to balance and face planting right into the people in front of me before tumbling to the ground. I did not need that, especially not on a day like this.

My heels dug into the grass after we left the gravel path to go to the grave. It had rained this morning, leaving the dirt the slightest bit muddy. Luckily, the weather had turned and my grandpa didn’t have to be buried in such horrible weather. He got to take in the sunshine one last time before he was left in the dark.

I could see the many cameras pointed at us from beyond the gate. Although I knew they were going to be there, it still made a shiver run down my spine. Even on a day like this, I still had to be aware of my every move. One wrong decision, and people would be talking. At least we weren’t as famous as the British royals, or else the whole world would feel entitled to their opinion.

We all moved to stand around the grave that had been dug. I wasn’t all the way at the front this time. I didn’t want to be. I wanted to stay hidden behind my dad and Garry for just a little while longer. Everybody kept joining around, close family and friends with us, others creating a semi-circle around us. Somehow, I found my brother on my right side, and Alex on my left.

All I could do was stare through the small gap between my dad’s and Garry’s shoulders. Soon, I was going to actually have to do something, and I was dreading that moment now. I was afraid that if I got up there, I would lose it all.

Something in the way I was looking must have shown it. I had been trained not to show emotion, but even the best always had cracks. Even my dad did. The thing that told me I had given my secret away was the simple touch of a hand. I could only feel the heat of another person getting closer for just a second before a hand held mine and gave it a squeeze. I looked up to the left to see Alex already staring down at me. He gave me a quick sympathetic yet encouraging smile. As much as I tried to match it, I knew I couldn’t.

Now knowing how much that tiny bit of heat helped, I reached out to hold my brother’s hand. He seemed just as surprised as I had been, and snapped his eyes in my direction. It was obvious that he was no good at concealing his feelings. He was having a real hard time.

The moment felt like it took a few hours, but really it was just a couple of minutes, if not seconds. My dad and Garry both took a step to the side so I could get through. I took one deep breath and took the tube-like container that Garry was holding out for me. And then it was time for me to actually approach the grave.

The casket was at the bottom, the bouquet of flowers still decorating the top of it. I took a second, just looking down at it, before carefully dropping the container into the grave and stepping away. In that container was a rolled up painting I had made. A few months before, my grandpa had commissioned me to make it for him. But he never got to see the finished painting. Now it was rolled up and he got to keep it with him forever.

I stood there to the side all by myself, but it wasn’t for long. My brother came to the grave next with a single flower that he got to drop as well. When he came to stand with me, I pulled him into a hug. I knew it was technically something that I shouldn’t really do, especially not now, but I couldn’t help myself. Not only did he need it, but I needed it as well.

My two youngest cousins got to drop in their flowers right after Augustus. When they were done, they scurried over and clung to my legs. I wrapped my arm around them too to include them in the hug. Slowly but surely all my other cousins joined in as well.

I looked up as my dad approached with my mom to pay his last respects as well. When I refocused my eyes on the people behind, I made eye contact with Alex. He gave me a single nod, and I finally managed to give him that smile back as I hugged my family tighter.

Notes