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Just Another Reason I Could Never Forget You

Thirty.

It felt as fantastic as I expected at 10am to wake up in my own bed, legs tangled in John’s. I’d slept for about three hours on the bus, waking around 4 and unable to return to sleep. So, of course, I’d woken John and made him wait up with me until we hit home. The driver had been kind enough to drop us at my apartment before carrying on to the venue with the remaining four boys. It all felt so overwhelmingly calm and I wasn’t sure how to take it. I was so used to hearing the chugging of the bus moving us somewhere new, or some sort of ruckus outside the windows that just hearing the occasional sounds of cars passing by the front of the building felt a little eerie.
I began moving to get out of bed, figuring I could make coffee and attempt some sort of breakfast for the two of us, but John tightened his grip on me, groaning into his pillow. I laughed lightly, pressing a kiss to his cheek and making my second attempt at moving.
“Where do you think you’re going?” He asked, sleep still coating his voice thickly. He opened one eye at me, a smile pulling at the half of his lips I could see with his face still partially buried in his pillow.
“To make breakfast,” I laughed. “But someone is even more clingy than I am now that he’s allowed to be.”
“Don’t give me that shit,” he replied jokingly. “I’ve been waiting for this for about two years, let me enjoy it.” I smiled at him, kissing him softly and slowly and honestly allowing myself to savour the moment I’d been waiting on for the past three weeks. No one could interrupt us from here and it felt fantastic. I could just lay here most of the day, but I knew John would have to go soon. I figured at least I could get another hour or two with him in peace.
I groaned loudly as I heard his phone vibrating on the other side of the bed, throwing myself flat on my back as he chuckled, picking it up.
“Hey, man ... no, you know now’s not a good time or you wouldn’t be asking,” he laughed to whoever was on the other end of the phone. “Hilarious. I forgot you were twelve ... what? Now? I thought it wasn’t until this afternoon ... well, you can tell Jared he’s the fucking worst ... yeah, alright, I’ll see you in an hour ... yes, an hour, we’re still at Holly’s, it takes time to get there ... I’m hanging up now.” He sighed as he hung up and I raised an eyebrow at him, waiting for an explanation. “Jared moved sound check forward so he could spend this afternoon in the city. I gotta go.”
“Jared is the fucking worst.” He hummed in agreement and pulled me back into his side anyway.
“What are your plans for the day then?” He asked, showing no sign of moving, despite telling me he had to go.
“I’m not sure. I might go get my new phone so you guys will stop mocking me.”
“Do you need my car?” I looked sheepishly up at him, thankful he had brought it up. My car had died literally a week before we left and was apparently beyond repair, so John had been taking me pretty much everywhere since.
“If you’re not going to use it,” I replied. “I know you wanted to go see your mom and stuff...”
“It’s okay,” he shrugged. “She’ll come pick me up if I ask.” He pulled me closer into him, pushing a kiss to the top of my head. “I’m starving, let’s go get breakfast and head in.”
“How?” I frowned.
“My car’s still parked in your lot.” I laughed, shaking my head and beginning to detach myself from him so I could get ready.
No less than an hour later, John and I pulled into the venue and I followed him inside to give the boys hell, still clutching at my coffee to reiterate that I hated them but we had wasted time getting here. I did not however waste time in death glaring every single one of them, before taking a kiss from John as he left me with his keys in hand. I was curious as to what I could get him in thanks other than a full tank of gas.
“Showing your face and leaving so soon?” Alex asked as I made my way back out of the venue via the back door. I bit my lip as I looked at him, remembering Jack’s warning the night before. I shrugged at him as he raised an eyebrow at me.
“I’m dropping John off, then I’m heading into town,” I replied, not bothering to go into any further detail.
“You mind if I tag along? I’ve never really seen much of this place, honestly.”
“There’s not much to see,” I told him, biting my lip and trying to weigh up the pros and cons of going out with Alex today.
“Please? I’m so fucking bored already.”
Fuck it. What was the worst that could happen?
“Fine, come on. I need to get a new phone and you had better help me choose.” He grinned over at me in response and I held back on rolling my eyes leading him to where the car was parked.
“I miss your beat up, piece-of-crap Camaro,” Alex told me, scrunching his nose up as he saw me getting into John’s Jeep.
“Hey, in Arizona we buy stupid cars and drive with the top down. Bite me.” He laughed at me as I stuck my tongue out at him, shaking his head and joining me in the car. “But, no, this is John’s car. Mine died right before I left and he basically ferries me around anyway.”
“You mean he doesn’t know to not let you drive?” I scowled as I started the car, having forgotten that every single god damn person in my life thought I was incapable of driving. You hit a stationary object one time (okay, more than that) and get stuck with this stupid reputation.
“I’m not as bad as Jack for starters, and... yeah, he knows, he just takes care of me and puts up with way too much of my shit.” Alex laughed at my words, probably just happy he was right and my driving was still atrocious.
“Just get this one,” Alex insisted, pushing me toward the iPhone and its ridiculous touch screen I wasn’t even sure I could use. I’d been living on a three year old Sidekick, this wasn’t the step up I needed.
“You expect me to be capable of using that thing? Come on, I break fucking toasters.”
“It’s not difficult. Look,” he pulled his own phone out of his pocket and began showing me how to use it but I was confused and it was going over my head. “See? Easy peasy.”
“No, I’m going to break the screen in less than a week and I won’t be able to use the thing. I need something with a keyboard.” He groaned loudly as I continued to look at the other phones, now stuck somewhere between a BlackBerry and the Google phone.
“Okay, the easiest way to ease you into this is going to be that one,” he told me as I continued mulling it over, pointing to the Google phone. “You have a keyboard but you can still start getting used to the touch screen when you’re feeling a little braver, right? Then I can slowly persuade you to get an iPhone.” I scoffed at his final sentence, but otherwise had to agree with his logic.
“Fine,” I sighed in response. “You win. I’ll get that one.” He grinned at me before we began talking to the sales guy about the phone and costs etc, and then quickly moved on to the guy setting my phone up for me because god knows there was no way I could.
“Do you want to recycle your old phone?” The guy asked, barely looking up from unwrapping my new phone as he asked. I felt my chest tightening lightly at his suggestion.
“No, thanks,” I muttered quietly.
“You sure? We give a $20 gift card if you do it while you get your new one.”
“No, it, uh, it has some kinda sentimental stuff on it.” The guy shrugged, obviously having said enough of his script that he could get away with not pushing the matter any further. I could feel Alex’s eyes on me (although, I could just be deeply paranoid) and looked the other way, not wanting to have to answer any questions about what kind of stuff was on my phone.
Another half an hour later, Alex and I were settled in some cafe, him showing me the ropes of my own phone, since he seemed to understand the basics of it. It was funny, given it seemed to work a little differently than his and he kept getting confused when it wouldn’t do things his phone did. Actually, that bit was hilarious. He’d start frowning out of nowhere and do the same actions three or four times, while still trying to explain what he was doing, before huffing loudly and moving on. I’d giggled every single time and he’d look up at me as if he’d forgotten I was there and smile softly, his frown completely disappearing until the next time.
“You know, you can transfer photos and that kind of crap onto this phone, if you wanted to get rid of the old one,” he told me, looking up as he appeared to have worked out how.
“I should definitely do that,” I replied. “But it’s not pictures I’m worried about.” I looked away, grateful I could see the waitress on her way over with our food, knowing she would prevent Alex from asking any more questions.
“I get it if you don’t want to talk, but—” He stopped as she stood in front of us, putting our plates down. I shot her a smile, grateful for the interruption. What did I do? Did I admit he was the sentimental stuff I didn’t want to part with? It felt like admitting to something more than that, something I was done ever admitting about Alex, but I still didn’t want to part with it.
I sighed, pulling my old phone out of my pocket and scrolling up through the thread of messages I’d had from him over the last few years.
Happy birthday, Holly. I hope you’re enjoying yourself, wherever you are. <3
I’m pretty sure I just saw your picture online with some of my friends and I’m also pretty sure I’m crazy but I miss you.
If I text you the same shit I text you in high school, do you think you’d reply? Come on, Hoolly. ;)
Merry Christmas. I’m drunk and I miss you, but Merry Christmas.
So, it’s my birthday. I’m no longer a teenager. Can we drop the teenage drama?
I’m in Florida. Jack has been trying to make sure I don’t remember, but I did anyway. Happy birthday. I didn’t forget you, this is just to remind you not to forget me.

It went on like that for a while. He sent me messages for big holidays and my birthday, or whenever he was blackout drunk. I carried on scrolling up through the thread, going further and further back until I reached the end and handed my phone over to Alex to see.
Holly, where are you? I just woke up and Jack says you’ve gone. Come home. Please.
Baby, please. I’m sorry. Don’t do this.
Call me.
Call Jack. Or Maria. Call someone, even if it’s not me.
Just turn around. Come home. You don’t even have to speak to me, see me even. Just come home.
I’d be happy just knowing you were alive.
I love you.
I’m sloppy drunk and all I can think of is you. It’s been a month. Isn’t that enough?

“You kept them,” he said, scrolling through the messages. “This is all of them. Everything I’ve sent you in two years. You kept them?” I gnawed at my lip, knowing I had to actually voice this confession now instead of hiding behind my stupid ass fucking phone.
“I hated you, but I couldn’t bring myself to delete any of them. I mean, I hated you so much I changed your name every five minutes to another swear word, but I couldn’t delete them.”
“Is that why I’m ‘A Is For Asshole’?”
“I changed it when you text me on my birthday,” I chuckled. “You were ‘Mother Fucker’ before that. It keeps the boys on their toes when something comes up from you.”
“Is this the sentimental stuff you wanted to keep hold of?” He asked after a moment of silence. He was still scrolling up and down through the thread and I shrugged. I was doing the opposite of what Jack had asked me, I wasn’t being careful with him at all, but what could I do? I didn’t want to lie to him anymore, it was pointless and didn’t help anyone. Sure, telling the truth eased my conscience, but even if it didn’t, lying only ever got Alex and I into another argument and it wasn’t worth it anymore. He had gotten worse than Jack at sniffing out my lies and I couldn’t even try to lie to him.
“Yes,” I sighed. “I just... it helped me out when I was struggling, you know? I hated you so much most days and then other days I just missed you so hard it hurt. Especially when John was out of town with the guys. You could almost guarantee that he’d go out of town within a day or so of you calling me and... and this was all I had. How could I begin to tell John I was still upset when I knew how he felt?”
“I’m sorry,” he muttered, having put the phone down but still refusing to look at me. “I didn’t even think. I wasn’t sure your number was the same, but I never thought about how you felt even if it was the same. I just... I’d get really drunk when I missed you and I’d wake up and see I’d called you or text you a bunch of times. And I guess on your birthday and stuff, I’d just convince myself it was the right thing to do.”
“You know the worst thing? When I knew you were drunk and hurting, I didn’t even get the chance to be mad, I just felt upset.”
“How’d you know when I was drunk?”
“You left voicemails,” I laughed. His face dropped, apparently unaware his drunk self had rambled into the phone and left evidence. “I’d wake up to my phone ringing at like 3am and I just wouldn’t even bother going back to sleep, I’d go sneak into John’s and wake him up until I knew you were done calling and then sit and listen to thirty minutes of you, stupidly drunk, either begging me to come back, arguing with Jack or singing out of key.” I didn’t even know why I was telling him this, that basically he would call and it’d drive me closer to John.
“John heard them?” He choked out, eyes wide in panic.
“What? God no!” I replied, not sure how he came to that conclusion. “The asshole would always fall back to sleep at 7 and I’d sneak off into the bathroom to listen before I went back to bed for an hour or so.” I pulled a face, deciding against telling him that I was basically unable to sleep or concentrate if I knew I had a voicemail from him that I hadn’t listened to. Did it ruin John’s song about the way I’d wake him up and we’d watch the sunrise on his roof? Maybe a little, but, hell, reality never lived up to the songs anyway.
“I’m really sorry,” he sighed. “I didn’t mean to—”
“Like I said, sometimes it helped. You don’t need to apologise again.”
“I know, I just—”
“Alex,” I said sternly, cutting him off. His eyes widened again and I reached for his hand across the table. “I’m done apologising for the last two years and you need to be too. I’m happy now and I think you can be too, now that we’ve dealt with everything. Now, can we please eat lunch? I’m legit starving right now.” He forced a laugh, nodding as I pulled my hand back, finally beginning to drop the apologies.

Notes

A little longer than I have been doing, but I go on holiday in like a day and a half so I probably won't update for the next two weeks.
The next chapter is written but I doubt I'll actually upload before I come back.
Enjoy! <3

Comments

@settle for me.
Two words. Character Development. SHES SO SHALLOW RIGHT NOW. I've met people like her and they make my blood boil and skin crawl.
I'm not one to talk about stories being too long... it's difficult.

@gamble with desire.
I'm not sure Jasey knows what she wants to be honest. :')

@aweirdkindofyellow
I always forget how much you dislike her. But, you'll have to see how this goes! I need to cut a load of stuff I already have written because it doesn't fit in a chapter in a way that makes sense and I don't want to go on too long. The first time I wrote this sequel it was like... 17 chapters long, and now I'll be lucky if I finish under 50.

Ooooh yay she’s hitching a ride with Alex! I’m not happy John hurt her by breaking up with her, but I’m kinda glad he did it because he’s just been weird this whole time. And Jasey really wants to be with Alex, I can tell!

@settle for me.
I'm scared that Holly will get back together with Alex. I'm scared that she will continue to be a brat. I'm scared that she only cares about herself.