I Was Counting on Forever
O N E
“Johanna?” She heard him call from the other side of the door “Please come out.” He pleaded with the petite girl who was currently locked up in her room away from everyone. “It’s been three days.” Had it really already been three days ago? She thought to herself.
“Johanna, there’s been an accident.” She knew the news wasn’t going to be good the moment she saw her mother’s demeaner. Her usually bubbly self was more or an empty void. “Paul has been in an accident, he was out running this morning and he was struck by a car.” She was immediately taken back, a million things rushing through her mind. “What? Which hospital is he in? We need to leave, now! Where is he?” She felt sick and enraged by the news. How could this be happening? With everything going on, the wedding planned to happen in just weeks was sure to be pushed back, So many places and vendors were needed to be contacted. But right now she needed to get to him, she needed to see him. She needed to be there. “Jo…” She was at a loss for words, anyone would be. How was she supposed to break the news to her? To give her the devastating blow that will change the rest of her life, She hasd to tell her daughter the worst news ever imagined. “Joe, he didn’t make it.” Her mind went blank and she sank to her knees in tears. This couldn’t be happening. This wasn’t how her day was supposed to go. They were planning the rest of their lives together and now he’s gone. He left her and her world come crashing down.
To her it felt like it was just hours ago that she had got the news. She hadn’t eaten, slept, or showered since they had told her. She was in complete and utter shock about what had happened. This wasn’t supposed to happen, this wasn’t how they were supposed to end. She should be finishing the last touches of her wedding that was supposed to happen in a short two weeks not finalizing all of the things for his funeral. Flowers, she spent the last months picking the perfect bouquet for her wedding day, and now she’s picking flowers for his funeral. This is all wrong. She should be finalizing her wedding menu, not his casket.
“Joe, for me, please?” The voice of her best friend brought her tumbling back down to reality. She could hear the strain in his voice, she knew he was hurting just as much as she was, he was after all just as close to her deceased fiancé as she and him were. She suddenly felt selfish. She shut herself down and never once took time to think about anyone else and how they were coping with the situation. She checked her reflection in the mirror. Of course she looked as bad as she thought she would, she quickly brushed back her hair and pulled it up into a messy ponytail at the top of her head then made her way over to the door. He looks just as bad as me she thought to herself and it was true. The young guy was a wreck. Before she could process anything more she was wrapped in his strong arms in a comforting hug, it didn’t take much for her tears to start and his own started as well the moment hers had began to make their ways down her puffy face. “I am so sorry Johanna.” He told her as their tears started to decrease a bit.
“When did you get home? You’re supposed to be out on tour.”
“Your mom called me, she told me what happened, we headed back to Baltimore the moment we found out… How are you holding up?”
“…I don’t really know.” Those were the words that came out of her mouth. In all honesty what she wanted to say was she was angry, and felt like part of her died. She wanted to tell him she felt she had no purpose to go on. She had no point in living if he wasn’t living with her. They had planned a future and the thought of doing it without him was terrifying and it felt like something she couldn’t do. But that’s not what he needed to hear.
