Thrive
Confirm
It’s my first appointment and the first one without Alex. It’s clearly not what I was expecting whenever I dreamt about having kids when I was younger, but it is what it is and I can deal with it. I know that he’ll be here for other ones.
“How you feeling?” Miranda asked as we sat in the waiting room.
“Anxious. I just want confirmation. You know?”
“I totally do. You remember how I was when I had my first appointment.”
“Yeah.”
Five minutes later, my name was called.
“Ready for this?” she asked.
“Yep.”
I actually grabbed her hand as if we were a couple; this is how close we truly are. I sat up on the table with a gown on as my heart was beginning to race. The person who came in was Miranda’s obstetrician.
“Mrs - oh! Abby, Miranda’s best friend. Pleasure to see you again.” she said shaking my hand.
“You, too.”
“So, you’re married now and on the baby train. Congrats.”
“Thank you. We got married back in late April and having kids was the next step for us.”
“Too bad Alex couldn’t be here for this.”
“It pained him that he couldn’t be here.”
“Now, are you ready to see what’s going on in that uterus of yours?”
“Absolutely.” I said with a smile.
A few minutes later, the sonogram was on and I eagerly waited to know what was going on in my uterus.
“Well, let’s see here...”
Seconds later, I heard a heartbeat and I was overjoyed. It’s official; I’m pregnant and I can hear a heartbeat.
“How far along?”
“Six weeks.”
I brought a hand to my mouth and couldn’t stop smiling. I knew that I wasn’t going to bring home a picture, but I knew how badly I wanted one. I got into her car, immediately wanting to call Alex.
“I need to call him.”
I took out my phone and pressed speed dial.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
“How’d your appointment go?”
“Well, I know for sure that I’m pregnant...” I said drawing it out.
“And?”
“I’m six weeks along and there’s a heartbeat.”
My voice cracked as I said the latter.
“There’s a heartbeat.” he echoed.
I was tearing up again when I heard him sniffle.
“Alex?”
“Yeah?”
“You okay?”
“It was real before, but now it’s truly real and I'm not there."
"But you will be in a month or so. Time will fly. That's what I keep telling myself."
"I know. This is tougher than I thought it'd be." he said as his voice began to crack.
I could tell he was about to cry. Just as much as it pains him to see me cry, I'm the same way when he cries.
"I agree and I don't like it anymore than you do."
"You know. For once, I'm glad not to be on FaceTime since you're still probably with Miranda. That sounds terrible. I apologize."
"Don't apologize. I get ya."
"Hell, as much as I hate crying in front of you, I'd rather only you see me cry. Not anyone else."
"I love you, Alex."
"I love you, too, Abby."
We talked for a couple more minutes and let him go. I looked up and hadn't even realized that the car was moving.
"How is he?"
"If you want to put it simply, he was emotional. He's gonna be such an amazing father. I can just feel it so strongly."
"In your bones."
"Yes."
When we were at a light, she squeezed my hand causing me to smile.
"Here's to having amazing men who are going to be amazing fathers." she said.
"Here's to that."
I didn't want to head to work, but I knew I had to. I worked till eight and couldn't wait to go home and rest since I was beyond exhausted. If I was this tired now, how tired was I gonna be later in my pregnancy? When I got home, I took care of the dogs before I went into the bedroom and changed. My eyes began to close when I heard my phone vibrate, probably signaling it was my beloved texting me, but I never looked at it till the morning.
I know that you're likely exhausted and about to head to bed, so I'm just gonna leave you this message. As awesome as our concert was tonight, hearing that you’re six weeks along and that there’s a heartbeat was the absolute best part of my day. You already know how much I hate not being there, not being part of these amazing moments that have already happened and vice versa. It truly does pain me as much as it pains you with me not being there next to you like I should be, but you’re probably handling this like the strong woman and person I know that you are; you always have been way better than me. I don’t think I’ve ever known myself to be nearly as strong as you and I have a feeling you’re not gonna believe it, but it’s true. I mean it with all my heart and my entire soul. I love you so much and am dreaming of the day I am able to hold you once again. I miss you so fucking much.
Sweet dreams, Abby, the love of my life.
xo Alex
I woke to the most beautiful and incredibly heartfelt message from Alex and I bawled. How do I even respond to that? Knowing he was still asleep the following morning, I sent a message of my own.
You have no idea how much that message means to me. I needed that and you’re not gonna like this, but it made me cry; it was that beautiful. That makes me miss you more than I already do. I cannot wait to see you and have you all to myself. I love you more than you’ll ever know.
Have a wonderful day, Alex!
Abby
I sent it and sighed before getting ready for what was bound to be a great day.
Aw, cute update. <3 Sorry it took me a minute to comment.
Excited to see more. :)
2/18/19