On my mind

Alex's POV

"You going to watch my game dad?" My younger half brother Sole asked dad and I just sighed and got up from the table where I felt everyone's eyes on me as we always had breakfast together.
"Sure, if you want to." Dad said and it felt like a stab in the chest like it always does when he chooses to do things with Mia's kids.
"Peter, I thought you was going to spend time with Alex." Mia said and I felt dad looked at me as I turned round and looked at everyone.
"It's doesn't matter. It's not like I'm actually part of this family anyway." I said and turned back round and made myself a coffee.
"Alex that's not true, you are part of this family." Mia said and I sighed and turned back round.
"Yeah? Then how come he doesn't want to spend time with me. It's always about Willow, Scarlett and Sole. It's like I'm fucking invisible to everyone here." I said and Mia looked at me sadly because I knew she was trying to get my dad to spend time with me but her efforts don't seem to be working.
"Alex..." Dad said before I stopped him.
"Just save it okay, I don't want to hear it." I said and got my coffee and went up to my room.

I was busy doing homework for once while listening to music, when somebody knocked gingerly on my bedroom door.
"Anyone but dad can come in." I said and the door opened and Mia poked her head round.
"Can I come in?" Mia asked softly and I nodded and Mia walked into my room and shut the door behind her and she walked over to my bed and sat down.
"Never thought I'd see the day you doing your homework without me nagging you." Mia said and I chuckled and looked at her.
"Why doesn't he want to spend time with me mum?" I asked sadly.
"I dunno sweetie. Maybe you just remind him of your mother." Mia said and I looked down.
"But surely that's why he would want to spend time with me." I said quietly.
"You men are confusing people. Your coping mechanisms are completely different to women's." Mia said and I smiled a little.
"Hey, you don't have to worry about him at the moment. Look tonight if you want to go round Ollie's place and get high and drunk or whatever you do then you're allowed." Mia said and I looked at her and smiled.
"You sure? Because I don't mind staying here." I said and Mia smiled and shook her head.
"I'm sure Lex. I can see your not happy being here this weekend." Mia said and I smiled and looked down when she called Lex.
"My mum used to call me Lex." I said quietly.
"Sweetheart, I'm sorry I can stop calling you that if it makes you upset." Mia said and I looked at her and smiled which Mia returned.
"You can call me it, but not when I'm on a down though. I don't think I could cope being called that when I'm on a down." I said and Mia put her hand on my knee.
"We can do that. I'll leave you to do your homework." Mia said and I smiled a little.
"Has dad gone with Sole?" I asked sadly.
"Yeah he has sweetie, I'm sorry I tried to get him to do something with you." Mia said.
"It's fine. I'm used to it anyway. If it wasn't work which was important to him it was you and your family." I said quietly.
"Alex, I'm so sorry that I drove your father away from you and your mum. Especially when you needed him so badly in your life. If I knew what was going on then I would off stopped seeing him. But he never told me about you or your mum. It wasn't until he showed up with you that I realized what I had done." Mia said and I looked at her and out my hand on top of hers.
"Mum it's fine. I have you as a mum now and I believe my mum chose you to be my mum when she is no longer around. I'm thankful that your my mum now." I said and Mia smiled at me.
Mia pulled me into her side and kissed the top of my head.
"I'm glad your my boy as well. Even though you are a little shit at times." Mia said and I couldn't help but chuckle.
"I'll leave you too it. But if you wanted to go to Ollie's then I'm not stopping you." Mia said and I smiled.
"Thanks mum." I said quietly.
"Any time sweetheart." Mia said and kissed the top of my head again and she let me go and she left me alone to do my homework.

I was sat round Ollie's and we was passing a joint between us.
"It's like he doesn't fucking like me. Like what the fuck did I do to him to make him hate me so fucking much." I ranted to Ollie.
"Alex he doesn't hate you." Ollie said and I glared at him.
"Really? Mum asked him if he would take me to that new music shop today as some sort of father son bonding shit and what does he do? He goes to Sole's football match instead of spending time with me." I said and punched Ollie's bed hard.
"Dude, don't punch the bed it has feelings. Anyway if you want I can take you to that music shop. Lex you have your mum, she supports you and actually wants to do stuff with you. You let your dad to do whatever the fuck he wants to do with the replacement kids." Ollie said and I looked at him.
"It's either the bed or the fucking wall." I spat and hugged my knees.
"Well don't punch the wall because I don't want to spend the night in A&E like I had to when you fucking went awol and cut yourself." Ollie said and I looked down.
"Why you even friends with me?" I asked sadly.
"Because we've been friend for like 10 years. Anyway you are my best friend and I have told you waaay to many secrets to let you go. I don't want you blabbing my secrets." Ollie said and I smiled and looked at him and he smiled at me.
"Shit Alex, I hate it when you go all depressive on me." Ollie said and he sat next to me and pulled me to his side and he kissed the top of my head.
"I'm sorry." I said quietly.
"Hey, you have nothing to be sorry for. I love you with or without your crazy head." Ollie said and I smiled.
"Now, we are going to forget you asshole of a dad and we are going to get high and we are going to talk about any shit that isn't your family." Ollie said.
"I like that idea." I whispered.
"Good because that is what is going to happen." Ollie said and reached for the stuff he need and rolled us both a joint.

Notes