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On my mind

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Mentions self harm and talking of suicide

Alex's POV

"Alex, hey Alex wake up." I heard someone say and I felt someone touching my arm which made my eyes fly open and I came face to face with a pair of brown eyes.
"It's okay don't be scared." Jack said softly.
I sighed and rubbed my eyes and rolled onto my back while Jack sat on the bed.
"What happened?" I asked sleepily.
"Nothing, it's just that it's 2 in the afternoon and you was still sound asleep. I was getting worried." Jack said and I looked at him and smiled.
"I like my sleep, it's normal for me to sleep until the afternoon." I said and rolled onto my side so I could look at Jack.
"Everyone has gone out for the day so we have the house to ourselves." Jack said and I smiled a little.
"So I thought that we can use this time to get to know each other. We don't have to worry about anyone over hearing nothing, we don't have to worry about being interpreted.." Jack rambled until I sat up and put my hand over his mouth with a chuckle and a smile.
"I would like that." I said and moved my hand from Jack mouth and he smiled.
"But first I need a shower and take my medication otherwise I'll be going loopy. That wouldn't be fun for anyone." I said and Jack chuckled and he got off the bed and walked out the room but he was back a couple of minutes later.
"Here's a towel, you can use my shower stuff if you want." Jack said and I smiled and took the towel off Jack and stood up and went looking for the bathroom.

Me and Jack went to this hill which was about 3 miles away from the town.
"How did you find this place? The view here is breathtaking." Jack said as we sat down.
"Its where I come escape reality for a while, when it get too much I come up here to clear my head." I said as I picked at the grass.
"You couldn't of found a nicer place." Jack said and I smiled.
"What did you want to talk about?" I asked and looked at Jack who was busy taking in the view.
"Well I did say that I wanted to get to know you, but if you don't want that then I won't push you to tell me stuff you don't want to tell me." Jack said and he looked at me and I couldn't help but smile shyly at him as I looked down.
"I was diagnosed with bipolar type 2 when I was 12 years old after I had a breakdown and my step mum caught me self harming." I said as I looked at my arms since I had rolled the sleeves up on my top.
"That's a really young age to be diagnosed with something that serious and to be hurting yourself." Jack said and I looked down and picked at the grass again.
"I had a lot of stress at the time, I didn't have nobody to go to other than Ollie but I didn't want to burden him with my problems, I still don't but Ollie makes me open up to him now." I said.
"What happened to your mum?" Jack asked and like normal when anyone wants to talk to me about mum my heart breaks and I just shut down.
I must of been quiet for a while as I felt myself being pulled into Jacks side and Jack resting his head on top of my head.
"You don't have to tell me." Jack whispered and I couldn't help but smile.
"Tell me about you." I said quietly but not moving from Jacks side.
"I'm from Lebanon and I speak Arabic. Nobody has actually been round my house because I felt like nobody would be respectful around my family. I haven't told anyone this before and the only people who know are my family but I have BDD." Jack said and I moved away from him and looked at him.
"There's me thinking I was the only insane one." I said and Jack chuckled.
"Your not insane. Okay being on your meds you have control of yourself but that day I saw you off your medication at school actually scared me." Jack said and I looked down.
"I'm sorry I scared you. I have no idea what I'm doing when I'm in a manic episode. The stuff what Ollie tells me is embarrassing." I said.
"It's fine, I'm getting to know you and I know that so far you are a really nice caring person." Jack said and I looked at him and smiled.
"Thanks Jack, that means a lot to me." I said quietly.
We sat in a comfortable silence and we watched the sun set over the town.

Jack was downstairs speaking to his family about something and it was something they didn't want me to know about since they was all talking in Arabic, not that it actually bothered me because this wasn't my house and they was free to speak whatever language. So I used this time to read about what was wrong with Jack.
I was lead on Jacks bed reading when Jack came in the room muttering something in Arabic and slamming the door shut which made me jump and look at Jack.
"Everything okay?" I asked and Jack walked over to the bed and sat down and moved himself so he was leaning against the wall.
"I dunno." Jack said and I sat up and moved so I was sitting next to Jack.
"Do you want to talk about it? I'm all ears if you do." I said and Jack looked at me and smiled before he looked down again, looking like he was think about it.
"Everyone thinks I'm going downhill again." Jack said quietly.
I frowned a little and looked at Jack and thought he was a little thin for a boy his age and height but I just thought that it was just Jack.
"Why would they say that?" I asked and Jack sighed.
"Many of the habits I picked up before I was diagnosed are slowly surfacing again and everyone is saying that if my habits showed up again then I have to go back into hospital, which is something I don't want." Jack said and I put my hand on his knee which made Jack look at me and he could tell I knew actually what he was going through.
"I know how you feel about not wanting to go back to the hospital. Are they even trying to understand what your triggers are and what they can do to help with your triggers?" I said and Jack shook his head.
"They think that just because I'm having a good day means I'm getting better when I'm not, I've just gotten better at hiding it I guess." Jack said and I looked away from him and thought about something.
"Do you know what your triggers are? Like for example with me my main triggers are stress, certain times of the year, sometimes it's just something completely stupid like a knife if I'm have a depressive episode." I said and looked back at Jack who was looking at me with a frown.
"I know the whole knife trigger is pretty stupid but anything can set me off really." I said and Jack smiled a little which made me smile.
"I find talking about what's going on really helps and if you need somebody to talk to that isn't your family and actually understands what it is like to have mental health problems then you can talk to me. Any time of day I will always pick my phone up and you can vent to me." I said and Jack smiled and before I knew it I was being engulfed into a huge hug, which I returned.
"Thank you Lex." Jack said quietly and I smiled but at the same time felt really sad.
"If you ever see me on a depressive episode please don't call me Lex." I said and Jack pulled back and looked at me with confusion.
"Why?" Jack asked and I looked down.
"My mum used to call me Lex, I can normally cope being called it when I'm stable but I can't when I'm off on one. It'll make me do something which I am trying to recover." I said.
"I won't call you Lex unless you want me to." Jack said and I smiled.
"Thanks Jack." I said quietly.

"That's okay, now I think we've had enough heavy talking and I feel like watching films." Jack said.
"That sounds like a good idea." I said quietly.
"Get ready for bed, you have wear a pair of my trackies to sleep in tonight." Jack said and I smiled and nodded and Jack got off the bed and grabbed a pair of trackies for himself and me and he threw a pair at me which missed the bed completely which made me chuckle.
"Get ready, I'll be back in 5 minutes." Jack said and I nodded and got off the bed and got ready for bed and climbed into Jacks bed and waited for Jack.
Not long after Jack came back into the room and he put his clothes in the wash basket and he walked over and picked my clothes up and also put them in the wash basket.
"You didn't have to do that." I said as Jack climbed into bed and pulled the covers over us.
"I don't like mess, anyway your clothes needs a wash anyway." Jack said as he put Netflix up on the tv.
"You should of said and I would of folded them up and put them somewhere where it would be tidy." I said and Jack shrugged his shoulders.
"It doesn't bother me." Jack said and I looked at him.
"Yeah it did, come on if your going to lie to me your going to have to do a better job at it." I said and Jack smiled a little.
"So what we going to watch then?" I asked and Jack shrugged his shoulders.
After a while we decided to go on a Sherk marathon because we wanted to watch children films.

Notes

It has been a while since Ive updated...
It has been a crazy couple of weeks with going out to working loads of nights where I have just been too tired to actually write anything so hopefully this chapter will make up for it.

Comments

I really like the chapters and how long they are, great work! Can't wait for the Jalex to happen!

T-what T-what
8/5/17

Oh girl, another story! How can you juggle all of these! But I really like this one !

T-what T-what
7/6/17