Me Without You.
Prologue
Jaselyn Rae Blanchard. Everyone in Dulaney High School called her Jasey but she was my Jasey Rae. We met junior year at Mike Sanders party, she wore a blink 182 t-shirt, with a pleather jacket, tight black skinny jeans with rips in the knees and black converse high tops. Her hair smelled of bergamot and lilacs back then it was a smell you never smelled before but now I would kill to have that scent invade my nose. I knew she was the one when she beat me at beer pong then shot gunned a beer, she was a vision; with her dark black hair and vibrant blue eyes that could pierce your very soul. After that night we were inseparable, Jasey didn’t have to be told that she was my girlfriend she already knew.
We dated up until graduation and then the moment her and I walked across that stage I got down on one knee and asked her to be my wife. The rest was history; we got married in the spring time by the time we were twenty and we bought our first house with money we saved up, Jasey got a job walking dogs while I focused on my music. As I sit here now thinking about my life up to this point I look at Jasey and I just fade into how lucky I got, that someone placed this beautiful women in my life, even sitting here and watching her fiddle with a baby monitor and twisting around the wires as she sat on the beautiful wood floor, with her hair back in a messy bun.
“Alex, babe please help me figure this out.” She said looking over at me pulling out of my thoughts. I walked over to here from leaning on the door frame watching my beautiful wife trying to figure out what to do.
“Babe the doctor said not to over exert yourself, we have plenty of time to set up the nursery.” I said taking the jumble of wires from her hand and putting them on the changing table. Jasey attempted to get up with her pregnant belly in the way but I grabbed her arm helping her up and sitting her down on the rocking chair as I took her feet in my hands and massages them.
“ I feel like we have so much to do before she gets here, we still haven’t put the car seat in the car or even packed our hospital bags.” She said as attempted to relax, I kept rubbing her feet as she kept tensing up.
“Why can’t you be one of those lazy pregnant women that let me take care of you, while you sit on the couch and eat pizza and ice cream everyday?” I laughed as she made a disgusted face.
“Because I’m not trying to be a fat pregnant wale, I’m already big as a house.” She whined as I put my hands on her belly and rested my head on it.
“Kick your mommy for calling herself fat.” I said as Jasey played with my hair as I sat there with my head on her big belly, I felt a little foot kick my face as Jasey made a face at me.
“Great, she listens to you now; but when I say please stop kicking mommy so I can sleep or get your foot out from under my rib cage.” She said as we both laughed, my wife was a vision even if she was wearing her hair in a messy bun with her big cardigan on and her Christmas pajamas she looked beautiful, her pregnancy glow was so radiant I swore she was an angel.
“How about this, I make us my world famous spaghetti and meatballs, and some garlic bread, and you can pick out a movie and lounge on the couch.” I said standing up and helping her stand up, she wrapped her arms around my neck as I placed my hands on her hips. She looked into my eyes and I could feel myself melting into her blue orbs.
“How did I get so lucky?” She asked me as I kissed the top of her head.
“I would have to say your humor the most got me but I think I’m the lucky one.” I said kissing her lips then leaning down to kiss her belly. She smiled at me as we walked down stairs to enjoy the rest of the night together.
After eating copious amounts of spaghetti and watching back to back Christmas movies, Jasey passed out and after I cleaned up I snuggled up next to her following suit. One in the morning rolled around when I felt my eye slowly open and noticed Jasey wasn’t laying at the other end of the couch, I figured she woke up and went to bed, I folded the throw blanket and threw them on the back of the couch making my way up the stairs. I heard shuffling in the bedroom and saw Jasey standing over our bed putting clothes into a big duffel bag.
“Hey babe what are you doing up so late?” My sleepy voice rang through the bedroom making her jump, she turned around towards me holding some baby clothes in her hands.
“Hi babe, I didn’t want to wake you but I need to pack our hospital bag.” She said as I watched her go to our dresser and pull out a mix of my clothes and hers.
“Babe come on this can wait until tomorrow, let’s go to sleep.” I said as she put the clothes down and kneeled over with her hands on her knees breathing very heavy as I went over to her and rubbed her back.
“Babe are you okay?” I asked as she kept breathing and not saying anything, then she slowly stood up and her breathing was back to normal as she slowly continued to fold clothes and put them into the duffel bag.
“Babe are you..” I trailed off as she looked at me with some tears in her eyes.
“Yes, and excuse my cursing but holy shit this fucking hurts.” She said through gritted teeth. I changed out of my sweat pants into some jeans and a hoodie while I put on my winter jacket and slipped on some boots.
“I’m going to go warm up the car, you finish this then we’ll head out, now no having a baby while I’m gone.” I said kissing her head and running to the garage. After the car warmed up, I helped Jasey get everything into the car as we headed towards the hospital. I held her hand the whole way.
“Alex she still doesn’t have a name.”Jasey said as she breathed through another contraction. I felt her hand tighten as she did her breathing exercises again.
“You worry about getting ready to bring our beautiful girl into the world.” I said as I drove through downtown, Jasey tried to focus on the Christmas lights that adorned the street lamps, and the snow that blanketed the ground. After about five more minutes we finally pulled up to the hospital, where I parked the car and walked Jasey into the entrance of the hospital and helping her into a wheel chair and throwing her duffel bag over my shoulder.The lady at the front desk saw me wheel Jasey up to her as she was holding her stomach and breathing.
“Good evening folks, I’m assuming we’re making our way up to labor and delivery?” She asked as me and Jasey both shook our heads.
“Alrighty, so you’re gonna go down this hall here and make a right and take the elevator up to the fifth floor and someone should be able to help you there and good luck.” She said to us as I wheeled Jasey down the hall and to the elevator. Jasey was still holding her stomach and doing her breathing.
“How you holding up babe?” I asked as we waited for the elevator to get to labor and delivery.
“Still in pain and ready to push this baby out of me.” She said through gritted teeth. The elevator dinged as we made our way out and to the desk where a nurse was sitting at a computer
“Good evening guys, can I get a name?” She asked typing on her computer.
“Jasey Gaskarth.” I said as she typed away on the computer.
“Alright Mr and Mrs Gaskarth, we’ll help you into room 118.” She said as we followed her down the hall. Once we got settled into room and Jasey got into a gown and laid in the bed and the hooked her up to an IV, we sat waiting for it to be time for her to start pushing. Jasey was already 7 meters dilated when we checked into the room. I was sitting with her as she sat in the bed chewing ice chips and trying to ease through the pain.
“Are you sure you don’t want the epidural Jase?” I asked rubbing her thigh as she tried to relax.
“Yes I don’t want the baby coming out all drugged up, plus I know I can do this.” She said as I smiled knowing my wife was a warrior she was very independent and told herself from the day she saw the little pink plus sign she was going to look pregnancy in the face and kick its ass and she did.
“You’re doing amazing babe.” I said kissing her forehead. She smiled while breathing through another contraction. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket, everyone said they would come after Jasey started pushing because they wanted us to have alone time as a family. I looked as my phone to see that Jasey’s sister Desiree texted me telling me she was driving in from New York to be here. A nurse walking in pulled me away from my thoughts as she check Jasey’s vitals and checked how much longer it would be until she could start pushing.
“Alright Jasey, you’re still only 7 meters so why don’t you both try to rest up so you can be ready to push okay? Do you need anything else?” She asked as Jasey shook her head no and the nurse smiled at both of us and made her way out. I snuggled back up to Jasey as I sat in the chair next to the bed and took her hand and rubbed my thumb across her knuckles as she attempted to relax and rest for a bit, it didn’t take much time for me to fall asleep.
I slept for what felt an hour but must of been two since I woke up to Jasey squeezing my hand so tightly it basically woke me out of dead sleep.
“You okay babe?” I asked still half asleep. I watched as my wife was basically sitting up holding her stomach and trying to breathe. She was damn near close to breaking my hand.
“Alex call the nurse I need to push.” She said through gritted teeth as I pushed the nurse button on the side of the bed and attempted to comfort her as she was starting to sweat and sitting up in bed. A nurse came in within seconds and seeing Jasey was practically about to have the baby, she paged the doctor and more nurses started to pile in and get Jasey ready. They put her legs in the stirrups as she tried to relax and wait for the doctor before pushing. I held her hand and whispered comforting words to her, and whipped sweat from her head.
“Lena.” Jasey said through gritted teeth, as I looked down at her confused.
“What?” I said as she looked at me in the eyes her face looking more beautiful then before.
“Lena, I want to name her Lena.” She said as I smiled down at her. Lena was a beautiful name for our perfect little girl.
Jasey’s doctor, Dr. Fredricks came in her hair tied back in a neat bun as she washed her hands and put on some gloves, she placed her face mask on and walked over to us.
“Hello Gaskarth’s, are we ready to bring a baby into this world?” She asked seeming a little too chipper for it being four in the morning.
“Yes please get her out of me.” Jasey said exhausted as Dr. Fredricks laughed and sat down in front of Jasey’s spread open legs. As she disappeared behind the sheet covering from her stomach over her legs. I grabbed Jasey’s hand as our eyes met and she smiled at me.
“After this we’re going to have our perfect little girl.” She said as I smiled getting more excited by the minute.
“Alright Jasey I want you to push when you feel your next contraction okay?” The doctor said as Jasey shook her head and started to push once she felt a contraction creeping up. I felt her grip tighten around my hand.
“Good job Jasey, now I want you to stop and breathe, then when you feel another contraction start pushing again.” The doctor said and she shook her head. I could tell she wanted to scream, but she kept her composure. She started pushing again, I could tell she was getting tired with every push.
“Good job, you’re doing so good babe.” I said kissing her head, The doctor kept advising her to push during every contraction,once twenty minutes went by we were at the home stretch.
“Okay Jasey I can see the head can you give me two really good pushes and your baby girl will be here.” The doctor said as Jasey started pushing really hard and the most beautiful sound filled the room. The sweetest cries my ears have ever heard, the doctor took the baby over to clean her up and weigh her. I looked over at Jasey who looked so beat, she smiled at me as the nurse brought the baby over to us and laid her on Jasey’s stomach. I looked at her and my heart instantly melted, I couldn’t believe I helped create this beautiful little baby, Jasey smiled down at Lena.
“I love you little Lena.” I heard Jasey mutter as I looked down at the little baby then back at Jasey who was falling in and out of consciousness, I looked at her as her eyes slowly started to roll back into her head.
“Doctor is she okay?” I said as I took Lena from Jasey as the heart monitor started beeping. Doctor Fredricks came over and everything turned into a blur. Lena was taken from my hands as I was being pushed out of the room, the last thing before I was ushered out was my wife laying in her hospital bed unconscious as my daughter was being wheeled to the nursery.
“Wait please nurse tell me what’s going on.” I said as the nurse that rushed me into the hallway showed me to the waiting room.
“I don’t know exactly Mr. Gaskarth but you need to sit out here and allow Dr. Fredricks to do her job.” She said walking back towards Jasey’s hospital room. I sat there for what felt like hours but was only 30 minutes until I saw Dr. Fredricks round the corner. She looked at me as I stood up.
“Why don’t you sit down Mr. Gaskarth.” She said gesturing me to sit down. I could feel this news wasn’t going to be good.
“Where is my wife Dr. Fredricks?” I stated I didn’t want to sit down, I couldn’t let this doctor look me in the eye while she either told me good news or bad news.
“Mr. Gaskarth please sit down.” She states as I shook my head at her.
“I don’t want to fucking sit down, I want to know if my wife and daughter are okay.” I yelled as she jumped at my sudden change in tone.
“Please sit down.” She said more sternly as I took a seat. She sighed and folded her hands on her lap, as I was sitting close to her I could see she was exhausted and probably ready to go home to her own family, the bags under her eyes stated she probably could sleep for years. She could sense that I was a little bit calm.
“We should be on first name basis here, my name is Kate.” She said putting a piece of stray hair behind her ear.
“I’m Alex.” I said looking down at my hands and fiddling with my wedding band.
“Alex, this is hard for me to say this but Jasey suffered a tear in her uterus which cause postpartum bleeding we got in there to stop the bleeding but it was too late.” She said as I sat there looking at her. “ I’m sorry Alex but we lost your wife.”
I felt my world suddenly crash around me.
“Please Dr.Fredricks there has to be a way to get her back. Please I can’t lose her, not now.” I said as choked back my tears. Kate stood up putting her hands on my shoulder.
“ I’ll give you time before you can go in and see her.” She said walking away.
I sat there with my head in my hands my mind was racing I could fathom that Jasey who was perfectly fine, well and breathing and holding our daughter is dead. Dead. My wife, Jaselyn Rae Gaskarth is dead.
The sound of chatter from down the hall pulled me out of my thoughts as I saw Jasey’s mom, sister, the guys and my parents round the corner, I couldn’t look them all in the face as the walked down the hall expecting to see Jasey and me holding our daughter with smiles on our faces. I heard them all come into the waiting room not expecting to see me sitting there with my head in my hands but the moment they all stepped foot into the waiting room, their talking and laughter stopped. I looked up seeing the guys holding balloons and my parents holding flowers along with Desiree and Jasey’s mom holding stuffed bears.
My tear soaked eyes was enough to tell them something was wrong my mom came to my side as I broke down and cried on her shoulder.
“She’s gone mom. Jasey’s gone.” I managed to say between cries. I instantly felt the mood in the room change as I heard Elizabeth, Jasey’s mom drop the vase of flowers and slide down the wall as Desiree comforted her. The room slowly turned into everyone hugging and crying with each other hours went by I finally mustered up the courage to go to the room and say goodbye to Jasey before they took her down to the morgue.
I walked into the room that almost felt like a whole other room then it did hours ago. She laid on the bed and looked like a statue, they cleaned up the blood and laid a fresh clean blanket on her. Her once warm sunkissed skin was now a paleish gray, her eyes were closed and her hair was still up in her messy bun. I pulled up the chair I was sitting in earlier and took her hand in mine.
“I’m so sorry I did this to you Jasey, I wish I could be in your place instead. I would do anything to bring you back and allow you to watch our Lena grow, I’m so sorry and I love you so much. I don’t know how I’m going to do this without you, Lena will have the best life. I will give her everything her heart desires, I promise Jasey Rae. I will love our little girl for both of us.” I said kissing her hand one last time, tears poured down my cheeks as I laid a sweet lingering kiss on her forehead before making my way out to the hallway where Jasey’s mom and sister looked at me with tear stained cheeks and engulfed me into a group hug before making their way into the room.
I walked down the hallway to the nursery and looked into the big window and saw all the babies that were born today, As I looked at all the babies I noticed they were all little blue blankets besides Lena who was the only pink blanket. I made my way into the nursery as the nurse looked up from her paperwork and smiled at me, I walked over to where Lena was and saw she was sleeping and took her into my arms and craddled her head. I took a seat in the rocking chair and looked down at this little human me and Jasey created. She was a mix of us both, even though she still fresh in this world I could see a lot of Jasey in her.
“Oh little girl, life is going to be so much more hard without your mom here with us, oh but she loved you so much. She sang to you all the time and read you so many stories, half of them she made up, that was her specialty. I won’t be able to do half the stuff she could but I know I can sing to you, and attempt to be as amazing as your mom.” I said rocking her, I let more tears roll down my cheeks, I have this baby who will grow up knowing her mother through pictures and stories and videos, I’m going to endure parenthood without the love of my life, I walked into this hospital with my wife now I’m going to be walking out a widow with a baby.
”I promise you baby girl, I will give you the world Lena Rae.” I said kissing her little forehead.
We dated up until graduation and then the moment her and I walked across that stage I got down on one knee and asked her to be my wife. The rest was history; we got married in the spring time by the time we were twenty and we bought our first house with money we saved up, Jasey got a job walking dogs while I focused on my music. As I sit here now thinking about my life up to this point I look at Jasey and I just fade into how lucky I got, that someone placed this beautiful women in my life, even sitting here and watching her fiddle with a baby monitor and twisting around the wires as she sat on the beautiful wood floor, with her hair back in a messy bun.
“Alex, babe please help me figure this out.” She said looking over at me pulling out of my thoughts. I walked over to here from leaning on the door frame watching my beautiful wife trying to figure out what to do.
“Babe the doctor said not to over exert yourself, we have plenty of time to set up the nursery.” I said taking the jumble of wires from her hand and putting them on the changing table. Jasey attempted to get up with her pregnant belly in the way but I grabbed her arm helping her up and sitting her down on the rocking chair as I took her feet in my hands and massages them.
“ I feel like we have so much to do before she gets here, we still haven’t put the car seat in the car or even packed our hospital bags.” She said as attempted to relax, I kept rubbing her feet as she kept tensing up.
“Why can’t you be one of those lazy pregnant women that let me take care of you, while you sit on the couch and eat pizza and ice cream everyday?” I laughed as she made a disgusted face.
“Because I’m not trying to be a fat pregnant wale, I’m already big as a house.” She whined as I put my hands on her belly and rested my head on it.
“Kick your mommy for calling herself fat.” I said as Jasey played with my hair as I sat there with my head on her big belly, I felt a little foot kick my face as Jasey made a face at me.
“Great, she listens to you now; but when I say please stop kicking mommy so I can sleep or get your foot out from under my rib cage.” She said as we both laughed, my wife was a vision even if she was wearing her hair in a messy bun with her big cardigan on and her Christmas pajamas she looked beautiful, her pregnancy glow was so radiant I swore she was an angel.
“How about this, I make us my world famous spaghetti and meatballs, and some garlic bread, and you can pick out a movie and lounge on the couch.” I said standing up and helping her stand up, she wrapped her arms around my neck as I placed my hands on her hips. She looked into my eyes and I could feel myself melting into her blue orbs.
“How did I get so lucky?” She asked me as I kissed the top of her head.
“I would have to say your humor the most got me but I think I’m the lucky one.” I said kissing her lips then leaning down to kiss her belly. She smiled at me as we walked down stairs to enjoy the rest of the night together.
After eating copious amounts of spaghetti and watching back to back Christmas movies, Jasey passed out and after I cleaned up I snuggled up next to her following suit. One in the morning rolled around when I felt my eye slowly open and noticed Jasey wasn’t laying at the other end of the couch, I figured she woke up and went to bed, I folded the throw blanket and threw them on the back of the couch making my way up the stairs. I heard shuffling in the bedroom and saw Jasey standing over our bed putting clothes into a big duffel bag.
“Hey babe what are you doing up so late?” My sleepy voice rang through the bedroom making her jump, she turned around towards me holding some baby clothes in her hands.
“Hi babe, I didn’t want to wake you but I need to pack our hospital bag.” She said as I watched her go to our dresser and pull out a mix of my clothes and hers.
“Babe come on this can wait until tomorrow, let’s go to sleep.” I said as she put the clothes down and kneeled over with her hands on her knees breathing very heavy as I went over to her and rubbed her back.
“Babe are you okay?” I asked as she kept breathing and not saying anything, then she slowly stood up and her breathing was back to normal as she slowly continued to fold clothes and put them into the duffel bag.
“Babe are you..” I trailed off as she looked at me with some tears in her eyes.
“Yes, and excuse my cursing but holy shit this fucking hurts.” She said through gritted teeth. I changed out of my sweat pants into some jeans and a hoodie while I put on my winter jacket and slipped on some boots.
“I’m going to go warm up the car, you finish this then we’ll head out, now no having a baby while I’m gone.” I said kissing her head and running to the garage. After the car warmed up, I helped Jasey get everything into the car as we headed towards the hospital. I held her hand the whole way.
“Alex she still doesn’t have a name.”Jasey said as she breathed through another contraction. I felt her hand tighten as she did her breathing exercises again.
“You worry about getting ready to bring our beautiful girl into the world.” I said as I drove through downtown, Jasey tried to focus on the Christmas lights that adorned the street lamps, and the snow that blanketed the ground. After about five more minutes we finally pulled up to the hospital, where I parked the car and walked Jasey into the entrance of the hospital and helping her into a wheel chair and throwing her duffel bag over my shoulder.The lady at the front desk saw me wheel Jasey up to her as she was holding her stomach and breathing.
“Good evening folks, I’m assuming we’re making our way up to labor and delivery?” She asked as me and Jasey both shook our heads.
“Alrighty, so you’re gonna go down this hall here and make a right and take the elevator up to the fifth floor and someone should be able to help you there and good luck.” She said to us as I wheeled Jasey down the hall and to the elevator. Jasey was still holding her stomach and doing her breathing.
“How you holding up babe?” I asked as we waited for the elevator to get to labor and delivery.
“Still in pain and ready to push this baby out of me.” She said through gritted teeth. The elevator dinged as we made our way out and to the desk where a nurse was sitting at a computer
“Good evening guys, can I get a name?” She asked typing on her computer.
“Jasey Gaskarth.” I said as she typed away on the computer.
“Alright Mr and Mrs Gaskarth, we’ll help you into room 118.” She said as we followed her down the hall. Once we got settled into room and Jasey got into a gown and laid in the bed and the hooked her up to an IV, we sat waiting for it to be time for her to start pushing. Jasey was already 7 meters dilated when we checked into the room. I was sitting with her as she sat in the bed chewing ice chips and trying to ease through the pain.
“Are you sure you don’t want the epidural Jase?” I asked rubbing her thigh as she tried to relax.
“Yes I don’t want the baby coming out all drugged up, plus I know I can do this.” She said as I smiled knowing my wife was a warrior she was very independent and told herself from the day she saw the little pink plus sign she was going to look pregnancy in the face and kick its ass and she did.
“You’re doing amazing babe.” I said kissing her forehead. She smiled while breathing through another contraction. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket, everyone said they would come after Jasey started pushing because they wanted us to have alone time as a family. I looked as my phone to see that Jasey’s sister Desiree texted me telling me she was driving in from New York to be here. A nurse walking in pulled me away from my thoughts as she check Jasey’s vitals and checked how much longer it would be until she could start pushing.
“Alright Jasey, you’re still only 7 meters so why don’t you both try to rest up so you can be ready to push okay? Do you need anything else?” She asked as Jasey shook her head no and the nurse smiled at both of us and made her way out. I snuggled back up to Jasey as I sat in the chair next to the bed and took her hand and rubbed my thumb across her knuckles as she attempted to relax and rest for a bit, it didn’t take much time for me to fall asleep.
I slept for what felt an hour but must of been two since I woke up to Jasey squeezing my hand so tightly it basically woke me out of dead sleep.
“You okay babe?” I asked still half asleep. I watched as my wife was basically sitting up holding her stomach and trying to breathe. She was damn near close to breaking my hand.
“Alex call the nurse I need to push.” She said through gritted teeth as I pushed the nurse button on the side of the bed and attempted to comfort her as she was starting to sweat and sitting up in bed. A nurse came in within seconds and seeing Jasey was practically about to have the baby, she paged the doctor and more nurses started to pile in and get Jasey ready. They put her legs in the stirrups as she tried to relax and wait for the doctor before pushing. I held her hand and whispered comforting words to her, and whipped sweat from her head.
“Lena.” Jasey said through gritted teeth, as I looked down at her confused.
“What?” I said as she looked at me in the eyes her face looking more beautiful then before.
“Lena, I want to name her Lena.” She said as I smiled down at her. Lena was a beautiful name for our perfect little girl.
Jasey’s doctor, Dr. Fredricks came in her hair tied back in a neat bun as she washed her hands and put on some gloves, she placed her face mask on and walked over to us.
“Hello Gaskarth’s, are we ready to bring a baby into this world?” She asked seeming a little too chipper for it being four in the morning.
“Yes please get her out of me.” Jasey said exhausted as Dr. Fredricks laughed and sat down in front of Jasey’s spread open legs. As she disappeared behind the sheet covering from her stomach over her legs. I grabbed Jasey’s hand as our eyes met and she smiled at me.
“After this we’re going to have our perfect little girl.” She said as I smiled getting more excited by the minute.
“Alright Jasey I want you to push when you feel your next contraction okay?” The doctor said as Jasey shook her head and started to push once she felt a contraction creeping up. I felt her grip tighten around my hand.
“Good job Jasey, now I want you to stop and breathe, then when you feel another contraction start pushing again.” The doctor said and she shook her head. I could tell she wanted to scream, but she kept her composure. She started pushing again, I could tell she was getting tired with every push.
“Good job, you’re doing so good babe.” I said kissing her head, The doctor kept advising her to push during every contraction,once twenty minutes went by we were at the home stretch.
“Okay Jasey I can see the head can you give me two really good pushes and your baby girl will be here.” The doctor said as Jasey started pushing really hard and the most beautiful sound filled the room. The sweetest cries my ears have ever heard, the doctor took the baby over to clean her up and weigh her. I looked over at Jasey who looked so beat, she smiled at me as the nurse brought the baby over to us and laid her on Jasey’s stomach. I looked at her and my heart instantly melted, I couldn’t believe I helped create this beautiful little baby, Jasey smiled down at Lena.
“I love you little Lena.” I heard Jasey mutter as I looked down at the little baby then back at Jasey who was falling in and out of consciousness, I looked at her as her eyes slowly started to roll back into her head.
“Doctor is she okay?” I said as I took Lena from Jasey as the heart monitor started beeping. Doctor Fredricks came over and everything turned into a blur. Lena was taken from my hands as I was being pushed out of the room, the last thing before I was ushered out was my wife laying in her hospital bed unconscious as my daughter was being wheeled to the nursery.
“Wait please nurse tell me what’s going on.” I said as the nurse that rushed me into the hallway showed me to the waiting room.
“I don’t know exactly Mr. Gaskarth but you need to sit out here and allow Dr. Fredricks to do her job.” She said walking back towards Jasey’s hospital room. I sat there for what felt like hours but was only 30 minutes until I saw Dr. Fredricks round the corner. She looked at me as I stood up.
“Why don’t you sit down Mr. Gaskarth.” She said gesturing me to sit down. I could feel this news wasn’t going to be good.
“Where is my wife Dr. Fredricks?” I stated I didn’t want to sit down, I couldn’t let this doctor look me in the eye while she either told me good news or bad news.
“Mr. Gaskarth please sit down.” She states as I shook my head at her.
“I don’t want to fucking sit down, I want to know if my wife and daughter are okay.” I yelled as she jumped at my sudden change in tone.
“Please sit down.” She said more sternly as I took a seat. She sighed and folded her hands on her lap, as I was sitting close to her I could see she was exhausted and probably ready to go home to her own family, the bags under her eyes stated she probably could sleep for years. She could sense that I was a little bit calm.
“We should be on first name basis here, my name is Kate.” She said putting a piece of stray hair behind her ear.
“I’m Alex.” I said looking down at my hands and fiddling with my wedding band.
“Alex, this is hard for me to say this but Jasey suffered a tear in her uterus which cause postpartum bleeding we got in there to stop the bleeding but it was too late.” She said as I sat there looking at her. “ I’m sorry Alex but we lost your wife.”
I felt my world suddenly crash around me.
“Please Dr.Fredricks there has to be a way to get her back. Please I can’t lose her, not now.” I said as choked back my tears. Kate stood up putting her hands on my shoulder.
“ I’ll give you time before you can go in and see her.” She said walking away.
I sat there with my head in my hands my mind was racing I could fathom that Jasey who was perfectly fine, well and breathing and holding our daughter is dead. Dead. My wife, Jaselyn Rae Gaskarth is dead.
The sound of chatter from down the hall pulled me out of my thoughts as I saw Jasey’s mom, sister, the guys and my parents round the corner, I couldn’t look them all in the face as the walked down the hall expecting to see Jasey and me holding our daughter with smiles on our faces. I heard them all come into the waiting room not expecting to see me sitting there with my head in my hands but the moment they all stepped foot into the waiting room, their talking and laughter stopped. I looked up seeing the guys holding balloons and my parents holding flowers along with Desiree and Jasey’s mom holding stuffed bears.
My tear soaked eyes was enough to tell them something was wrong my mom came to my side as I broke down and cried on her shoulder.
“She’s gone mom. Jasey’s gone.” I managed to say between cries. I instantly felt the mood in the room change as I heard Elizabeth, Jasey’s mom drop the vase of flowers and slide down the wall as Desiree comforted her. The room slowly turned into everyone hugging and crying with each other hours went by I finally mustered up the courage to go to the room and say goodbye to Jasey before they took her down to the morgue.
I walked into the room that almost felt like a whole other room then it did hours ago. She laid on the bed and looked like a statue, they cleaned up the blood and laid a fresh clean blanket on her. Her once warm sunkissed skin was now a paleish gray, her eyes were closed and her hair was still up in her messy bun. I pulled up the chair I was sitting in earlier and took her hand in mine.
“I’m so sorry I did this to you Jasey, I wish I could be in your place instead. I would do anything to bring you back and allow you to watch our Lena grow, I’m so sorry and I love you so much. I don’t know how I’m going to do this without you, Lena will have the best life. I will give her everything her heart desires, I promise Jasey Rae. I will love our little girl for both of us.” I said kissing her hand one last time, tears poured down my cheeks as I laid a sweet lingering kiss on her forehead before making my way out to the hallway where Jasey’s mom and sister looked at me with tear stained cheeks and engulfed me into a group hug before making their way into the room.
I walked down the hallway to the nursery and looked into the big window and saw all the babies that were born today, As I looked at all the babies I noticed they were all little blue blankets besides Lena who was the only pink blanket. I made my way into the nursery as the nurse looked up from her paperwork and smiled at me, I walked over to where Lena was and saw she was sleeping and took her into my arms and craddled her head. I took a seat in the rocking chair and looked down at this little human me and Jasey created. She was a mix of us both, even though she still fresh in this world I could see a lot of Jasey in her.
“Oh little girl, life is going to be so much more hard without your mom here with us, oh but she loved you so much. She sang to you all the time and read you so many stories, half of them she made up, that was her specialty. I won’t be able to do half the stuff she could but I know I can sing to you, and attempt to be as amazing as your mom.” I said rocking her, I let more tears roll down my cheeks, I have this baby who will grow up knowing her mother through pictures and stories and videos, I’m going to endure parenthood without the love of my life, I walked into this hospital with my wife now I’m going to be walking out a widow with a baby.
”I promise you baby girl, I will give you the world Lena Rae.” I said kissing her little forehead.
Notes
This is my new story I’m going to work on, idk if I plan to
make it long or short because I still plan to help write Kissing In Cars. I just had this plot rattling around in my brain and wanted to get it down before I lost it. I hope you guys like it please leave me some positive feedback. XOXO
@hopeless1313
Thank you, hope to be updating it really soon!
12/2/17