Failure’s not flattering
I woke up and saw that Jack was sound asleep and that Hallie has been in the bed but was no longer in bed with me and Jack.
I worked out that has only just gone to sleep as my tv was still on and Netflix was asking if we was still watching whatever Jack was watching so I just turned the tv off and cuddled into Jack’s side which made Jack sigh loudly.
“Stay asleep, you need to rest.” I whispered and kissed Jack’s cheek and he just sighed loudly again and I quietly got out of bed and went downstairs.
“Look Alex.” Hallie said from the island in the kitchen and I walked over and saw that she had bunny crumpets and I looked at Danny.
“Why don’t I get bunny crumpets?” I asked as I pouted at Danny.
“Because you are 17 years old and too old for bunny crumpets.” Danny said and I looked at him hurt.
“Never too old for the bunny crumpets.” I said and looked at Hallie who was giggling.
I walked over to the kettle and turned it on.
“How’s Jack?” Danny asked and I sighed and turned round so I pent against the side and kept an eye on Hallie.
“I don’t know, I mean he nearly fucking drowned himself last night in the swimming pool so it isn’t just Hallie we’re going to have to watch. He’s not sleeping well, he’s not eating and he’s barely drinking anything. He’s just shut down and I’m worried about how shut down he is.” I said quietly and I looked at Danny.
“Maybe we need to back of a little and let Jack look after Hallie. I don’t know because I haven’t spoken to Jack yet. Something is happening inside his head and I don’t know what it is and when Jack is going to literally give in and actually kill himself.” I said and Danny smiled sadly at me.
“He can do this Alex, he’s a strong man and yes he has been through hell and back but he can pull himself through this. If not for himself then he’ll do it for Hallie.” Danny said and I sighed and turned round to make myself a drink.
“I hope you’re right Danny.” I said quietly and had some of my coffee.
Jack got up and he took Hallie to school and I was just waiting for him to come home so I could try and talk to him.
Jack came home and he walked into the kitchen and he looked at me and he looked down and walked off.
“No, you’re not walking away. We need to talk.” I said and Jack turned round and looked hard at me.
“About what? Please do tell me what the fuck you want to talk to me about.” Jack spat and I looked at him shocked.
“You nearly drowned last night Jack, if I didn’t come out for a cigarette and to check on you, you would of been dead by now.” I said trying to work out how this would end but knowing this mood Jack was in it probably wasn’t going to end well.
“And I never asked you to be my knight in shining armor.” Jack said.
“Well Someone has to be the knight in shining armor considering you have your sister to think about! How the fuck would you think she would feel after losing her mother she lost her brother as well. It would be enough for her to be completely destroyed. Do you want that to happen to Hallie?” I said loudly and Jack glared at me which was scary.
“Hallie has nothing to do with this.” Jack said seriously.
“Yes she does Jack! Because without you she would be put into care and fuck knows what would happen to her because people wouldn’t want a child like Hallie! You love Hallie and I know Hallie absolutely adores you and you killing yourself and leaving her would break her heart.” I said seriously.
“Whatever.” Jack said and turned round and I grabbed hold of his hand again and Jack turned around and he went to punch me but he noticed I flinched so he lowered his hand down back to his side.
“See, you are nothing like the men who hurt you.” I said softly and rested my hand on Jack’s cheek and Jack looked at me.
“I was going to hit you.” Jack said quietly.
“But you didn’t. The main thing about everything here was that you didn’t hit me.” I said softly and wiped a tear which was rolling down Jack cheek.
“Let’s make you something to eat and drink and we can sit down and talk. Dad and Danny are working until 6 and then we can get Hallie when school finishes so we have about 5 hours to talk about anything.” I said and Jack smiled as he nodded.
“Now there’s bunny crumpets if you want them.” I said and Jack frowned at me.
“Come on I can’t be the only one who is excited about having bunny crumpets.” I said and Jack chuckled as he walked towards the kitchen.
“Think you’ll find that you are.” Jack said and I just rolled my eyes and went to the kitchen and watched Jack make us something to eat.
We was sat on the sofa with some music on as background noise as the house was too quiet for our liking.
“Where about in England did you come from?” Jack asked as he hugged the giant cushion that Danny made dad get.
“I came from Essex.” I said and Jack nodded.
“Why did you move to the states then? I mean your posh boy accent sticks out like a sore thumb.” Jack said and I chuckled.
“Says the boy who is currently living in a house full of British folk.” I chuckled and Jack smiled slightly.
“We moved because dad and Danny both got offered better jobs here with a load of benefits compared to being over in England and since Danny is one of the best cardio surgeons in the world everyone is just about after him. My mum also killed herself and I was t really coping well when over in England so dad and Danny decided to move here to start a new life.” I said and Jack nodded.
“What about you?” I asked and Jack looked at me confused.
“What about me?” Jack said not really getting what I was trying to do.
“Tell me about yourself and your family.” I said and Jack sighed as he looked down.
“My dad was horrible to me and Ella. My older brother Dave was a lot older than me and Ella since Mum had him when she was 14. Dad wasn’t around when Hallie was born as he was in jail for doing what he did to me and Ella. Mum was also diagnosed with dementia when Hallie was born. Ella said she was going to help me with Hallie since I was only 12 and was fucking clueless on what to do with a baby, but Ella ran off and turned to drugs and alcohol to forget what happened.” Jack said as he looked down.
“That’s horrible.” I said quietly and Jack smiled ever so slightly.
“I was able to cope you know. But as me and Hallie got older mum was getting worse the harder it got.” Jack said quietly as he picked at the cushion as he stayed looking down.
“Well this might sound horrible but it sounds like your mum passed at the right time. Because now you can focus on getting yourself better and then you can come back to school if you want to go back.” I said and Jack looked at me and smiled.
“I’ll think about it.” Jack said quietly and I smiled at him.
“In the mean time you can help me with my homework.” I said and Jack chuckled.
“I might be able to help you.” Jack said and I signed what I hoped was thank you in makaton and Jack looked at me shocked.
“You know what that means?” Jack asked.
“I’m hoping it was thank you.” I said and Jack smiled as he nodded.
“Yeah you got that right.” Jack said and I smiled.
Jack put his thumbs up which took me a while to work out he was saying good.
We picked Hallie up and she was busy running around making as much noise as she could which was giving me a headache since I was trying to do some homework.
“Hallie, keep the noise down, this is a big house and I can hear you from upstairs.” Jack said as he walked down the stairs.
“But it’s fun.” Hallie said as she ran after Jack as he walked into the sitting room.
“And Alex is trying to do his homework and doesn’t need you shouting the house down and giving us both a headache.” Jack said as he tided the mess we made earlier.
“Jacky it’s fun.” Hallie said and chased after Jack to the kitchen where Jack gave her something to eat just to shut her up for 5 minutes.
But it didn’t last long and soon Hallie was back to being loud.
“Thank fuck that gobby little cow has gone to bed.” Dad said as he sat on the sofa and we carried on watching a film we was watching on Netflix.
“She’s been like that since she came home.” I said as Jack sat next to me and just cuddled into my side.
“She isn’t used to having all this space, leave the poor girl alone.” Jack said as he playfully smacked my chest.
“Whatever, next time she’s that loud I’ll gag the little bitch.” I said and Jack looked at me but I chose to ignore him.
Jack sat up and climbed over me and walked off somewhere and dad frowned at me and I shrugged my shoulders as I got up and walked towards the kitchen and I saw Jack sat on the patio so I walked through the patio doors and sat next to Jack.
“I’m doing nothing stupid, just stole one of your cigarettes that’s all.” Jack said and I smiled and offered him my lighter which he took and he started to smoke his cigarette.
“I’m sorry that Hallie was loud today. She normally isn’t that loud, she’s just full of it.” Jack said and I chuckled as I looked at him.
“It’s fine, she tired herself out anyway.” I said and Jack smiled slightly.
“Hopefully she won’t want to get into bed with us tonight.” Jack said and he looked at me.
“You’ve been looking at me a lot since I’ve come to your house.” Jack said and I chuckled as I moved closer to him.
“Can’t help but look at you.” I said and Jack snorted as he looked out to the garden.
“Please, there nothing to even like about me.” Jack said and I moved closer to him and caught hold of his face and kissed him a bit harder than any of the other kisses we shared.
I pulled back and looked at Jack.
“I like you, I like you a awful lot Jack.” I said quietly and Jack looked down but I made him look at me.
“I want you to be my boyfriend Jack.” I said and Jack looked at without me making him look at me.
“Y..Y.You don’t want to be with me. I’m damaged goods.” Jack said quietly and I kissed him again.
“I’m damaged goods as well. I do want to be with you.” I said and Jack smiled.
“If you say yes, I’ll even take you out on a date.” I said and Jack chuckled as he looked at me with that smile on his face.
“That’s my prize for saying yes, a date?” Jack asked.
“Hey you even get to be with me, think that’s better than a date.” I said and Jack chuckled as he looked down and thought about it and he lent over and kissed me which got me in a flap for a second but I soon returned the kiss.
“I’ll go on that date and consider going out with you.” Jack said and he got up.
“That’s it? You’re just gonna leave me hanging?” I asked as I looked at Jack who smiled at me.
“Consider yourself lucky I said yes to the date.” Jack said and he walked off and I just watched him and I had a smile on my face.
I got up and went inside and went to the fridge for a beer and someone came out to the kitchen.
“Don’t let your father see you drinking. You know what he’s like.” I heard Danny say which made me jump.
“Jesus Danny! Don’t fucking do that!” I said as I looked at him.
“It’s funny, anyway how come you have a big smile on your face.” Danny said.
“I’ll answer your question only if you answer my two questions. Why the fuck are you home so early I thought you was in surgery and two where is a good place to take someone on a date?” I asked and Danny frowned at me.
“The patient died before I could operate and the answer to the other question is there’s a nice place by the lake a few streets away from here. Why you asking?” Danny said confused.
“Because, the reason for this big smile on my face is that Jack agreed to go on a date and then hopefully he can be my boyfriend and then it’ll be the mission of getting into his pants.” I said and Danny walked over and slapped me round the back of the head which hurt.
“Don’t you ever talk like that when it concerns Jack. You treat that boy with the love and kindness he deserves.” Danny said seriously and I looked down because I knew Danny was right.
“You don’t think about your dick if you get into a relationship with Jack.” Danny said and I looked at him.
“You think I don’t know that?” I asked sarcastically.
“Don’t make me slap you round the head again.” Danny said and I sighed loudly.
Jack walked into the kitchen and I looked at him.
“I’m going to bed.” Jack said as he pointed behind him and I nodded.
“I’ll be right behind you.” I said and Jack smiled and he turned round and walked off.
“Don’t fuck this up Alex.” Danny said and he walked off and he headed upstairs and I followed and went to my room.
“Are you only wanting to go out with me so you can get into my pants?” Jack asked as I shut the door behind me.
“You heard what I said?” I asked quietly as I looked down.
“Yes I heard what you said. Do you really think I would get on my back and spread my legs for anyone? I have been through so much shit in my life and if you really think that little of me that I would spread my legs for you because you’re being kind towards me then I’ll walk out that door with Hallie and you won’t see me or Hallie again.” Jack said seriously and I looked at him and saw he was on the verge of crying which broke my heart knowing this time it was me why he was going to cry.
“I don’t think you’ll spread your legs for me until you completely trust me and judging by what I said and how your acting, I’ve destroyed that and I will wait until you trust me again before I even try and take the next move.” I said and Jack looked down and shook his head and I saw a tear roll down his cheek.
“Before I met you, Yeah I would off had sex with you by now but I can see how broken you are and that I can’t rush things with you.” I said and Jack looked at me looking more upset than before.
“You think I’m broken?” Jack sobbed and I walked forward and caught hold of Jack’s face so I knew he was looking at me.
“You’ve just lost your mum, you are a mess of emotions right now and what you have been through is enough to make anyone broken but I know you aren’t like everyone else. You are not the broken person everyone thinks you are, you are so strong. I was never as strong as you when I lost my mum.” I said and Jack sniffed.
“Then why did you say what you said?” Jack sobbed and I pulled him into a hug which Jack returned and he hid his face in my shoulder.
“I don’t know. For a second yes I was thinking about my dick but I soon remembered that with you I don’t go thinking about my dick but I think about you.” I said and Jack sniffed and he looked at me and I went to wipe some tears which made Jack flinch slightly and I rested my hand on his face.
“My hands will never hurt you. I’m not like those monsters.” I whispered.
“How do I know that?” Jack asked quietly and I lent forward and kissed him softly and I gently pulled him closer to me which Jack allowed and he wrapped his arms around my neck and I kept him in place but making sure that he could still pull back if he wanted to and soon we was making out.
Jack pulled back at looked at me.
“I really really like you Jack and it makes me hate myself on what I said earlier.” I said and Jack kissed me.
“Yes.” Jack said and I frowned at him confused.
“I’m saying yes to being in a relationship with you.” Jack said and I smiled widely and kissed Jack again.
Me and Jack had moved to the bed and Jack was being the little spoon as we watched a film and waiting for Hallie to come into the room.
“If she’s not in bed with us by now then she’s not coming into bed.” Jack said sleepily and I smiled as I would be nice to have the bed to ourselves just for one night.
“Thank god for that.” I mumbled since I was nearly falling asleep.
“You can go to school tomorrow. I don’t need a babysitter and also you have your exams coming up soon, I don’t want you to waste you time looking after me when you could be in school studying.” Jack said and I just sighed loudly and shuffled closer to Jack and kissed the back of his neck.
“I’ll sleep on it.” I muttered and I fell asleep after that.