Trigger warning self harm.

Jack's POV

I just held Alex has he slept and just ran my fingers through his head.
I was just falling asleep when Alex sat bolt up right and climbed over me and I heard him run towards his bathroom and the door slamming shut.
I groaned as I rolled off the bed and walked towards the bathroom and went to open the door but it wouldn't open because Alex has either locked it or he was sat in front of it.

"Alex, you going to let me in?" I asked but got no response from Alex.
"Alex, please I'm here for you if you want to talk to someone about how you feel. You know I'm not going to run away from you. I want to help you." I said.
"Talking doesn't help. Nothing helps other than slitting my wrists and watching the blood leave my body until I'm dead!" Alex said sounding like he was about to cry.
"Alex that isn't true and you know that. Just let me in and I can help you. I've been down this road Alex I know exactly how you feel about self harm. Please just let me in." I said feeling desperate now.
"He doesn't want me Jack. Nobody wants me I'm better off dead." Alex said.
"Who cares about your dad? He was a bastard towards you and you are better off without him Alex. You know that is not true about nobody wanting you because me and Ollie want you around. Life wouldn't be the same without you in it Alex." I said hoping this would work but who knows.
I heard Alex shuffle over to the door and he unlocked the door and peered round the door but he wasn't opening the door wide enough for me to go in.
"Leave Jack, I don't want you seeing me like this." Alex said quietly and looked down.
"I'm not leaving Alex. Let me in please." I said and Alex looked at me.
"But you won't like me if you see me like this." Alex whispered and I gently pushed the door open which Alex allowed and he moved back a little and let me in the room and I looked round and saw that Alex had 2 deep cuts on his arm.
I walked over to get Alex a towel and I went back over to him and put my hand out and Alex looked at me confused on what I was asking him to do.
"If you trust me then you can put your hand in mine so I can sort your arm out before I get the nurses." I said softly and Alex looked down and thought about it before he put his hand in mine which made me smile a little and I looked at his arm.
"Shit Alex these are really deep." I said and looked at him.
Alex had a stray tear rolling down his cheek and I reached my other hand out and wiped it away which made Alex look at me.
"It's okay. I'll look after you now." I said softly and Alex nodded.
"Come on, you need to get these stitched and dressed." I said quietly and caught hold of Alex's good hand and gently guided him to the nurses station where they cleaned and stitched Alex's cuts and we went back to bed and I was flat out because it was 5 in the morning.

When I woke up Alex was awake and he smiled when he saw I was awake.
"He finally awakens." I heard Ollie say from the end of the bed.
"Fuck off ive been awake for most of the night." I muttered and got comfy and tried to go to sleep but Alex had other ideas.
"Jack, wake up." Alex said quietly and he started to mess with my hair and I opened one eye and looked at Alex.
"What?" I muttered and Alex smiled a little.
"You have to wake up, the nurses keep on thinking your dead since you haven't moved since you crashed this morning." Alex said and I groaned and just pulled the covers over my face which made Alex chuckle.
"Want me to jump on him?" I heard Ollie ask and I could sense Alex sending him a glare.
"No, leave him alone. He had a lot to put up with last night." Alex said and I looked and saw Alex was hiding his newly bandaged arm away from Ollie.
I reached over and pulled it towards me and kissed the bandage which made Alex freeze and the covers was being lifted up and I looked and saw Alex looking at me.
"Alex you need to go and speak to the therapist about what happened last night." A nurse said and Alex sighed in annoyance.
"Can Ollie and Jack stay until I get back?" Alex asked.
"Yes they can but you need to go now." The nurse said and Alex threw the covers back and climbed over me and pulled my hoodie on and walked out the room.
I pulled the covers back over me in a attempt to get some more sleep but Ollie had other ideas since he pulled the covers back off me.

"What happened? Alex has a bandage on his arm which wasn't there when I was last here." Ollie said as I sat up and rubbed my eyes.
"Something happened but I don't know what because Alex is literally so unstable right now I don't want to push him for an answer." I said and messed with my hands and straight away I put my fingers round my wrist and felt some what relief when my fingers overlapped each other.
I moved my legs up so I was hugging my knees and did the same with my ankles completely forgetting that Ollie was here.
"Jack." Ollie said and I looked up and Ollie had this worried look on his face.
"Sorry I zoned out." I said quietly and looked down and noticed the small belly I was getting which was not Okay to me.
"I was saying did Alex have a breakdown last night or what?" Ollie asked.
"Yeah he did pretty much." I said not really focused on Ollie but was feeling really anxious about how I was looking.
"You okay Jack? You seem off all off a sudden." Ollie said and moved so he was next to me.
"I'm fine." I said quietly but Ollie didn't buy it.
"Come on Jack. My best friend has mental health problems and he is a fucking good liar and I can read him like he's a open book. I might know you as well as Alex but I can tell something isn't right with you. Come on open up buddy, I won't say anything to anyone." Ollie said and I sighed and looked down but felt really disgusted on how I looked.
"I look disgusting. There is literally nothing nice about how I look." I ranted without meaning to.
"You don't look disgusting. Look I might get how your brain works as well as I do with Alex but just know that your are handsome and who ever you end up with is going to be very lucky to have you." Ollie said and pulled me to his side.
"Nobody will want a fat shit like me though." I said quietly and picked at the bed covers.
"Now that's just bullshit. Because I know there is someone who actually likes you and I know you like them as well." Ollie said and I moved away and got off the bed and put my shoes on.
"Jack where you going?" Ollie asked.
"I need to go home. I just remembered my mum wants me to help her with something." I said but really it was a lie because I couldn't cope being at the hospital.
"What am I going to say to Alex? He's happier if your here with him." Ollie said.
"Tell him I had to go and that I'll see him tomorrow." I said and turned round and walked off.

Before I could even get out of the ward I felt someone grab hold of my hand and I spun round and saw Alex giving me the same worried look Ollie was giving me.
"Hey it's okay. Where you off too?" Alex asked softly.
"I need to go home, mum wants me to help her with something." I said quickly and I felt myself getting really breathless which made Alex frowned at me.
"Jack your breathing really fast. Come with me." Alex said and walked off with me behind but Alex refused to let go off my hand.
We went outside since it was quieter and Alex sat on the bench and gently pulled me down to sit next to him and he spun himself round so he was facing me.
"Jack you need to listen to me okay." Alex said softly and I nodded feeling like I was about to pass out.
"You having a anxiety attack and you need to slow your breathing out otherwise you're going to pass out on me which isn't the best thing to do right now." Alex said.
Alex picked my hand and put it on his chest which made me look at him.
"It's okay, you just need to focus on my heart beating and unfortunately for you listen to my voice until you calm down a little." Alex said and I smiled which Alex returned.
"I just wanted to say thanks for being with me last night and for what I did to myself. Most people would of ran a mile if they saw me lose the plot." Alex said and I smiled at him.
Alex looked at my arms since I was only wearing a t-shirt.
"You self harmed?" Alex asked and looked at me as I looked down my arms and I nodded and I took a deep breath as I find it hard to talk about when I self harmed but I nodded anyway because there was no point in lying to Alex since he's already seen my arms.
"Explains why you was so good and calm around me last night." Alex said.
"Hey, look at me." Alex said softly and I looked at him.
"You don't have to lie to me if your getting bad. You know I will understand you and I'll try my hardest to help you live you've been helping me." Alex said and I went to look down but Alex stopped me by putting a finger under my chin and made me look at him again and Alex moved closer to me so his mouth was close to my ear and it felt odd feeling his breath on my skin but at he same time it made my breath hitch and the hairs on my arms stand up.

"You are beautiful okay, never let anyone tell you any different." Alex whispered and he moved and looked at me and I didn't know where too look.
Alex chuckled softly.
"It's cute that you don't know what to do when someone compliments you." Alex said and I smiled.
"I think your breathing is back to normal now. I believe my services are no longer needed here." Alex said and I couldn't help but chuckle.
We sat in silence for a while.
"I need to go home." I said quietly and Alex looked at me.
"Okay, but just so you know I'll miss you." Alex said and I looked at him confused.
"You are really nice to cuddle up too and you're really warm as well. Like my own personal heater." Alex said and I smiled just realizing I haven't said anything and that it was Alex doing all the talking.
Alex moved and kissed the top of my head and he stood up and offered me his hand which I took and Alex helped me up and he pulled me into a hug which I returned.
"You coming to see me tomorrow right?" Alex asked and I nodded.
"Yeah I'll see you tomorrow." I said quietly and I felt Alex kiss my cheek and he let me go.
"See you tomorrow Jacky." Alex said and I couldn't help but smile at his nickname for me.
"See you tomorrow Lex." I said and I looked at Alex and he had a smile on his face.
I followed Alex to the door and I looked back and Alex smiled and waved a small wave which made me smile and I walked home.

Notes

Jalex is slowly coming together...