*TRIGGER WARNING*
SELF HARM AND MENTIONS OF SUICIDE

---

*Alex Pov*

'He put his arms around me, and I could feel sparks. My skin just tingled every time he touched me.

"Can I try something?" I felt my face heat up, and I weakly nodded. "Just tell me to stop if you want me to." Trust me, I knew what he was doing, I didn't plan on stopping him. He leaned in. My breath became shallow. I could feel my hands trembling, but I wasn't nervous. I placed my hands on the back of his neck. I closed my eyes, and I felt his lips connect with mine. Sparks doesn't even come close to what I was feeling. I felt heat coursing through me. His lips were soft and gentle against mine. If he wouldn't have been holding me, I probably would've fallen because my knees were so weak. I don't think I could ever forget how amazing he tasted. He pulled back, searching my eyes for any sign of uneasiness, but I kissed him again before he said anything. This wasn't like the kiss moments ago. This was more eager. I just wanted him. He slid his tongue across my bottom lip, begging for entrance. I didn't hesitate to grant it. His tongue explored my mouth, and he pulled me impossibly close to him. He swiped his tongue across the roof of my mouth, and I let out a small moan. He pulled away for a moment
only to connect his lips to my neck. I let out a shaky breath. He kissed from my jaw almost all the way to my collar. He found a spot slightly behind my right ear, and another moan escaped my lips. He sucked on that spot until there was sure to be a mark. I pulled him back to my lips and kissed him desperately. I tangled my fingers in his hair. I pulled slightly, and he moaned. I was already kind of turned on, and that definitely didn't help. He pulled me back towards the bed...'

I felt something hit me really hard in the stomach and I jerked awake. Jack had jumped on me.

"What the hell was th-that for!? You interrupted my d-dream!" He narrowed his eyes.

"Where. Is it." I had no idea what he was talking about. I cocked my eyebrow. "My hairspray. I already jumped on Brendon. He doesn't have it. Rian has virtually no hair, Matt, Kellin, and Vic don't use it, Mike, Jaime, and Justin don't touch my stuff, oh, and Patrick doesn't use it. That leaves you." I had to hold in my laughter.


"I have no idea what you're talking about," I lied horribly. He leaned down and put his hands on both sides of my head, memories of my dream began flashing in my head. Getting turned on with him straddling me wouldn't be the best idea.

"Where'd you put it?" He must've brushed his teeth already; his minty breath fanned my face. This was totally not helping the plan of not getting turned on. "Alex."

"Jack."

"Alexander." There was an awkward pause.

"Jack."

"I win. I don't have a longer name," he smiled triumphantly. I rolled my eyes.

"If you guys are gonna fuck, can you wait until we leave?" Matt whined, looking over the side of his bunk. Jack quickly scrambled off of me. The rest of the guys laughed.

"Seriously, where is it?" I walked over to my bag and dug out the hairspray.

"You asshole!" I felt something hit the back of my head. I turned around to see that Brendon had thrown his personal marker at me. "You got me pounced on for nothing!" I started giggling. I then felt someone slap me in the arm.

"Don't touch my hairspray," Jack snapped, trying to not to smile through his grimace. I just laughed harder. "What is so funny?"

"H-he said you p-pounced on him."

"And?" He obviously wasn't getting it.

"Like a c-cat." I was giggling uncontrollably at this point. "A bara-cat," I laughed, elbowing him on both syllables. The others chuckled at my pathetic joke, but Jack just rolled his eyes and turned towards the bathroom. "I saw that s-smirk." He flipped me off over his shoulder and went back to doing his hair.

Eventually we were all ready and heading towards breakfast. Jack and I were trailing a little bit behind, both of us with pop tarts in hand.

"You okay?" Jack asked, nudging me with his elbow.

"Y-yeah, why?"

"I hit you pretty hard when I jumped on you this morning," he trailed off looking ashamed.

"It's ok-kay. I k-kinda saw it c-coming."

"Sorry."

"D-Dude, I'm f-fine."

"Did I wake you up last night?" I cocked my eyebrow at him. "You woke me up because I fell on the floor." Oh yeah. That's why I woke him up. We'll go with that.

"N-no. I w-woke up on m-my own."

"Everything ok?" I slightly nodded my head. "You sure? You're stuttering pretty bad, and you usually only do that when something is up."

"N-no, I'm f-fine. I j-just didn't think it w-would be this c-cold out." I only had my thin hoodie on for a coat, and with the lake being so close, it was only like 40 degrees out. I felt him grab my hand.

"Lord Jesus, you're freezing!" Wow, he was warm. He dropped my hand and started unzipping his hoodie.

"N-no, it's c-cold. You need it. I'll b-be fine," I protested. He ignored me and continued taking it off.

"I'll be fine. I'm used to the mornings here. I always wear a long-sleeved shirt and my warm hoodie in the morning. I'll be fine." I would've continued to protest, but he draped his hoodie around my shoulders and I was instantly engulfed in warmth and his smell. It was comforting. I pulled my arms through the sleeves and felt Jack wrap his arm around my waist. "Not to mention, I can just use you for a heater," he smirked, pulling me into his side. I felt my face go into an unbreakable smile.

We walked into the lodge, and after a few moments of searching, we found our friends at a nearly full table. The only seat left was a small opening on one of the benches. Cassadee gave us a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry, we tried saving the seats, but one of the parents yelled at us," she explained.

"It's ok. We can squeeze," Jack grinned, climbing on to the bench. He looked back at me and tapped the spot next to him. Was he serious? I would be practically sitting on him if I tried sitting there. Not to mention I would be extremely close to some kid I didn't know. Jack must have sensed my uneasiness because he got back up from his seat.

"Jack, where are you going? Aren't you going to sit with us?" Some kid I didn't know questioned. Jack gave him an ugly look.

"Considering there just so happens to be only one seat left here, I'm going to go sit with Alex at another table," Jack sneered. Who is this kid?

"Dude, you always sit with us. Why can't he just sit at another table for breakfast? I'm sure he wouldn't mind sitting with some of his other friends for a bit." The tension was suffocating.

"Evan, I don't feel like dealing with your shit this early in the morning," Jack snapped, growing even more agitated. I could feel my hands start to shake. I hated confrontations.

"J-Jack, it's f-fine. I c-can sit at a d-different table," I whispered, nudging his arm to distract him from Evan. I tried to give him the most convincing look I could, but I don't think he really bought it. I didn't stick around long enough to find out.

I walked to the other side of the lodge looking for an empty table, and thankfully there was a table in the corner with a vacant side. The only other occupants were a few kids that I recognized from the sax section, and a lone freshman sitting on one of the other sides. It seemed safe enough. The kid had a small frame, light brown hair, and looked a little bit on the scrawny side. His head was down, so I figured he didn't seem too threatening. When I sat down, he jumped.

"S-sorry, I didn't m-mean to s-scare you. Are you ok-kay?" I recognized him from pre-camp. He was a freshman, and his older brother was a senior.

"Yeah, mostly tired. I didn't mean to jump like that," he laughed nervously. "I thought you were my brother. I'm Seth, by the way."

"Alex. You p-play tenor, r-right?"

"Yeah. I'm the only freshman in the section," he stated sadly.

"Hey, w-we were all f-freshman once. N-nothing wrong w-with that," I replied, playfully nudging his arm. "It c-could be worse. You c-could be the new weird 'emo' k-kid with a stut-ter," I sarcastically remarked.

"You don't seem very weird or 'emo' to me."

"Ap-parently, my band shirts, skinny j-jeans, and haircut make m-me 'emo'," I laughed. He looked at my hoodie.

"Yeah, Blink-182 is totally emo. I see it now." We both laughed. I kinda liked this kid; he was cool. "I'm not a big Blink fan. I'm more of a Green Day person." Yup, I like this kid. I nodded in approval. I was about to ask another question, but Gerard called us to attention first.

"Ok, group 7 won the scavenger hunt, so they can go and get their food first."

Seth quickly scrambled triumphantly from the table to go and get his food. I opened my poptart, poured myself some chocolate milk, and checked to see if I could get cell signal from this side of the lodge. I managed to find enough signal to see that I had a new message. I figured it would be from my mom, but to my surprise, it was Jack.

From Jack:
Sorry about Evan. He's a dick. I'll explain it on the way back to the cabin. Where are you?

I shook my head and smiled at his question. I don't know why he felt like he had to take care of me.

To Jack:
In the lodge. At a table. With some people. I'm fine. Don't worry.

From Jack:
Sorry, I just... ugh. Nevermind.

To Jack:
Just what?

From Jack:
I'd rather have you sitting over here with us. I don't even want Evan sitting with us. He just can't seem to understand that. And sorry for that. I know you don't like the whole confrontation thing. I'm just kinda crabby, and he just ugh. I'm sorry.

To Jack:
It's fine. Seriously. I might have actually made a new friend anyway. So it's not completely bad :)

From Jack:
Oh? Who?

To Jack:
Freshman named Seth. He's pretty cool. Terrified of like everything, but he's pretty cool.

From Jack:
Seth Tailer? The tenor sax kid?

To Jack:
Idk his last name, but yeah, he plays tenor. why?

From Jack:
Dude, stay away from him. That is not territory you want to tread on. Once you climb up that tree, there is no way of getting down unharmed.

Does he honestly think he can dictate who I can and can't hang out with? I just ignored him. I didn't notice Seth had come back.

"How on earth do you have signal in here?!" His voice made me jump. He laughed. I guess it was payback.

"Wi-fi," I answered absentmindedly.

"Hey, Tuesday is normally our free-time day after the last rehearsal. Do you maybe want to hang out?" I didn't want to hurt the kid's feelings, but I wanted to hang out with Jack.

"M-maybe. I might b-be doing something w-with the guys in my cabin." He looked a little let down. Ugh. I know how he feels. "What c-cabin are you in?"

"Dorm 1. You?"

"Three."

We finished breakfast in a semi-awkward silence, listened to Gerard's announcements, and began dismissing before our morning rehearsal. I looked for Jack in the crowd of people, but even with his height advantage, I still didn't see him. I decided it would probably just be safer to wait for him on the deck of the lodge. I barely made it past the door, and I felt someone grab the back of my hoodie. I didn't even have to look to realize that it wasn't Jack grabbing me. I instantly froze.

"Alex, is it? Let's go for a little walk," the voice scornfully whispered in my ear. He dragged me to the side of the lodge by the tennis courts where Jack and I had been stationed for the scavenger hunt.

"W-what do you w-want from m-me?" I stammered. I had never even seen this kid before, what could he possibly have against me? He grabbed me by my shirt collar, and flashbacks of Jeremy began to flash through my mind.

"I know a faggot when I see one. Stay away from my brother. I don't need you turning him into someone like you. He's pathetic enough as it is. You don't need to add to it. Just stick to your little whore of a boyfriend. Got it?" he spit, shoving me to the ground. I was too confused and shocked to answer him. He wasn't having it. He kicked me in the side. "I said, got it?!" I curled up, nodding my head furiously. "You've been warned, faggot."

All I could hear was Jeremy's voice ringing through my head. Hot tears poured down my face, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't will myself to get up. This was supposed to be different. I can't go through this again. I just couldn't.


*Jack Pov*

I walked out of the lodge and waited for Alex on the porch, but I must have missed him already; he wasn't in the crowd of people that had filed out. I figured maybe he went back to the cabin to get away from all of the chaos that is meal time. I wouldn't of had to look for him if Evan hadn't been such a dick. He purposely took up the extra seats so there wasn't enough room for me and Alex. Why can't he just accept that I don't want him around anymore? I told him a month into summer that whatever had happened between us was just a fling. He's jealous that I'm already so close to Alex and it's only been a few weeks. Whatever he was trying to accomplish by doing this was really pissing me off.

I entered the cabin, but Alex wasn't there. Apparently no one had seen him come into the cabin either. Hm, that's odd. Where else would he have gone? He doesn't know the lay out of camp that well, so I figured it would probably be best to go look for him. I didn't even make it three feet out of my cabin before I heard someone calling my name. I didn't recognize the voice, but when I looked, I saw Seth running towards me.

"Jack! Hey, have you seen Alex?"

"No, why are you asking me? Why do you even care?" The words came out a lot harsher than I meant for them to, but I was still a little pissed from breakfast, and I knew this kid was trouble. He shrank back a little at my words.

"He walked out of the lodge, and I think Owen might have done something to him for being nice to me," he frantically spit out. Shit.

"What did you do to him?" I growled, narrowing my eyes.

"He was just sitting with me so I wasn't alone, and we were just talking about bands! I didn't do anything! I saw Owen staring at us, but he always glares at me, so I didn't think anything of it until I went outside and he disappeared!" Seth was practically in tears. I felt kinda bad for being so mean to him. I knew he was probably terrified of what his brother would do to him if he found out that his bro had told on him to someone. If he disappeared off of the porch of the lodge, the only place he could have gone was next to the tennis courts. I took off running. There was no telling what that jackass had done to Alex. He didn't really care who he hurt, as long as it kept people afraid of him. He's been a bully since grade school, so it wasn't out of the ordinary for him to beat people up. He's hospitalized a few kids, but none of them could prove that Owen had done it, so he always got off scott-free. As I was running up the path towards the lodge, I saw a small figure crumpled in a ball and shaking on the ground. Alex. I didn't think I could run any farther, but I had to get to Alex. The sound of me running up to him must have scared him, because he scrunched up even more. I could hear him sobbing, and it absolutely broke my heart.

"Alex, it's me. Oh my god, what happened?!" I dropped to the ground next to him, pulled him into my lap, and began rubbing circles on his back. I swear, I was going to kill Owen for this. I'm not quite sure if he was trying to answer my question or not, but the only thing I could make out of his sobs was the word 'no' over and over again. He was frantically shaking his head, and he was practically hyperventilating. "Shhh. It's ok, Lex. I've got you. I'm right here. He can't get you. I'm right here," I whispered, rocking back and forth. No matter what I did, I couldn't get him to calm down enough to form a coherent sentence. I felt completely useless.

"N-nurs-se's s-st-tatio-n," he chocked out. His voice didn't even sound like his own. I stood up and pulled him into my side. He was so shaky, he couldn't even walk.

"Does she have meds for this?" He nodded. "Do you want me to tell her what happened? I know Owen did this. Seth found me and told me." He shook his head furiously. "So just tell her I found you having a panic attack, and she'll give you meds without the details?" He nodded again. After a few steps, I gave up on the walking idea. I easily picked Alex up and carried him bridal style to the nurse. I didn't even care how weird it might look, I didn't want him to black out or anything. When Joe got really bad, he would pass out for unpredictable amounts of time, and it was terrifying. I wasn't going to risk it. I don't think Alex cared at that moment what people thought either, he was curled up into my chest with my shirt balled up in his fist. He was shaking so violently that it was kinda hard to carry him.

After a few moments, we were at the nurses staion. Thankfully, Rian was filling up his water bottle outside of the station, so he opened the door for me. I explained to the nurse about the panic attack, and set him down in the closest chair. In my peripheral vision I saw Rian give me the 'We will discuss this later' look before going back to our cabin. Ugh. That was going to be an interesting conversation.

"Ok honey, I need to know your name," Ms. Dawson cooed.

"A-ale-x -"

"Alex Gaskarth," I answered for him. She flipped to his page in her binder, dug out his med bag, opened one of the bottles, and gave him a little white tablet. She went to get him a small glass of water, but I had already beaten her to it. She explained that the meds could take up to 15 minutes to work completely and that he would have to stay in there until then.

"Jacko, you can take your meds and get back to your cabin. I can take care of him." Alex's head shot up, and he looked at me, silently begging me to stay.

"Kathi, I mean Ms. Dawson, can I stay here to make sure he's ok?" I pleaded.

"Hun, I promise I'll take care of him. You have to go for warm up. If I let you skip, I can get in big trouble. I'm sorry." I felt tears well up in my eyes. I could feel how terrified Alex was. I didn't want to leave him, but at the same time, I understood where Ms. Dawson was coming from. Alex looked back up at me, and I mouthed 'I'm sorry' as I started backing out. His breathing had started to slow, but as soon as I took a step back, he started to gasp for air again. He reached out and grabbed my arm. I looked back at Kathi. She sighed, "I'll go talk to Gerard." I smiled at the victory and began rubbing circles on Alex's back again. A few moments later, and Gerard walked into the cabin. He didn't even need to speak for me to know that he understood. He nodded his head towards me and departed for warm up.

"Honey, would it help if you went and laid down on the cot in the back?" He shrugged weakly and looked at me.

"Probably. There's less of a chance of people walking in back there," I answered for him. She nodded and directed me towards the back room. The room was relatively dark and there was a fan in the corner across from the small cot. At least it would help him cool down a bit. I half carried the shaking boy to the bed, and he just collapsed on the worn mattress. As I walked to turn the fan on, I felt tears threatening to spill, but I couldn't tell if they were from heartbreak, or fury. I suddenly heard a strangled whimper come from the struggling boy on the bed. He couldn't even turn over without being in pain. What the fuck did he do to my Alex?! I thought Owen had just scared him really bad; I didn't even think that he might have physically hurt him. Well, any other time, yes, but at band camp? Really? Wait a sec. My Alex? What? He's not mine. He's just another friend...

"J-Jack?" My eyes snapped towards the boy. "Y-you ok-kay?" I didn't even notice I hadn't moved from the fan. I walked towards the cot.

"You're over here practically like dying, and you're asking me if I'm okay?" I laughed a little. He's always too preoccupied worrying about everyone else. He needs to worry about himself. He shrugged slightly and reached his hand out towards me.

"P-please d-don't leave me." I sat on the edge of the cot, and pulled him into my side.

"I wouldn't dream of it." He moved over a little bit and made room for me to sit on the cot up against the wall. As soon as I was situated, Alex crawled back into my lap, rested his head in the crook of my neck, and wrapped his unsteady arms around my waist. For some reason it made me really happy that I was kind of like a security blanket to him. I wrapped my arms around him and smiled a little into his hair. I wanted so badly to kiss his hair and tell him that everything would be okay, but I knew I couldn't do that. I've only known him for a couple weeks. Yeah, we've texted non-stop since the day we met, but I don't know. I don't want to risk the same thing happening that did last time. I need to stop falling for people. I mean, I'm still pretty sure Alex is straight. Sure, he flirts with me all the time, but maybe he's just joking around. The only reason he cuddles up to me like this is because he's scared, and I'm the only thing familiar to him around here. Joe always did that, too. He had a stuffed dog that he brought with him whenever he was going to somewhere new or somewhere he wasn't comfortable. Then, whenever he felt uneasy about something, he would hold on to the dog really tight. It was a coping mechanism type deal. It was something familiar. Something comforting. That's exactly what I am to Alex. That's it. If he knew that I was falling for him, especially as hard as I already was, he would probably flip out. I always fell way too hard way too fast, but this time it felt different. I just wish he felt the same.

I was so distracted by my thoughts that I didn't even notice the shift in Alex's breathing. I stopped rubbing his back, and he wasn't shaking anymore. I moved my head a little and saw that he had fallen asleep. Wow, he was so cute when he slept. I didn't have the heart to wake him up, he needed some rest to make up for everything he had gone through this morning. I moved my hand to his side, and he flinched away in his sleep. There was a bump there. I sneakily tried to pull up his shirt to see the damage, but Momma Dawson walked in. That probably looked really awkward.

"How is he doing?"

"I think the meds kicked in. He kinda fell asleep," I giggled quietly.

"I figured he would. It's a side effect of his medicine. It calms down your system, and sometimes that makes you fall asleep." I nodded. "I'll let him rest a bit. I don't think he needs to review basic marching again," she smiled. I loved that woman. She began walking back towards the main part of the cabin.

"Kathi?" My voice was kinda shaky. "Can I ask you something?"

"Always. What's up?"

"Hypothetically speaking, if you knew something, but you didn't have any solid proof, and it could either make things better or a lot worse, and you didn't know what to do, what would you do?" I rambled. She paused for a moment, probably trying to figure out what I was rambling about.

"Um, well I guess it depended on the situation. Like, say, hypothetically speaking of course, that you had a friend that was getting bullied, physically or emotionally, and you didn't have any proof of who was doing it, but you knew who it was, hypothetically speaking, say it was someone that had a pretty bad rep, so you didn't think anyone would believe you, or you thought that they would think you were making it up, I would tell someone I knew would believe me, even if it was just my word against theirs. And I would tell someone who could help that friend, especially if they were injured." I opened my mouth to speak, but she cut me off. "Even if they didn't want you to tell because they didn't want it to get any worse, or because they were scared of the consequences. Sometimes the right decision is the hardest decision to make. Even in hypothetical situations." I nodded slowly.

"So hypothetically speaking, what if you were afraid that you would lose that friend because they had asked you not to tell in fear of it getting worse?"

"Well, if you really care about Al-lowing that hypothetical friend to be taken care of and looked after, you should have no problem making that decision. They really care about you. They won't leave."

"What if in this hypothetical circumstance, you had only been friends with that person for a short time?"

"Jack, friendship isn't about how long you have known a person. If there is a connection, you don't have anything to worry about. And in this hypothetical situation, if these friends are even half as close as you and Alex have gotten in the last few weeks, then they don't have anything to worry about. They might fight about it, and perhaps that friend might be upset at first, but they'll realize that it was for the best in the end, and everything will be fine." I felt Alex snuggle closer into my neck.

"Well, what if that hypothetical friend didn't want to be friends with you anymore after that?" I challenged.

"As in if they wanted to be more than friends?" I felt my face heat up a little.

"No! As in what if they never talked to you again?"

"Jack, he'll forgive you if you tell me. What happened? I know he didn't just suddenly get like this. I'll keep it between the three of us."

"Damn. I knew you were gonna figure that out."

"Yes because when people talk about 'their friend' or hypothetical situations, it isn't about anything obvious that recently happened or anything," she remarked, rolling her eyes.

"Well, Rian told you about the whole Evan thing, right?" She nodded. "Well, this morning we went into breakfast, and he purposely made it so that there wasn't enough room for me and Alex at the table. So when I called him out on it, he started being a dick and pretty much told Alex that he was intruding at our table and that he should sit somewhere else. So we started arguing, and Alex doesn't like confrontation, so he walked off to sit on the other side of the Lodge. He ended up sitting with Seth, and they were talking about bands and stuff. Apparently, Owen had a problem with them being friends, so he attacked him after breakfast. I don't know what exactly he did, but I know he didn't just scare him," I rushed. "Which is why it probably looked like I was being a creep and trying to undress him while he slept," I laughed.

"Here, let me take a look."

She had me turn him on his opposite side as much as possible, and pull the hoodie out of her way. She slowly pulled the fabric of his shirt up far enough to expose his now purpling side. I don't know what I was expecting to see, but it definitely wasn't the giant bruise that covered the left part of his torso. I drew in a sharp breath. "Oh. My. God."

"He'll be okay. It looks like he was kicked. I'll be right back."

"Alex, I swear I won't let him touch you again. He will pay for this. I'm sorry. I should've went and sat with you. I felt horrible leaving, but I...I'm just a Jackass. I'm so sorry. I know we don't have to be practically glued together all of the time, but I know how horrible some of these people can be, especially to new kids. Well, new kids that hang out with me anyway. This is my fault. Owen only did this because of me. I can't believe he would stoop as low as to hurt you to hurt me. I'm so sorry, Lex." I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Thankfully, Ms. Dawson returned before I started crying.

"I'm gonna need you to hold the ice pack on that spot for a bit." I nodded. "Then when it's numb, I'll be able to check to see if there is any rib damage." I nodded again. She placed the makeshift icepack on the darkening patch, and left me to take care of Alex for a bit. I opened my mouth to say something, but I stopped when I felt Alex starting to wake up.

"Jacky?"

"Hm?"

"Can you d-do me a favor?"

"Depends on what it is. Like if you want a million dollars, I am definitely not your person for that," I laughed. I felt him cough out a quiet chuckle of his own.

"N-not something like th-that."

"Then what?"

"Please n-never say the word hypothetically again." I froze. Was he awake that whole time? Well, this just got very embarrassing very quickly. "And you're r-right. I don't need a p-protector." He paused. "But, I'm really g-glad that I have you." He nuzzled his face back into my neck.

"Always. That's what best friends are for." Ouch. That hurt. I hated the word 'friends'. It's hard to be just friends with someone that you really want to be with.

"N-now can you explain how th-this is all your fault? I'm n-not seeing it." I so wasn't ready to have this conversation.

"It's a long story." That was lame, but it was the best I could come up with on such short notice.

"My s-side hurts still. We have t-time." Ugh. Now I need another excuse. "Unless you don't want to. I want to know, but I'm not a pushy person."

"No, you're just a hairspray theif," I joked. He shook his head, rolling his eyes.

"It was f-funny."

"Yeah, me pouncing on you was hilarious," I retorted sarcastically.

"It made f-for a good joke." He paused and started laughing to himself.

"What?"

"Barakat." He started laughing harder.

"Ha. Ha. Very original." I have to admit, it was kind of funny, but that's probably just because it came from him. Not to mention, it was extremely adorable when he laughed at his own lame jokes. Wow, I was really falling way too hard and way too fast for him. Why does he have to be straight?

Alex sighed. "I'm s-sorry, Jack."

"Sorry for what?"

"You shouldn't have t-to sit in here with m-me. I should be able to t-take care of myself. They need you out th-there. You should be out there w-with everyone else. It's not your fault I p-pissed off one of the b-biggest jerks here. I d-don't want you to be behind because of m-me."

"Dude, I'm not gonna be behind. I've been marching since freshman year. Not to mention, our section has a whole 12 people in it. Without us, its only 10. Tay can take care of 9 people by herself. I promise, it's fine. I'd rather be in here with you anyway. I hate warm up. Everyone hates warm up. So at least I have a legit reason to skip the awful thing. It's nothing to get upset about." He slightly nodded his head. "Fuck, I forgot to take my meds this morning. Can I get up for a second?"

"Shit, I d-didn't take mine this morning either."

"I'll be right back," I stated, leaving to find Ms. Dawson. "Hey, Kathi? I need my morning meds, and Alex said he hasn't taken his yet either."

"Oh, that's right. I meant to bring those back there for you guys. Go ahead and sit back down; I'll bring your bags and some water."

"Thanks."

I walked back into the darkened room to see Alex curled up facing the wall. I decided to sneak back into the cot next to him. I wrapped my arm lightly around his frame, but he jumped before I could get comfortable.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He didn't reply; he just laid next to me in silence, clutching his left arm to his chest, so I pulled my arm away. Not gonna lie, I was slightly offended.

"I have both of your med bags here. You both know what you need to take, so I'm not going to bother going through the binder." I retrieved my bag and walked back to the cot just in time to see Alex hastily pulling the left hoodie sleeve back down. Did Owen hurt his arm, too? I am seriously going to hurt that kid. After Ms. Dawson left, we both took our meds and drank our water while staring at each other silently. I don't know what happened, but the atmosphere had become extremely tense. Before I could get anything out of my mouth, Alex had left the room, handed his bag back to Rian's mom, and started heading out towards the field. Despite my state of shock, I quickly did the same. He stood by the end of the yard line, so there was no room for me to stand by him. Did I say something? Did I do something? Thankfully, Vic called for the section leaders to step between the yard lines and watch their section march, so I didn't have to awkwardly walk to the other side of the section. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get Alex to look at me. He just kept staring straight ahead with an absent look on his face.
We had missed most of the warmups, so it wasn't long before we were dismissed for a water break prior to going over the charts from the previous day. I took the opportunity to walk back to the cabin and grab my coordinate sheet.

*Alex Pov*

After a whole 10 minutes of marching, we were released for a water break. I went to fill up my water bag, but I realized I left the backpack in the cabin. I hurried over to the dorm, but I didn't notice Jack standing right inside the door, so I ended up running right into him. He didn't even budge; he was still staring at something on the other side of the wall opposite of the door. Naturally, I wanted to know what he was looking at. I don't know what I was expecting to see, but it wasn't the sight before me. I looked around Jack at the two boys kissing on the bunk. My jaw dropped. Since when were Vic and Kellin a thing? I didn't even know they liked each other. I didn't even know they were gay! Going by Jack's reaction, I didn't think he knew either. Or, he just didn't approve. Great. He might be a homophobe. Perhaps I shouldn't have gotten so attached to him already. I don't think the boys heard us enter, or they just didn't care that we were there. I decided to just sneak over to my bunk, grab my water backpack, and sneak back out. I didn't get very far before I felt Jack grab the back of my, well his, hoodie. I stopped dead in my tracks. I so didn't want to talk about earlier.

"Hey, wait up!" I couldn't even look up at him. I wouldn't blame him for being mad at me for earlier. I just kinda got up and left without an explanation. "Can we talk for a sec?"

"Uh, I have t-to go fill up my bag b-before break is over," I stuttered, pulling out of his grasp and walking towards the cooler.

"I can walk and talk at the same time." I really didn't want to deal with this right now.

"W-what about?"

"What the hell happened this morning? Did I do something?" I totally saw that coming. I didn't answer. "Alex, talk to me. What did I do?"

"J-Jack, please, I d-don't want to talk about this r-right now," I stuttered quietly, filling my water bag. Suddenly, he wrapped his arms around my waist from behind, and I felt my face instantly heat up. He rested his chin on my shoulder and whispered into my ear, "Hey, whatever I did, I'm sorry, okay? Please stop giving me the cold shoulder. I know we've only known each other for like a month or so, but you're like one of my best friends, Lex." He wrapped his arms tighter around me, embracing me in a warm hug.

I had already finished filling the bag, but I didn't want to move. Sadly, I pulled out of his embrace, placed the bag back in my backpack, and pulled the 'straw' back through the shoulder. Then, I turned back around to face Jack. "You're my b-best friend, too. I just d-don't want to talk about it r-right now. We can talk about it l-later." He smiled. Man, I loved it when he smiled. It was contagious. A moment later, Gerard called water break to an end.

The rest of the morning was pretty boring. Nothing except for marching, sweating, and whining for water. Around noon, we were finally dismissed for lunch. Gerard made us bring out our instruments halfway through morning rehearsal, so we had to put them all away before we could go to the lodge to eat. I packed my trombone away, slid it under my bunk, plopped down on my bunk, put my earphones in, and closed my eyes. A few seconds later I felt somebody slowly climbing into my bunk, I figured it was Jack, so I just pretended I didn't know what he was doing. He laid down next to me, and I could feel him staring at me. After a few moments, I chose to look over at him. I wasn't expecting his face to be so close to mine, but when I turned my head, I could feel his warm breath on my face.

"Whatcha doin?" He questioned.

"Trying t-to take a nap. You?"

"We need to go eat lunch."

"Go ahead. D-don't let me stop you."

"Lex, why aren't you eating? We're out there for hours at a time. It's not healthy to just go without eating when you're doing that much physical activity."

"I'll b-be fine."

"Alex."

"Jack."

"Alexander."

"...Jackary." We both went silent for a second before bursting into laughter.

"Jackary? What even?" He laughed.

"That was the b-best I could come up with on s-such short notice," I choked out through my laughter. "Jack s-sounds like it should be short f-for something, but it's n-not," I reasoned, my laughter dying down. He just shook his head.

"Come on, let's go eat. We need to. Not to mention, if we don't go, Gerard will kill us."

"Go eat. I'm n-not hungry." He climbed out of the bunk.

"Bullshit. Now get up before I carry you with me," he threatened. Naturally, I had to be a smart ass. I lifted my arms and gestured for him to pick me up. I never actually thought he would do it; however, he quickly defeated that assumption. He easily gathered me in his arms, carried me out to the main part of the cabin, and began towards the door. As comfortable as I was with my arms around his neck, and my face cuddled into his shoulder; it would probably look really weird if Jack walked out of the cabin holding me.

"Jacky, are you s-seriously going to c-carry me there?"

"If it means you're going to eat, then yes." He's hot, he plays guitar, he likes the same music as me, and he's sweet; I literally have zero reasons not to like him. There needs to be an overwhelming flaw in there somewhere. There has to be some kind of turn off, I can't like my best friend. Even if there was a chance for us, if we broke up or something, I'd be alone. I don't want to risk going back to being the lone loser of the school. Then again, maybe it would be worth it. I glanced back up at him from my place on his shoulder. He just looked so content with life. It didn't even seem to bother him that it might look weird if he carried me in. I was so mesmerized watching him that I didn't even notice that we were coming up to the porch of the lodge. I balled up part of his shirt in my fist and snuggled deeper into his chest. "Okay, you have three options. One, I carry you over to our table so you can't escape back to the cabin; two, I can put you down, and I can just hold your hand so you can't leave; or three, you can walk in with me and behave, and if you try to run, it will be option one."

I looked up at him. "I c-can walk." He set me down, and started for the door. I took advantage of the noisy kids walking towards the lodge, and took off for the cabin. I was hoping their laughter would cover the sound of my footstops. I had gotten past the group, and I was almost to the spot where Jack and I had been playing guitar before. To my dismay, I felt someone wrap their arms around my torso and jerk me to a stop. I didn't even have time to look back before Jack had picked me back up and started walking back to the lodge.

"I warned you this was going to happen. I don't get it. Why don't you want to eat all of a sudden? You had no problem eating a poptart this morning." I didn't respond. "Is it your side?" I shook my head. "Dammit, Alex, what is going on? I get you don't want to talk about it, but I'm worried, okay? I don't want you to make yourself sick." I just put my head down, ashamed. I don't want him to worry about me. I just don't want to eat. I do that sometimes. Not to mention, I didn't want to have another run in with Owen. "Is it because of Owen?" Okay, can you read my mind or something? Lord Jesus, I hope not. "'Cause I can guarentee that fucking bastard won't get anywhere near you. He'll have to get through me first." I grabbed on to him tighter. He carried me back to the lodge and set me down outside the doors. "Come on, let's eat." I thought I was off the hook, but when we stepped inside, I felt Jack slip his finger through my belt loop, and pull me into his side a little. I felt a blush creeping on my face.

We easily found our table considering most of the other students had already gotten situated. Thankfully, we weren't the last people in, so people weren't staring at us.

"There you guys are! I was about to send Rian to look for you," Cassadee scolded. Jack just laughed as we took our place between Rian and Matt.

"We told Evan if he didn't fuck off, we'd have Zack kick his ass on Thursday," Rian cheerfully informed.

"Good. Haha. Maybe he'll finally get it through that thick skull of his," Jack grumbled.

I gently nudged his side, "Get wh-what through his h-head?"

"It's a long story. We can talk about that later when we talk about that other thing from earlier." Damn, he really wasn't gonna let that go, was he?

After Gerard's usual announcements, we were called up to get food. Well, whatever it is that they deemed edible enough to call food.

"So, introductions start today..." I looked up from my 'lunch'. "Are you cool with going up, or do you want me to ask someone else?"

"I'll d-do it. I d-don't have to t-talk, do I?"

"Nah, just stand there and look hot," he joked winking at me and elbowing my side.

"Haha. I'll d-do my best."

After getting what was supposed to be tacos, we went back to the table to discuss what he was going to say about me.

"Ok, so first off, your name is Alex, you're a junior in the trombone section, and what two facts do you want me to say?"

"Um, f-favorite color and I have a d-dog named Sebastian."

"Dude, you have a dog!?"

"Y-yeah. He was at my aunt's house while w-we were moving and getting settled in at our house. He came back last w-week."

"Can your mom bring him up on Thursday!?"

"I c-can ask after lunch."

"Jack, who are you introducing?" Gerard interrupted.

"Alex," he replied, pointing at me.

"Are you ready to go right now?" Gerard asked. Jack looked towards me, silently asking for the okay. I nodded.

"Yup. Want us up there right now?" Gerard nodded.

"Come on, let's go stand by the door." I didn't even have time to respond before he was practically dragging me over to the entrance. Unfortunately for me, apparently Owen was an alto section leader. He decided it was the perfect time to introduce Seth.

"Oh, look, it's my pal, Alex," he mockingly stated, trying to swing his arm around my shoulders. I automatically flinched back. Jack instantly threw his arm across my chest and got between us.

"Get. The fuck. Away from him," Jack growled, glaring at the other boy. Owen drew back, dramatically bringing his hand to his chest as if he'd been shot.

"Aw, Jacky, do you honestly think I'd hurt my favorite little buddy?" Mock offense dripped off of his voice. He advanced toward me again, and I cringed. I could feel the anger rolling off of Jack in waves.

"I'm warning you. Stay the hell away from him." Owen leaned in. He was inches from Jack's face.

"I warned you first, Barakat. I told you to keep your disgusting disease to yourself. I warned you to stay away. You and your little whores. If you don't want to heed that warning, then don't throw a fit when your garbage gets put back in its place. So I'd advise being careful before I take out the trash," he sneered, glowering at him. It didn't take much to figure out that I was the 'garbage' he was talking about. Personally, I didn't want to be taken out. I didn't even care what he was talking about, I just didn't want to take any chances.

"J-J-Jack," I cut in before he could reply. I didn't mean for it to come out that shaky, but frankly, I was terrified. I gestured for us to go sit back down, but he didn't budge from in front of me.

"Yeah, J-J-J-Jack, listen t-t-to your b-b-boyfriend," he scoffed.

"Owen, please stop. Leave him alone. Please," a voice quietly begged from behind the bully. I didn't even notice that Seth had been over here.

"Shut up. I'll do whatever the hell I want to. We don't need this kind of scum taking up our air anyway."

"The only nugatory thing I see here is you," he challenged.

"What did you just call me?" He turned his full attention towards his little brother. Jack tried to pull me away while he was distracted, but I wasn't having it. I liked Seth. He didn't deserve this. No one did.

"It m-means w-worthless, l-like your v-vocabulary." Jack glared at me for taking the attention back off of Seth, but I didn't care. I could take another hit; I'm used to it. I was going to continue with something else, but Gerard walked up with 2 more leaders before I could get it out.

Gerard announced that we would be doing introductions and then called Jack's name.

There was a small erruption of cheers. "Hey guys, I'm Jack. I'm a junior, and I'm the better looking section leader for the trombone section." A bunch of people laughed. Jack unexpectedly threw his arm around my shoulders. "And this is Alex; he's new to Dulaney. He's a junior, his favorite color is blue, and he has a dog named Sebastian." I heard our table cheer obnoxiously loud, and my face heated up a bit. Or maybe it was becuase even when we walked back, Jack still had his arm around me. We sat back down at our table, and Jack put his arm back around my lower back where the others couldn't see, but something seemed off.

"J-Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"You ok-kay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You're sh-shaking," I stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the universe. He giggled a little.

"Lex, that's you." I looked down at my arms. Sure enough, it was me. He tightened his grip around my waist and leaned closer. "Hey, you're okay. I'm not gonna let him hurt you. You're safe with me. Now please, eat something."

I had been picking at my food since we'd sat back down. I nodded slightly and took a bite.

"And, if you want, we can just pig out back at the cabin." I nodded again. I'm not gonna lie, Owen definitely scared the shit out of me. I've had my fair share of run-in's with people like him. However, Jack's protective presence definitely made me feel a lot better. This was definitely not helping my plan to not fall for him.

The rest of the afternoon passed in a blur. I was really sore, and I was tired. I just wanted to sleep. Today was a free day for the activity, and I already had decided that I was going to spend it sleeping.

*Jack Pov*

Finally, it was time for our activity. Tuesday night was always one of my favorite activity nights. They usually played a movie on the field (or in a meeting room if it was raining), but I usually just stayed in my cabin and played guitar for a while. This year was different. I wasn't excited like I usually was, in fact, I was terrified. I have no idea how the hell I'm gonna explain the Evan thing to him. What am I supposed to say, 'Yeah, we fucked around a bit, and he took it more seriously than I did, and I broke his heart'? That makes me sound like an asshole. Or, 'He saw it as more of a relationship, and I saw it as more of a friends with benefits type of thing'? That makes me sound like a whore. I don't know what to tell him. I don't want him to freak out on me when he finds out that I'm bi. I don't want that happening. I can't go through that on my own. Thoughts of Cam started flashing through my mind. No. No. Not right now. I can't think about that. I can't deal with this right now.

"J-Jack?" I could feel my eyes watering already. I didn't trust my voice.

"Hm?" I acknowledged.

"Y-you said we'd talk l-later," He trailed off.

"Right."

Kellin and Vic were leaving to go watch the movie, Rian, Mike, and Patrick had left to go hang out with the rest of drumline in cabin 1, Matt was laying on his bunk with his headphones in, Jaime was reading in his bunk, and no one knew where Brendon was. I presumed he was coming back, and I knew Matt wasn't going to leave, so the cabin wasn't the best place for us to talk. I didn't say anything, I just stood up and started towards the door. I could feel Alex following behind me.

I walked past the girls cabins, down the path behind the trees, and towards the lodge, but I took a sharp left down a path that I remember finding freshman year. After a little bit of walking, I stumbled into the hidden back field by the lake. There was a scaffolding hidden amongst the trees, but we never marched over here. This place is kind of off limits, but no one ever checks to make sure no one is back here. Here we could talk alone in peace. I had started crying on the way here, but thankfully the cover of nightfall concealed it. I sat down and looked out to the water. I felt Alex sit down next to me, but I didn't turn to look at him. I didn't want him to see me crying.

"Who is g-going first?"

"You," I chocked in the steadiest voice I could manage.

"The thing th-this morning. Y-you scared me."

"There's definitely more to it than that. You were trying to hide your arm. Did he hurt that, too?" I inquired.

"N-no."

"I'm not following. You were clutching it to your chest like it was hurt."

"I-it is."

"I'm lost. If he didn't hurt your arm, who did?" Silence. I glanced at him through my peripheral vision, and he had his head hung down, staring off into the grass between his knees. "Alex." He crossed his previously bent legs, but he still said nothing. "Hey," I subconsciously placed my hand on his thigh, "you can trust me, Lex." His eyes instantly shot towards my hand. He tensed up. Just as I was about to move my hand, he relaxed.

"I-I-I-" He couldn't finish his sentence.

"Alex, did- did you do it?" I leaned forward to look up at his face.

"I w-wouldn't blame you if y-you didn't want to hang out with a f-freak like m-me," I could feel him starting to get worked up. I held out my hand to him.

"Can- can I see how bad it is?" He looked towards me, completely horrified. "You don't have to let me look, I just wanted to know how bad it was. I don't want anything getting infected or anything." He nodded slightly and held his left arm out for me. He was sitting on my right, so it wasn't hard to pull up his sleeve. I don't know what I was expecting to see, but it wasn't the discolored, unorganized arrays of lines covering his inner arm. Up by his elbow was the worst. There was just a patch of scar tissue that just tapered off to normal colored skin. The sight itself made me want to pull him into my lap and hold him. Protect him from the world. I couldn't get out anything other than, "Why?"

"I d-don't want to t-talk about that. Let's j-just say my life fell apart in m-middle school. It was the only w-way I could cope. I felt like I deserved it. I was c-constantly picked on, I was alone, and I f-felt that I deserved to be p-punished for whatever was so wrong w-with me." His voice kept getting quieter. I pulled him into my side and wrapped my arm around his shoulders. He instinctively rested the side of his face on my shoulder.

"Alex, I can't say that life if going to get easier, but I can promise you one thing. No matter what happens, you'll never have to go through it alone. I'm here." I knew how bad it sucked to have to suffer alone. I definitely wasn't gonna let him go through that. Not anymore. "And you're not a freak, trust me." He looked up at me, confused. "If it makes you feel better, I've tried to kill myself a shit ton of times." His eyes widened in horror.

"Wh-why?! What w-would make you want th-that?!"

"I didn't want to be here. Just because my life apparently seems so great doesn't mean I had it easy."

"N-n-no! I didn't m-mean it like th-that," he exclaimed, jerking from my arms to look at me. "I get th-that you were in a r-rough spot, I j-just couldn't imagine falling that b-bad." He looked heart broken.

"Anyway, some shit went down, and I couldn't handle it. Between pills, jumps, hanging attempts, and bleach, I've been hospitalized somewhere around 10 times." His jaw dropped slightly, and he gasped as if I had punched him in the stomach. "And I was pissed every time I woke up in there. If I had wanted to be saved, I wouldn't have done it," I grumbled.

He jumped at me, threw his arms around my neck and half straddled me, almost knocking me over. I could feel tears wetting my shirt. "I'm s-so glad th-they saved you! P-please don't ever t-try that again," he sobbed, tightening his grip around my neck. I hugged him tighter in response. "P-please don't leave me," he whispered. "I need you."

And with those words, I cracked.

'Please don't leave me, I need you.'

Those words echoed through my head, deafening me. I couldn't breathe. The words haunted me. Please don't leave me. My face burned as tears poured down.

"I'm s-sorry Alex. I-I-I can't do this." And with that, I ran. I pulled myself out from under the bewildered boy and took off towards the cabin. I didn't want him to see me like this. I'm supposed to be strong one. I'm the one who makes everyone else laugh when they need it. I can't crack, especially not here at camp. The faster I ran, the more my eyes burned. I felt horrible leaving Alex there, but I had to get away. I had to hide. I ran into the cabin, grabbed my blanket, along with the bear I had hidden under it, and took off for the nurses station. I didn't even take a look to see if anyone was in the cabin. Not like I could see anyone anyway, considering how blurry my vision had become. I ripped the door open and ran to the room that Alex had been in earlier. Thankfully Kathi wasn't in there. I went right for the corner opposite of the cot. I dropped to the floor, curled into a ball, and hid under the blanket. I instantly pulled my bear, Cam, to my chest, and dug for my phone. I searched through my files until I found the one I was looking for.

*Alex Pov*

What the hell just happened? One second we're talking, the next I'm being shoved on the ground. He just took off. What did I do? I need to go find him. I stood up and looked around for the place where we came in. It was dark, and I had no flashlight. Shit, I have no idea where I am. What if no one notices I'm missing? I could feel myself starting to panic. Breathe in, breathe out. Rian. I remembered back to pre-camp when Rian gave me his number in case I had questions about any of the upcoming band things. I pulled out my phone and dialed his number.

"Hello?" He yelled over the music pounding in the background. Shit, I forgot the drumline was having a party in Cabin 1.

"H-hey Rian. S-sorry to bother you-"

"Hey, I can't hear you. One sec. Ok, what'd you say?" He had walked outside.

"S-sorry to b-bother you, but J-Jack brought me s-somewhere, and- and he ran off f-for some reason, and- I d-don't know where I am."

"It's fine. I needed a break anyway. Um, what do you see around you?"

"A l-lot of t-trees, and- and the l-lake," I stammered. I heard a girl, presumably Cassadee, laughing on the other end of the line.

"Shush!" he 'whispered'. "Sorry, ignore Cass. You're on the other field. Freshman usually get lost over there, that's why she's laughing. It's not you, haha. We'll be right over. Stay put, and we'll be there in a few minutes, okay?"

"Ok-kay. Thanks, Rian." The line went dead. I'm really glad Rian and Cass like me. I feel bad for making them leave the party, though. I went back and sat by the lake to wait for them.

A few minutes later and I was being tackled. I drew in a sharp breath, but then I realized it was only Cassadee.

"Did I scare ya?" She chirped. I shook my head. "Rian is kinda slow, and I figured you'd be kinda scared out here by yourself, so I just went ahead without him." I smiled a little. I like her. I honestly think we're gonna be really good friends by the end of this year.

"Cass?" Rian called from behind the trees.

"Over here! I found him." He stumbled out into the field and jogged over to us.

"You okay?" He asked, slightly out of breath.

"Y-yeah. I'm s-sorry I bothered you."

"Really, it's fine. We're friends. That's what friends do. They help each other," Rian reassured. "Speaking of friends, what happened with Jack?"

"I d-don't know. We- we were t-talking, and he said he c-couldn't do this, and th-then he ran."

"Ok, I think I know where he might be. Let's go," Rian instructed, leading the way back into the trees.

A few moments later and we were back to our cabin. Cass couldn't come inside, so I decided to stay outside with her, so she wasn't left out there alone.

He came back outside. "Well, his blanket is gone, and so is Cam. That means he's in the nurses station." Cam? Who is Cam? I'm pretty sure there wasn't anyone in our band with that name, but then again, what do I know? I'm just a 'Newbie Noob'. We walked to the cabin next door, the nurses station, and proceeded to go in. All of the lights were off, and it looked like anyone hadn't been in here for a while. "He's probably in the back, let me go check. You guys stay here. If he's back there, he definitely won't want to be around anyone."

"Wh-what'd I do?" I whispered to myself.

"I promise that it wasn't you, Alex. It's Jack. What were you guys talking about, if you don't mind my asking?" Cassadee inquired carefully.

"W-well, we were t-talking about stuff th-that we had gone through, and- and he mentioned that he t-tried to-" I couldn't finish my sentence.

"You don't have to say it. I know what you're talking about. That explains. Yeah, it wasn't you. He just has a hard time talking about certain things. He tries to, but sometimes he breaks and can't do it. Don't take it personally. He'll be fine." Just then Rian came back out.

"He needs some time alone right now. Let's give him some space." I nodded. "Cass and I are gonna go back to the party for a bit. Would you like to come with?"

A bunch of drumline guys that I didn't know all in one place? I don't think so. It didn't take very long for me to realize that drumline was a little different than the rest of the band. They were louder, crazier, and just down right weird most of the time. "Um- thanks, b-but no thanks," I stuttered trying to be polite.

"Alright, suit yourself. If you need me, or if Jack comes out, just call me. Or come to cabin one." I nodded. We all left the cabin and went back to our preferred places. When I walked into the cabin, I noticed that everyone else had left.

Hm. That's odd... but I'm not gonna question it. Instead, I walked over to my bunk and pulled Jack's guitar case out from under his bed. He said yesterday that he didn't mind if I played it. I strummed once to make sure that it was still in tune, and started playing bits and pieces of whatever songs came to mind. Unfortunately I only had two people on my mind: Jack and Tom. Every time someone mentioned suicide, I always thought of him. Not because he killed himself, but because of the rumors that Jeremy had started saying he did. The rumors that pretty much ruined my life. My fingers kept automatically going to the first few chords of the song I had written to cope with his death. Finally after about 15 minutes of trying to play anything else, I gave in.

Make it a sweet, sweet, goodbye.
It could be for the last time and it's not right...

*Jack Pov*

It took almost 20 minutes, but I managed to pull myself together enough to go back to the cabin. I put my phone back in my pocket, grabbed Cam, wrapped my blanket around me, and went back to the cabin. I quietly opened the door in hopes that no one would be in there to notice my return. I cracked it, and I quickly realized that someone was in there. I heard a guitar and quiet singing. Alex. No one else must have been in there. Alex never sang in front of other people. Intrigued, I snuck in and hid behind the little wall in front of the door that separated the beds from the entrance.

Sing me to sleep,
I'll see you in my dreams,
Waiting to say, I miss you, I'm so sorry..

The flashbacks began again, and I felt my eyes start to water.

Forever's never seemed so long,
As when you're not around it's like a piece of me is missing...

My heart began to ache again. I could perfectly see his face looking at me.
'I love you, Jack' he whispered, pulling me into his embrace. My best friend.

...but what's left now?

I could feel myself being ripped from his embrace. He was vanishing right before me.
'Please don't leave me, I need you,' I sobbed, begging him to stay. I threw my arms around him, but it was no use. My knees were weakening.

...Sing me to sleep.
I'll see you in my dreams,
Waiting to say, I miss you, I'm so sorry.

'I won't give up, Jack. I can't lose you. I'll fight as hard as I can, but I'm sorry if I can't do this," he whispered, squeezing my hand half reassuringly. 'I'm sorry,' he croaked, a single tear escaped his eye. My face was burning from the salty drops.

...Sing me to sleep.
Sing me to sleep...

I was silently choking, holding on to the bear for dear life.

...Sing me to sleep,
You've taken so much with you.
I'll see you in my dreams,
But left the worst with me...

'He- he didn't make it. I'm so sorry,' the doctor whispered with her head hung down. 'He didn't make it. He didn't make it. He. Didn't. Make. It.' The words echoed through my head. The words that haunted me. He was really gone. I threw my hands over my ears trying to drown the words out, but they just got louder. I gave up and removed them.

"Make it a sweet goodbye. It could be for the last time, and it's not right," Alex whispered to himself.

The song was so accurate that it literally broke my heart. My chest was aching so bad that I was doubled over on the floor. Dammit, Jack. Pull yourself together. I could barely even breathe.

Then he began playing another song. I instantly recognized it from when he was over my house. It was one he had written. I had only heard the end. I wiped my face until it wasn't wet anymore, and sat back on my heels trying to catch my breath. I didn't want him to know I was there, so I didn't risk standing up yet. I waited until he got to the part that I recognized to get up. I tried to look as composed as possible and leaned my shoulder against the wall with my ankles crossed. He sang one more line before he looked up and noticed me. He drew in a sharp breath.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Please don't stop playing." His eyes were wide and his breathing was irregular.

"How l-long have you b-been there!?"

"Please? Just pretend I'm not here. Don't even look at me." His breathing started slowing back down. He looked down. "You don't have to if you don't want to, but I really want to hear the end of that song."

"It's f-fine."

"Can I come sit on my bunk, or do you want me to stay over here?" I asked carefully.

"You c-can sit."

I walked over to my bunk, but he kept his head down the whole time. He tried to start playing again, but his hands were shaking.

"Hey, it's okay. You're okay. Don't think. Just do it." He nodded, closed his eyes, and began playing again. As the last chord rang out, he finally looked up. I didn't even realize that I was staring. He gave me a questioning look. "Wow, you're amazing," I breathed. "Your voice is literally perfect." His face turned red a little. "I really like that song."

"Th-thanks." He looked back down.

"What-" he looked back up at me, and I adverted my gaze to my lap. "What was that other song about...if you don't mind my asking?" I looked up cautiously. His eyes widened.

"Wh-What? You- you heard th-that?"

"Sorry, I didn't want you to stop playing," I looked down, ashamed. "You don't have to tell me. I'm a bad person. I should've let you know I was in here. I totally get it if it's too personal. I'm sorry," I apologized weakly. He took in a breath.

"L-let's just say that a f-few years ago, I l-lost someone r-really close to me. I w-wrote that to cope w-with it...," he trailed off. Another blow to the chest. I just nodded.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry for earlier, too. I shouldn't have just left you out where you had no idea where you were. I'm such an ass."

"It's okay. I g-get it. I crossed the l-line. I shouldn't have d-done that. I'm the one who sh-should be sorry."

"It wasn't you; it's me. I just- I needed to be alone. Don't take it out of yourself. I'm just a dick. How'd you get back here, anyway?"

"I had t-to call Rian."

"He knows, doesn't he?" He nodded, sadly. He opened his mouth to speak. "If you're going to apologize again, don't even try. You didn't do anything wrong. I'll text him to let him know I'm fine." He nodded again. I pulled out my phone.

To Rian:
I'm fine. I'm back in the cabin. I don't want to talk about it. Thanks for checking on me.

"Anyway, the Evan thing." My phone went off.

From Rian:
Ok. No problem. If you want to talk, call me.

I didn't bother responding. I sighed heavily and put my phone on the cubby thing in between our beds.

"The Evan thing," I started again. He giggled and raised his eyebrows in curiosity. "Okay, there is absolutely no way to explain it without sounding like a complete douche, so I'm just gonna say this: It was just a bad time, and it was just a big misunderstanding. So, I'm not actually as big of a douche as this is gonna make me sound, okay?" He nodded, already amused with how this was going. He had already put the guitar away, and he was now watching me like a child listening to a fairytale. "Okay, around second semester of sophomore year, we kinda had a thing going. It wasn't really a thing, but we flirted a bit, and... did some other things, and it kinda went on for like 3 months until I decided I was bored with the whole thing, and I broke it off with him, but he was convinced that we were actually dating, and I was under the impression that we were just like a friends with benefits type of thing, and he got really upset when I broke it off, and he still hasn't gotten over it," I rushed. I looked up at Alex and his eyes were almost as wide as his mouth. Oh god, he caught that whole thing. I was hoping I was talking fast enough that he wouldn't understand what I was actually saying. "So, that's about it." He didn't move. He stayed like that for a few minutes or so. "What?" I groaned in frustration. He slowly began to close his mouth.

"Y-you had a th-thing with Evan?" He questioned, completely exasperated. I nodded slowly. "L-like, you were with a g-guy?" He asked again. I nodded again. "Are y-you-"

"No, I'm not gay, if that's what you're getting at," I remarked, growing rather annoyed. He looked confused. "I'm bi. I like guys and girls. So if you're a homophobe, you can just pack your shit and get the fuck out right now and go room with the other assholes," I snapped. He started laughing. "What the fuck is so funny?" I snarled.

"If- If I was-" He couldn't form a sentence he was laughing so hard. "If I w-was a homophobe, I'd h-have a serious p-problem," he stated, trying to get his laughter under control. Now I was irritated and confused. I gave him a 'what the fuck' face. He giggled some more. "J-Jack, I'm not s-straight either!" He started laughing harder again. I slowly realized what he was saying.

"Wait, are you bi, too?" My tone was back to normal now.

"No. I d-don't like girls at-t all," he explained.

"So you're gay?"

"Mhm," he smiled. Now I really feel like an ass.

"Sorry I blew up at you. I've had this happen before. I can't stand homophobic people. Sorry."

"It's ok-kay. I understand," he reassured. Well, this was a game changer. Maybe there's a chance for us after all. I felt a huge smile creep on my face. "Are w-we good?" He asked.

"Ye-Wait a second!" I cut myself off. "You said you had a girlfriend and that you guys broke up before you moved."

"Y-yeah. Why d-do you think w-we broke up?"

"Oh. I thought you were just trying to make me feel better."

"No. W-we were together f-for like a month. Then I r-realized I wasn't into it like she w-was. Then she t-tried to kiss me, and the thought w-was gross," he laughed. "Apparently sh-she had her suspicions b-beforehand. We were f-friends first, so she w-was cool about it." I nodded. "So, we're st-still friends."

"Okay, that makes sense. Then yeah, we're good," I smiled, plopping down on his bunk and pulling him into a hug. "Also, in case you haven't picked up on it already, I'm kind of a touchy-feely person," I laughed.

"I n-noticed," He giggled in my ear.

I let go of him after a few seconds and checked the clock, "It's getting kinda late. We should hit the showers before everyone else comes in and starts fighting over them." He agreed, and gathered our stuff. "Do you want the shower by the wall again?"

"D-doesn't matter," he stuttered awkwardly.

"Haha. Dude, it totally matters. You can have it. Like I said, it won't be the end of the world if one of the guys sees my ass." We both laughed and went into the bathroom to start our showers. Once I was sure that he was in, I decided to see how awkward I could make it. I started singing.

Say it ain't so, I will not go
Turn the lights off, carry me home

Nana nana nana na na na na
Nana nana na na nana nana

Sadly, it didn't get awkward. However, Alex started harmonizing with me on the 'Na' part, which was pretty awesome. I stopped and started laughing.

"Those were really good harmonies."

"N-not bad acoustics f-for a camp bathroom," he giggled.

It was really nice to see that things weren't really that awkward between us after everthing that had happened today. Even shower singing didn't make him uncomfortable. I mean, if you can comfortably sing naked next to someone, I'm pretty sure that's a good thing.

After showering, blowdrying our hair, and getting ready for bed, we climbed into Alex's bunk and listened to some music for a bit. Eventually the others came in and started getting ready for bed, so we decided to call it a night. I climbed into my own bunk, cuddled up with Cam, and snuggled under my blanket.

"Night, Lex."

"Night, Jacky."

Notes