“I bet you never thought you would fall again. So much for keeping this just friends. Shut up and kiss me now.”

I’m just finished applying my purple lipstick whenever I hear someone knocking at the door to my bus. I grab my flannel shirt and tie it around my waist and head for the door. Whenever I open it, my friend Sydney is there to greet me.
“Hey, girl!” She waves. Sydney’s band, Echosmith, is also one of the minor bands playing Warped this summer. We had met a few weeks into tour, and became friends. Whenever Alex had been busy, which was often during the day, I would hang out with Sydney. She was so sweet, and it was nice to have a girl to hang out with for once. Not that I really didn’t enjoy hanging out with Alex, and I had wanted to spend the night with him if I hadn’t completely fucked us over. I knew I had been such a bitch earlier, so I planned to spend the last Warped after party with Sydney, since Alex probably never wanted to talk to me again.
“Hey.” I smile back at her and jump out of the bus. “Let’s go!”
We linked arms and made our way to the party. When we got there, there were people roasting hot dogs over fire pits, and a lot of people drinking and playing drinking games. God I needed a drink. I found an ice chest with Redds in it and pulled one out.
“You want one?” I turned to Sydney.
“Oh, no, thanks. I do want a hot dog though.”
We sat down, she ate while I drank. I was almost finished with my second beer whenever I heard his laugh. I turned to see Alex, hanging out with Jack and Vic. Just like they had all been together the first night we met, and I couldn’t stop staring at him. I couldn’t believe how far we had come since that night, and I didn’t want to end up like that again; not knowing each other.
“You okay?” Sydney asked whenever I turned back around. I had really become terrible at hiding my emotions.
“Yeah…it’s just, I don’t know.” I sighed.
“You should go talk to him.”
“How do you know me so well?”
She rolled her eyes and laughed. Ever since I met Alex, I tried so hard to mask the feelings I had for him. I tried so hard to push them away, but apparently to Sydney, I made them obvious. She would always tell me that we belonged together and that I should give it a chance. And I think that was why I kissed him a few nights ago, I didn’t want to cover it up anymore. But whenever he told me he loved me, I panicked; I had to jump ship. It had killed me to hurt Alex like I that, but I didn’t know what else to do. What if I gave my heart to him, and it turned out just like all the other relationships?
“Go get him, girl!”
I popped open the top of my third beer and downed half of it, leaving the rest behind with Sydney.
“Here I go.” I said, standing up. I realized I hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast when my surroundings did a little spin, and I had to regain my balance; those beers got me pretty quickly. I tried not to stumble my way to Alex, it sure as hell wasn’t graceful but I made it. I tapped him on the shoulder and when he turned around, the smile on his face grew.
“Caroline!” He yelled, pulling me into a hug. I could smell the beer on him, he was already pretty drunk. Me, also being pretty drunk, returned the bear hug; squeaking a little when he pulled me up off the ground. He laughed and put me back down.
“Hey, Alex. Can we talk?” I asked, trying to hold back the fits of giggles threatening to come out.
“Duh.” He said, grabbing my hand and pulling me into a direction with less people. “Be right back, guys!” He called out to his friends. I grabbed another apple ale on our way to talking.
“Can you open this?” I handed him my bottle, knowing damn well I could have opened it myself.
“Yup.” He pops it open with a bottle opener from his pocket, and takes a sip before handing it back to me. “Yep. Girly ass beer.”
“Shut up, Alex!” I laugh. “I love my girly ass beer.” I take a sip too.
“So you wanted to talk.” He says, his tone a little more serious than before. I swallow hard and I’m glad I started drinking before or this would have been more difficult.
“I just wanted to say I’m sorry for blowing you off the other day and being so distant. I uh, I don’t know. I’m such a bitch. I’m sorry.”
“You are not a bitch, Caroline. You’re amazing.” He smiles and puts his hand on my neck, rubbing the sensitive spot under my ear with his thumb. “You’re really fucking amazing.”
I giggle. Normally, I would have been freaked out by him touching me like this but right now, I didn’t care. If Alex didn’t hate me after I went total bitch on him, maybe I was stupid not to trust him, after all. Maybe, I could actually let my guard down with him; maybe, I could be happy.
“Stop that, Alex.” I say, giggling more. I grab his hand. “Let’s go party!”
I pull Alex towards the crowd and we meet up with our group of friends. We spend the night playing beer pong, laughing, and reminiscing on our favorite parts of tour. There’s a bittersweet feeling in the air, that all of it is coming to an end. Tomorrow, we’ll all play our last shows and then it’s all early morning flights back home. I try not to be sad whenever I look at Alex, who is shoving half a hot dog in his mouth. He cheers me up a little, and I laugh, grabbing the other half of his hot dog and taking a bite.
“Hey!” He yells but laughs with me. Truth was, I wasn’t ready to go home. I didn’t want to be miles away from Alex. I didn’t want to go back to a place that only brought back bad memories. I felt so much better with Alex, like there was hope. There was hope for a good, happy life with someone who would love me for me, even if I was crazy sometimes. I was terrified to find out what distance would do to us.
After the night started to die down, and people made their way back to their beds, I found myself laying in the grass next to Alex. We had eaten so much, that the drunken feeling started to turn into a slight buzz, but the stars overhead still spun slightly.
“What are we going to do?” I asked, but my words came out as a whisper. I reached over to cover his hand with mine. I figured my judgement was still clouded a bit by alcohol but I didn’t care anymore, at this point, it was just the courage I needed. I felt his fingers lace with mine, and squeeze softly.
“I don’t know.” He whispered back.
The silence between us carried on for a while before I found my voice again.
“I’m not ready for this to end.” I laugh. “You know, I think this has been the best summer of my life.”
I look over to see him smiling at me. “You really think so?”
“Yeah.” I respond, returning his smile. “I’m really glad I met you.”
“I’m glad I met you too.” His eyes look tired now, and I pull my phone out of my pocket to see that it’s past three in the morning.
“Maybe we should turn in.” I say slowly, not really wanting to do that. I realize how little space there is between us now, and I find myself inching closer to diminish that tiny bit of space, our lips just barely brushing.
“Yeah, maybe you should.” The sound of my brother, Paul’s, voice sending us both shooting up to sitting position. “We have to get up pretty early tomorrow. Don’t you remember, Caroline?”
Alex and I exchange glances, and out of nowhere, we both burst into laughter. Normally, being caught by the protective older brother in a compromising position would be awkward but we were laughing so hard, tears were streaming down our faces. Perhaps, we were still drunk.
Paul put his hand forward for me. “Come on, bed time for you.”
He pulled me up, and caught me when I stumbled, still laughing all the way.
“Goodnight, Alex.” Paul said.
“Yeah, goodnight, Alex!” I mocked his voice.
“Goodnight, guys.” Alex said, standing up and wiping the wetness from his eyes. Paul put his arm around my shoulders to steady me and led me back to the bus. I turned around one more time to steal a look at Alex, and he met my gaze and winked at me. Sending me into another fit of giggles.
Half way to the bus I looked up at Paul. “Thanks for choosing now to go into protective brother mode.”
“I could tell with the way you’ve been acting that it was about time to start worrying.”
“God, am I that obvious?”
“Definitely.”

Paul helps me into my bunk, after I get into my pajamas. I can’t fall asleep because I feel so giddy and excited, every time I think about the way Alex looked at me under the stars, my stomach would erupt with butterflies. I couldn’t even be sad that tomorrow was our last day together. I couldn’t be sad because for once, I felt like this was real and it was safe. This wasn’t the end, it was the beginning of something beautiful.

Notes