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Boys don’t cry.

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Trigger warning

Jack’s POV

When I woke up Jay was babbling to himself and Alex wasn’t in the room which made me frown and I looked round and saw the tv was off as well which wouldn’t be like Alex if he had fallen asleep.
I got off the sofa and starched and smiled at the sound of my bones cracking back into place aster being on the sofa all night.
“Dada.” I heard Jay through the monitor and I sighed.
“I’m coming.” I muttered as I went upstairs.
I walked into Jays room and I saw Alex asleep in the rocking chair we had in his room and Jay was standing in his bed and he had a smile on his face.
“Dada.” Jay said and pointed to Alex.
“Yeah Dada is asleep isn’t he. How about we leave him to sleep and we go downstairs.” I whispered as I picked Jay up and Alex sighed loudly all of a sudden and he woke up.
“Where you taking him?” Alex asked sleepily.
“Downstairs to give you some peace.” I said quietly and Alex nodded as he got himself comfy in the chair.
“Babe go to bed.” I said quietly.
“I’m fine.” Alex muttered.
“Baby please go to bed. You look uncomfortable.” I said and Alex sighed and he got himself up and I watched him walk to our room and collapse on the bed and once I knew Alex was okay I went downstairs with Jay and sorted him out and just waited for everyone else to get up.

———————————————————————————————————————-
It was the middle of the afternoon when Alex came down sat next to Jay on the sofa which Jay was pleased about as he climbed onto Alex and wrapped his arms round Alex which Alex returned.
“Hang on a minute buddy. Daddy needs coffee.” Alex said as he put Jay beside him which made Jay look at him.
“I’ll be back okay.” Alex said as he stood up and Jay pulled himself up by using Alex’s leg which made Alex look at him.
“Didn’t that nasty Jack feed you?” Alex asked as he moved Jay to in front of him and held his hands and helped him to walk to where I was in the kitchen.
“I did feed him, but he’s either tired or could do with a snack.” I said and Alex picked Jay up and balanced him on his hip.
“Want a snack and some juice?” Alex asked and Jay nodded so Alex put him in his high chair which Jay didn’t like so screamed loudly.
“Escape if you wish buddy but it’s gonna hurt when you fall.” Alex said as he went to put the kettle on and he looked in the fridge to see what he could give Jay.
“We need to do a food shop.” Alex said as he sorted some fruit out for while helping himself to some grapes.
“Damn child you eat too much.” I said and Alex chuckled as he looked at me.
“He’s barely a year old yet. Just wait until he’s our age then he’ll eat to much.” Alex said as he looked at Jay and he had this worried look on his face.
“Hey, Jay is going to be okay when he is our age because we will only be just in our 30’s. He is going to be okay Lex, don’t worry about that now we have a baby who is just trouble.” I said and Alex chuckled as he walked over and put Jays fruit in front of him which Jay started to eat.
I made Jay his juice while Alex made himself a coffee.
“After he’s had a nap come shopping with me.” Alex said and I chuckled as I walked over and hugged him from behind and kissed his cheek.
“Was going to anyway.” I said and Alex smiled as he had some off his coffee.

We was walking round the shop while Jay was babbling loudly to everyone who looked at him.
“So I was thinking.” Alex said and I looked at him and frowned as he put some food in the trolley.
“What about?” I asked confused.
“We have like a wake or whatever for dad and then we go to the states and see your family.” Alex said as he looked at me.
“But what about Jay?” I asked and Alex frowned at me.
“Jay is going to be fine Jack. I already have started filling out paperwork for his passport. Shouldn’t you be excited about that I said we could go to the states?” Alex said and I sighed and looked at Alex.
“This isn’t the time or the place to talk about this.” I said and pushed the trolley past Alex who caught hold of my arm which made me look at him and he looked hurt.
“Baby I want to go but it’s not just us anymore, we have Luna to think about as well.” I said and Alex nodded and he walked off and we didn’t speak for the rest of the time we was shopping.

When we got back Alex went straight into unpacking the shopping while I changed Jay since we stopped for some ice cream and Jay managed to get himself covered in ice cream.
Once I finished with Jay I took him to the sitting room and asked Luna to keep an eye on him while I go and talk to Alex.
I walked out the the kitchen and saw Alex doing something on the counter.
“You doing coke?” I asked seriously and Alex jumped and looked at me.
“No, I’m doing fucking sugar.” Alex said sarcastically and I walked over to him and looked at the area and saw there was nothing there which made me look at Alex.
“I was just resting my head on the table. Didn’t know that was a crime.” Alex said sarcastically and he went to walk off but I stood in front of him.
“The fuck is wrong with you? You’ve been in a foul mood since we got back from the shops.” I said and Alex sighed loudly and shook his head.
“It doesn’t matter Jack.” Alex said sadly as he walked round me and headed towards outside and I just watched him walk out to the garden feeling confused and somewhat hurt as well.
“Why are you such hard work Alexander.” I muttered to myself and someone chuckled and I turned round and saw Terri.
“He shutting you out?” Terri asked as she put the kettle on.
“Yep.” I sighed loudly.
“Luna is doing the same.” Terri said as she looked down.
“I’m sure their talking to each other. Maybe we just need to give them some space and time to let what happened sink in.” I said and Terri smiled slightly.
“I can’t have Luna go back to how she was when I first became friends with her.” Terri said and I walked over to her and stood opposite her.
“Trust me when I say Luna isn’t slipping. She’s eating her meals and sticking to her meal plan. If we have to be worried about anyone then it’s Alex as he is showing all the signs that he was showing when his mum died.” I said and Terri looked at me.
“You’re really worried about him aren’t you?” Terri asked quietly.
“Yeah I’m worried about him.” I whispered and I walked off and went outside and found Alex sat in the hammock.

“Can I join you?” I asked which made Alex jump and look at me with a smile as he moved a bit.
“You can always join.” Alex said quietly and I climbed in the hammock and lead against Alex as he wrapped his arms round me and he hid his face in the crook of my neck which felt strange to me as it’s normally the other way round.
Alex kissed my neck and he rested his chin on my shoulder as I messed with his hands as we sat in a comfortable silence.
“I can feel myself getting bad again.” Alex said quietly and that broke my heart as Alex was doing so well on getting better.
I lifted Alex’s hand and kissed it.
“I kinda guessed that you was but I didn’t want to intrude.” I said and Alex sighed.
“I need to talk to Luna about what we’re going to do next and then I think we should go and see your family.” Alex said and I turned round carefully so I don’t tip us out the hammock to face Alex.
“But what about Luna? You can’t just leave here.” I said and Alex smiled.
“She has Terri and I know Terri wants to go back to Wales and I know she wants Luna to meet her family and she has her flat there as well so Luna will be okay. She might even be able to start school again. I don’t think I can stay here Jack, everything reminds me off them.” Alex said and I nodded because I understand how he feels.
“And I also think it’s fair that they meet me and meet our little man. I’m sure you miss your family so let’s do it.” Alex said and I smiled at him and nodded.
“Sounds like a good idea.” I said as Alex smiled and lent forward and kissed me and that was when the back door opened and the sound of Jay crying ruined the peace.
“Your son has shit himself and it bloody stinks.” Luna said as she put him on my lap and walked off.
Jay looked at me still crying but still managed to smile at me and then to Alex.
“Come on little man, lets change your shitty nappy.” Alex said as he got out the hammock and picked Jay up.
I smiled to myself and I got out the hammock and went inside.

Luna was in the kitchen and she looked happy about something.
“Why you so happy?” I asked and Luna jumped as she looked at me.
“Because Terri has asked me if I want to move to Wales with her and see her family.” Luna said happily and I felt unsure about this.
“Have you spoken to Alex about this?” I asked and Luna scoffed.
“He doesn’t seem to care, all he thinks about is going to America with you and Jay.” Luna said quietly as she looked down.
“He does care Luna, he said he would only go if you are going to be okay and not relapse.” I said and Luna looked at me.
“He wouldn’t care if I relapsed. Why should he? He has you and Jay now, I’m nothing to him.” Luna said which made me frown at her.
“Don’t you ever speak about Alex like that! How fucking dare you talk about him like he would throw you away like that because you bloody well know that he would never abandon you if you bloody need him!” I said loudly and Luna looked at me shocked as I normally never raise my voice even when arguing with Alex.
“Don’t you think Alex needs a break? Don’t you think that being here is making Alex hurt more now than what it did when your mum passed. Alex is on the verge of relapsing and all you care about is yourself because Alex has gave you everything he has to give you and you are to fucking selfish to even think about what he wants or what he needs.” I said and walked off.
Alex was walking down the stairs with Jay in his arms and he looked at me and smiled and that’s when I knew he heard what I said to Luna so I was ready for him to shout at me.
“Thank you for standing up for me.” Alex whispered as he kissed me and walk past me which made me smile as I watched Alex put Jay on the floor and I looked up and saw Terri walking over to me and I got a hard slap round the face and something in Welsh being shouted at me.

“What the fucking hell is that all about? What give you the bloody right to slap Jack round the face!” Alex said loudly as he pulled Terri away from me and he looked at me as I nursed my face.
“He pretty much told Luna she was selfish.” Terri said loudly.
“He was standing up for me. Surely you would do the same if Luna was in my shoes. So don’t you ever lay a fucking hand on him again otherwise I’ll slap you back and I give no shits that you are a woman.” Alex said seriously.
“You are also a guest in my house, so you will not lay another hand on Jack again.” Alex growled and Jay came crawling out which Terri didn’t notice so as she walked off in a huff she stood on Jays hand which made him cry.
“Oh shit Jay I’m so sorry sweetheart.” Terri said and Alex pushed her out the way and was pretty much standing over Jay protecting him.
“Get the fuck away from my son.” Alex growled and this wasn’t the same growl as earlier this had a whole lot more seriousness about it.
Terri looked at Alex as she backed away and Alex just stared at her until she was out the room and he picked Jay up and held Jay close to him and I walked over to Alex and looked at Jays hand.
“He’s going to be okay Lex.” I said softly and Alex looked at me and smiled slightly.
“Can you look after him for me.” Alex whispered as he handed me Jay.
“Lex where you going?” I asked as I watched Alex put his shoes and coat on.
“I just need some air.” Alex said as he walked out the door shutting it behind him.
“Don’t do nothing stupid.” I said quietly as I looked at Jay who was still crying into my shoulder.
“Let’s go and watch your favourite film Shell we.” I said as I walked to the other end of the house and I put his favourite film on and I sat him on my lap and we had cuddles while we watched the film.

By the time I put Jay to bed Alex still hadn’t come home and I was starting to worry.
I was just about to call Alex when the front door opened and I went downstairs and saw Alex.
“Baby.” I said which made Alex jump and looked at me.
“I’ve been worried sick about you, where have you been?” I asked as I walked over to him and caught hold of Alex’s arm which made him wince.
“I’ve fucked up Jack.” Alex sniffed and I frowned at him.
“You slept with someone haven’t you?” I asked and Alex sniffed as he shook his head but I didn’t believe him.
“I swear I haven’t touched another person Jack. I want you and only you and I wouldn’t throw what we have away. I love you too much to let you go or do anything that involves touching someone who isn’t you.” Alex sniffed.
“Then what do you mean?” I asked and I looked at Alex’s arms and saw that they was covered in dried blood and some cuts was still bleeding.
“Baby Why didn’t you call me or come home?” I asked as I looked back at Alex.
“Because I wanted to end it Jack. I wanted to die.” Alex said as he started to cry and I pulled him into my chest and held him close to me and I kissed the side of his head as Alex hugged me even tighter and sobbed into my shoulder.
I moved and I picked Alex up and took him upstairs.
“Jack is that Lex?” Luna asked as she walked out of her room.
“My god Alex.” Luna said and stepped forward and I looked at her.
“Please, just give us space and let me deal with this.” I said and Luna looked at me and nodded.
“I’ll look after him okay. I promise I’ll look after him.” I said and Luna took a deep breath and she went back to her room.
I took me and Alex to the bathroom and I sat him on the side as I ran us a bath.

Alex was looking down at his arm and I stood between his legs and made him look at me and I wiped the stray tear which was rolling down his cheek away.
“Let’s sort that arm out.” I said softly and kissed Alex gently and I pulled back just a little so my lips was still close to Alex’s.
“I love you. Please don’t ever forget that.” I whispered and kissed Alex again.
“I love you too.” Alex whispered as I pulled back and I looked at him and smiled and I wondered over to the bath and turned it off.
I walked back over and caught hold of the bottom of Alex’s top and looked at him for permission and Alex lifted his arms up and I gently removed his top.
I looked at Alex’s arm and I looked at Alex who was looking away from me.
“Hey.” I said softly and made Alex look at me.
“This doesn’t make me love you any less than what I do. It just means I have to be more aware for your emotions.” I said softly.
“Please don’t send me to the hospital.” Alex sniffed as he looked at me with his big sad eyes.
“I’m not sending you anywhere okay. You can’t trust me enough to look after Jay.” I said and Alex chuckled as a small smile came to his face.
I smiled and I started to clean his arm up.
“Why?” I asked carefully as I didn’t know what sort of mood Alex was in at the moment and it could end in a argument which is something I don’t want.
“Everything just hit me all at once. I’m not only Jays guardian but I’m Luna’s as well. Then I heard what you said to Luna and I know what you said was true and then Terri slapping you it just got to much so I went back to what I knew which would clear my mind and I did this.” Alex said quietly as I washed his arm out.
“You could of talked to me.” I said quietly.
“I needed to get out the house. I was mad at Terri for slapping you and then standing on Jay.” Alex said and I smiled at him.
“You going to get undressed? I’ll sort your arm out after we had a bath.” I said and Alex nodded as he pulled me towards him as he looked at me for permission which I nodded and Alex pulled my top off and he just looked at me.
“You’re so beautiful.” Alex whispered as he looked down but I gently made him look at me again.
“So are you.” I said quietly and Alex went to speak so I put a finger on his lips.
“Not another negative word.” I said softly and kissed Alex.
I pulled Alex closer to me which made him gasp quietly.

“You want this?” I whispered and Alex nodded as he kissed me.

Notes

Comments

You are an incredible writer! I really hope you keep this story going I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next!!

barakatxo barakatxo
5/6/18