Last Young Renegade Heartache

Tonight was the night.

I sat at my desk, eyes focused intently on a mirror as I tried to apply enough makeup to look presentable. Normally, I didn’t care much, but for Luna’s 30th birthday, I couldn’t help but pull out all the stops.

I sort of zoned out in the process, my attention tuning to the music coming from my Bluetooth speaker, mindlessly sing along to whatever was playing on shuffle. “It’s not simple to say that most days I don’t recognize me, that these shoes and this apron, that place and its patrons have taken more than I gave them. It’s not easy to know I’m not anything like I used to be, although it’s true. I was never attention’s sweet center. I still remember that girl.”

I finally clued into what I was singing, the words hitting me and causing me to pause. I looked at myself in the mirror, thoughts drifting, as they always seemed to do at the worst times.

They say that high school is the best years of your life. For most people, I doubt it’s true. Hell, at the time, I thought I was actually in hell, that life was only just beginning and everything would be better once I was free. Looking back, I wish I was still there.

Once upon a time, I was the happiest girl alive. I lived my little high school life with my best friend Luna by my side, but one day, our lives changed forever. It’s hard to explain, but it felt like my world finally made sense when we met the boys: four dorky idiots in a band that we quickly adopted. There was Alex, the band’s lead singer who was charming and funny, and him and Luna seemed to fall in love almost immediately. They were really the push that brought us all together. There was Zack, the quiet, shy bassist and skateboarder with long hair who always had some pearls of wisdom, and Rian, a drummer who was the wisest of all, with the best smile, always looking out for his friends. Those three were basically my brothers. They annoyed the shit out of me but they always had my back, and I had theirs.

Finally, there was Jack. Beautiful, kind, hilarious, goofy, and talented Jack. He was everything I wasn’t, but wanted to be: confident, outgoing, carefree, you name it. Somehow still, he understood me better than anyone. He was my shoulder to cry on when I needed him most, or the only one who could make me smile through everything. I felt like I had never truly loved anyone until Jack and I fell in love. It took awhile for us to get to that point, but soon we were head over heels, just like Alex and Luna. We were in a perpetual honeymoon phase, from sophomore year of high school right until the bitter end.

My perfect world came crashing down around me one night after we had graduated high school. I hadn’t decided if I was going to college yet or not, though I’d been accepted to a few, and the guys were starting to gain notoriety as a band. They were set to go on tour soon, with Luna joining them, and I was ready to make the move with them. After all, how could I live my life with my best friends and my boyfriend always away? That night, it was just Jack and I, stargazing at our favorite park, when everything went to shit. Nothing stops you in your tracks quite like when the love of your life, or so you thought, speaks three, caustic words: “I wanna break up.”

The first time Jack and I had a real fight was when we were at the end. Without giving me a reason, he told me that he didn’t want to do long distance and that I would make the tour too crowded. The person I loved the most had ripped me apart in one fell swoop, and just like that, my life was over. A life of bliss, at least.

That was 12 years ago. The night still haunted me and I thought about it more than I liked to admit. Though I had lost Jack to an extent, I hadn’t lost anyone else. The years couldn’t seem to quash my relationship with Luna, Alex, Zack, and Rian. We would get together often when they were home from tour, and it was as if time hadn’t passed at all. Even fast approaching 30, we were all mostly the same. Jack and I remained civil, and cordial, but there was always an awkwardness that I couldn’t bear. It pained me to be distant from him, but it was healthier for me. I didn’t mind being acquaintances again if meant saving myself from pain.

“Nora, honey! We’re gonna be late! Are you almost ready?” A voice called out to me impatiently from the other room, snapping me out of my reverie. The voice, of course, was my boyfriend, Will. We had only been dating a few months, but I knew that particular tone well: we’re running late for being early.

“Just a second! I’m almost done! We’ll get there in plenty of time!” I replied, rolling my eyes to myself. I looked over myself quickly, satisfied and ready to go. I turned off my music and stepped out, mustering a smile at the man waiting for me on the couch.

Will took a long look at me, a small smile on his face soon spreading into a grin. “Oh boy, that was worth the wait! Look at you! I mean you always look great, but...wow.”

I rolled my eyes again, but this time more playfully, mimicking his smile. “You say that everytime I actually try to look like a person. Still gets me, though.”

He stood up from the couch, wrapping an arm around my waist and pressing a kiss to my cheek. “Well, I just tell it like it is. You know me, never beating around the bush,” he winked, chuckling slightly.

I smiled back at him, sighing contentedly. “Are you ready to go, hotshot? More importantly, are you nervous to finally meet the gang? This is the first time they’ve been home from tour since we started dating. I have to get their stamp of approval or it’s curtains for us,” I joked, gently nudging him with my elbow.

“Oh, I’ve been preparing for his day for weeks. My training was quite rigorous, you know. I should be able to make the cut, but just in case, it was nice knowin’ ya, kid.” With a laugh, he took my hand and guided me toward the door, grabbing my keys for me off the table. “Now, how does it go again? It’s Luna and Alex that are together, right? Then there’s Rian and...is it Zack or Jack that’s going to be jealous once he sees us?”

I cringed at the poor attempt at a joke, but faked a smile when he looked back at me seeking approval. “No competitions at Luna’s birthday party, please. Plus, It’s Jack that you mean. Zack and I have always been more like siblings.”

“Right, right,” he paused, looking up at the stars thoughtfully. “Well, let’s get to it then! I can’t make a good impression if we aren’t fashionably early!”

I sighed once again, but still smiled at him, quickly climbing into the driver’s seat of the car, starting the engine. I tried to ignore the gnawing feeling of anxiety I had about the meeting, more for the sake of making my best friend’s birthday memorable than anything. I liked Will. Of course I did, that’s why we were dating. I just couldn’t help but feel that my closest friends would hate him, but I wasn’t sure why.

Upon starting the car, the same song I had been listening to before came through the stereo, picking up almost exactly where it had left off. “And you’re not what I asked for. If I’m honest, I know I would give it all back for a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two for the girl that I knew.”

I looked at Will at hearing the line, almost subconsciously, but quickly mustered a recovery smile and put the car into drive. I changed the song to something happier before driving off. I was determined not to let anything ruin Luna’s big night, and unfortunately, that included stifling my own worries. It was easier said than done.

Notes

Ayyy I'm back in business, pals! This first chapter is kinda short just because the original first chapter I wrote was long af so I split it into two chapters! Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy! Hopefully this rewrite is better than the original. The song mentioned in this is She Used to Be Mine by Sara Bareilles.

Also, the only real differences (so far) between Oh, Calamity! and this story is the title, the faces I used for the original characters, Robin's name, and The Gang (tm) is still the best of buds, and not just reuniting for the wedding like the last story. Will is also probably going to be more unlikeable in this one lmao. I'll keep you updated. Thanks for coming back and reading!

-Sasha