Just Another Reason I Could Never Forget You

The music pumped through the speakers as I pulled my jacket closer to my body. I’d only just finished packing away our booth and John and the boys had been at the party for half an hour longer than me. I’d already begun receiving drunken texts from Garrett and John and I knew if I didn’t get there soon, I’d be seriously out of luck on the alcohol front. I looked around the crowd of bands, techs and crew, trying to pinpoint one of the people I knew. I eyed John speaking to a member of Mayday Parade and rolled my eyes at the sloppy look on his face already. Instead of forcing myself into another night of looking after a highly intoxicated John O’Callaghan, I made my way over to Jack, stood by a table laden with alcohol.
“Jasey!” He called, waving at me. I cringed inwardly, hoping to God no one else around us could put two and two together and connect me to their final song of the evening. Admittedly, the music was blaring quite loudly, but I knew it would be just my luck for everyone to hear and label me as just another of Alex’s conquests. I suppose that is exactly what I was, but I felt entitled to a little more respect than that. I waved lightly, grabbing a bottle of Stella as I made my way by the table, stopping firmly in front of Jack, who pulled me into a quick hug. “Hey, I’m sorry about Alex. We told him not to play that song, but he wouldn’t listen.”
“It’s fine,” I told him, waving my hand dismissively and taking a sip of my drink. “I mean, I feel like I should have trademarked my own name to stop him from telling everyone everything, but it’s fine.” I shrugged, trying to pass it off as if I didn’t care about the song. I was still furious with Alex, but I knew bringing Jack into it would do nothing for me. “Thanks for sticking up for me though, Jacks. It means a lot.”
“Oh, trust me, when he wanted to put it on the EP, we all more than stuck up for you.” I snorted into my beer at Jack’s words. I hadn’t realised just how quickly Alex had written the song, considering when I’d left, he had just about finished recording the EP. I suppose I should be thankful I had the forethought to keep my middle name from everyone in Arizona. “No, like seriously, Jase. I didn’t speak to him for a week over this. When you left I actually punched him. I mean, I’m not violent, but when we found your note, he was with us, drunk and upset and I was fucking pissed.” I threw my arms around Jack’s waist quickly, hiding my face in his side as I felt a surge of gratitude and love for my best friend. I knew how much Alex meant to him, so I knew what he’d done would never totally ruin their friendship, but I was thankful it had affected him enough to take some action against him. Jack was basically my fucking brother, and he always seemed to be protective over me, despite the fact he was younger than I.
“This looks decidedly not like Maria, Jack,” a voice interrupted us before I could express my thanks to Jack. I pulled away quickly, thankful I hadn’t yet been brought to tears over Jack’s actions. I was having a difficult time controlling my tear ducts so far today, so I was glad I wasn’t humiliating myself in front of a complete stranger. I looked over at the man, recognising him as All Time Low’s merch guy. “Well, hello,” he said, his demeanour changing quickly as he looked at me. “I’m Vinny.” He stuck his hand out to me, smile creeping onto his face.
“Back off, Vin,” Jack laughed. “She’s taken. This is mine and Maria’s best friend, Jasey. Jase, this is Vinny, our merch guy.” I watched a brief look of confusion pass over Vinny’s face before the spark of recognition flew through his mind. A brief ‘oh’ escaped his mouth and I caught Jack nodding as Vinny looked at him. I shifted uncomfortably, realising he probably knew more about me than I had anticipated.
“Wait! Aren’t you The Maine’s merch girl?” He asked me, puzzled. I let out a brief laugh, nodding, grateful for the change in topic.
“Yep, that’s me!” I responded brightly.
“I thought she was called Holly?”
“Also true. Jack knew me in High School when I hated that name, so he knew me as Jasey, which is my middle name. John and the guys met me later, when I’d acclimatised to the name Holly.” I chuckled briefly, hoping my scant explanation was enough to satisfy Vinny’s curiosity. I watched Vinny look at Jack questioningly again and realised it was time to take a break from explaining my old life. “Well, uh, it was nice to meet you, Vinny. I’d best get back to John though. He’s a few more beers in than I am so I needed to start catching up before I found him.” I forced out yet another laugh, waving goodbye to the pair. I finished my first bottle, grabbing another as I walked past the same table as I had earlier, discarding the empty bottle and making my way over to John, who had now traded in Mayday’s drummer for David from Every Avenue.
“Holly!” John cried, flinging his arms around my shoulder as soon as I was within reach of him. I smiled lightly up at him, realising that at the moment he was simply being a cheerful drunk, rather than the sloppy one I had anticipated. “Dave, this is the girl I was telling you about.” I saw him smile proudly as he pulled me closer to his side.
“’Telling him about’?” I laughed, pushing myself away from him lightly. “Honestly, I really hope you don’t believe everything he tells you about me,” I told David.
“All I know is you’re his favourite person and, apparently, you do the sexiest renditions of our songs he’s ever heard,” Dave told me, laughing lightly. I slapped John’s stomach lightly, rolling my eyes. Of course he’d started the conversation with Every Avenue’s lead singer about how he hates my singing.
“Thank you so much, John Oh,” I growled at him, playfully. The kid knew how to embarrass me, but I was determined not to let it show. I caught sight of Alex behind David, his lips in the ear of a dark-haired girl, his arm slung around her shoulder loosely.
“I wasn’t being mean,” he pouted at me. I snaked my arm around his waist and looked back up at him as he pouted. “I was telling him how sexy it was and how nothing else has ever turned me on so much.” I snorted at his words, realising he was much more drunk than I had initially thought.
“I’m so sorry,” I told David, turning my attention from John, but determined not to look at Alex. “He likes to embarrass me and he’s really quite blunt and, uh… sexual when he’s had a couple too many. He doesn’t mean it, honest.”
“Let him hear you and he’ll agree,” John told me, putting his arm around my shoulder. “Everyone agrees with me, Holly.”
“No, John, we agree with you to shut you up.” John scowled at me and I briefly put myself on my tip toes, pushing a kiss to his cheek. I watched his face melt into a sloppy grin and placed myself firmly back down on the heels of my feet.
“You guys are cute,” Dave told us. “How long have you been together?” I glanced quickly behind him at Alex, seeing him glaring at me, and gulped quickly. I hadn’t actually lied about John and I yet, but I didn’t want to allow Alex to think he had any sort of a chance with me.
“Well, I’ve basically been in love with her since I was seventeen,” John told him, overdramatically sighing as he did so. I let out the breath I hadn’t known I was holding at his words, having taken the pressure off to lie. “But she wouldn’t so much as kiss me until a year and a half ago.” I nudged John in the side at his words, smile pulling at my lips.
“Well, I couldn’t very well sleep with a seventeen-year-old,” I told him. “I’m almost a year older than you, it was wrong. Hell, it was illegal.”
“But I tried all my best moves on you,” John said, pouting once again.
“Aw, poor baby,” I cooed, jokingly. “Did nasty Holly ruin your summer?” He nodded and I bit my lip, leaning up to place another small kiss on his cheek. I glanced over at Alex once again as I lowered myself back down, catching the last second of his glare, before he pulled the girl on his arm closer to him, pressing his lips to her own. I felt my stomach turn at the sight, my chest starting to ache, and quickly separated myself from John. “You know what? I need something much stronger than beer right now.” I took another drink, finishing most of my beer in one go and turned from the two boys, making my way back to the table of alcohol and searching for something stronger. Most of the bottles were already empty and I scowled at them, realising that this was why everyone else seemed so much more intoxicated than I. I huffed, turning on the spot and pushing my way back to The Maine’s bus to grab the bottle of Jägermeister I had stored away in my bag. Having turned 21 earlier in the week had its perks.
“Holly,” a voice cooed as I went to punch the code into the bus door. I stiffened at the sound, turning slowly on my feet and coming face to face with Alex, who was even more drunk than John had been. He moved himself closer to me, and I backed away from him, quickly coming into contact with the cool metal of the bus door. “Baby, I missed you,” Alex continued, moving closer to me once again. I watched as his tongue flicked itself around his lips, resisting the urge to press my lips to his. “Why are you doing this?” He whispered, so close I could smell the alcohol on his breath.
“Doing what, Alex?” I asked, still making no move to push him away from me. I was too caught up in the sound of his voice, memorising it and every line of his face. I felt a pathetic attempt at anger in the pit of my stomach as I watched him pout, trying to remind myself that I didn’t love him, I just hated him. I tried to remember his betrayal and everything it had done to me, but all I could think of was how his lips used to feel on mine and the way it had made my heart pound and my knees buckle.
“Why are you with him?” He asked, his eyes glancing from my lips back up to my eyes. I was enchanted by the sound of his voice, falling quickly under his spell. Alex had always, and would always be, dangerous for me to be around. His voice was intoxicating and the taste of his lips had always been addicting. I hadn’t been faced with the struggle in over two years, and I was already beginning to remember why I’d been so worried about seeing him before now, about giving in and forgiving him. “Why aren’t you with me? He doesn’t love you like I do, baby.” His left hand rested against the bus door, supporting him, while his right hand placed itself softly on my waist. The feeling of his touch jolted me quickly back to reality, finally succeeding in reminding myself just how angry he made me too. I pushed him away from me, regaining my senses.
“Are you kidding me?” I hissed, brushing myself down and straightening my clothes. “After the shit you pulled, you’re asking me why I’m not with you? After that fucking display you put on tonight? Fuck you.” I spat. Alex recoiled at my words and I realised that it had been the last thing he’d expected from me. He had, most likely, assumed I would fall straight under his charm again the moment he tried to win me back. Admittedly, that had very nearly happened, but I wasn’t going to let him know that. “I mean, what did you think would happen Alex, hm? You cheated on me. I haven’t seen you in two years; I left my best friends behind because of you and what you’d done.”
“And you don’t think that was overkill, Jasey?” Alex responded. I felt my stomach turn at his use of my middle name, realising that the last time I’d heard that was when we’d had our first (and, in the end, only) big fight. Alex only ever used it when he was angry with me. Or, apparently, when writing songs about me.
“Don’t you think writing a song about me was overkill, Alex?” I hissed. I felt my anger from earlier return as I thought of the song he’d played. “And that’s another thing. What right do you have to write about me? To brag about what you’d done to me? I get that our relationship was a fucking game to you, but you don’t have to tell the entire world about how you broke my heart.”
“You don’t seem too broken up about it anymore,” he told me, beginning to sound angry himself. “In fact, you look positively fine fawning over your new boyfriend right in front of me. I mean, I know they told me you were a slut, but I never thought you’d become a fucking whore.” My hand stung as I pulled it back from Alex’s face, the sound of skin meeting skin ringing through the air. Alex looked at me in shock, his hand softly touching the place where I had struck him. I breathed heavily when I realised what I’d done. I understood what Jack meant now: neither of us were violent people, but Alex definitely knew what buttons to press. I didn’t bother to get the last word in, turning quickly and entering the bus that was to be my home for the next couple of months.
“Holly?” I heard a voice drunkenly whisper through the dark twenty minutes later. I had curled up on the sofa as soon as I had entered the bus, not bothering to turn on the lights, and shaking too much to do anything else.
“I’m here, John,” I murmured, though not attempting to move. I heard John walk into a couple of objects on his way over to me, finally falling into the cushions next to me. His arms wrapped themselves around me and I rested my head on his shoulder.
“Why did you run away?” He asked softly. I bit my lip as tears rushed back to my eyes. I’d only just managed to stop the tears from falling a couple of minutes before. Every time I tried to convince myself I was over Alex, he found some way to worm back into my mind and his words had truly hurt me. Never before had he said anything like that to me, and I couldn’t help how much it had crushed me. My breath hitched in my throat as I took a breath, trying to find some sort of reasonable explanation for John for my absence.
“I came to find something good to drink,” I told him finally, barely suppressing the sob that was pushing itself from my chest.
“You’ve been gone ages, Holly. What happened?” I let go of the sob, choking for air and feeling the tears release themselves from my eyes. John immediately pulled me closer to him, rubbing his hands down my back reassuringly and shushing me quietly. No matter how drunk or otherwise occupied he may be, John was always the first person to comfort me when I needed him.
“Why does he have to be such an asshole?” I choked out, sobbing loudly into John’s chest.

Notes

I'm not even sure enough shit hit the fan here. Hmm.
Are we seeing progress, or is it a ruse and they really do just utterly hate each other?
This could be one long trick and they never get back together. Just saying.