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Just Another Reason I Could Never Forget You

Fourteen.

“So, fill me in. On everything.” Marissa leaned on her knuckles, grinning at John and I across the table. She’d immediately led us to her favourite restaurant in the city, grinning as she and Jack showed us the sights of New York like John and I had never seen it before. Admittedly, I’d only been a handful of times during my childhood and John barely saw outside of the venues he’d played, but they were acting like we’d never even been on the east coast before. We had barely managed to get our orders out to our waitress before Marissa had jumped in to demand to know everything she’d missed in my life. She deserved to know stuff, but what did I tell her? It hadn’t been a hugely interesting two years.
“What do you want to know?” I asked, sipping my coke and allowing myself to smile back at her. I felt John’s hand link with my own under the table, knowing how difficult telling anyone anything was for me. He didn’t need to be concerned. This was Marissa. The one person in the world I had no issue telling anything to. The downfall of us had been me trying to hide my feelings for Alex from her, making me insecure and childish, but before that we had been open about everything. She had always been my rock.
“Let’s start with you two,” she shrugged. “How did you meet? When did you get together? Who made the first move?” My stomach turned as she immediately went down the road I least wanted Jack to be aware of. I could tell her everything, but Jack would still be the same guy he had been in high school; he would tell Alex everything in a heartbeat.
“I think we met basically my first week in Tempe,” I laughed. “It took him way longer to grow enough balls to talk to me though.” I felt him nudging my shoulder playfully with his own and flashed my grin in his direction. “And then, I dunno. We went to ASU together for a little while, but neither of us made it all that far. But we haven’t really been together all that long. It, um, it took a lot for me to admit what I felt for him, after Alex and all.” The hand that had been holding my own squeezed reassuringly and I saw the flash of sympathy on Jack and Marissa’s faces at the mention of my post-Alex struggles, but I continued to smile at them, trying my best not to seem at all shaken by the memories. It hadn’t even been a week since I’d begun to face my demons, so it was all horrifyingly raw.
“So, I didn’t miss any juicy boy drama, then?” She asked, trying to keep the conversation light.
“Nope. I have been drama free for two years, because I hang out strictly with boys now and, you know, don’t screw them.” She snorted into her own drink and John chuckled next to me. “Hey, I make one exception, but that shit is drama-free.”
“Okay, sweetheart, you tell yourself that,” he responded.
“We’ve been drama free for two years though.”
“I will give you that.” The pair opposite us looked confused, but John and I ignored it. I didn’t need to go in-depth with some of the shit I’d pulled on him when we’d first met that I in no way meant to pull, but I didn’t mind joking with John about shit that had suddenly become so irrelevant. The feeling in my gut that I got when I saw him and it was just us two made me realise that I hadn’t actually been happy in a long time, despite what I had been telling myself. As long as I ignored Alex, I knew this feeling would last.
“Enough about me. What’s been going on with you guys?”
We spent another hour or so in the restaurant, catching up on what we had missed. It felt nice. It was so easy talking to all three of these people around me that I began to forget the shitstorm I was currently dealing with as my life. I couldn’t put into words how happy seeing Marissa had made me. Jack and Marissa filled me in on how life had continued without me in Cockeysville. Jack had moved in with Marissa, but not until around a year ago, and Marissa was studying pre-law at the University of Baltimore. She always did have way more direction than I did. I couldn’t help but feel proud of her.
“Alright, darling, I gotta get back,” John told me, pocketing his phone as he looked at me. I pouted, feeling strangely needy for him. I was enjoying myself too much for this brief meeting with all of my favourite people to end. “I need to,” he chuckled. “Soundcheck and all sorts to deal with. I’ll see you later, alright?”
“Fine,” I responded, pretending to huff at his leaving. He chuckled again, pressing a quick kiss to my cheek.
“Wait up, I’ll come with you,” Jack told him, throwing the money for his and Marissa’s dinner onto the table, followed quickly by John doing the same for he and I. I opened my mouth to protest, but John ignored me and started his conversation with Jack. I scowled, trying to act like he was even watching. He wouldn’t give a damn either way. He’d been paying my way for about a year now, despite my protests. I suppose it was only going to get worse now that we were actually somewhat of a thing. Marissa bade her farewells to her boyfriend and the boys left, talking about god knows what. Two days ago, I would have worried about these two bonding, now it seemed like the thing I wanted most in this world.
“Okay, what are you hiding?” Marissa asked, the moment the boys had left the building. I frowned, pretending to not know what she meant. It wouldn’t work; it never had. “Don’t give me that innocent face, you’re hiding something from me, girl.” I rolled my eyes, though the smile tugging at the corner of my lips gave away my amusement.
“Okay, fine,” I relented, seeing her continuing to stare at me until I admitted what she wanted me to admit. I hardly knew how I’d managed to keep my feelings from Alex for her for so long back in high school. “I’m maybe not being entirely honest about some things.”
“’Maybe’, ‘not entirely’, try that again, Jasey,” she laughed, taking a sip of the drink she had left.
“Can we go somewhere else? I’m thinking we’re going to be death glared to leave soon and this might take a while.” She nodded, grabbing her bag and linking her arm with my own as we made our way out of the building. It didn’t take Marissa long to navigate the streets and lead me into a small coffee shop, ordering the pair of us an iced tea each and finding a spot in the corner to discuss the shit show I’d gotten myself into this time.
“Okay, so spill,” she demanded, ignoring the drink she’d bought for herself. I sighed. Where did I start? Which lie? Did I tell her about the night before? I really didn’t know.
“The last week has been a nightmare,” I admitted. “Alex has been a dick non-stop, I’m already lying out of my ass and I feel like I’ve come back into the middle of the mess I’d left in the first place. It’s like I never left.” I groaned, putting my hands over my face and pushing the hair out of my way. This was the first time I’d admitted to anyone the way this whole thing was making me feel.
“Start at the beginning,” she told me calmly. She was way too used to my bullshit and I couldn’t help but feel guilty. This had started as such a nice day.
“Well, first of all, a week ago John and I were just friends. Best friends, but friends nonetheless,” I told her. She nodded, taking me in. I wanted to be as calm as she was. “Everyone assumed we were dating, and we rolled with it to keep Alex off my back,” I pushed back a snort of derision, realising that that tactic had failed miserably, “but then I’ve started to notice I do have feelings for him, and he’s always had feelings for me, so somewhere along the line we stopped faking it and now we’re together, I guess? I don’t even know. And Jack doesn’t know, Alex definitely doesn’t know.”
“Okay, so far so reasonable. You made way worse decisions at the age of 16.” I smiled lightly, realising she was right so far. I’d caused way more drama as a teenager before Alex and I had even met.
“Alex keeps pulling shit on me too. Like, the first day he started arguing with me, then he tried to convince me to get back together with him, then he apologised and we talked shit out. That lasted less than a day. He uh,” I paused. Trying to decide what exactly to tell her. “He tried to make me jealous and we got into a ridiculous argument about it.”
I couldn’t do it. I wanted to keep the kiss to myself. I didn’t want anyone to know. I didn’t know if it was shame or if it was just liking the feeling of Alex and I having something that was our own little secret again. I had been completely honest with him when I said I missed our Sunday morning discussions in bed about anything and everything. Marissa wouldn’t think any less of me if I told her, knowing everything she knew, but that didn’t mean I was ready to tell her. I wanted to be honest, I really did, but old habits die hard.
“Okay, that it?” I nodded. She hummed, before sipping her drink and mulling the information over. Where had my shrieking best friend gone? “Alright, so I’m not using the ‘L’ word here, because I don’t think it’s relevant right now. Maybe in a couple months. I know, I know, you used to love Alex, but that doesn’t mean you love John. So, how do you feel about him?” I hesitated, trying to put it into words. I was still so unsure of myself and my own feelings.
“I made him become my best friend, so I know who he is, you know? He’s so genuine and he’s always there for me. I honestly did love him like I used to love you and Jack. We’re so, so close I can’t describe it. I’m happy when I’m around him. He makes me forget Alex and my stupid dramas. He pulls me back down to earth.” She pursed her lips, nodding.
“I’m not trying to Psych 101 you, but why do you need to forget Alex?”
“You’re kidding, right? He’s awful. He ripped me apart for years and now he thinks he can waltz back into my life like nothing happened. He’s so fucking arrogant, and conceited and—” I watched Marissa begin to smirk at me, as if I was painfully obvious.
“So, your feelings for Alex are still intact.”
“What? No!”
Even as I said it, I knew it was a lie. This was the only reason he was still getting so deep under my skin.
“Lie all you like, Jasey, but don’t think for a second that I don’t know you like the back of my hand, two years of silence or not.” I fell back into my seat, letting out a small groan of acceptance. “I’m not saying you don’t have feelings for John, you do, even Jack can see that, but you still have feelings for Alex too.” I opened my mouth for a moment, ready to argue against her reasoning once again, but gave in and shut my mouth once again. “You need a few days away from both of them,” she told me.
“I know,” I admitted. I needed to clear my head. It’d been a matter of days and I was already so confused. “But I don’t know how. I’m here with both of them for the next two weeks. I’m screwed.”
“I can give you two nights in your old bed, in your hometown, catching up with your mom and dad and me.” I blinked a couple of times, looking at her. I know she’d said she stayed in our apartment, but I figured she’d made my room into fucking study space or something.
“Well, John was planning on staying here until he had to get to Charlotte,” I told her, gnawing on my lip. “And I did want to drop in on my parents while I was on the east coast.”
“And me,” she added, trying to lighten the mood and make herself seem way less serious.
“Well, yeah, but you dropped in on me,” I laughed back.
“Touché,” she chuckled back. “So, whadda ya say? Sleepover at mine?”
“In a heartbeat.”

Notes

Sorry it's a little later than normal.
I accidentally went to see the guys on Friday night and spent the rest of the weekend chilling (read: recovering from not sleeping until 3am like the ancient 25-year-old I am).
I know, I know, how does one 'accidentally' drive 3 hours to see a band? First step is moan you're not going, second is someone buys you tickets, third is you're three hours from home.
Also, this did start out as a really nice, cute chapter about Marissa and John and just niceness, then Marissa became Marissa and dragged some sort of confession out of Holly. No Alex drama though, right?

Comments

@settle for me.
Two words. Character Development. SHES SO SHALLOW RIGHT NOW. I've met people like her and they make my blood boil and skin crawl.
I'm not one to talk about stories being too long... it's difficult.

@gamble with desire.
I'm not sure Jasey knows what she wants to be honest. :')

@aweirdkindofyellow
I always forget how much you dislike her. But, you'll have to see how this goes! I need to cut a load of stuff I already have written because it doesn't fit in a chapter in a way that makes sense and I don't want to go on too long. The first time I wrote this sequel it was like... 17 chapters long, and now I'll be lucky if I finish under 50.

Ooooh yay she’s hitching a ride with Alex! I’m not happy John hurt her by breaking up with her, but I’m kinda glad he did it because he’s just been weird this whole time. And Jasey really wants to be with Alex, I can tell!

@settle for me.
I'm scared that Holly will get back together with Alex. I'm scared that she will continue to be a brat. I'm scared that she only cares about herself.