Secrets Don't Make Friends

Jack

"You're not going out tonight?" My mom asked me. It was Saturday night and I was in my pajamas.

"No, Alex wants too, but I'm not in the mood." I told her. I kind of didn't want to be around Alex right now. I was still upset about having to tell him about Zack and I before Zack did it for me. Avoiding Alex probably wasn't the smartest idea, but it was all I could come up with.

"Is this about what you learned about last week? See I didn't want you to mope aro-"

"-No it's not that, mom. I'm just not in the mood to drink and listen to loud music."

"You're not fun. I went out every weekend I could when I was younger."

"And that's how I got here." I joked and she hit me.

"You should go hang out with your friends." She said and I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Why do you want me out of the house so badly?" I asked and she sighed.

"I met this guy and-"

"-Stop. Don't say anymore. I'm leaving." I got up and went to my room to go get dressed. I knew that was code for my mom was going to have sex with whoever she met.

I unlocked my phone to call Alex and tell him that I was going out with them tonight.

"Hey babe." Alex answered.

"Hey, have you guys left yet?" I asked.

"No, why, did your change your mind?"

"My mom changed it for me. I'll be ready in twenty minutes." I told him.

"Okay I'll swing by to get you." He said and we hung up.

I put on some black skinny jeans and one of Alex's shirts I took from his house. I put a beanie on because I didn't feel like messing with my hair. I was just going to go and sit down and watch Alex and our friends get drunk. I wasn't in the mood for all of that. I should want to drink myself to death with everything going on with Zack, but I'm not.

Alexander <3<3

I'm outside

Read 9:18pm

I picked up my phone and sent a message to Alex telling him I'd be out in a second. I pulled on my shoes and walked to the living room where my mom was lighting candles.

"I'm leaving. Please use protection. I don't wanna be a big brother." I said and she laughed.

"I will. And be careful. Text me if you need me, okay?"

"Okay bye." I told her.

I walked out to Alex's car and got in on the passenger side. He kissed me on the cheek and reversed out of my driveway.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"It's Pete's birthday party. It's really just a kickback so there won't be a lot of people there." He said and I sighed in relief. I laid my head against his car window and he laid his hand on my knee. "What's a'matter? You don't feel good again?"

"No, I'm just tired, but not like sleepy tired. I just feel so exhausted." I told him. I felt mentally drained. Keeping secrets from Alex and fighting with Zack was taking a heavy toll on me.

"I know what you mean. We don't have to go to the party. We can go to my house and cuddle." He suggested.

"That sounds better." I mumbled and he nodded. He made a U-turn at a streetlight and headed towards his house. He picked up his phone to text Rian that he we changed our minds and weren't going anymore.

In no time we were at Alex's house. We walked inside and his parents were sitting on the couch watch a moving together.

"Hi Mister and Misses Gaskarth." I greeted them.

"Hi Jack." They both told me.

"Why are you both back so early. I thought you were going to celebrate your friend's birthday." Mrs. Gaskarth asked.

"We were but Jack doesn't feel good so we're just going to go hang out in my room." Alex told them.

We went upstairs to his room and I quickly kicked my shoes off and grabbed pajamas out of Alex dressers. I changed and laid in Alex's bed. He chuckled and did the same thing. I laid my head on his pillow once he got in his bed next to me.

"Do you think your parents would mind if I spent the night? My mom has a dick-appointment and I don't want to walk in on anything I shouldn't." I told him.

"Nah they won't care." He laughed. "It's so weird how close you and your mom are. You two tell each other everything."

"Eh it's a blessing and a curse. She's understanding but she also doesn't have any boundaries with some of the stuff she tells me." I chuckled.

"But she's so chill." He argued and I rolled my eyes.

Alex picked up his phone and got on Twitter while I stayed cuddled into him. I reached up and kissed him to get his attention back, but he kept scrolling on twitter. I continued to kiss him hoping to annoy him and grab his attention, but he didn't pay me any mind. I giggled to myself and reached my hand around to squeeze his left butt cheek, that usually annoyed him.

"Cut it out." He mumbled and weakly pulled my hand away.

I put my hand back on his butt and squeezed again and he pulled my hand away again. Once I did it the third time he put his phone down and rolled over on top of me. I laughed as he pinned my arms above my head.

"Why are you so fucking annoying?" He jokingly asked.

"Because you weren't paying attention to me." I whined.

He released my hands, laid down on top of me, and kissed me. I placed my hands on his back and opened my mouth for him. This is what I really wanted. I liked annoying Alex and letting him take it out on me.

We spent ten minutes making out but Alex didn't make any moves to go any further. We were both hard and pressing against each other. We had sex while his parents were in the house before so I don't know why he hadn't tried to take my clothes off yet. I decided to get things going myself. I placed my hand on Alex's pants and tried to pull them down. Alex pulled away from my lips and stopped my hands.

"Wait Jack, we can't." He said.

"Why not?" I asked.

". . . I'm not comfortable having sex with you right now, you know after what you told me." He said honestly and I raised an eyebrow at him.

"You're not comfortable having sex with me?" I asked, feeling myself become angry.

"Well I shouldn't say I'm not comfortable. I'm more afraid of having sex with you."

"What about all of the other times we had sex? We've never had a pregnancy scare before. Why can't we just keep doing what we've been doing?"

"We can once I get used to the idea of being able to get you pregnant. You have to admit it's a scary thought."

I found it funny that he had sex with Hayley even though there was a chance he could get her pregnant, but when it came to me he was too afraid. I couldn't say this out loud though since he still didn't know that I knew.

"It is scary, but like I said before as long as we continue to be safe we should be fine." I repeated.

"I'm sorry, I just... just not tonight." He apologized.

I huffed and turned my back to him, without another word, and then moved as far away from him as possible in his queen sized bed. I was annoyed and angry so it was just best I ignored him until I calmed down.

"Babe don't be like that." Alex sighed. I didn't say anything in response. I pulled the cover over my body and closed my eyes so I could go to sleep. Alex knew better than to touch me when I was like this so I fell asleep balled up on one side of his bed and he fell asleep on the other.

*****

I woke up the same way I fell asleep. I could hear Alex lightly snoring. I was still bothered by what happened last night. It wasn't the fact that we didn't have sex, it was the idea of Alex being afraid to have sex with me. I felt disgusting, like there was something really wrong with me.

I turned to lay on my back and my stomach began churning. It felt like I either had to throw up or go to the bathroom. I sat up in Alex's bed to determine if I just felt that way because of how I was laying.

"Huh?" Alex said as he was woken up from his sleep by me moving so much. "What's wrong, Jay?" He asked, when he saw me sitting up.

"Nothing." I mumbled and shook my head. That was a lie. I held on to my stomach trying to see if it would settle.

"Jack really, what's wrong?" Alex asked again and placed his hand on my arm.

"Don't touch me!" I snapped at him. "You might accidentally get me pregnant."

He looked hurt by my words and removed his hand. I immediately felt bad for snapping at him, but I didn't have time to apologize before I was getting out of his bed and running to his bathroom. I couldn't even turn on the bathroom light. I just ran inside and began spilling my guts into the toilet Alex walked in shortly and turned the lights on for me. Luckily, I didn’t miss the toilet. He came over and sat down next to me as I coughed and gagged over the toilet bowl.

I flushed the toilet when I felt like I didn't have to throw up anymore. I began to think the worse. Why was I throwing up this early in the morning?

"Are you okay?" Alex asked worriedly and I nodded.

"I'm sorry about snapp-" I began to talk but he cut me off.

"-Shhhh I know. It's okay." He pulled my body close to him and laid my head on his shoulder. "Just relax." He said and I nodded and took a deep breath.

Alex and I stayed in his bathroom for the next twenty minutes. He wanted to make sure I was actually done throwing up. I felt much better after getting it all out of my system. Maybe it was just something I ate. I didn't need to jump to conclusions about anything.

Alex helped me back to his bed and laid down next to me. I didn't push him away this time. I felt so weak after throwing up most of the content of my stomach and he felt so warm. Alex wrapped his arms around me and I fell back asleep.

When I woke up two hours later Alex was idly rubbing my back while humming. He smiled at me when he noticed I was awake.

"Hey handsome. How ya feeling?" He asked.

"Better than I did a few hours ago." I mumbled.

"Here." He handed me a glass of water.

"Thanks. I think it was just something I ate earlier yesterday. I haven't really had an appetite since yesterday at lunch." I said and drunk some water.

"Well I'm happy you're better now. I want to cuddle with you since we really didn't get to last night." He said and I nodded.

I let him wrap his arms back around me. I picked up my phone out of bed and pressed the circle to see if I had any notification. I had five missed calls from my mom and three text messages. I needed to get home before she got any more worried.

"I think we're going to have to cuddle some other time. I have to get home. My mom's worried about me." I told Alex.

"You didn't tell her you were staying with me?" He chuckled.

"No, she wouldn't have read my message anyways with that guy there." I said.

We both got out of Alex's bed so he could take me home. I kept Alex's clothes on and just slid my shoes on my feet. Alex drove me back home and kissed me before I could get out. He told me he was going to go hang out with Rian until it was time for them to have practice. I thanked him for the ride and went inside so I could calm my mom's nerves.

"Hey, where were you all night? I call and texted you multiple times." My mom said when I walked in.

"I stayed the night at Alex's house. We decided not to go to the party."

"Well it would have been nice if you told me that. I spent all night worrying about you."

"Yeah right. You spent all night on your back for some stranger." I said and she gasped.

"What the fuck did you just say to me?!" She questioned. I don't know what compelled me to say that to my mom. I did kind of feel like she cared more about sleeping with that guy since she pushed me out of the house, but I would never in a million years say it like I just did.

"I'm going to my room." I mumbled.

"Yeah go to your room and fucking think about what you just said to me." She said and I sighed.

I went up to my room and laid down in my bed. I was most likely going to lay here until I felt like my normal self. I felt like I had no control of my emotions right now. Hopefully I would get better and go apologize to my mom later.

Notes

It pretty much is all down hill for Jack now lol

Title Credit: Take Cover by ATL