Failure’s not flattering
“What the fucking hell was you thinking about getting drunk on a school night Alexander!” Dad shouted which made me wince as I made myself a tea for my hungover ass.
“I thought it was Friday.” I said quietly as I looked for some painkillers.
“That is horse shit and you know it.” Dad said and I looked at him.
“No it’s not.” I said and dad sighed loudly as he crossed his arms his face softening a little when he noticed I wasn’t arguing back like I normally do unless it was a day to do with mum then I just stayed quiet and pull a stunt like I did to help me forget.
“Lex, you okay?” Dad asked and I nodded.
“Yeah. I just need a day off.” I said quietly as I took my painkillers and washed it down with my mug of tea which made me pull a face slightly as it still wasn’t as good as the tea in England.
“Why is the tea so shit over here.” I said to myself and dad must of heard as I heard him chuckle.
“Fancy a game on the Xbox?” Dad asked and I looked at him and smiled as dad knew this was a good way to get me to talk or just take my mind off what I was thinking.
Dad was dying in this game when I paused it which made dad look at me confused.
“Today would of been mums birthday.” I said quietly as I looked down and messed with my hands.
“Lex, I know you think I used your mother but I did love her before I met Danny.” Dad said and I looked at him.
“Your mum knew I was gay and she gave me her blessing to be with Danny.” Dad said and I looked back down again as I felt my eyes well with tears as talking about mum has always been a touchy subject.
“Why did we have to move?” I asked quietly as I never knew the reason why we moved to America, I just thought it was me having a mental breakdown and dad decided it wasn’t going to do me any good being in England.
“Was it because of me?” I asked and looked at dad who looked at me hurt.
“No Lex, we didn’t move because of you. Me and Danny had better job offers over here and we didn’t have to work the long hours like we did when we was in England. When you had your breakdown we both sat down and talked about how much we was both failing you because of what we was working and we couldn’t support you like we would of liked too. We moved because we all needed that fresh start.” Dad said and I looked down.
I felt dad move and pull me into his side which I allowed him to do.
“We are here for you Lex, don’t shut us out. I know you don’t really like Danny but he thinks of you as his kid and he will support you like how I would support you. Just don’t go down that road you went down before we moved.” Dad said quietly.
“I miss her.” I whispered as I sniffed.
“I miss her as well Lex.” Dad said quietly and we stayed like this until Danny came home where he just randomly joined us until we all was starting to feel hungry and he went off to cook something for us.
I was wondering around school listening to my music avoiding everyone, including Asher which is something I haven’t done since starting this school.
“Alex.” I heard someone say but I just ignored them until they caught hold of my arm and made me stop walking by standing in front of me and when I looked I saw it was Asher who had a worried look on his face.
“Jesus Alex have you slept since I last saw you?” Asher asked seriously and I just shrugged my shoulders.
“Yeah and no.” I said quietly and Asher smiled sadly at me.
“What to talk about what’s going on?” Asher asked and I shook my head and looked over Asher’s shoulder and spotted Jack and he looked like he was having a worse day than me.
“What’s wrong with Jack?” I asked and Asher frowned and he turned round and followed my eye where Jack was pacing up and down talking on his phone.
“I don’t know, he’s been on his phone for most of the morning. Maybe something is happening at home.” Asher said as he looked at me but I carried on looking at Jack.
“He’s got it really tough you know.” I said out of the blue and again Asher frowned.
“How do you know? God Alex please don’t say you’ve been stalking him.” Asher said and I looked at him.
“I was walking around and he was having a argument with a girl and she was really drunk and she just walked off and collapsed so I took her back home. I don’t know Asher but he looks like he could do with a friend.” I said and Asher smiled at him.
“Then go and be a friend to him. But just to warn you he might tell you to fuck off and leave him alone, I’ve tried and that’s what he did with me.” Asher said and I chuckled slightly.
“I have the magic touch.” I said as I winked at Asher who rolled his eyes at me and I walked over to Jack.
“What do you mean by that?” Jack snapped down the phone and he looked up when he saw me and smiled slightly which I returned and kept my distance as Jack ranted down the phone to someone.
“Just stay with her until I get out of school and get Hallie then you can take Hallie home and I’ll stay with mum.” Jack snapped and hung up on the person he was calling and he sighed loudly.
“Sounds like someone needs a cigarette.” I said and Jack looked at me.
“I’m not I’m the fucking mood for you fucking games. Just piss off and leave me alone.” Jack spat.
“I’m not playing a game Jack.” I said and Jack looked at me hard.
“Yes you fucking are. How much has everyone got betted that you can get me into bed? Well guess what, it’s never going to fucking happen because unlike you I have serious fucking problems at home and my time is used to baby sit everyone in my fucking family so just do yourself a favor and tell your little friends that the bets are off.” Jack snapped at me and I moved a bit closer to him.
“I understand okay. I really do understand Jack, nobody has betted on anything. This is me being genuine to you.” I said softly.
“Just fuck off Alex please.” Jack said and he walked for bargaining past me which really hurt and I just watched him walk off as I rubbed my arm and I decided to leave it a couple of minutes before I followed him.
I walked to the sports field and over to Jack where I sat beside him and I heard Jack sniff which was muffled by the fact he was hiding his face in his knees.
“Here, have a tissue.” I said and gave Jack a packet of tissues I randomly had in my bag which made Jack look at me and that when I saw he was crying.
“Thanks.” Jack sniffed as he took the tissues and blew his nose.
“I know you think because I hang out with the assholes means that I’m a asshole as well. Maybe to other people I am but I’m not going to be a asshole to you.” I said and Jack chuckled in a sarcastic way.
“I really couldn’t give a shit. The shit what happens here is nothing compared to what I have to put up or had put up with. So do your worse, I’ve had a whole lot worse done to me in the past.” Jack said as he looked at me.
“What happened?” I asked and Jack shook his head.
“I’m not saying.” Jack said quietly as he looked across the sports field.
“If I tell you something about me and what happened to me when I was living in England, will you tell me something about you?” I asked and Jack looked at me and nodded slightly.
“I’ve been Where you have been Jack.” I said and Jack rolled his eyes.
“I’m being serious here. My mum killed herself when I was 15. I walked in the front door one day after school and found her.” I said and Jack looked at me shocked.
“My little sister has Down’s syndrome and my mum has Dementia.” Jack said as he looked down.
“Jack, I’m sorry about your mum.” I said Jack smiled sadly at me.
“And if it means anything, your little sister is really cute. I could take her home with me.” I said and Jack chuckled.
“You’re about the only person in this place that thinks this.” Jack said quietly.
“I’m sure I’m not the only person.” I said and Jack stayed quiet.
We stayed quiet for a while until the bell went say that school had now finished.
“Want me to walk you home?” I asked and Jack shook his head.
“No, I need to pick Hallie up from school and go somewhere.” Jack said as he stood up and I did the same.
“Don’t come by my house tonight as I won’t be there.” Jack said and I frowned at him.
“It’s something I don’t want to talk about yet.” Jack said as he looked down.
“That’s fine, just know I’m here and I’ll listen when you’re ready to talk to someone.” I said and Jack smiled and we both walked off in different directions.
I was relaxing with Danny since dads surgery over ran and me and Danny tried to mend some bridges between us, so we decided that movies and takeaway night should do the trick.
“What would you do if you know someone is struggling and you want to help them but they won’t allow you to help.” I said and Danny looked at me.
“Are you struggling with something?” Danny asked and I smiled and shook my head.
“No, I have a friend, although I can’t really call them a friend.” I said drifting off the subject as I thought about what me and Jack are.
“Alex It doesn’t matter, just carry on.” Danny said and I smiled as I looked at him.
“My friend is really struggling, like I don’t know what his grades are or anything like that but he has a really hard time at home and they won’t let anyone help them.” I said and Danny frowned a little.
“Their a bit like me with mum, part from I did have weekends off from her. But my friend has none of that and I don’t think they any support from any of their family.” I said and Danny smiled.
“You tried talking to them?” Danny asked.
“Yeah, But they only talked about basic stuff. Like what their little sister and mum has wrong with them and then I witnessed the other day that his older sister is a alcoholic.” I said and Danny looked at me wide eyed.
“Jesus the poor kid.” Danny said and I just nodded.
“Something else happened to them as well but that’s a really really touchy subject for them and I don’t want to push them if their not ready to talk to about it.” I said and Danny smiled again.
“Stop smiling at me like that and help me.” I said and playfully hit Danny arm.
“Just carry on with what your doing, hopefully they’ll come and talk to you when they feel like it but in the mean time your going to have to do all the chasing.” Danny said and I groaned loudly.
“Hate chasing after people.” I said quietly which made Danny chuckle and he pulled me into his side.
“If he is worth it then he is worth it.” Danny said quietly and I looked at him confused.
“I know the look you wear on your face when you’re around him. I saw you two the other night when you got really drunk.” Danny said.
“I highly doubt that he’s even gay.” I said and Danny chuckled.
“With an ass like that he’s gay.” Danny said.
“Who’s Gay?” Dad asked as he walked in the sitting room and he kissed the top of Danny head and messed with my hair.
“Alex’s friend.” Danny said as he looked at dad and I moved from Danny’s side.
“Oh Jack? Yeah he has the gay vibe.” Dad said and I looked at both of them.
“Christ we are not talking about Jack.” I said and I felt my phone buzz in my pocket.
I pulled my phone out and saw it was Jack.
“I’m outside.” I said as I stood up and picked my cigarettes up and went outside and answered my phone.
“Hey.” I said happily and Jack sniffed down the phone.
“Jack what’s the matter?” I asked as I started to smoke my cigarette.
“It’s nothing, just been told some stuff and it just got to me.” Jack sniffed down the phone and he sighed loudly.
“Want to talk about it?” I asked somewhat hoping Jack might say yes.
“Mum is in hospital.” Jack said quietly.
“Is she okay?” I asked and Jack sighed again.
“I dunno, the doctors are saying that this is it.” Jack sniffed as he let out a choked sob out.
“Where are you?” I asked.
“I’m at the hospital. Why you asking?” Jack said.
“Because you need a friend and I’m going to come up to the hospital and keep you company.” I said and I head Jack sigh.
“I can’t let you do that Alex, it’s late.” Jack said and I smiled slightly.
“Well tough shit, I’ll bring you some food.” I said and Jack sighed loudly.
“Thanks Alex.” Jack said quietly.
“Give me 20 minutes and I’ll be there.” I said and I could hear Jack smile.
“I’ll be here waiting.” Jack said quietly and I smiled and hung up and went inside.
“So if anyone actually cares where I’ve gone, I’m at the hospital.” I said and dad turned round and looked at me.
“Why? You hate those places.” Dad said and I sighed.
“Jack needs a friend and I’m being that friend so I don’t know when I’ll be back.” I said and grabbed my keys as I walked to my car and got Jack some food before I went to the hospital.
When I got to the hospital I spotted Jack sat on the grit bin looking lost inside of his mind so I walked over with the pizza.
“So I don’t know what pizza you like so I got you a cheese and tomato pizza.” I said and Jack looked at me and smiled and I could see the tear stains on his face.
“Thanks.” Jack said quietly as I sat next to him on the floor which was really cold.
Jack’s phone went off and Jack sighed loudly as he looked at the phone and answered it.
“Yeah.” Jack said quietly as he messed with his jeans.
“Let her sleep in my bed, she normally ends up in my bed anyway.” Jack said.
“Put her on the phone.” Jack said as he sighed loudly and he looked at me and I gave him a understanding smile.
“Hey Hallie, what you still doing up?” Jack said forcing himself to sound like everything was okay.
“I need to stay with mum as mum needs someone who understands her.” Jack said.
“I know you want me home, but how about you sleep in my bed tonight and cuddle my hoodie I wear to bed. It’ll be just like I’m next to you.” Jack said and I couldn’t help but smile at how different he is around Hallie.
“Are you in bed and settled down?” Jack asked softly.
“Want me to say those words to keep the monsters away?” Jack asked and I just listened carefully to what he was saying.
“Bad dreams bad dreams go away. Good dreams good dreams here to stay.” Jack said quietly and he said it another 3 Times.
“I’ll see you tommorow Okay, Love you lots.” Jack said quietly and he smiled so I guessed his sister said something back.
Jack hung up and sighed loudly as I handed him the pizza box which he took and started to eat the pizza.
“I’m sorry, my sister couldn’t get my little sister to settle. I’m the only one who can settle her down for the night.” Jack said after eating half the pizza and offered me some which I declined.
“It’s fine.” I said and Jack smiled slightly.
“The thing what you said to keep the monsters away from your sister. It’s from Grey’s Anatomy?” I asked and Jack looked at me and nodded.
“Yeah, I love that show but I don’t watch it anymore as I haven’t got the time. It made me want to be a surgeon but I guess that won’t be happening.” Jack said and he looked down.
“You can still do it. Just might take you a long time.” I said and Jack sighed loudly.
“I don’t know.” Jack said quietly and sighed.
“Do you want to talk about what’s going on?” I asked and Jack shrugged his shoulders as he looked down.
“Mum has something wrong with her and they say she hasn’t got long left.” Jack said quietly and I felt sorry for him.
“I’m only telling you this because I have nobody else to talk to.” Jack said and I nodded at him so he knew I understood.
“That’s fine.” I said and Jack smiled slightly.
Jack’s phone went again and I looked at the name and saw it said Josh.
“Is that the boyfriend?” I asked and Jack shook his head.
“That’s the brother who I haven’t spoken to for the last 6 years.” Jack whispered and he looked at the phone.
“Would you like me to leave?” I asked and Jack looked at me and shook his head.
“No, stay please. If it isn’t too much hassle.” Jack said quietly and I smiled at him.
“I’ll stay.” I said quietly and Jack answered the phone.
It was about 4 in the morning when I got home and dad and Danny was both asleep on the sofa which made me smile as I tried to go up the stairs as quietly as I could but it didn’t work.
“Lex, that you?” Danny asked sleepily.
“Yeah it’s me. Go back to sleep Dan, it’s still the middle of the night.” I said and Danny sighed loudly and I’m guessing he went back to sleep as the only person who snores out of us 3 was Danny and I could hear snoring downstairs which made me smile slightly.