Make Me Skin And Bones
I'm Fine
I felt the weight of something in my hand.
I couldn't register what it was but it felt comforting.
I was laying on a seriously uncomfortable bed.
"How is she?" I heard
"Doctor said she's fine. And that she should be strong enough to wake up today"
"Thank you, Alex"
"For what? Sharen?"
"Staying here with her. She needs you. I'm not trying to guilt you into being her friend again if you don't want to... If you feel like that chapter is done in your lives then I can admit her to the hospital for help"
"You don't need to do that" Alex choked out "I'm not leaving her, Not like this, Not ever again either."
I heard my mother sigh "I have to get to work, Are you going to school today?"
no words were spoken and then my mother left.
I sighed heavily at the silence "Brooklyn?" Alex mumbled hopefully, I slowly cracked my eyes open and looked at him "Hi..." I whispered "You're awake" He commented "That I am" I nodded, breaking the eye contact we had.
"Why am I here?" I asked, staring blankly at the wall "You passed out at school" Alex forced out. "And?"
"and I called for an ambulance"
"Was this your good deed for the week? Alex?" I snapped
"Brook listen"
"No Alex, YOU listen. What did you do this for? To get on my mother's good side? To hold a good name for yourself in school?"
"I did it for you!" He sobbed "Fuck, Please I fucked up, big time. the biggest fuck up ever! Please let me have a second chance, Brooklyn, Please!" He sounded desperate. And I'm a sucker for self-destruction so of course, I gave him a second chance.
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My mother came back around four and was overjoyed that I was awake.
I was released and went back home.
Still not overly hungry, I was dreading the fact I had to eat.
"Sweetie," My mother said, in her tone that brought bad news. "Yeah, momma?" She sighed sitting on my bed "I have this work thing-" "We're not moving again are we?" she shook her head "Nonono, I have to go do this, I'll be back. But not for a few days... Will you be okay?"
will I be okay? of course, it'll be okay! I can not eat again, lose more weight, oh how wonderful!
"Yes! I'll be fine" I smiled "I've uh, Called Alex" My face fell"He will be checking in on you, Make sure you're eating an all" I nodded. "You don't have to"
"Yes I do" She snapped "I'm not coming home finding you passed out on the floor because you wanna play these stupid fucking games, Brooklyn! Now. Come down and have dinner with me before I leave. I'm not taking no for an answer, You will stop this nonsense!" tears rose in my eyes, at the thought of food, at the anger my mom had towards me. At everything...
Sighing I knew there was no way out of this so I made my way downstairs.
"Oh, You actually came down. Sit sit, I made pasta." I nodded and sat across from her.
I scooped a small amount onto my plate.
"That's it?" My mother questioned "I'm eating" I snapped "Barely!" She shouted, "MOM STOP IT!" She sighed "THIS DIDN'T START TILL AFTER YOUR BROTHER DIED!" my eyes widened "I'm going for a walk. Have fun on your fucking business trip. I won't be back before you leave." I snapped. Ignoring her calls and apologies.
As soon as I stepped outside I lit up a smoke, as per usual.
"That's bad for you" I heard Alex call I rolled my eyes, stopping in front of his house "Apparently so Is not eating for a few days" I laughed, his smile fell slightly "I'm gonna continue my walk now... Soooo." He nodded, I continued on until I heard feet behind me. I turned around to look at him "What are you doing?" He laughed "Walking" I shook my head and took another drag.
"Did you eat dinner"
"I tried to"
He gave me a weird look
"My mom started yelling, I didn't want to deal with it" I shrugged.
"I haven't eaten either, yet" I nodded "Okay? If this is one of those, 'im going to do exactly what you do, so I can show you how bad it is' movements, Then that's stupid, why risk your health to prove a problem to me that I don't have"
Alex sighed "That wasn't what I was implying. But you do have a problem" I sighed "Yeah the problem is called fat" I snapped, he stopped me "I'm not having this argument with you right now. We're going to go to eat and we will continue whether or not you have a problem when we get back to your place"
My heart started racing, Thinking about all the calories and fat.
"Let's go. Brook" Alex ordered, I sighed shakily.
"Not a fast food joint, right?" I asked.
Alex didn't answer
"Alex!"
I shouted, feeling more anxious
"Alexander! Please!" I pleaded
"Oh my god, Chill out Brooklyn." Alex groaned "You're seriously starting to scare me" He spun around "I just don't want fast food, greasy, fat" I mumbled, he shook his head "Were going to the diner down the road, okay?" I nodded, slightly less scared. But still earns me an hour on the treadmill and a jog back home afterward.
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"Alex, I forgot my money" I mumbled, "I never asked for you to pay, did I?" I shook my head and looked over the menu. deciding on a small garden salad.
"What can I get for ya?" The waiter asked "I'll have the bacon cheeseburger with fries please" Alex said, folding the menu back up and handing it back. He turned to me next "I'll have the garden salad, Please" Alex frowned when the waiter left.
The whole time, Alex kept frowning at me, not saying a word.
We finished our meal in silence until I finally spoke up, getting tired of his disapproving looks.
"What?" I mumbled, "A salad, really?" I nodded "I wasn't that hungry" I frowned "C'mon, Brook. You know that's bull." I shook my head "You haven't eaten in like 5 days, you cant feed me the lies, I know you're hungry, you just won't eat" Tears rose in my eyes "So what is it? Do you wanna die? Because that's where this is headed, Or is it the attention you'll get once your sick and in the hospital. Why are you doing this to your self! Was this just your way of bringing me back into your life? Knowing that I'd feel guilty abou-" "ALEX SHUT THE FUCK UP" I nearly sobbed "You don't know a damn thing I'm going through with this, I fucking hate myself. Okay! That's why I fucking do it! I'm not skinny enough! I'm 129 lbs of fat, Alexander, so shut the fuck up about things you haven't a clue about!"
I pushed myself away from the table and stormed out.
Running all the way home I was thankful that my mom had left.
I broke down in my room moments later... How did I become so fucked up? Why did I feel so terrible in my own skin?
The weight of the fucking salad I just ate was making me feel physically sick, and before I knew it my fingers were down my throat and I was puking in the toilet.
"BROOK?" Alex called out "BROOKLYN I'M SORRY!" I could tell he was holding back tears.
The last of my food came back up and I flushed, Wiping my mouth and rinsing it with mouthwash before exiting the bathroom.
"Brook, Fuck. I'm sorry" He pulled me into his chest.
"I didn't know. I'm sorry."
"You can't keep doing this, Please"
I shook my head "I'm fine" I lied, he pulled away "You are not fine" I nodded "I am" He shook his head "Alex, don't" I laughed "I'm fine, I don't have a problem, I'm in control, You don't have to worry" He shook his head "I just haven't been feeling good, matter of fact that's probably the reason I passed out" he sighed heavily
"You're in denial." He stated "Alex" I snapped. "I. am. fine. Now, you don't have to stand here and argue with me, you really don't. matter of fact you don't even need to stay, not for my mom, or your ego. I know this second chance bull is just to entertain yourself, who put you up to it? Was it the guy with the skunk hair? How much are you getting?" Alex groaned angerly "Goddamnit, Brooklyn I want to help you!" I laughed
"Alex, I really don't need help, now if you actually wanna be friends again, cool. But stop bringing up the problem I don't have." He shook his head "Fine." I nodded "Thank you. Now. If you'll excuse me I need to go run on the treadmill. I assume I'll see you tomorrow?" He nodded. "Have a good night. Alex." He smiled weakly "You too."
I watched as he left and smiled in spite of myself.
I was just fine.
I think....
Hey, I'm still here! lol.
Great job with the new update! A bit sad, though, but I guess this story is in general. Nothing too happy came in the chapter. But glad that Alex didn't leave her this time.
Hope to see more soon! :)
7/21/18