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Remembering Sunday

Ten: Head On Collision

Driving down the road it was hard to tell if the vibrations in my hands were coming from the memory I’d had earlier, or from the steering wheel.

the moment kept replaying over and over in my head from the second it ended. And still as I drove through the center of my small dead-end town. It’d left me shaking, startled, and even more confused than I’d been before. Not once did any of the other memories, or even Alex in present time as much as hint that we’d ever been something more than friends.

Once I’d cleaned up the mess and discarded the totally unsalvageable mug in the garbage, I’d somehow managed to pour a cup of coffee into a fresh mug and retreat back to my father. I asked him almost instantly upon entering his office if I’d been involved with anyone before - being careful to leave any and all names from my question.

But he wasn’t much help. He just looked at me with this sort of pointed glaze to his stare. Like he had something to say but was still debating on whether on not to say it.

So of course, I prodded, wanting any possible information to help try and explain whatever the Hell it was I’d just envisioned. “What is it?”

A hefty sigh fell from his mustache, “I’m not totally certain if it’s my place, seeing as you were never really one to want to sit down with me and talk about your feelings.” he chuckled softly and rubbed at his sparse grey brow. “But I always had a feeling you and Alex would end up together at some point or another.”

All I could do was nod, the heat in my stomach from before swirled up to my cheeks and I'd hung my head in hopes to hide it from my father. Scratching my arm, “But we never did, right?”

“No,” He laughed shaking his head and leaning back in his black office chair. “You were always too consumed in living life to bother with boys, at least that's what you’d always said to me.”

“Yeah, that, that sounds about right.” I uttered to myself. Not even trying to conceal the sigh of relief that had escaped me, running a hand through my short hair. He'd asked me after if that was all I wanted to know, explaining he'd love to chat more once he'd gotten his last bit of work done. And I took that as cue to lift myself up from the couch, saying that was all.

"Alright, well, let me know if you need anything." Was the last thing he said, before swiveling back around. I patted my way towards the door, feet sinking into the plush carpet as I walked. Unsatisfied with the answers I'd gotten from the whole ordeal.

All I really needed and wanted to know was what that last memory actually meant. Both to me those years ago, and to me now in my memoryless state.

Sometime later I couldn't take it anymore, the sitting around and contemplating a kiss I hardly remembered and had no context to understanding. It drove me insane. Before I knew it, I was back in my car, driving aimlessly around town in search for something, but with no real set destination. It didn't really make sense if I'd thought about it. Thinking in my car was no different than staring blankly at my hands on the couch. But I'd been actively choosing to ignore that and just kept on driving. Just praying I'd find somewhere to go before my gas tank ran low.

A strangled sigh ripped through me as I pulled past an intersection. I felt my hands start to turn the wheel with no warning, my mind having a plan of its own. I pulled into a small four building plaza and parked my car. For it being the middle of the day, I saw very few vehicles aside from my own in the lot as I clambered out and looked around.

I spotted a small convince store off in the far corner, a local bank, a pizza shop and right in front of where I'd parked my car was an old run-down record store. Trax on Wax it was labeled, on a faded back lit sign. And as I drew closer to it I could see a very small handful of people inside through the large glass windows. The sound of Duran Duran's, Girls on Film softly spilled from the propped open doorway that was guarded by nothing more than a string, beaded curtain.

The neon open sign flashed by me in the window at the entry as I made my way into the dimly lit store. A small ding rang through the room from the sensor drilled into the floor. The soft music flowing through the speakers, the stale dusty scent in the air and rough wire carpet under my sneakers almost instantly took me back to the very first time I'd found myself in that music shop.

It was October 5th, 2002. And I'd set out on foot bright and early that morning, the first day I didn't have school and was able to finally execute my long-anticipated plan. I was one of very few people inside Trax on Wax that morning, and I made bisque movements through the aisles, searching for the small section that would hold exactly what I'd come in looking for.

'Punk/Pop Rock' was scrawled in sharpie on a flimsy piece of paper peeking out between CD cases. But when my eyes fell on those few words, it could have been written upside down, backwards and six ways from Sunday for all I cared.

Lively blue eyes quickly began running over the casings of every CD my sight could reach. Widening slightly every time I spotted one I'd silently been pining for. Only to shrink again once I'd remember the point of my mission. The rather redundant cycle repeated over and over again. My fourteen-year-old self slowly growing more and more irritated with every second that passed when I didn't find what I'd been searching for. Until I did.

With precise caution, I pulled the slick case from its secure spot in the row, staring down in complete and utter amazement. It's beautifully pristine shell was still wrapped in crinkly plastic which gave it an even shinier appeal. Anyone watching on probably would have thought that at any second my eyes would pop out of my head and my tongue would unravel like some slobbery dog's.

Just staring at it in awe, taking in its sharp black edges, and the vibrant shades of yellow, red and green in the album art. It was Good Charlotte's new album, The Young and the Hopeless. And it was perfect.

I'd saved up for weeks to get this once it released, waiting in anticipation, mowing neighbor's lawns, walking their dogs, even scrounging through the couch cushions for change. Just to make sure I'd be able to buy it when that day came. I'd bounced my leg through every class that entire week just waiting for Saturday to roll around and I'd finally be able to walk there in day light to get it. And now I was finally holding it in all its glory.

You would have thought I was seeing Disney World for the very first time as I didn’t skip a beat to shove my hand in my pocket and fetch the crinkled cash I'd collected. Only when I did, all that brushed the tips of my fingers were loose coins and a few gum wrappers. My stomach all but sank to the soles of my shoes, face growing red and breath growing shallow.

"No, no, no, this is not happening." I muttered only to myself as I put the CD down and frantically shoved my hands in every pocket and crevice in my outfit. Front pockets, back pockets, hoodie pocket, even that small useless one on the front of jeans. But nothing came up. Bankrupt.

I looked back at the CD again, slowly picking it up as panic filled my eyes. I needed that CD. There was not a chance in Hell I was leaving there without it. So, I thought quick on my feet, regardless of how morally wrong it would be. Or how long I knew my conscious would be tainted with guilt. My palms were sweating and my knees were shaking and I couldn’t stop my eyes from bouncing around the shop. But I slowly started to snake through the aisles, clutching the disk close to me.

I rounded a corner, and when no one could see me I slid the CD into the pocket of my hoodie, sighing loudly and making a casual break for the door. I was a few feet from it, a guilty victory in sight. I was so close to being home free with my dream CD when something stopped me. Someone stopped me. And oh, how badly did I wish in that moment the angel on my shoulder suddenly sounded like a teenage boy.

"You're not actually planning on stealing that, are you?" It called, and I quite literally looked to my shoulder. Cringing to my core when I didn’t see a small version of me dressed in white with wings staring back at me.

Slowly, I turned around, knowing instantly my cover would be blown once the accuser saw my bright red cheeks and sweat dropped forehead. Never before in my entire life had I stolen anything, and I hadn't been planning too! I'd saved up enough money, I'd just forgotten it and made a stupid, stupid mistake. But it was too late for excuses like that.

Down at the end of the aisle a tall boy with a scruffy face and broad shoulders stood with arms crossed. A thick black brow raised at me all too knowingly. And instantly my mouth fell open, indescribable and incoherent mumbles and stutters falling out of it as I tried to think of anything to say to get out of this.

I was not good under pressure, and certainly not with angered eyes boring down on me. I started to round up words that might begin to form an apology, my hand reaching for the pouch of my hoodie when something else grabbed it. Well, someone else that is.

"Of course, she's not!" A much different voice jumped in, a younger, lighter one. "I told her to pick out anything she wants, on me!"

Now even I thought my eyes were going to burst from my skull as I snapped my head over to see a small girl about my age grinning widely back at the individual who'd just caught me. I stared at her for a moment, both shocked and confused trying to pull anything from her appearance to figure who she was or why she was saving my ass right then.

She looked strikingly familiar for a reason I couldn't quite pin down. Her long brown hair that resembled mine in color cascaded down her shoulders to the crooks of her elbows in soft, slept in waves. Her tanned boney hand clutching my wrist showed off her chipped pink nail polish, I'd known I'd seen before. But still my mind was coming up blank.

"You know her?" The boy asked, breaking me from my scattered thoughts with the very question I'd been asking myself. And I watched with blown eyes as she nodded ferociously.

"I have friends you don't know about, Micah." She said, almost picking fun at the boy as I looked back over at him. His arms still crossed and a doubtful expression adorning his rough face.

"How do you know her?" He groveled, shifting on his feet.

"We have English together!" She said, and things slowly started to piece together how I shockingly really did know this girl. Even though I wouldn’t say being assigned to sit next to one another qualified us as friends. I certainly wasn't about to argue with the girl. "She's friends with Gaskarth's crew!"

At this my eyebrows perked up, as did the boy who I assumed to go by Micah's when I turned my head back around to see him staring at me now. Slightly softer look in his charcoal eyes. "You know Alex?"

I nodded at the sound of the familiar name. Because on the same standards as saying this girl is my friend because we had just one class together; Alex and I were suddenly elevated from acquaintances to the best of friends anyone has ever seen. And that seemed to be enough for the boy to drop his arms with a sigh of defeat, turning to the other girl once again.

"Michelle, are you really paying for her?" He asked, scratching the side of his head. The girl nodded. Quickly she dropped my arm to fish a balled-up wad of ones and fives from her pocket, holding it up to the boy. Something that only made him sigh yet again. "Mom gave you that to last the rest of the week!"

She smiled widely again, throwing her arm causally around my shoulders and tugging me into some form of a side hug. "Well, I want to spend it on my friend here!" She argued, "Her birthday is coming up!"

Micah huffed a breath and shook his head, but still advanced towards us to snatch the money from the girl's hand. "Don’t tell mom I let you do this." He warned, letting his eyes linger across her face for a moment before they traveled to mine. "It was nice to meet you." He breathed before turning his back and walking towards the back of the shop.

"Oh, dear God." I sighed loudly as I weaved my way out from under the girl's arm and turned to her with a gracious smile. "Thank you so much, you really saved my ass right there, I've never tried to do anything like that before, I swear it's so unlike-"

"Oh, don’t sweat it!" She instantly cut me off, waving a hand as she smiled and bounced on her toes. "People try and swipe shit from here all the time, but it's not every day I make a friend out of it! I'm Michelle by the way, Michelle Juubie. I don’t know if I've ever actually introduced myself to you in class."

"You hadn't," I smiled at her, shaking the hand she put out to me. "Murphy, Kennedy Murphy."

"Very James Bond of you!" She smirked, grabbing my elbow and dragging me off into an aisle before she pulled me close. "Also, just for reference if you're going to steal anything again you'll have to do a much better job at it!" She whispered, and I was about to attempt to explain again how I'd never intended to steal it in the first place, but she never gave me the chance. "It's all about the eyes." She told me, "The key is to scan the merchandise with one hand, and without looking over, pocket something with the other."

"Uh, thanks?" I chuckled. Watching as she pulled a small tape deck from her own hoodie pocket that I genuinely didn't see her swipe and slide it back into its spot. "Wow, that's impressive? Concerning? I don't really know how to take that!"

She giggled, "I think I like you already, we're going to be great best friends!"

I laughed at the petite brunette who'd gone back to aimlessly scanning the tape decks and smiled. "Then you should probably know now my birthday is in April."

"Well good thing I already know what not to get you!"


Blinking away the tears that had slowly begun to form in my eyes, I looked down and noticed the display of tape decks I'd somehow wandered my way over to. Smiling, almost laughing really at the thought of the girl I'd just remembered. I didn’t quite know her yet in this new state of mind, but I knew I would like her as greatly as I had back then. I just had a feeling.

"Not trying to steal from us, again are we?" A voice suddenly called me from my thoughts, pulling my attention over my shoulder where I saw her. Sat up on the counter top just beyond a display rack. I watched her flop down from it onto the floor and make her way towards me. "You still owe me that fifteen dollars from the first time you tried."

It was like a vision from a dream almost as she sauntered down the aisle with a smile. Dressed now in denim shorts and a faded tee. But to me it hardly looked like she'd aged even a day. Her dark eyes were still as large as they'd always been, smile just as big, and hair just as long and wavy as I'd pictured moments before.

And just like that, it hit me.

Like a car crash, a head on collision.

It hit me that I knew the girl stepping up beside me, looking into my eyes with a knowing, pressing gaze behind them. I knew her, but not like I knew Jack, or Zack, or even Alex really. I didn't just know that I knew her in some stage of my life.

I remembered her.

I remembered everything about her, about us, about our friendship that had blossomed like flowers in the spring that first day I walked into this store. I remembered every English class after that, sitting with her, passing notes and making jokes which had us laughing so loud more often than not we'd be scolded. I remembered sitting up in this store for hours on end harassing her brother Micah as he tried to work. I remembered Micah, I remembered him constantly teasing me for the poor excuse for a thief I'd been. I remembered having to fake my birthday to him every October just to keep our little act up.

I remembered long school lunches, and winter breaks making dirty versions of snowmen with her and the guys. I remembered road trips in the fall, and beach days in the summer. I remembered all the times we'd laughed so hard to mindless television we'd be crying clutching our sides. I even remembered breaking into the principal's office and changing the diploma order just so we could sit beside one another on graduation day.

I remembered everything.

Like a storm in the summer, the flood of events vanished almost as quickly as it'd came and I was left standing there, heavy in the head from everything I now had crammed inside it. Just stuck, staring back at this girl watching me intently as tears began to brim in my eyes.

"JuJuBee?" I practically whispered, a single tear escaping me and sliding down my cheek.

And I couldn't even begin to tell you how big her smile got in the split second between her going from standing there worried, to throwing her arms around me. Sobbing now herself, she clung to my frail frame so tight I really did believe she thought if she let go I'd slip away.

"Oh, Tweedle Dee!" She sobbed, her pet name for me ringing true, just as ridiculous as it'd always been. "I missed you!"

"I missed you too..." I murmured, crying happy tears now at the fact that I could finally say that to someone, and know exactly what it was I'd been missing.





Notes

Ahh super excited about this bc no lie, Michelle is probably my favorite character in this story thus far, and you'll get to know more about her personality soon so I hope you all love her as much as I love writing her!!

leave me some more comments! I absolutely love reading them and make sure you've voted and are subscribed to this story if you're enjoying it!

-Sarah

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Comments

Omg... Alex.. This had me in tears.

hopeless1313 hopeless1313
9/13/18

@sarahbeth
I feel that

Daydreamers Daydreamers
6/27/18

@Daydreamers
Thank you very much! I feel like my writing kind of changed as I grew up but I kind of prefer it now it just feels more orderly and less all over the place but i try and stay in touch with all the creative dramatics my old writing have in them ;)

sarahbeth sarahbeth
6/26/18

@Newyork_xo
Thank you!!
I actually hadn't gotten around to listening to that song before you said that but I just did and it was so cute i can totally see how it relates to Kennedy and Alex!
and yes it still is! It was on an account that I lost access to bc this site changes the google log in so i never got to finish it.. but its called No Pads.. No Helmets.. Just Memories! Its been over 3 years since I've updated it but theres a ridiculous amount of chapters to kill time on

ps can't say its my best work it was my first ever fan fiction but if you search Jasey its down on the first page of results!

sarahbeth sarahbeth
6/26/18

I love what great friendships she seems to have had with all the guys while it still being very clear how different hers with Alex is.

Have you heard the new Shawn Mendes album? There’s a song on there called When You’re Ready that reading this story makes me think of... It’s cute.

One last thing - Your other No Pads story I see you and other readers mentioning- is that still on this site? I’d like to read it if it’s available, lol.

Newyork_xo Newyork_xo
6/26/18