Nice2KnoU

dear mo m
they gave mr a lsptop but i vant see ehat im tyuping i csnt siy up i cdnt move mu hesd and thry watn mde 2 type w at im thiknig so i am adn i dotn no wat im thikni gi wer am i wer r u wen r u gona kom vs\iit me hoo r al thse p[p l nd wy r they al wchatign me type dotn thye hvae bter thn]igs 2 do sllorv vuijdrswtyquaubshfpqiuw akgsd./a[q-2896alskjvbn;agj
lov e alex

January 10
dera mom
thwy sitl w3ont twll me wer i am 9r y im her e btu i hace tubes un.y nose nd tehy re itcjing sngbhjieurywlti7344[;sg b nd they womr l;ewt me gt up or eat i csbt evn see the kebso[ard i wnt to gi hone bgu my legd hurt my heas hurst evr5ytgidng hurtd u do]nt knoie ehat els e to say wer r u
livev alex
January 12
drer mom
bhjutvgfhygute5454ghklmbdvusopfgsbnspovim/.,/';l;ppoas\op8a]pbp4jaogsawu497y7tnz tay brok up with me bnmjhrywut\ewy.dsuiypyeotfaspgkofmbncjingbfv6 over text gfdskjre]ratrui nd thy didsnt tekl me tull 2dat byt then they saud theyd been tryung to bit i dufn ut asnawer thme but i dont rememnebr all i rememrbr hearing us rignign mayb thats wy i m vonfuced bc i coulnt hrear them pro[wrly nd u judt thot they woundt tell me but thet were i cant talk i tryed but nothinb caemd out apantly my legd brojen and um in hosputal thats why evrythung us weerd threy gona taek me 2 threr apy tomororw andalso i eas in a carr crasghg thats wy all this is hapenng i rmemberd it aftert hwy todl me
kove alex
January 15
dear mom
the ygave m4e pain meds today7t nd i crioed because tghey held d m e doewn abnd it scared me id have breeen fine if thryed just let me lrie there but they literasly got 6 peole to come abd holkd doen my a5rms annd legds and i ddint ujderstabnd what thy weere doing untiol they put the needele in my arm so i jusdt cried
love alex

January 18
dear mom
they let meww sig t up in bed s to typed thsi sdfgfd82w7 becuz i did ggoed in therapye 2dey and yestereesy aalso they moved me 2 a differrtent hosdprital i steil cantt sopeack but thates wat therapy is dfor thsat wat they todl me also theres another wrtwftyk9;;djktdacasouy24vs boy my age at the n ew hosprtial his neme is jack hes in a weelchair my nurs e jenna brot me ovr to him during fre tim e and meade me be his frend hes niec he todl me allt aboirt himeslf but i coulnt bc i still kant speke maybe ill type it out 4 him sumtime
loce alex
January 21
dear mom
todsy jack was weraring a blink182 shirt nd i ponited lsotayun547gsi[ to i t and ttried to give it thumbs up and jack said do u like blink182 nd i nodded as bst i couldsf it made me dizzy so he started taklign abotu tehm he said they were his favotrtie band and he actualy lissted all there songs so hr ocudl find outr wich one wa s my sklhfiw7';hfj favotirtre that wsas so nice i wana talkl to him sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
love alex
January 28
dear mom
i made a niose in speech threapy today it was like baa everyon was so proud but i dont see y i cant talk yet i cant even wakl strairt i mean i do have a broken lewg but stull
love alex
February 2
dear mom
its groundhog day and in therapy we woked on typing i know to go slow now and my fingers kind of move separately from each other they want me to use punctuation but i dont want to anyway they gave me onr of those trxttospeech things so i started typing to jack he seemd so happy to know about me i really liek him i told him about my friends at school kellin vic josh and awsten and everyone else i wonder if they miss me i miss them
love alex
February 9
dear mom
i can eat by myslf now so theyre gona taek the tubne in my nose out tomoro but o0nly if i stert using punctuatian but i do nt wana use punctuatioimn wat should i do its mnaking my nose itcgh but im stubbortn jenna watns me to keep it in for some reason
love alex

February 13
dear mom.
i caved. im using periods now at the end of sentwnces. they were like look alex no one will undeystand you if you odnt and i was like ok fine. i made more sounds in speech. i cant say woreds but i can say sss and t and p and l the only one im having trouble with is r and ill get it somebay i mean i could say it before. oops i forgot to use periods. jack told me why hes in the wheelchiar. he fell otu of a building and broke his spine and is still getting used to doing things. i was gonna tell him why im her e but jenna beat me to it and told him i was ina car crash and have brain damage. they didnt tell me i had brain damage but i figurd it out.
love alex.
February 21
dear mom
shh theyre not looking i can grt away with not using periods so i can kinds of say my fname its not quite alex its more like aahh less but its close its so frustratign not bei ng able to talk becuz if jenna says someting i dont want her to tell othre ooeple i cant type fast enough to rtell her to stop sometimes i dont want people to know about thje bedpans just kidding i dont use bdpans but there are things i dont necessaril y want jack to knoe anbout me like that i stikll have a tyeddy bear named travis bearker
love alex
February 25
dear mom.
i got more painkilklers today. this one nnurse whos noty jenna came into the rec room during my ftree time when i sqwas with jack and said youre alex right and i noded and she said xcome wityh me and i stood up with my communicsation thing and she said you do nt need that put it down ansd i d idnt put it down becauser i need it and she said jack take it form him and jack said no let him have it amd she sighed and ok fine. then she took me into this one room and there were like 5 people in ther e and i got scared bc i new they were go nna hold me down again so i got out my communication thing and asked what are you going to do and the not jenna nurse said just get up onj the table itll be fine and i asked why are there 5 other people in here amd she daid because you domnt have a good recor d with astuff like this and i said just dont hold me down and ill do what you want and the 5 extra people just walked out and i got thw painkillersw no probolems.
love alex.

March 1
dear mom.
i said my name. im so proud of myself. its alex. i said it short and fast and with nall the sounds. alex. alex. thats my name and i can say it. i said some other stuff too. i can say somethinfg that soudns like stop and i can say waggy thats my favortite blink182 song also tochdown boy and enthused but i cant say those. and i can say other words. jack and i talked and i could kinmd of mkeep up with him. oh and i got the cast off my leg but im still using crutces because tghey want to work on walking with me. thry know rhey have to work on walking because i tried whenthey took ethe cast off and i fell on my face. i was ok. jenna helped me up.
love alex.
March 9
dear mom,
my occupational therapist showed me where insentences to put commas. i still dont really get it but, im trying. i made a joke today. jack and i were talking abotu therapy like one does and i typed im just gonna ask to leave when i have the motor skills to masturbate. he laughed but he also liiked konda sad. i asked why. he said he camnt feel his penis anymore so he cant masturbate. thats slo sad. i changed the subject, to blink182, and he got a lot happier. ps if anyones reading this thsts not my mom dont worry i was like thois all the time before. shes used to it.
love alex.
March 14
dear mom,
i can say jacks name now. he lookeed so happy when i said hi jack. we tslked anotu more things. i asked him what his school was ;like, it turnd out we go to the sasme school. he and i didnt have any classes together but at least well see eahc other when we get out of tghis hospoital. im so close with him now. weird enough, none og my friends have come to see me. i think jacks m y lclosest friefnd now. dont tell jenna.
love, alex.
March 19
dear mom,
i was wiyth jsack and i realized i could sing again. he started singing all the small things and i did the na na na part in the chorus and realized i was singing and stopped the song. i was so happy. i haven't stpooed singing akl day. thatnks, jack. i love knowign him hes so nice to know. i typed out nice2knou for him and he messded with the ketyboard of my comuunication thinghy and turned it into a song. also i learned the apostrophe.''''. that's an apostrophe. it's a lot easier tahtn the comma. i like it.
love, alex.
March 27
dear mom,
i worked on my typing more. i can move all my fingers independently now, and i can use the delete key when i spell something wrong. oh, and i can hold a pencil now. i can't write, but i can get my hand around the pencil like i'm going to write with it. also i can say full sentences. i've done a lot of work on words with more than one consonant together, and it's a bit unintelligible, but i can do it. jack's getting let out of the hospital. i'm really happy for him but i'm so gonna miss him. he wrote his phone number on my hand and i'm gonna copy it here. it's 466-555-1325. there, now i'm not gonna forget it. i promised i'd call him and i will, just as soon as i get access to a working phone.
love, alex.
April 3
dear mom,
they're letting me out! and i learned some more punctuation! and they're letting me out! i already knew what the punctuation was but my hands just forgot how to put it into sentences! and they're letting me out! i'm so excited. i'm still going to have to come here for more therapy and i can't go back to school (because, you know, i can't write), but i'm gonna get my own bathroom and i won't have a jenna hovering over me at all times. sweet.
love, alex.
April 7
dear mom,
it turns out jack and i have physical therapy at the same time, so if we get there early, we can talk. we had a really deep conversation yesterday. i asked him if he was very religious, and he said no, not really, so i told him that i was bisexual and not to freak out. he laughed and said he was gay. i was so relieved. we bonded over queer things, it was great.
love, alex.
April 20
Dear Mom,
Apparently you're supposed to capitalize the first letter of every sentence, and the letter I when it appears by itself, and people's names. YOu do that by holding down Shift while you type the letter. I can remember all that, I think.
Also! Paragraphs! THose are when you type a whole lot and want to break it up into smaller, easier-to-read chunks. You press Enter and it takes you to the next line. I like them. I can't read a whole chunk of text without breaks.
I asked Jack out today. You should've seen his face. I was so nervous! i kept slurring words and tripping over my own feet. it was hardcore. But he said yes! So now I'm going to meet him at Rita's italian ice on Saturday. Also you're supposed to capitalize the days of the week.
Love, Alex.
April 25
Dear Mom,
I had such a good time with Jack on Saturday. He ordered for both of us because I couldn't pronounce the names of any of the flavors and I didn't think the cashier would pick up on it if I typed out my order. But i paid because I'm a gentleman. Of course we got funny looks. Jack's in a wheelchair and I carry around a big-ass communication device and walk like I'm about to fall off a cliff. That's a similie. But we had a really long conversation about our futures. He wants to be a musician like me. He said he's determined to find a way to play guitar in a wheelchair. I said he totally could. Someday I'm gonna invite him over and just jam with him.
Love, Alex.
May 9
Dear Mom,
I can write now. My handwriting is really bad, but I can do it. Jack and I went on another date. I took him to my favorite park. he said he really liked the park's atmosphere, like how tranquil it was. He used the word "tranquil." That's such a nice word. It sounds really good in his voice.
Love, Alex.
July 5
Dear Mom,
I haven't written one of these in a while. Jack and I are a couple now. We went to see the fireworks together last night and something happened. I was watching this really big one go off and he kissed me, on the lips. I was so surprised, but I kissed him back. Then we agreed: it was official.
Anyway, I'm still in therapy. I can speak mostly understandably, and I can walk in a straight line, but something's still off and I can't quite put my finger on it. Although, that does seem to be a consequence of brain damage.
Love, Alex.
November 18
Dear Mom,
It's November. It's been almost a full year since I started, and four months since I last wrote one of these. I just haven't had the brainpower. I think this will be my last one, at least for a while.
I started school again in September. My friends practically jumped on me, but they seem more distant than they were. It was almost like they'd forgotten who I was. They're still acting friendly, though, so I'm just gonna assume they like me until I'm proven wrong. Josh invited me and Jack to his Halloween party. It was even better than last year's party, partly because there were hot dogs this time, and partly because Jack was there. Kellin and Vic were slow-dancing, and I think I even saw Awsten with another guy, too. Somehow, I managed to befriend all the queer guys. Not that I'm complaining.
I'm still in therapy, but only on Saturdays, and only occupational therapy. My therapist says I might need to do it for the rest of my life, but I might not, it just depends. I'll be alright with either one as long as I can be dating Jack. He's in occupational therapy too. My foster parents are debating whether or not to let me live independently when I graduate high school.

Also, I before I started writing this, I went back to the beginning and read all of these, starting with the first one. It sounds dumb, but reading my own incoherent words made me choke up a bit. I'm a long way from that. I can type, I can write, I can talk, I'm Alex Gaskarth with a slight dent in the engine, instead of Alex Gaskarth with missing gears and oil leaking everywhere.
And don't worry. I found out soon enough that you couldn't visit me.
Love, Alex.
P.S. Ask Tom how he's doing for me, alright?

Notes

This is for alltimefanfiction's LYR writing contest on Tumblr. I'm posting this on literally every fanfiction site I know of because I want attention. My Wattpad, AO3, Mibba, and Quotev are all kellallyourfriends and my LiveJournal is jalexenthusiast.