Just Another Reason I Could Never Forget You

“Excuse me?” I asked, raising my eyebrow at the man standing in front of me, wiping away the remaining tears I had in my eyes. “Hold on, Marissa. If you still have my old number, call me in an hour. The biggest asshole in the world just ruined my fucking day.” I ended the call with Marissa, placing Jack’s phone on table in front of me, only half set out with t-shirts. I saw my hands shaking as I did so, but ignored it, determined not to look weak in front of Alex. I finally looked at him fully, noting just how little he had changed in the last two and a half years. I could feel my heart racing, reminding me that no matter how much I hated him, everything about him still turned my world on its head.
“I ruined your day? Well, shit, sorry about that,” he replied, oozing sarcasm. I could see the anger in his eyes and tried not to scoff at how little he deserved to be angry at me. I folded my arms over my chest as he continued to speak. “I mean, you fucking ran across the country to get away from me and broke my fucking heart in the process, and now you’re back flaunting your new boyfriend at me. But, hey, I ruined your day.”
“Guys…” Jack started, attempting to calm us as he reached for his phone. The pair of us ignored him, glaring at each other.
“I’m not flaunting anyone, Alexander. I came on tour with my best friends because they asked me to. Because they care about how I fucking feel. When they tell me they love me, they’re not planning on fucking some whore and breaking my heart.”
“Well, I’m fucking glad for you. At least you don’t shut them down when they express feelings like you always did to me.” I gasped at his words, anger burning in the pit of my stomach. How dare he call me out for not being able to admit my feelings? He’d only ever told me he loved me to stop me from leaving him.
“It’s been two years. You have no right to talk to me like this. You were the one who did wrong in our relationship, not me. So what if I met someone new? I wasn’t going to pine after you forever.” I knew I was giving Alex the distinct impression that John and I were something more than we were, but the bitter teenager inside me was getting a twisted sense of joy from it. I wanted Alex to feel what I felt. I hoped he was still in love with me and that this hurt him like he had hurt me.
“Come on, Jack,” Alex scowled. “Let’s leave Jasey to her new fucking life.” I scowled back at him, half wanting to throw something at him as he turned to leave. I didn’t feel any less angry with him for the confrontation, no sense of resolution. He’d brought old pain bubbling back to the surface and I found myself despising him at this moment in time. I honestly wished I’d had it in me to fall in love with John last year so that I could genuinely rub it in his face, but he had been the exact reason why I couldn’t love him. Why I could no longer love anyone. I wanted to be the old Jasey, who could fool around with boys and not attach anything to it, but I wasn’t. I was torn in limbo between overly attached and completely separated from the idea, and not in the healthy way. I couldn’t just hook up with anyone anymore, because the last random hook up I had had resulted in a seven-month relationship with Alex. Nor could I allow myself to be dragged into another relationship, because I feared that it would end the exact same way as it had with Alex.
I stormed away from the booth within seconds of Jack shooting me an apologetic look and leaving with Alex. I was too annoyed to work right now and just needed to be away from Alex. I felt like I was stomping my feet like a child as I walked, but I continued back to the bus with a foul look on my face. I was beyond angry at what he’d said to me. How dare he? How could he act like the victim in all of this, when it had been him that had broken us? He had been the one who had thrown our relationship away, not me. And if I knew anything about Alex, I knew that he had wasted no time in replacing me with another girl in his bed after I’d left. I knew All Time Low’s bus had been parked right next to our own and made a point of slamming the door as hard as I could when I finally got to my own bus.
“I’m taking it your first reunion didn’t go well,” John said, looking up from the sofa, where he’d remained after I left. I heard the patter of feet and the other four boys emerged from the back of the bus, looking at me with shock. I appreciate that I had acted like a child in slamming the door, but they had to understand just how much of an asshole Alex was being.
“No, no, my first reunion was fabulous. Jack wasn’t even angry at me, and he called Marissa and she just missed me. Oh, but Alex. What. An. Asshole.” I threw myself on the sofa next to John, leaning into him and having his arm pulled around my shoulder. “I mean, how is him cheating on me my fault? Why is it an issue I hadn’t told him I loved him until I left? And what did he expect? That I’d pine after him for the rest of my life after what he’d done?” I let out at a dry laugh after my last comment, realising that I’d dragged the boys into this with me. “Oh, and just FYI, Alex kind of thinks I’m dating John and he hates us all.” I felt John stiffen next to me and the four others begin to chuckle a little. I heard a muttered, very sarcastic chorus of ‘thanks Holly’ and smiled lightly at them.
“Well, gee, thanks for kicking off my tour on a positive note, Hol,” John muttered, finally relaxing back into the sofa. I grinned meekly, knowing it could easily be set right if I needed to do it. I didn’t want to speak to Alex and explain the last couple of years, but I would do it if John wanted me to.
“Oh chill out,” I responded, laughing lightly and feeling my anger start to drift away. “I never outright said we were dating, I was just explaining to Marissa how cute you were when he walked over and decided I had a boyfriend.”
“Oh, so I’m ‘cute’ now, am I?” He chuckled, his fingers finding their way to my waist. I shrieked as he pushed his fingers into my sides, tickling me, and attempted to pull away from his grip.
“John, no,” I pushed out between laughter and the gasping of my breath. Instead of stopping, John sat on top of me, straddling my hips and renewed his attack. I started shrieking with laughter again, squirming underneath him to see if there was any way I could escape. Every time I felt like I was making progress, John adjusted his position and began attacking me afresh. I heard a pounding on the bus door and used John’s temporary distraction to push him from me and run to the door. I noted that the boys had all disappeared at some point during my attack, though I wasn’t surprised. John and I played favourites with each other and frequently ventured into our own world while they were around. They used to call us out on it, but had long since given up on that tactic.
“Jasey!” I heard being called as I opened the bus door, being dragged forward into the road by the two men before I could fully note who it was. I felt two sets of arms wrap themselves around me and chuckled, realising Jack had informed Zack and Rian of my presence. I threw my arms around the men in front of me, finally starting to feel at home again. I mean, don’t get me wrong, Arizona was good, and John and the guys were almost perfect, but cutting out all of my old friends made me lose something inside myself and I never really felt like I was truly comfortable.
“Holy shit, Jasey, look at you,” Zack laughed, the first to pull away from our hug. He looked me over and I punched him playfully, reminding him not to be checking me out. “I mean, excuse the fact you look like you’ve been having some crazy sex in there, Arizona fucking suits you.” I snorted at his words, running my hands through my hair in an attempt to tame the mess I’d made squirming beneath John.
“Yeah, I mean dudes thought you were hot when we were in school, imagine what they think now,” Rian interjected. I felt a blush rising to my cheeks and placed my hands firmly over my face instead of responding to his remarks.
“Yeah, imagine meeting her at seventeen in your favourite diner,” John laughed from the steps of the bus, leaning against the doorway with a crooked smile on his face. John had spent the first few weeks I’d been waiting tables in the diner just sitting in a booth, ordering coffee and (according to him) working up the nerve to say something witty to me. I’d beaten him to it, of course, telling him he may need to start consuming something other than caffeine if he wanted to live long enough to impress whatever girl he was pining after.
“Jesus, guys, shut up,” I moaned. “I got a tan and lost a little weight, it’s not like anything else has changed.”
“Jase, you’re forgetting something: you were easily the prettiest girl in that school,” Zack laughed. “I mean, uh, excusing Kara,” he added, catching the look Rian shot him when Zack had so easily dismissed his girlfriend.
“I can definitely see that being true,” John nodded. I buried my face deeper in my hands. I hated compliments, especially when it seemed to be three of my friends discussing how hot I was now.
“No wonder Alex is pissed you came on tour with your boyfriend.” I peeked up at Zack through my hands, before dropping them down to my sides and shooting a look at John, whose smile had seemed to turn to a smirk.
“What can I say? When you’ve got a girl like this back home, you don’t leave her for two months,” John told him as I opened my mouth to correct the assumption Alex had passed on to the boys. “I’m John, by the way.” John stuck out his hand for the boys to shake, which they did quickly, before backing off.
“Nice to meet you,” Rian said. “We’ve heard, uh, nothing about you.” I snorted at his words. Of course they hadn’t heard anything about him, they hadn’t heard anything about me in two years. You know, aside from Alex writing a song about me.
“Don’t worry, guys, he’s heard basically nothing about you either. I only told him I knew you when he told me you were gonna be on the tour I’d already agreed to work,” I shot John a faux glare and saw him smirk again, silently confirming my statement. I didn’t want to openly lie to any of my friends, but if not correcting their assumptions meant Alex would stay away from me, that’s fine by me.
“Don’t be bitter, Holly,” John laughed. “I didn’t trick you, I just didn’t tell you everything before you agreed. I mean, I didn’t even tell you Every Avenue were here until last night.” I saw a brief look of confusion pass over the boys’ faces as they heard John calling me by my first name, knowing that it was something I’d only ever allowed Alex to do before now. Honestly, I was surprised John hadn’t asked me why in the Hell they were calling me Jasey, never mind them being confused about him using my real name. I’d honestly grown accustomed to it, and having had Alex use it consistently for seven months before I’d left had made me grow fond of my given name. Despite how it had ended, Alex and I’s relationship had been affectionate and I had loved him and that had left plenty of happy memories attached to the name for me.
“Will you idiots come inside? I feel like an asshole stood out here in the middle of the road.”

Notes

Merry Christmas guys! I know I'm jumping from one reunion to the next but I've got a lot planned for this, so it's necessary to rush some parts.
Enjoy. <3