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Everything is fine

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Don’t know if it needs a trigger warning but I’m going to put one just Incase

trigger warning


Alex’s POV

“So what do you normally do on the weekend then?” Jack asked as he walked into the bathroom and climbed back into bed since I was still asleep sort off and Jack was wide awake.
“I normally am either dying from a hangover or in hospital from drinking to much alcohol or mixing drugs and overdosing.” I muttered as I rolled over to face Jack.
“Yeah but what does the new Alex do?” Jack asked and I opened one eye and looked at him.
“Exactly the same minus the drugs and hospital part.” I said and Jack lead down and faced me as he pulled the covers over him.
“Surely there’s something else you do on the weekends.” Jack said softly and I looked at him as I don’t think Jack was going to shut up any time soon so I might as well just accept my fate and wake up.
“I walk a lot I guess, but I don’t know the area well enough to go on a decent walk.” I said quietly as I didn’t want Jack to ask why I walked so much.
“I know some nice places, that’s if you want me to show you.” Jack said and I smiled as I nodded.
“Awesome that’s me gotten you out of bed for the day.” Jack said proudly.
“I wouldn’t party too hard about it, it’s still early and I could change my mind.” I said and Jack chuckled.
“It’s actually 2 in the afternoon and your family has gone out.” Jack said and I raised a eyebrow at him.
“Doesn’t your mum do that?” I asked and Jack nodded.
“Yeah course she does, but she has 3 boys who are like 19 to 17. She doesn’t really trust us that much since we’re trouble makers in her eyes.” Jack said and I chuckled.
“Wow, if your a trouble maker in your mums eyes then what the fuck does that make me.” I said as I looked at Jack.
“A fucking nightmare I guess.” Jack said and I couldn’t help but chuckle.
“You might be right on that one.” I said and Jack smiled.
“Come on get up, I’ve got somewhere to show you.” Jack said and I groaned loudly which made Jack chuckle.
“You don’t even have t eat anything before, but I’ll take something with me for us to eat later.” Jack said and I had to smile at this as I wouldn’t eat if I was on my own but even though Jack is n some way encouraging the bad habits I have with my eating he was also encouraging the good side of it as well.
“Hey, when you think about it, if you eat by the time we walk back you’ll burn the calories back off again.” Jack said and I chuckled.
“You’re not meant to be encouraging the bad habits.” I said and Jack shrugged his shoulders a little.
“The way I think of it is that if you wanted to get better then you would be getting better, but since you’re in verge of relapse nothing isn’t really gonna stop you, so I might as well show you what you could be missing if you relapse and you’ll also have a good spot to eat it in as well. So yeah, I’m not going to force you to do something you don’t really want to do. Unless it’s the drugs then I might have to do something.” Jack said and I smiled slightly at him.

“You could probably be a good friend or a bad friend, haven’t made my mind up yet.” I said since I was still unsure about Jack.
Jack sat up and looked at me.
“Trust me, out of the people we hang around with, I’m the only good one.” Jack said.
“That Cara girl doesn’t seem that bad.” I said as I put my hands behind my head.
“Cara may seem nice but she will quite happily stab you in the back if something doesn’t go her way. Trust me I know that shit.” Jack said and he just stared at me.
“If I was straight I would totally try and get into her pants that’s for sure.” I said and Jack chuckled.
“If you was straight you would be right up her street, but at the same time I don’t think she could cope with you.” Jack said.
“Oh yeah, and what makes you say that then?” I asked as I sat up.
“Well for starters you fucking batshit, you have one hell of a temper on you.” Jack said unsure on how I would take this but he was lucky he caught me in a good day.
“But isn’t everyone like that though.” I said as I pulled the covers off me since I was getting hot.
“Yeah, But you are like one minute your fine and the next you’re really fucking angry about something that you aren’t afraid to punch somebody’s lights out.” Jack said and I smiled slightly at it because it was true.
“You saying that she couldn’t cope with my baggage?” I asked and Jack shrugged his shoulders.
“I guess.” Jack said as he looked at me.
“Well thanks for the concern on that one but I’m not straight I am very gay so Cara will not be getting my interest any time soon.” I said as I stood up and headed towards my bathroom.
“Are you getting dressed?” Jack asked sounding unsure.
“Well I’m going to have a piss first otherwise I’ll piss myself but yeah I’m going to get dressed.” I said and I heard Jack chuckle and move around my room.
After I finished I walked into my room and saw Jack looking at the expensive clothes I had.
“You like drop dead?” Jack asked as he looked at a jumper.
“Yep, if my money doesn’t go on drugs and cigarettes then it’ll probably go on clothes.” I said and Jack looked at me and smiled as he looked through the pile of clothes.
“Since I buy my clothes way to big for me you can steal a hoodie if you want.” I said and Jack just broke out into a huge smile.
“You sure?” Jack asked.
“Yeah, as long as it isn’t this one and this one.” I said and picked out two hoodies, one which was my favourite and the other was Travis hoodie which I was waiting to find somewhere to burn it.
“Why those two?” Jack asked as he found a hoodie he wanted.
“Well one is a soul favourite of mine and the other I’m waiting to find a place to burn it.” I said and Jack frowned at me as he pulled on his jeans.
“The hoodie is from an ex, the most toxic person I’ve ever met in my life.” I said as I threw the hoodie out of my hold.
“We can always burn it today, I mean I have weed in my bag so we can always get high and eat the food and burn the hoodie.” Jack said and I looked at him.
“Could you literally get any more perfect.” I said and realised what I said and I turned round so my back was now to Jack and I got dressed quickly and went downstairs.
Jack followed and told me it was okay with what I said and that I didn’t need to be embarrassed about it and he managed to get me out the house and I followed him to this place.

“So this place means a awful lot to me.” Jack said as he turned round to look at me after we walked though this scary looking woods.
“Even the woods which have the rape vibe?” I asked and Jack rolled his eyes at me.
“The woods mean nothing to me, you don’t remember do you?” Jack said and I frowned at him as I shook my head.
“These woods are where you went into hiding after you overdosed. You was lucky I know these woods otherwise you would be dead now.” Jack said and I looked around the woods and I didn’t even recognise it.
“But that’s not why we’re though, here follow me.” Jack said as he caught hold of my hand which made me smile as Jack pretty much dragged me along.
“So what do you think?” Jack asked as I moved from behind him and stood next to him and looked at this beautiful landscape in front of me.
It was just this medium sized wild meadow which was covered in purple flowers and the trees was just showing enough of the sun in to make it even more beautiful.
“It’s gorgeous.” I said quietly as I stepped forward.
“I figured that when you’re in need of seeing something beautiful then you would come here and remember why you found it so beautiful.” Jack said and I turned round to look at him.
“There’s only one thing I need to look at which would stop me doing something.” I said quietly and Jack smiled slightly at me.
“What would that be?” Jack asked.
“You.” I whispered as I looked down.
Jack walked over and made me look at him.
“Your ex, he wasn’t nice to you was he?” Jack asked carefully and I looked down.
“My ex did unforgivable and unforgettable things.” I said quietly.
Jack made me look at him again.
“I’m not like that person okay. Nothing I will do is going to be like the things they did to you. I’m going to be right by your side through everything.” Jack said quietly as he rested his forehead against mine.
“I..I..I..I can’t.” I whispered as I moved away from Jack and turned round so my back was too him as I felt tears roll down my cheek as I tried to focus on how beautiful the area was but it wasn’t working and I could feel myself move from my baseline.
“I can’t do it again.” I said a bit louder.
“Can’t do what Alex?” Jack asked.
I just shook my head refusing to speak and trying to ignore the flashbacks which I haven’t had for ages now.
Jack walked over and stood in front of me.
“It’s okay Lex. It’s okay nothing is going to happen to you.” Jack said softly and I shook my head.
“This is how it started with him. Then he turned me into so sort of freak!” I shouted in Jack’s face without meaning too but Jack just took it in his stride.
“You’re not a freak.” Jack said.
“Yes I am.” I said through gritted teeth and I went to pull my hair but Jack put his hands on top of mine which made me look at him.
“Breathe Alex. Just breathe, let me roll us a joint to help calm you down.” Jack said softly and I nodded.
“Sit, I’ll sit down with you.” Jack said as he sat down taking his bag off his back and he looked up at me and I sat down and rested my elbows on my knees and moved my head from side to side to try and get this voice and flashbacks out of my head while Jack rolled a joint.
“How strong?” Jack asked.
“Strong please.” I whispered and I let Jack roll the joint and he touched my arm which made me look at him and he had a joint in his hand.
“Sorry it’s not very big, forgot to pick my big papers up so we only got little green papers.” Jack said and I smiled as I took the joint and I started to smoke it.
“Shiiiiit.” I said as I lead back in the grass.
“Too strong?” Jack asked and I shook my head.
“Just right.” I said as I blew the smoke out of my nose.
Jack left me alone while he smoked his joint and I just hoped that everything will just stop for a while.

I must of really zoned out as when I came back to reality Jack looked please to see I was back again.
“Jesus I thought I killed you.” Jack said and I chuckled as I sat up.
“Nope, I just passed out it’s all good.” I said as I looked around me and I looked at Jack.
“What was that all about earlier?” Jack asked and I sighed as I looked down.
“My ex started off being all nice to me until I decided to give drugs a go and then I moved more onto the harder stuff and it was when I was on that stuff he used to do things to me.” I said quietly as I looked down and picked at the grass.
“You remind me of him.” I said quietly as I looked at Jack.
“But unlike him, you have kind eyes.” I said quietly as Jack smiled.
Jack lent forward and kissed me which took me by complete surprise but I kissed him back.
“I like you Alex.” Jack whispered against my lips.
I was ready to freak out and run but something stopped me and I kissed Jack back.
“I like you too.” I whispered as I looked down.
“Will you go out with me?” Jack asked and I looked at him as I pulled back slightly.
“You really see me as boyfriend material? Christ you must be blind.” I said and Jack frowned at me.
“I’m not blind, although if I don’t put my contacts in my eyes or wear my glasses then yeah I could be a bit blind but as seeing you as boyfriend material I’m not blind about that, you just need to learn how to trust people and learn that we’re all aren’t like your ex and that maybe some of us want to help you.” Jack said.
“But we barely know each other though.” I said quietly as I looked down.
“Isn’t that the whole fun of being with someone? You get to learn about each other and from this bond between each other.” Jack said and I looked at him.
“You can do better than me.” I said quietly and Jack shrugged his shoulders.
“At this moment of time, nobody is better than you. Let’s say you are like my ray of sunshine and I’m not going to give that up in a hurry.” Jack said and I couldn’t help but smile at that.
“Just trust me Alex. Let me show you that I’m not like those people and that I do generally care about you.” Jack said and I sighed loudly as I looked back down again but Jack made me look at him.
“I can also give you great sex.” Jack said and I couldn’t help but laugh at that.
“Don’t blow your own trumpet on that on.” I said and Jack smiled as he chuckled.
“If I do say yes, please understand I could freak out about anything.” I said quietly.
“That’s alright, nothing is going to push me over the edge that quick.” Jack said and I smiled at him and I lent forward and kissed Jack.
“I’m agreeing to this okay, but at the same time I need to focus on myself right now. I’ve got to focus on therapy, school and getting over the drugs and alcohol and my mental health.” I said quietly as I looked down and Jack made me look at him.
“That’s fine with me, as long as I’m beside you and you talk to me. I’m here for you okay.” Jack said quietly and I nodded which made Jack smile.
“It’s getting late and I better get you home.” Jack said as he stood up and offered me his ha d which I took and Jack helped me to stand and he gently pulled me closer to him and he kissed me which I returned.
“Lets go.” Jack whispered against my lips and he kissed me which made me smile as Jack stepped back and he held his hand out and I looked at him and put my hand in his which made Jack smile and we walked back to mine.

We got back and we just walked indoors where mum was in a right flap.
“He could be fucking dead Peter!” Mum said panicking.
“Mum.” I said and mum spun round and looked at me.
“Alexander where the fuck have you been! We’ve been worried sick about you!” Mum shouted but I could understand why she was shouting at me.
“I was with Jack, we went to these woods and we got lost track of time.” I said as I looked down.
“How could you be so stupid and show him where the woods are! Now he knows when he’s suicidal where to go and kill himself!” Mum shouted at Jack and I felt him look at me and I felt more guilt and shame wash over me.
“I didn’t know how bad Alex can be. I didn’t know that showing him where the woods are could be a danger to him.” Jack said calmly.
“Well it is! Now we have something else to worry about.” Mum said and I walked away from everyone and went outside to the garden where I started to cry and inside I could hear Jack and mum shouting at each other which just made me cry harder.

After a while I heard the back door open and shut and someone sitting next to me and when I looked I saw it was dad.
“I’m sorry dad.” I sobbed and dad pulled me into his side which I allowed him to do.
“It’s okay Alex, we was just worried about you. Your mum is sorry for what she said and for her to say sorry is a hard thing for her to do.” Dad said and I sniffed.
“I should of told you though.” I sniffed and dad rubbed my arm.
“Yes you should of told us but you was with Jack so we know that you weren’t up to no good and doing stupid things.” Dad said and I moved and looked at him.
“Jack told us that you two are together.” Dad said softly and I looked down with a small smile on my face.
“I think you’ve got yourself a good lad this time Lex. He doesn’t give those bad vibes off like Travis did.” Dad said and I looked at him.
“I don’t know dad, what if this is all him just playing me because I’m just a fuck up and would do anything for drugs.” I said quietly as I looked down again.
“Now you are sounding like Eddie. Jack doesn’t seem to be the boy to do that, I think he generally cares a awful lot about you but you are putting all your walls up and blocking him to enter your crazy world.” Dad said and I looked back up at him again.
“I’m scared though, I’m trying so hard to get over this but what if in reality im never going to get better and this would kill me.” I said quietly.
“Hey, none of that talk. With the right support from everyone you will get through this.” Dad said and I looked down as some tears rolled from my eyes again.
“We’re not giving up on you Lex.” Dad said as he put his hand on my leg and patted it and the back door opened and shut.
“Is he okay?” I heard Eddie say.
“Yeah Ed, Lex will be okay. Can you get Jack for me please.” Dad said and the door opened and shut again and it did the same a few seconds later.
“He’s all your buddy.” Dad said as I felt his hand moved and him getting up and Jack replacing dads.

“I’m sorry, you shouldn’t see me like this.” I sniffed as I looked away from Jack but Jack placed his hand on my cheek and made me look at him.
“I don’t care about seeing this side of you.” Jack said softly and I smiled slightly.
“I can even stay the night if you want me to stay.” Jack said quietly and I nodded.
“Can you stay please, I don’t trust myself right now.” I whispered and Jack smiled at me and lent forward and kissed me which I returned.
“Here, you look like you need a cigarette.” Jack said and handed me a cigarette.
“You don’t have anything stronger?” I asked and Jack shook his head and I took the cigarette knowing this wasn’t going to calm the voice in my head.
“I need to go somewhere.” I said as I stood up and Jack stood up as well.
“Where Alex?” Jack asked seriously.
“It doesn’t matter, I need to go somewhere.” I said as I went to walk off but Jack caught hold of my hand which made me look at him.
“Let me go.” I said as I tried to pull myself out of Jack’s hold but he was holding onto me tightly and it was starting to hurt my wrists.
“No Alex, I know what you are going to do and I can’t let you do that. I can’t have you going off and doing drugs Alex. This isn’t how you get through this.” Jack said softly and I looked down.
“Alex you need to talk to me about this okay, there is better ways of dealing with your emotions than running to drugs, I understand that you go to the drugs when you feel like this as that’s your only escape from all of this but you need to think of other ways which aren’t drugs as your coping mechanism.” Jack said and I looked down.
“If it’s not the drugs then it’s cutting myself to bits, I don’t know how to get out of this cycle Jack, it’s been a coping mechanism for so long and I don’t know how to get out of it.” I said with my voice cracking and Jack stepped closer to me and pulled me into a hug which I returned and hid my face in his shoulder.
“Let me help you Alex, all the stuff what you learn in therapy you need to use them as it will help you. Everything they are doing is trying to help you get out of this cycle you are in.” Jack said softly.
I stayed quiet and Jack held me tighter.
“I’ve got you okay. I know somewhere you’ll have me as well.” Jack whispered and I nodded into his shoulder and I pulled back and looked at him and Jack kissed me softly which I returned.
“Let’s go upstairs to your room.” Jack said and I nodded as Jack caught hold of my hand and guided me to my room.

Once we was in my room Jack closed the door behind us and I just stood there looking down not knowing what to do with myself and Jack walked over and made sure the curtains was shut and he went looking for something and once he found it he headed towards the bathroom and I could hear the bath being run and Jack returned to standing in front of me.
“Let’s have a bath.” Jack said softly not knowing if what he was saying went to my head but I just nodded and let Jack take me to the bathroom.
“Are you going to undress yourself or would you like some help?” Jack asked and to be honest I didn’t even have the energy to do anything right now and Jack noticed and he got hold of the bottom of my top and looked at me.
“May I?” Jack asked and I nodded and Jack smiled.
“Okay, lift your arms up for me then.” Jack said and I lifted my arms up and Jack carefully took my top off and he threw it on the pile of clothes I had and he looked at me again.
“I understand this part could be a difficult one for you but can I take your trousers off.” Jack said carefully and softly and I nodded.
Jack pulled my trousers down and offered me his hand which I took and stepped out of my trousers and Jack walked over to the toilet and put the lid down and gently pulled me over and encouraged me to sit on the toilet which I did as Jack sorted the bath out for me and once he did that he walked back over and helped me to stand.
“I’ll turn around while you take your boxers off and get into the bath.” Jack said softly as I stood there and watched Jack turn around and I took my boxers off and climbed into the bath which was like heaven to me.
Once Jack heard me sit down he turned round and smiled at me as he walked over and knelt next to the bath.
“Now you can just have a nice soak in the bath or I can wash your hair for you if you like while you enjoy relaxing in the bath.” Jack said and I looked at him.
“Want me to wash your hair? It’s looking rather dirty from where I’m sitting.” Jack said and I nodded which made Jack smiled as I looked at nothing as I pulled my knees up and hugged my knees as Jack stood up and looked for a cup to wash my hair and once he found that he sat on the edge of the bath and started to wash my hair for me.
Jack massages my head which felt really nice.
“You enjoying that?” Jack asked and I nodded and Jack chuckled softly.
“I’m going to need you to tip your head back while I was the soap out for you.” Jack said and I tipped my head back and let Jack wash the soap out of my hair and once he done that and knelt next to the bath.
“Would you like to stay in here a bit longer or would you like to get out?” Jack asked and I thought about it slightly.
“Can I get out please.” I whispered and Jack smiled as he nodded and got up and got my towel and walked back over.
“I’ll turn around while you get out and dry yourself. Would you like me to go and some bottoms for you t go to bed in while you do that?” Jack asked and I nodded and Jack smiled as he walked out the room and I got out the bath and wrapped the towel round me and started to dry myself off.
Jack walked back in and handed me my bottoms and true to his word he turned around and I turned my back to him and dropped my towel and put my bottoms on and turned back round again to see Jack still had his back to me.
“You can look now.” I said quietly and Jack turned round and smiled at me.
Not once did Jack look at my scars or how skinny I was and you could see he wasn’t even forcing himself not to look which made me feel a little comfortable in my body.
Jack walked over and caught hold of my hand and guided me to the bedroom where he walked over to the bed and looked at me.
“Get yourself comfy and find something to watch while I sort myself out.” Jack said softly as he rested his hand on my cheek and kissed me softly which I returned and Jack smiled at me and he walked off and I climbed into bed and loaded up Netflix.
By the time I found something to watch Jack came back and climbed into my bed.
“Come here you and let me cuddle you.” Jack said and I shuffled closer to him and Jack lead down and let me cuddled into his side and he started to mess with my hair.

I put the film on and I tried to let myself relax and let myself fall asleep.

Notes

Comments

I love this I can’t wait to see more and more!!

MeganLovesATL MeganLovesATL
7/24/18