Make Me Skin And Bones
Breaking point
I didn't feel like going to school today.
I was exhausted, Only getting 3 hours of sleep really fucks with you.
I attempted to go back to sleep but there was a knock on the door. I tried my best to ignore it but to my dismay, it opened.
"Brook?" Alex's voice carried throughout the house. "Brook." I heard him sigh from my doorway.
"That's me." he nodded "You getting up?" I just shrugged at his question. I heard him sigh again and felt him sit down on my bed. "You gotta get up, Brook." This time I sighed "Why... M'tiiirreeeddd" I whined "I'll get you a coffee, now get up" He laughed.
Eventually, I complied and followed Alex out of the room.
"Not getting dressed?" I shrugged "I don't stink, I'm comfortable, and it's not like I look horrible so... I guess not" he shook his head with a small smile.
"Fuck its cold out" I gasped "It's not that bad" He laughed at me, I stuck my tongue out at him.
Walking up to the gates I started going my own way "where are you going?" Alex asked "Um... I don't... I don't know..." I admitted, looking down "Come on" Alex waved, I shook my head "It's fine... Alex" I whispered. He gave me a weird look and moved closer "Do you not want to be seen with me?" He questioned, I shook my head vigorously "That's not the problem... I don't want you to be seen with me because... Well, look at me..." I shrugged "You're being ridiculous" Alex pointed out "Why do you want me to join you so badly...?" He frowned "Were friends?" I nodded "Yes, With you... not your friends..." his frown deepened "Brook, please?" I sighed in defeat and started following him, Alex obviously smiling triumphantly.
Arriving up at the group of Alex's friends, there were plenty of odd stairs... Which I was expecting.
The skunk haired boy... Jack I think... Was the first to speak up.
"Hey, Brooklyn right?" I nodded and he gave a small smile accompanied by a wave, "Well, Brook. This is Jack, Rian, and Zack" Alex introduced, the rest of them waved, not looking too impressed.
I sat down awkwardly and looked around, I'd much rather be sitting in my empty class waiting for it to begin. But no. Instead, I was out here, in the open with ALe and his friends who hated me...
"I'm just... I forgot I gotta go, Talk to a teacher..." I mumbled before quickly walking away from the table and four boys. Ignoring the calls from Alex.
Making my way inside I kept my head down, Ignoring the stairs from everyone looking.
I tried my hardest to get to my destination without trouble but I was roughly pushed against the lockers. By Lisa.
"Having fun with him, You fat whore?" She spat in my face "I... I haven't" "Oh shut up." She interrupted "He's gonna leave you. You're gonna have no one. You are a fat worthless piece of shit. Why not just kill yourself?" Tears rose in my eyes "Lisa, Why not just fuck off, yeah?" Alex snapped at her, her face fell "Oh lex... Soon you'll realize you made a big mistake and come crawling back to me" She smirked over her shoulder before turning back to me "And you'll be left, all alone, all over again" She sauntered off.
"Brook" Alex started but I pushed away from him, hiding my tears. "Brooklyn" He started following me "Alex, just stop" I whispered. "No, Look at me" He demanded, spinning me around "A-A-Alex, Just make it easy on both of us... Leave now." I choked out.
He shook his head "Come on were going home." He kept my arm in his hand and drug me out the front doors "Alex stop" I demanded again, on deaf ears.
He didn't stop until we were back at my house... I groaned internally. Knowing my mom will not be home for four more days.
"What do you want to eat?"
My eyes widened.... "I'm not really hungry" I mumbled, Alex shot me a warning glair "Seriously... Alex...." He sighed "You. Are. Eating." He demanded, wandering into the kitchen.
"Th-There's probably some leftover pasta..." I whispered "Okay. Pasta it is." He opened the fridge... I was so scared... I'd been hoping to come home and nap...
I could feel my self-control slipping away as time went on and I knew a binge was happening... I was so fucking scared.
"Here you go," He said, placing the plate down infront of me... Slowly I brought the fork full to my mouth and then stopped and looked up at him, "Why did you follow me?" I asked, twirling the noodles on my fork around the plate, "I was worried about you" He said, putting some noodles on a plate of his own. I nodded bringing the fork close to my mouth again, before putting it down on my plate again and pushing the contents on my plate around again "Do you think your friends like me?" He sighed "They don't seem to hate you, so" I nodded, cutting the noodles up slightly, I brought the carbs up to my mouth one last time "Are you still-" "Brooklyn, I know what you're doing, You're trying to distract me. It's not going to work, I want to see you fucking eat that" He snapped.
Sighing I finally put the calories discussed as food into my mouth and chewed slowly... I chewed and chewed... as Alex watched me.
"Swallow." He almost growled. With a sick stomach, I swallowed... But as soon as I swallowed I realized how hungry I really was and before I knew it half the plate was gone, I saw Alex smiling but I couldn't care about how he thought he was winning, Because as I binged I only thought of ways I could get rid of it right after.
As soon as I was done that I went to the fridge and looked through it, Nothing. Freezer. ICE CREAM!.
"Alex wants some Ice cream?" I asked as I pulled out the cotton candy flavored from the freezer.
He mumbled something about how he's good, and I needed it more.
I scooped about three spoon fulls into a bowl and devoured it.
I moved on to some chips and cookies... I felt like a fat ass. All while Alex watched me.
But as quickly as I started I stopped. My eyes widened. "Brook?" Alex questioned at my sudden stillness.
I swallowed thickly, "I'm... I need to go to the bathroom" I mumbled before dashing up to my bathroom. Lifting up the toilet seat I instantly shoved my fingers down my throat triggering my gag reflex... I gagged slightly but nothing moved. I sighed to myself in frustration and grabbed my toothbrush, shoving the blunt end of it down my throat, Instantly I felt all the food come back up, It was disgusting but had to be done... I deserved it...
"Brooklyn, Are you puking?" Alex called from outside of the door... Shit, he heard...
I had no time to answer though before more food was being thrown up into the toilet. I hated this so much, but if I had had ANY self-control I wouldn't be in this situation right now.
"Brooklyn I swear to fucking god if you're forcing yourself to throw up," Alex warned. I cringed at how angry he sounded, Fuck he wouldn't be angry if I controlled myself. But I didnt... "Open the door. Now." He demanded.
I didn't answer at first, Scared of any confliction...
"Brooklyn fucking Gagnier." He snapped.
Shakingly I stood up and flushed the toilet, rinse the end of the toothbrush directly after... Once I unlocked the door I was met with the hard glair of Alex Gaskarth.
"May I help you?" I smiled, trying to play it off as nothing. "Yea, You just fucking made yourself puke and that's a fucking problem." Alex hard glair sent a shiver down my spine. I looked into his eyes and they were filled with a bunch of emotions but the most prominent ones were disgust and disappointment. Anger and just defeat... There wasn't much I could do about it at this point I probably made Alex hate me.
I shrugged it off "Maybe I shouldn't have eaten so much then" Fuck... Why did I have to be such a bitch...
"That's fucking ridiculous, You need to fucking eat not throw it the fuck up" Alex almost yelled "Alex, I have enough weight on me to-" "Stop what that bullshit, Brooklyn. I'm sick and tired of this, you have a fucking problem, and god damn eating disorder and you need help! I love you but I can't fucking deal with this much longer. You just fucking threw up because you ate? I don't even know what to do with you. I'm fucking leaving."
And with that I watched him walk away... For the second time, I lost him... I had no strength to call out to him, to apologize to him... Anything. I heard the door slam and I let out a broken sob.
I made my way to my room and nearly collapsed... Holding onto the doorframe for support... I let out god-awful sobs that could pass as screams. I saw Alex' light turn on and his backpack was thrown across the room in what I assumed was anger.
I quickly stood up and yanked my curtains closed, not before Alex looked into my room though.
I shut my light off and just collapsed onto my bed. refusing to even change I just lay there, numbly... Broken... Tired...
The next morning, I didn't move. Alex didn't come over either... I just stayed curled up, all day... No texts, No calls. Nothing... Not that I was expecting anything...
Night fell and soon I was staring at the illuminating red numbers that read 3:30
I decided to do a late night spontaneous workout.
Jumping up I cracked my window open since it was three am I doubted Alex would be awake. I was still a wreck and as I was starting my sit-ups I started sobbing, But I didn't stop. I moved on to jumping jacks and then I turned on my treadmill. By now, I could barely see through my tears and my sobs were annoyingly loud... I was thankful my mom was out.
Somewhere along the line, I collapsed off the treadmill, completely broken.
I had lost Alex.
Anger took over and I threw one of my nicknacks across my room, I hit my window that a shrilling smash, I didn't even care, I just kept throwing things and screaming; In a complete mental break down.
I didn't realize that the door had opened, or that anyone was in the house besides me, until my arms were pinned down at my sides.
"Brook" Alex rushed out "Brook stop" There was panic in his voice, I let out a broken scream sob whatever you want to call it.
"Brooklyn." Alex hugged me close "CAN'T"
Alex didn't let up though. He held me against his chest, no matter how much I thrashed against him or struggled to get free.
Eventually, I fell limp against his chest, too drained to do anything more at this point.
Alex had moved me to my bed and tucked me in. I closed my eyes, not wanting to look at the disappointment in his eyes.
"I'm so sorry Brook..."
Was the last thing I heard before letting the darkness consume me.
Hey, I'm still here! lol.
Great job with the new update! A bit sad, though, but I guess this story is in general. Nothing too happy came in the chapter. But glad that Alex didn't leave her this time.
Hope to see more soon! :)
7/21/18