Breaking the Silence.

What am I doing here, like why am I doing this to myself. I looked around the staging room and rolled my eyes, the boys were being complete animals. I stood there with my arms crossed just staring disapprovingly at my older brother and his fiends. Yes fiends, the four of them are always making some kind of mess that I usually have to clean up.
“Sam why are you staring like that?” My brother said.
I just shook my head.
“Oh are we not talking right now?” His best friend asked.
I just stared at him, my dark brown eyes boring into his. He walked over to me and I shook my head, he didn’t stop.
“I swear to god.” I signed at him.
He shook his head and wrapped his lanky arms around my waist. I kicked my feet trying to kick out of his grasp. I started slapping his back just hoping he would put me down. When my body finally hit the couch, I looked up at him with my most vicious glare.
“Not going to work.” He said
“Stop.” I signed.
He shook his head.
“Please?”
He rolled his eyes and I looked at my brother with pleading eyes.
“Alex leave her alone, she’s had enough.” He said
“I’m just trying to get a rise out of her.” Alex said.
“No you’re trying to get her to yell at you. You and I both know that’s not going to happen.” He scolded his best friend.
“You pick on her too.” Alex said looking down at me.
“She’s my sister.” He said
I looked up at them.
“She’s not going to talk for you, I can’t get her to talk to me. My mom can’t even do it.” My brother said
Alex nodded.
“Her therapist says it’s a reaction to her PTSD, Alex you remember what she went through.” He said
I couldn’t take it anymore, I got off the couch and walked out of the area. I was here for support and I like their music but getting deep into my issues was not something I sighed up for today. Not today.
I walked to the side stage and looked out at the crowd, maybe one day I would be up there singing but that’s just a dream. Seeing as I haven’t spoken a single word in a year and a half. I know I can because I still waking up screaming sometimes after having my nightmares about the incident.
“I’m sorry Sam.” Alex’s voice came behind me.
I shrugged.
“I’m used to it.” I signed.
“I pick because I miss your voice.” He said
I just stared at him, what did he just say?
“It’s go time!” My brother yelled.
The four of the guys ran out onto the stage, they all took their positions.
“How are you guys doing tonight!?” Alex yelled into the microphone.
The crowd went nuts.
“Let’s give a good shout out to my buddy Jack’s little sister Sam! She’s joined us today for the first time in a really long time!” Alex shouted pointing over at me.
I peeked out onto the stage and waved at the crowd, they cheered for me and I hid myself back in the corner.
The show was great, absolutely great. When they wrapped up all four guys came charging at me for what they call ‘an after show Sam sandwich.’ Their sweaty bodies engulfed my small one in a huge hug. It was one of my favorite show traditions, I absolutely loved it. When they let me go Jack slung his guitar over my shoulders and wrapped his arms around them as well. We walked over to his case and I put it in, he didn’t let a lot of people handle this guitar but I was special.
“What’s going on with Alex?” I signed to him after I knew no one was around.
“What do you mean?” He asked.
“He said something earlier.”
“What did he say? Is he picking on you again?” He asked
I shook my head.
“Then what Sam?” He asked
“He told me that he wants me to talk because he misses my voice.” I signed.
Jack tilted his head to the side and shrugged.
“We all miss your voice but I can talk to him later about it. I mean he could like you.” He said
I shook my head “No way.”
“Why? I mean he went out of his way to learn sign language. He took a class at the community college Sam.” He said
“So did you.”
“I’m your brother, I needed to know what you were saying. He didn’t I could have translated.” He said
“The others know it.”
“That’s because they’ve picked up on it, Alex has been teaching them during practices. Think about it Sam, he’s a good guy.” He said
I shrugged my shoulders at him and we walked out to my bike.
“Please be careful getting home. I don’t like that you’re riding a motorcycle now.” He said
I rolled my eyes and put my headphones in, after they were situated I pulled my helmet on. I threw my leg over the bike and started her up, I looked over at my big brother and he gave me a weak smile. He pulled my head over to him and kissed the visor of the helmet.
“Be careful.” He signed.
I nodded and took off out of the parking lot.
I know that they don’t like that I have a motorcycle now, but I know that they know it’s helping me cope. What happened to me was so horrific, so I know they want me to be able to do anything that helps me not think about that event.

Notes

I know it's short, but there's longer ones to come.