Just Another Reason I Could Never Forget You

I groaned loudly as the sound of clashing metal hit my ears, pulling the covers over my head, hoping it would somehow drown out the noise and allow me to go back to sleep. Instead of the noise being dampened, the clanging seemed to increase in volume and intensity and I groaned once again, throwing the covers from my head.
“What?” I snapped, glaring at the two boys standing in front of me, hammering on pans. Jared and Kennedy laughed at me, dropping their hands to their sides.
“There’s a reason people think you and John are secretly dating,” Kennedy told me. “And it’s shit like this. You’re cuddling him in my seat. Move over, fat ass.” I scowled at the pair of them, standing up and stretching out the kink in my neck from sleeping in the sofa. I was no longer fazed when I found myself curled up on a sofa with John. The first couple of times I had freaked out, not knowing exactly how to act or what to even say to our friends, or him, and always ended up awkwardly excusing myself. However, that had been a long time ago. John and I were genuinely just cuddly, flirtatious people and there was nothing romantic in the way we acted toward one another. His ex-girlfriends hadn’t exactly liked it, and it had often caused arguments for him, but I always just stayed out of the way of that.
“If I find another picture of me and John on MySpace, I will murder you both,” I told him, still scowling. That was another thing. The boys frequently posted pictures of John and I in remarkably innocent, but seemingly inappropriate, positions and I always had to face the backlash from it. Honestly, was it any wonder people thought he and I were a couple? The boys snorted at me as I moved to the back of the bus. We were still moving toward our next venue, and weren’t due to arrive until around midday. The schedule had us setting off around 4am, but I’d honestly been asleep by midnight, so I couldn’t have told anyone when we had actually set off. I grabbed my phone from my bunk, noting a couple of messages from Jack last night asking where I’d gotten to and a couple of texts from Marissa, just checking in. It was 11:30 so I knew I still had a little while to wait before I could get to work for the day. I fired off responses to my friends, saving Jack’s new number at the same time and beginning to get myself ready for the day.
“Why does our merch girl not look as good as you?” I heard Jack groaning from behind me as I started unloading boxes from the trailer. I looked over, raising my eyebrows at him and seeing Vinny walking behind him.
“Because your merch girl is a guy,” I told him. “And he’s pretty damn fine, so it’s okay.”
“You’re still such a shameless flirt, Jasey Rae.” I smirked at him, catching a wink from Vinny who was now opening All Time Low’s trailer next to mine.
“Hey, what’s a bit of window shopping between friends, am I right?” Jack laughed at me as I wiggled my eyebrows at him suggestively.
“You need a hand?” He asked as I finally pulled the first box from the vehicle.
“Oh my god, yes,” I sighed. “I’m in serious need of someone manly, but Vinny and his muscles are busy, so I guess I can settle for you.”
“Jesus Christ, Jasey, put it back in your pants before I rat you out to John Oh.” I snorted, handing him the box I’d picked up and telling him to stop being a spoil sport.
“Trust me, if she carries on, I’ll be setting up her booth for her instead of yours,” Vinny told Jack.
“See!” I pouted. “My plan was working, Jack.” The boys rolled their eyes at me and I grabbed another box, chuckling to myself as I made my way toward the venue, the pair of them ahead of me. It kind of felt like old times: Jack was laughing at my slutty jokes and I almost felt like my old, carefree 17-year-old self. I missed laughing and joking and just being utterly honest with someone about everything. I wasn’t holding anything back, not being careful about what I was saying so I wouldn’t give something away, I was just being me. I mean, even the whole John thing wasn’t a disaster if I mentioned my less-than-honesty with him. He would know he’d made the assumption. I had said nothing.
In the hour it took us to move both The Maine’s and All Time Low’s merch boxes from their respective vans, Jack and I caught up some more and I got to know Vinny a little better. He was fun and didn’t try and ask too many questions about my past with the boys, especially not the origins of Jasey Rae. I was grateful.
“Oh my God, and then he- he- oh my god!” I was nearly crying with laughter, trying to retell the story of when Jack got caught by my parents coming completely naked out of Marissa’s room. My father had flipped his shit, my mom had started shouting about indecency, while doing her best not to look at him, and Jack had just been utterly at a loss as to what to do.
“Jasey, the told my parents! It’s not funny,” he scowled at me, his face bright red, showing me he was as embarrassed by it now as he had been then.
“They only grounded you for a week, get a grip.”
“That’s how they finally decided to give me ‘the talk’!”
“Did you tell them they were a couple years too late?”
“Did I hell. They were bad enough thinking that I had only just started having sex at seventeen, never mind thinking I’d been slutting about before that.”
“I wish I’d told them.”
“I wish I’d told your parents you were such a skank. See how funny you’d find it.”
“Fuck off, Barakat,” I laughed, shoving him. “My parents knew, they just didn’t want to admit it.”
“I thought you were working, Holly!” John called from a few feet behind Jack and I, where we’d sat down in front of All Time Low’s booth, Vinny setting up while I decidedly did not set up The Maine’s booth. It was fine. It would get done. Eventually.
“I am working, spoil sport,” I pouted back. “I’m taking a break. Pulling all of those boxes in is tough going, you know!”
“’All’ is a bit optimistic. You brought in maybe four boxes then moaned at us about how your arms hurt.”
“I repeat: fuck off, Barakat.” I scowled at my best friend, before returning my attention to John, who had by now made it across to the three of us, and smiling sweetly. “He’s lying. I brought in tonnes. It just hurts their egos thinking I did more work than them.” The boys sputtered their protests next to me, but I ignored them, continuing to smile up at John.
“You need a hand? I’m free for anything you need, babe.” He smiled back at me and I felt a small surge in my chest. I adored this boy; his availability, his want to protect me, to make me happy, his easy, good-guy attitude he had no trouble sharing with anyone. He was the exact opposite of Alex, which I now realise was what had drawn me to him in the first place. There was no cocky façade, just a simple boy who knew his own feelings and didn’t mind sharing them with you.
“You’re my absolute favourite, Johnny, really. We’ll go set up in a sec, okay?” He nodded. “Come sit with me, I’m telling Vinny all about how much of a dweeb Jack used to be.”
“Uh, Holly.” He stood looking at me awkwardly, and I realised that Jack and I were occupying the only seats around. I rolled my eyes, standing up and gesturing for him to sit. When he made to protest, I scowled at him until he sat down and I promptly sat myself in his lap. Thankfully for him, I was much lighter than he was.
“I’m not even sure when I was supposed to be a ‘dweeb’. I mean, I’m pretty sure I was the stud of Dulaney High, as well as middle school and elementary. Pretty much, I studded from birth,” Jack mused, ignoring the small break in conversation that had ensued when John was sitting down.
“If by stud you mean skank, then yes. Wait, no,” I hummed, leaned back into John’s chest. “No, there were a couple skanks in Dulaney, but you definitely weren’t one of them.”
“That’s right, that was you and Alex. Now I remember.” I scowled, looking around to see if there was anything nearby I could throw at him. True or not, he deserved a pen to the face for calling me skanky. “What?! There’s a reason people were obsessed with the two of you. First they wanted to know who would out-skank who, then you got together and they didn’t know what to do but find out about your sexcapades.”
“We didn’t have sexcapades, asshole,” I grumbled, feeling John shifting uncomfortably beneath me. To put it simply (and understating it a lot), John did not like Alex. Add in that John was supposed to be my boyfriend (according to the rest of the tour), and this was definitely not a situation John wanted to be in, nor anything he wanted to hear about.
“Please, it’s like you forget the entire school knew what happened that night at Cammy’s party. You guys went into that-“
“Jack!” I hissed, glaring at him. He paused, looking at me briefly before his eyes widened and looked over at John.
“I- uh- sorry,” he mumbled.
“It’s cool, man. I didn’t exactly think she didn’t have a history when we met,” John shrugged.
“Yeah, but she’s right. It’s not something you wanna hear about your girlfriend and the guy she used to love.” I felt myself tensing at his words, trying to remind myself that it wasn’t something I was hiding anymore. I did love Alex, once upon a time. Everybody knew. I’d made no secret of it the day I left. But the reaction to the words still stuck with me from having forced myself to hide it for so long. John’s hand laced with my, squeezing a little, clearly having felt my tensing too and trying to calm me a little.
“What she got upto before we met is none of my business, as long as she’s not keeping anything from me now.” I felt a smile pulling at the corners of my lips, pushing a small kiss to his cheek. He was literally the best ‘best friend’ a girl could ask for. Not only did I drag him into my drama, but he played along like a champ and then some.
“Jack! Soundcheck!” Alex’s voice ringing across the empty venue startled me, but I held my composure a little better than I had done before. He didn’t need to know what effect he had on me after all these years, nor was I willing to give him the satisfaction of catching me off-guard.
Jack got to his feet slowly, waving Alex off to show that he was coming.
“It was nice actually really meeting you, John,” Jack smiled. “Jase, you got a sec?” I nodded, extricating myself from John and telling him I’d be back in a second so we could set up properly.
“What’s up?” I smiled, as he finally stopped halfway between John and Alex, out of earshot of both.
“Are you happy?” He looked at me, concern in his eyes, like a father who didn’t quite know what to say to his teenage daughter during her first heartache; he felt protective, but not sure where to tread.
“W-what?”
“I mean, you look happy. But I don’t know. Maybe it’s this place. Maybe it’s being near Alex again.” He sighed, running his hands through his hair. “When he’s around, you cling to him, and he holds onto you like he’s in fucking heaven, but it’s not like you and Alex, Jase.” I felt sick. For the thousandth time in the space of forty-eight hours, I felt nauseous and I could contribute it all to one person. I knew Jack knew me better than anyone, I knew I didn’t have much hope of tricking him into believing anything that wasn’t quite true, but I didn’t think he’d outright call me out on it so quickly.
“I don’t want it to be like me and Alex. Me and Alex were intense, too much too soon even. John looks after me, he’s always got my best interests at heart and he’s the best person I’ve met in so many years, really.” I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose before looking back up at my best friend. “I wouldn’t have lasted very long in Arizona without him, Jack. I appreciate your concern, I do, but I’m happy with the way things are. If I wasn’t, you’d be the first to know, I promise.” He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me into him and I smiled, my arms around his waist, returning the hug.
“Just know I’m here if you ever need me, okay? I’m happy you’ve got someone like him, someone who looks after you, but I wouldn’t be your best friend if I didn’t check on you now, would I?”
“Jack!” Jack let me go at Alex’s words, though slowly, and smiled down at me.
“Love you, Jacks.”
“Love you too, Jase.” I grinned up at him. “I gotta go. We’ll catch up later, okay?” I waved him off as he made his way over to his rather pissed looking alternate best friend. I smiled a sickly sweet, gloriously sarcastic smile in Alex’s direction, making him scowl all the more, before returning to John, who had by now made his way over to his own booth and begun unpacking.

Notes

So, what do we think? Is Holly really over Alex, beginning to fall for John even?
Or am I just screwing with you?