On my mind

Alex's POV

I was sat in this group therapy bored out of my mind so I was sat in this arm chair doodling on some paper not really listening to what was going on.
"I guess I'm scared that when I get out here I won't be able to cope." A girl said and I looked at her.
"Alex, you have something to say?" The person in charge of therapy said.
"Just that if you don't face the fact your getting out of here and you can't cope in the outside world then your just as fucked as my ass." I said and the girl just looked at me.
"So what you scared off then? Condisering my fear is just as fucked as your ass." The girl said.
I rolled my eyes and went back to doodling.
"Alex you need to answer the question." The person in charge said and I rolled my eyes.
"Nothing. I fear nothing and don't go saying that I'm on a manic because I'm not. I've already died and come back and nothing scares me so there for I have no fears." I said and frowned at this doodle.
"But there has to be something, it's not normal if you don't fear nothing." A boy said.
"Well guess what, I'm not normal. Nothing scares me now just leave me alone." I said and stood up and put my doodle up on the chair and walked out the room.

"So yeah I pretty much told everyone to suck my balls in group therapy this morning." I said down the phone to Ollie since I was allowed my phone back.
"Damn, don't let Jack know about this." Ollie said.
"He doesn't even like me in that way, anyway we're just friends." I said and sniffed Jacks hoodie which made me smile.
"Yeah that is a load of bullshit." Ollie said.
"Its not bullshit Ollie. He doesn't see me as relationship material, who would see me as relationship material." I said and rolled on my front.
"Jack sees you as relationship material and you just need to learn that someone might just be interested in you and not just want sex from you." Ollie said.
"Yeah that's until I fucking lose my head and then he'll dump my sorry ass." I said and Ollie sighed.
"Lex, just listen to me okay. Jack wants to be with you, he's even admitted to me that he actually is interested in you and wants to get to know you better and see where that goes. He was with you when you fucking nearly killed yourself the other day. Trust me when I say he won't run. You just need to stop being paranoid about it." Ollie said and I sighed and looked at the time.
"Ollie I need to go to this fucking family thing and see what my mental illness is doing to the family so wish me luck." I said.
"Good luck and I'll speak to you later okay. Be good and don't do nothing I would do." Ollie said and I smiled a little.
"Speak to you later." I said and hung up and pulled Jacks hoodie on and made my way to where we have this family therapy.

I walked in the room and was actually shocked when it was dad who showed up and not mum.
"Wow, what you doing here the last time I checked you actually couldn't set foot in these places." I said sarcastically as I sat down.
"Alex, don't start." The doctor said.
"What its true though." I said and rolled my sleeves up so my scars was showing knowing full well that dad hated my scars.
"Just quit well your ahead of yourself." The Doctor said, I just rolled my eyes and looked at dad.
"Now since your dad is new to this I will have to explain what is going to happen." The Doctor said.
"Knock yourself out." I said and sat back and listen to him drone on.
I snapped back to reality when I realized the doctor had stop talking and was looking at me.
"This is the time to talk about how you feel about Alex's bipolar and how you are coping with it." The Doctor said and I just scoffed.
"He doesn't give a shit. Fuck I bet your only here because mum told you to come here and be responsible for me for once in your life." I said and dad stayed quiet.
"I sense a lot of anger coming from your Alex. Maybe your dad would like to speak." The Doctor said.
"Pfft, he won't speak. He doesn't give a shit about me. All he cares about are my step sister and my half brother and sister. I'm just the fucking loopy one who he wants nothing to do with." I said and sat forward in my seat and started to starch my arm.
"Alex calm down okay, this isn't good for you." The Doctor said.
"I'm fine, Jesus I just want him to admit he doesn't give a shit about me." I spat.
"Mr Gaskarth, is there anything you want to say?" He Doctor said.
"Roll your sleeves down Alexander, you know I don't like it." Dad said.
"You need to accept them so Alex will leave his sleeves rolled up." The Doctor said and I was actually shocked he was on my side for once.
"Is there a reason why you two don't get along? Maybe something happened that drove you two apart." The Doctor said and I wasn't going to say anything.
"Me and Alex never got along." Dad said.
"Bullshit." I said and dad looked at me.
"Really, why would you say that?" The doctor said to dad.
"I wasn't around much as Alex grew up. Work was always taking me away from home." Dad said and I rolled my eyes and shook my head and sat back in my seat.
"Do you blame yourself for Alex's problem?" The doctor asked.
"No. Alex is always after attention and this is his way of getting it. It's all part of his sick little game." Dad said and I looked at him hurt and anger across my face.
"This isn't me wanting your fucking attention! This isn't a sick game! How fucking dare you say that!" I shouted and stood up knocking my chair over.
The Doctor got up and put a hand on my shoulder.
"It's okay Alex." He said softly.
"Just fucking admit that you don't want me! You never wanted me or mum. You couldn't fucking wait when she died so you could live your happily ever after with Mia and her fucking kids! Then you found out that you had to have me and that ruined your fucking plan! All you have to fucking say you don't want me and I'll be out of you life then you won't have to worry if I kill myself!" I shouted as loud as I could and bardged the doctor out the way and walked out the room and slammed the door shut.

I was outside pacing up and down trying to calm down and trying to ignore these urges I was having to hurt myself.
I heard the door open and shut and I looked and saw a nurse with dad.
"Fuck off I want nothing to do with you." I growled.
"Alex you need to make amends." The nurse said.
"Like fuck that will happen, just get him away from me." I said and sat on the floor and started to hit my leg to try and feel something.
"Sir, I think it's best if you go. This is stressing Alex out to the point where something could happen and we don't want that as Alex has come a long way in the last couple of weeks." The Doctor from earlier said as he walked over and knelt in front of me.
"I'm not going until my son speaks to me." Dad said and I snapped my head round and looked at him hard and stood up and walked over to him and pushed him hard enough he had to take a couple of steps backwa do which was near impossible since dad was well built.
"So now I'm your son? You seeing me about to go into a fucking meltdown is enough for me to be your son? I am not your fucking son! You fucking abandoned me when I fucking needed you! I needed you when mum was dying on her hospital bed and you was nowhere to be seen! Get the fuck out of here and I never want to see you again! I will get Ollie to get my things and I'm out of your lives for fucking good!" I shouted making a huge scene.
"Lex you don't know what your saying. Just calm down and think things through." Dad said and I pushed him hard again.
"You have no right to call me Lex! Only mum can call me that, nobody else! I will not calm down and I have thought this through and I have made my mind up now fuck off and never come back. Fuck off like you have done throughout my life!" I shouted and I felt myself being pulled back away from dad and being held while the nurse took dad away.
I normally don't cry but I had some many emotions going through me that the only thing I could do was cry and sit myself on the floor.
"Do you want me to phone Ollie for you?" The nurse who was with me asked softly as she sat on the floor with me and I shook my head as Ollie wasn't going to ground me like normal as this was something I needed Jack for. For some reason I needed Jack more than I needed Ollie which was something which never happens.
"Jack, phone Jack please." I said quietly and sniffed.
"Okay sweetie. I'll get someone to phone Jack while I stay with you. Is that okay with you?" The nurse asked and I nodded and ran my hands through my hair and pulled it hard.

The nurse managed to move me to my room and I was sat on my bed facing the room.
"He's in his room. He's had a really bad day and if there's anything you can't cope with then let us know." I heard some new nurse on the night shift say.
"If he wants me to stay am I allowed to stay the night?" I heard Jack ask.
"We'll give him the privilege to let you stay the night since he isn't going to settle anytime soon so anything to stop him hurting himself is always a plus." The nurse said.
"Thank you." Jack said and I heard him walk into the room and taking his shoes off before the bed dipped behind me and I felt myself being pulled into his chest and his body pressed against mine.
I sniffed and felt myself begin to cry again.
I felt Jack roll me over and him wiping the tears from my cheek.
"I'm sorry, you shouldn't be seeing this." I sobbed and sniffed loudly which made Jack chuckle and he rolled on his back and grabbed the box of tissues I had on my bedside table and he rolled back on his side and shuffled back a little and put the box between us and he didn't say anything other than handing me a tissue.
I blew my nose and just kept hold of the snotty tissue.
"Give it here and I'll put it in the bin for you." Jack said softly and I shook my head.
"You don't have too." I sniffed again.
Jack just smiled and he started to mess with my hair which made me smile despite my very low shitty mood.
Despite the fact neither of us wasn't saying anything Jack's presence was enough to ever so slowly bring me back to myself.
I was slowly falling asleep but trying to keep myself awake because it would be a little bit awkward if I fell asleep and Jack was still wide awake.
"Go to sleep, you'll feel better if you sleep." Jack said quietly and he kissed my forehead.
"Will you stay the night?" I asked sleepily.
"I wasn't going to move." Jack said and I smiled and I let myself fall asleep with Jack messing with my hair which could send me off to sleep quicker than anything.

Notes

I don't even know about this chapter... I don't really like it.