Alex’s POV

I’ve been in rehab for 2 months now and so far I liked this place and I was nearly sober and I was just beginning to get my eating habits sorted.
Found out my therapist was also gay and was married and had 4 kids with his husband and that one of his kids was not that long in here after getting in the wrong crowd of people and I also found out his name was Herbie which in my eyes was amusing and different.

I walked into therapy and Herbie looked up and smiled at me which I returned.
“Hello Alex.” Herbie said as I sat on the spinning chair which Herbie learnt I would actually respond better if I was able to fidget.
“Morning.” I said.
“Okay, so today is all about the heavy stuff.” Herbie said and I sighed.
“Seriously, come on and I was just about to say I actually liked you.” I said and Herbie chuckled as the more comfortable I got with him the more of my sarcastic side came out.
“Well that’s a bummer isn’t it.” Herbie said and I smiled since Herbie has learnt that banter was also another way to get me to talk and for me to like someone.
“You knew this was coming.” Herbie said and I sighed loudly.
“I know.” I said quietly as I looked down.
“When you’re ready you can tell me.” Herbie said and I nodded as I took a deep breath and looked at Herbie who smiled at me.

“I met someone called Travis when I was 13 and stupidly ended up going out with him when I was 14. He was 5 years older than me and he was a drug dealer and also used drugs, he was the one who introduced me to drugs especially when we went to parties. It was from there my life pretty much spiraled out of control.” I said quietly as I thought of all the other stuff Travis did to me and I looked down at me arms and looked at the needle scars I had on my arm.
“I can see on your face that wasn’t the only thing this person did to you.” Herbie said and I sighed loudly.
“He would physically, psychologically and sexually abuse me and there was probably some domestic violence somewhere along lines as well.” I said quietly.
“Do you remember anything what he did to you?” Herbie asked and I felt some tears roll down my cheeks.
“I remember everything even when he drugged me up.” I whispered.
“And what did he do to you?” Herbie asked and I shook my head.
“I don’t want to say.” I whispered as I looked at Herbie.
“I’m not going to force you, but it will help us get a understanding of your drug habit.” Herbie said and I looked down and I took a deep breath.
“Travis was done for having sex with a minor and that was me. He also raped me when I was either off my face on drugs or alcohol. I remember there was this one day where Travis wanted me to do something and I refused and he pushed me down the stairs and beat the living shit out of me. After that I was too scared to do anything and he beat me up again and it was that bad I had to go to hospital and my parents was called and they couldn’t recognize me.” I said quietly as I sniffed.
“So he had a temper in him?” Herbie asked and I nodded.
“Yeah he had a temper.” I whispered.
“What’s the worse injury he gave you?” Herbie asked and I sniffed again.
“He’s fractured my cheek bone, broken a couple of rips and broken my arm.” I said quietly and right now I just wanted to get out of here and take something.
“Was that in one beating or separate times?” Herbie asked.
“It was in one beating.” I whispered as I looked at Herbie and he had a sorry and shocked look on his face.
“Do you have to tell my parents about this?” I asked quietly and Herbie looked down.
“Because you’re under 18 I have to tell your parents, but I’m going to give you the chance to tell them yourself.” Herbie said and I looked down.
“They just know the basics. They don’t know what he did to me, I can’t tell them as they’ll look at me in a completely different way, they wrap me up in more cotton wool.” I said as I stood up and started to pace.
“Does Jack know?” Herbie asked and I stopped and looked at Herbie.
“The basics just like my family.” I said quietly.
“Would you be willing to tell Jack about what happened?” Herbie asked and shrugged my shoulders.
“I don’t want him to leave me, I can’t have him leave me.” I said and I felt panic set in.
“You and Jack are a good relationship and he will stand by you.” Herbie said and I shook my head.
“No he won’t, he has too much to worry about and he will find out that I have too much baggage and will leave me.” I said quickly.
“Alex you need to calm down.” Herbie said as he stood up which made me flinch away slightly.
“Why don’t you go and have a cigarette.” Herbie said and I nodded as I walked out the room and went to the office and knocked on the door since the cigarettes was locked away.
“Hey Alex.” Susan said happily but her face went straight to a frown.
“I need my cigarettes.” I said quickly as I felt my hands shake.
“Of course, here you go.” Susan said as she gave me my cigarettes and lighter.
But like always because I’m a risk to self harm I have to have someone watching me.
I lite my cigarette and started to pace as I tried to calm myself down and get all the voices out my head.

I don’t know how long I was outside for but I was currently sat on the floor and someone came over and sat next to me.
“So I have broken some rules for you.” I heard Herbie say and I looked at him.
“I’ve managed to get hold of Jack, and he’s agreed to come in so you two can talk about what we have talked about.” Herbie said and I looked down.
“He’s a open minded lad and you are his world and he will do anything to help you with being sober and support you though everything.” Herbie said and I nodded.
“And I know you miss him a awful lot.” Herbie said and I couldn’t help but smile at this because it was true.
“All the rehabs I’ve done, this one has to be the hardest one I’ve done.” I said quietly as I looked down.
“I know Jack has been by your side in your darkest times and when you was taking the drugs. If he hasn’t left you then there’s a strong chance he won’t leave you after this.” Herbie said and I sniffed as I looked at him.
“He’s a good one and you keep hold of him.” Herbie said and I nodded as I looked at my packet of cigarettes since there was a limit on how many I was allowed and I know if I had another one I would go over my limit.
“Have one, I won’t say anything.” Herbie said and I smiled as I took a cigarette out of the packet and started to smoke it.
“After you had this Jack will be here and he’ll be waiting in my office okay. So when your ready come inside.” Herbie said and he got up and I watched him walk off and I sighed loudly and smoked this cigarette before I walked inside.

I sorts outside the office and gingerly knocked on the door and waited to be called in and once I was called in I went inside and I looked and smiled when I saw Jack stand up and look at me.
I walked over to him and hugged him tightly which Jack returned and he kissed the top of my head.
“I’ve miss you Lex.” Jack whispered into my hair.
“I’ve missed you too.” I sniffed as I breathed in his sent and pulled back to look at Jack who smiled at me as he kissed me which I returned and Jack caught hold of my hand and guided me over to the chairs and we sat down and Jack never let go of my hand which made me feel less anxious about what was coming up.
“I said on the phone that I wanted you to come in so Alex has someone who he trusts really well about what has happened to him. But I also want you to answer some questions.” Herbie said and I looked down as I felt Jack look at me.
“How much do you know about Alex’s past?” Herbie asked.
“I know a little about it but not the full detail. I know Alex keeps his past a secret from everyone and if I was to ask about it then he would just shut down and that’s when he would go to the drugs.” Jack said as he ran his thumb over my knuckles.
“Do you love Alex?” Herbie asked and I looked over to Jack who was looking at me with a smile on his face.
“Of course I do. I’ve told him time and time again I don’t care about the past and that I only care about the future and him being in the future with me.” Jack said and I smiled at him as Jack lifted his chair up and moved it closer to me where his hand went to my leg and he gave it a supportive squeeze.
“Do you believe you can do better than Alex?” Herbie asked and Jack shook his head.
“I admit that the drugs and the eating disorder along with the suicidal thoughts are hard to cope with and I do have people saying why I’m with him and what do I see in him but I don’t think I can do better than Alex. I love him and told him things I never told anyone. I know people don’t understand him but I don’t want them to understand I’m I know Alex trusts me enough to have his back when he needs me and I know that he has mine. So no I don’t think I can do better than him.” Jack said and smiled at me and I returned his smile.
I felt Herbie look between me and Jack which we was just looked at each other lost in our little world.
“I just want you to get better and that if you tell me about your past then just know I’m not going to run but I am going to stick by you and support you and give you everything I can give.” Jack said and I nodded as I looked down and then over to Herbie who smiled at me.
“I trust you okay, what I’m about to say please don’t tell my family. They know the basics and I want it to remain that they know the basics.” I said and Jack nodded as he linked his little finger with mine and smiled at me.
“I promise I won’t tell.” Jack said quietly and I took a deep breath and told Jack what I told Herbie earlier on in the day.

I was sat outside with Jack since Herbie said that me and Jack could spend some time together so that it can prove to me that Jack loves me for the person that I am and that he’s just not using me.
“I told you I had a fucked up past.” I whispered sniffing loudly as Jack pulled me into his side and kissed the top of my head.
“It helps me understand you better and I’m glad that you have told me about your past and know that this doesn’t change anything I feel about you. I fell in love with you as a person and for who you are with or without the drugs.” Jack said and I looked at him and I could see the love in his eyes which made me smile.
“Yes Travis has fucked you up to the point of no return. But I have the most beautiful part of putting those broken pieces back together and showing you I’m not like that son of a bitch.” Jack said and I smiled at him.
“How is everyone at home?” I asked quietly.
“The house is too quiet and Eddie isn’t coping all that well, but we can’t wait to have you home.” Jack said and I smiled.
“I think your parents are going to move Eddie to a different school and when you get out their not going to force you back to school.” Jack said and I smiled.
“How have you been?” I asked quietly as I messed with Jacks hand.
“I’ve been okay, missing you a lot.” Jack said and I looked at him.
“You can talk to me. I might be locked in here but I still want to know what’s going on.” I said quietly.
“Just a load of stuff is being said about you at school. Eddie isn’t exactly coping well with it and he hasn’t been at school since you’ve been here.” Jack said and I looked down as I brought my knees up and hugged them.
“Hey, this isn’t your fault okay. How Eddie acts isn’t you fault. Nothing what is going on outside is your fault.” Jack said softly as he made me look at him.
I heard someone clear their throats which made me and Jack look and Herbie was stood where watching us.
“I hate to be the bad guy here but I’m afraid it’s time to leave.” Herbie said and I looked down as I nodded and stood up and Jack did the same.
“Hey.” Jack said softly and I looked at him.
“Not long now okay. Here let’s swap hoodies.” Jack said as he took his hoodie off and I did the same and we swapped hoodies and I put Jack’s hoodie on and sniffed it and I smiled as I looked at Jack.
Jack pulled me into a hug which I returned.
“Not long until you are home and we can start our lives back up again.” Jack said quietly and I nodded as I looked at him and Jack kissed me which I returned.
“I love you.” I said quietly and Jack smiled as he hugged me again.
“I love you too.” Jack whispered as he let me go and he reluctantly walked away and I looked up and saw Herbie walking over to me.
“You did amazing today Alex.” Herbie said and I looked at him and smiled sadly at him.
“I don’t want dinner tonight. I’ll be in my room if you want me.” I said quietly as I walked inside and went to my room and just lead on my bed.

Luckily I got some privileges and I was allowed to have my iPad but I wasn’t allowed to contact anyone so I only had Netflix on it which I was thankful for right now because I wanted to be on my own at the moment.

Notes