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Without the Love

Days Spent Without Her


“How do you define a home/ when all you know is the road? How do you define a calling/ when all you know is behind you?” His fingers flew over the strings of the old beat up Seagull acoustic on his lap, his head tilted down so that he could hear the steel strings vibrate under his touch. When he tried to shift to a new chord, his clumsy fingers slipped and the strings underneath the pads of his fingertips shrieking. The sound echoed through his silent Los Angeles apartment even after his fingers stopped on the strings. He jotted down the last two chords he had played before sinking back into his couch cushions, exhaling sharply. Bas picked up his scruffy head from his perch under the coffee table and tilted it, to mimic Alex’s forlorn expression. “Don’t look at me like that.”

The apartment, strewn in beer bottles and takeout containers, rang with Peyton’s rough bark, coming from the bedroom, to which Bas hopped up and trotted down the hall. Alex reached for the fullest glass bottle on the coffee table, tipped to smooth coldness to his lips, and took a slow swallow. The dogs, the damned dogs, probably conferring on his depraved mental state. He finished the bottle, dropped it onto the floor, and fished his cellphone out of the couch cushion. The screen was busy, six text messages, a missed call, four emails, and two Instagram notifications; none of them were the name he wanted to see but he gave up three years ago hoping that it would ever pop in to his life again. He sifted through the text previews from Rian and Matt and the two newest emails, both from his record label, and stopped at the first missed called. Jack Barakat. An hour ago. As much as everything told him not to answer the call, to not give Jack the satisfaction, there was so much more in him that told him to reach out; that three and a half years was too long a time to leave bridges burned. Especially when it was his best friend that he was burning them with.

So he rubbed his face, sat up straighter on the couch, and hit redial on the number he’d called a million times - only to have hung up on with the first ring.

Jack answered on the fourth ring. “I didn’t think you’d get back to me so soon,” his tone was level, dry, the same timbre he used whenever he and Alex had to interact. “Rian said that you don’t really uh, answer your phone so I figured I’d have like...four days before you got back.”
“Yeah, well,” Alex cleared his throat as he stumbled to get up. He walked, slowly, heavy footed into the kitchen and ripped open the refrigerator door. There was a grouping of glass bottles, a half gallon of orange juice, and a box of takeout that he couldn’t remember when he’d stuffed in there. “Everything okay?” He checked the expiration date on the orange juice as he scratched at the three days worth of growth on his face.

“Yeah...yeah...everything is fine.” Jack paused, in the background he could hear people yelling incoherently and the crash of something. “Sorry for the uh noise.”

Alex was silent, popping the top off the orange juice and taking a swig. If Jack really had a reason for the phone call he was sure it would come out eventually and his groggy, alcohol steeped brain wasn’t one for impatience. He could wait it out.

“I uh...well I have a favor I need to ask.” Jack said finally. It sounded like he had moved somewhere quieter. “The uh...the opening night for the bar is next Friday. Finally. And Zack and Rian already said they’d be here but uh…”

“But?” Alex yawned and took another swig of orange juice.

“I want you there. Look, I know things have not been stellar between us but you invested a good chunk of money into this and I think you should be there.”

“There. As in Baltimore.” The two men were both uncomfortable, uncomfortably silent. Alex sank down onto the floor, putting his face in his free hand with a grunt. It hurt his body, his thirty one year old bones weren’t used to so much movement at this point in time, and his head was beginning to throb again. Thank God he had taken the orange juice with him. Bas trotted into the kitchen and looked at him, followed by Peyton. The two dogs sat down in front of him on their hunches and watched Alex as if they were waiting for him to respond to Jack. Their brown, judgmental gazes had Alex shifting his hands through his hair in defeat. “I’ll be there.”

“Good.” Jack sounded relieved. “I’ll see you Friday.” He hung up before Alex could say another word. Or before he could go back on his agreement. And left Alex sitting, staring at his dogs, with his head throbbing. He knew immediately he was going to regret this.


Notes

Hi guys!

So, as I said after the last chapter, this story is the revamped version of my favorite fic I wrote years ago - so long ago that my characters hopefully have matured as much as I have!

This chapter’s song was “For the Sake of Remembering” by Dave Mellilo, the song for the last chapter was “Keep the Change You Filthy Animal” by All Time Low.

What do you guys think of Alex so far? I promise we’ll be seeing Macaria again really soon.

If you liked this chapter, or have any thoughts about Alex, Macaria, or where this stories going feel free to leave a comment, give it a vote, and subscribe!

- x.o.x.o M.T.

Comments

Wowwww... I am so late, but I am here. I'm so sorry for the delay in commenting!
I haven't really gotten on here as much lately. Life stuff. :/ And just, trying not to be so absorbed with the internet lately. I've gotten on social media a tad but I'm trying to take more breaks from it.
But I wanted to take some time to sit down on here and catch up with what I've missed, so here I am. :)
Cute interlude. <3 Their first kiss, aw. A bit scandalous, though, with the age gap, but at least they didn't rush into things. It's sweet how he was so confident in being with her, but then it changed. :( What happened?
I'm hoping following this comment I don't take forever to lead feedback again. Sorry about that, and looking at the comments, I take it you've probably waited since no one else has left feedback yet. :/ But I'll be here as much as I can be.
Oh, and in response to your author's note: Simple Creatures! YAAASSS, am I right? :D
Interested in seeing more. :)

Nanook Nanook
2/18/19

OMG, you leave me a shout-out and I take FOREVER to comment again. I'm so grateful for it though. *sobbing emoji* :'( I feel so bad, I'm sorry girl for taking so long.
But great job with this second part. Ooof, I hope Alex is okay, ugh; I hate when someone falls and that hit on head thing is described. XD lol, that's so random, but I cringed.
Hmm... Alex is still feeling things. As well he should. Like anyone else reading, the biggest question is why did he end things? Especially since it seems like he regrets it. Sigh. My prediction is fear of commitment, but it would be interesting to see if something else is factored in. Like, maybe someone said something to him, and that made him think about their relationship (stupidly, but, still ponder it). Like, I could see something like that happening and that making him make a split-second decision and thus, the regret now and realizing he made a huge mistake.
To answer your question on the conversation, I mean... it was civilized? Didn't seem too bad, but they didn't really say much, so maybe that factor is saying something. Obviously, Jack doesn't hate him as much as Macaria does, since he's taking the time to talk to him. Or well, now, anyway, maybe it was different after things initially happened.
Anyway, great job with the update! I love that you love Demi too! :D She is my fav. :D Next to Cassadee Pope (which, is probably sacrilegious at this point with also loving ATL/being in the ATL fandom, but, you know, who cares XD). I'm also happy that Demi's out of rehab and just got a Grammy nom with Christina like OMG. :')
Anyway, lol, back on topic: excited to see what you have next in store! Hopefully I won't take as long to comment again, sigh. I've just been dealing with stuff lately, so sorry if it does. But I'll try my best to get on here sooner. <3

Nanook Nanook
12/12/18

Yay, an update! Hmm... so, I don't think you got to updating again as soon as you expected, assuming I'm thinking right on the timeline when you posted this, lol. But that's okay, because I'm only just now catching up. XD So sorry girl. :/
Anyway, great job with the update! Love how you used Demi's song as inspiration; she is my fav. :D And the song is definitely accurate in this story.
Great depiction when describing the new bar/restaurant. I can definitely visualize how it looks, so I wanted to commend that because sometimes writers often struggle with describing the scene in fan fics. So awesome job with describing. :)
I'm not sure if this is a mistake, but something that I reread that had me wondering, lol:
He was tracing the rim with long fingers, the shading of a large tattoo on his hand visible as he finger swiped.
"he finger swiped" or "his finger swiped"? Because reading it again, "he finger swiped" could make sense, reading it in a present tense sort of way. Sounded a bit awkward though when I first read it. But it may have been intentional, not sure. In which case, completely disregard this note if it was lol.
It makes me sad that she broke down when she wanted to stay strong. :( Aw.
I'm not mad at Jack for not telling her; it's very clear why he didn't, with just what we know from the backstory. I don't blame him. And then hearing her reaction definitely emphasizes siding with him more.
Great job with the update! Interested in hearing Alex's side of this, and more from Jack. :)
Also, that's awesome that you're doing NaNoWriMo. I did it one year when I was in high school, haven't since because it stressed me out too much trying to balance that and school. XD But now that I'm out of high school and college I may try it again one year. Definitely commend you for doing it while balancing college, 100x more stressful than trying it in high school I'm sure. But yeah, I understand being busy, so if it takes you a while between updates, I totally understand.

Nanook Nanook
11/22/18

Great job with the update! Short but to the point. Apologies for the delay in commenting; I've had a hectic time the past few weeks. This may happen occasionally, hopefully not all the time right after you update... but know I will always get around to commenting like I am now. :)
In response to your last comment:
Oh, gotcha. XD No worries, and you can totally change it to an a on the end, since it's your story. Like that part is up to you. I just wanted to check with that because I wasn't sure how accurate you were planning on being with names.
And oh, okay, I see you briefly covered him in this new update as well; was just wondering since I didn't know if he would maybe be a new love interest or something. But figured it would be explained at some point.
<3
As for the new update, great job with it! :) I don't have much to comment on since it was just kind of a brief moment, but this part:
Macaria cursed, creatively, for a third time, as she struggled to close her yellow umbrella under the fabric eaves outside of Matthew’s Pizzeria, her older brother Derek and all the ways she was going to destroy him when she got home.
I think you maybe want to add "on her mind" after "Derek" or after "home." Or maybe I'm just not reading the sentence right? XD Hopefully this makes sense; it just seems like a piece is missing from this sentence for it to make sense lol. Maybe it's just my tired mind though, idk.
But anyway, I love how you made this Halloween-themed; it fit for when you posted it and now I feel so bad for taking so long to comment, sorry again! But loved reading this little snippet and excited to see more! :)

Nanook Nanook
11/12/18

@Nanook
If we’re being completely honest she’s Isobella and not Isobel it’s because I typed isobel and that I spelled her name wrong so I went back and changed it (thank you for catching it!)
Derek is Macarias older brother - that’s about all I can say about him for right now but he does play an integral part in the story.
The dynamic between Alex and his parents is going to be explored later on, as is the dynamic between Macaria and them. I wanted to emphasize just how badly Alex is screwing up though. So your reaction is reassuring that his mistakes are evident!
thank you as always for the read and you’re amazing attention to detail ❤️

RosesNWriters RosesNWriters
10/31/18