Secrets Don't Make Friends

Alex

I drunk so much at Cass's party last night. I was almost certain that I was going to need my stomach pumped, but I threw up most of the alcohol in the middle of the party. Rian, Cass, and I drunk so much while setting up the party that we were completely drunk at the start of it. I honestly don't remember anything past greeting our friends at the beginning of the party. We all kept "tasting" this vodka punch Rian’s sister made. We wanted to make sure it was strong enough, which it was. Everything after that was a giant blur.

I woke up in one of the guest rooms in Rian's house. I was so drunk I didn't remember getting to bed. I also didn't remember getting out of all of my clothes. Why was I naked? I sat up and looked down at myself to make sure I was actually naked. I frowned trying my best to remember what happened. Then I felt something hit me. I looked over and saw a pile of orange hair. My breath got caught in my throat as I looked over to see that there was a naked girl laying right next to me.

"No no no no no no no no no no." I quickly said and jumped out of the bed. This was not happening.

"Ugh what's going on?" The girl asked. She turned on her side and I saw that it was Hayley, a girl that went to school with us. We only had one class with each other, but other than that we didn't really know each other.

"What happened last night?" I slowly asked her.

"We had sex. Don't you remember?" She asked.

"No I don't remember. I don't even remember the party." I said and she sighed.

"Oh shit aren't you the guy that's dating that other guy?" She asked.

"Yeah I have a boyfriend!" I stressed.

"Then why the hell did you sleep with me?!"

"I don't know. I think I'm gonna be sick." I panicked. I ran to the guest bathroom and leaned over the toilet. It was probably the alcohols fault that I was throwing up, but I still felt sick about what just happened. What the hell was I supposed to tell Jack? Oh god he's going to break up with me! Not to mention this was going to break his heart.

"What they fuck is wrong with me?" I mumbled to myself over the toilet.

"Here." Hayley said and threw my boxers to me. "And chill out. I'm not gonna tell your boyfriend about this. I don't want to be known as a home-wrecker and I'm guessing you don't want to be known as a cheater." She said and I nodded. Lying sounded horrible, but it was the only way I made sure I could keep Jack.

"We can keep this just between us for now?" I asked and she nodded. "Oh fuck. Thank you so much!" I told her.

"It's cool. I'm gonna go before someone see's us." She said.

I watched as she went out the door and closed it behind herself. I sat on the ground for a little bit longer, feeling disgusted with myself. How could I let something like this happen? I should have stayed with Jack and skipped the party. None of this would have happened if I would have just followed my gut instinct. And now my instinct was telling me to tell Jack the truth, but I wouldn't be able to do that. I loved Jack too much to lose him.

I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror. I had three hickeys on my chest and I knew none of them came from Jack. We hadn't had sex since last weekend since he's been sick all this week. Now I was going to have to work hard at hiding the marks from Jack too. This was probably a sign that I needed to tell him myself. If he found out from someone else he would probably kill me and his mom would definitely help him get rid of my body.

I know Hayley said not to tell anyone, but Rian didn't count. I had to tell him so he could help me figure out what to do. I looked for my clothes, and found them but somehow there was throw up on them. I sighed and went into the closet in the room. Rian's stepdad clothes were in there so I grabbed one of his Hawaiian shirts and put it on. I couldn't fit his pants so I just kept my boxers on.

I quietly walked out of the guest room to Rian's room. His door was closed but it didn't have a lock. I opened the door and saw he and Cass were still cuddled into each other, asleep.

"Rian." I whispered and shook him. I didn't want to wake Cass cause I didn't want her to know anything about this. She would definitely tell Jack.

"Rian." I whispered again when he didn't answer. "Rian please wake up!" I begged.

"Huh?" He muttered and I took a deep breath.

"Rian we have to talk please it's important!!" I quietly panicked.

"What the hell are you talking about?" He asked and wiped his eyes.

"I need your help. I really fucked up badly." I said on the verge of tears.

"Alex, what are you talking about? And are you wearing Denis' shirt?"

"Yes, mine was covered in throw up. Can we please talk??" I pleaded.

"We're talking right now. And what's wrong with you? You look really shook up."

"We need to talk alone." I said and pointed to Cass.

"She's asleep. She can't hear a word you're saying." He said and I shook my head.

"I can't take any chances." I said and he sighed.

"Fine. Turn around." He demanded. I turned so my backside would be facing him while he put some clothes on. Once he was finished we went outside to his backyard. The whole house looked a mess, but Rian had two days to clean before his parents came back from vacation.

"Alright what's up?" He asked once we were seated.

"Hold on. I just need to breathe." I said and took a few deep breaths. Being outside with fresh air helped me slow my breathing.

"You're starting to scare me, man." Rian said.

"Rian, I fucking cheated on Jack." I said and he got silently for a second.

"You what?"

"Please don't make me repeat it."

"But-but how?? When??"

"Last night. I woke up with Hayley, from school, in my bed."

"Please tell me you're joking. You can't be serious." He told me.

"I really, really wish I was." I said with my head in my hands.

"Damn. What're you gonna do?" He asked.

"I don't know. Hayley said she wouldn't tell and I really don't want Jack to know."

"So you're just gonna lie to him?!"

"No not lie. I'm just not going to tell him the truth."

"So if Jack ask you 'have you ever cheated on me' you're gonna say yes?"

"No, I can't!"

"Then that's lying." He stated and I sighed.

"What do you think I should do?" I asked, already knowing his answer.

"Tell him the truth and apologize. You'll have a better chance of him taking you back if you tell him the truth than if you lie about it and he finds out on his own." He lectured.

"I can't lose him, Ri." I mumbled. Jack and I have been dating since freshman year. I couldn't imagine my life without him now.

"You're probably going to have to give him space after hearing something like that."

"I need to think about this some more." I said.

"Do whatever you need. Just don't take too long to tell him." He warned and I nodded.

We sat outside silently for a few minutes. I was thinking of all the possible ways Jack would react to what I did. It would kill him if I told him what happened. He would never forgive me, I just knew it.

"Hey. Can I talk to you guys about something?" I heard Zack ask as he came outside.

"Hey Zack." I told him.

"Hey, we missed you last night, man." Rian told him and he nodded.

"Yeah I wasn't feeling too well so I couldn't make it." He said. It sounded like he didn’t mean that.

"It's cool. What'd you want to talk to us about?" Rian asked.

"It's about Jack." He said, mostly looking at me.

"Oh fuck! Don't tell me he already knows!" I cried out and Zack looked at me confused.

"Uhhh knows what?" He asked.

I paused for a second debating if I could tell Zack. We are friends and bandmates and he’s a guy so I don’t think he would care enough to go blurting it out to everyone. "I cheated on Jack last night with Hayley. But I was so drunk I can't even remember." I told him.

"I'm sorry you what?" He asked angrily. He looked at me as if he wanted to attack me.

"I know it was a horrible thing to do, trust me I'm dying on the inside." I sighed. "I so scared to tell him, I don't think I can." We all sat quietly for a few seconds then Zack spoke again.

"Don't." Zack said as his face softened and I looked up at him. "Don't tell him. No one knows but us and Hayley right?" He asked and I nodded. "Then don't tell Jack."

"Yeah you're right. We can keep this just between us." I agreed.

"I think that's a horrible idea, you'll always be paranoid that he'll find out. But I'm not going to tell you what to do and I won't tell anyone." Rian said and I thanked him.

"What did you want to tell me about Jack?" I asked Zack, remembering the whole reason he came over.

"Oh um it was nothing, I have to go." He said quickly and got up. Rian and I watched as he left in a hurry.

"Do you think he's on drugs?" I asked and Rian lightly chuckled.

"Nah I was thinking he found a boy that's been takin up most of his time." He said. That sounded reasonable. "Should we still have practice without him?" He asked.

"Yeah I can just get Jaime to come over to play his parts on bass since Vic is coming over to do back up guitar. I don't want to force Zack to come if he doesn't want to." I also wasn't ready to go see Jack yet so I wanted to stay busy.

"Yeah I understand. How about you help me clean for the next two hours and then we go practice?" He asked.

"Fine I'll help. Just remind me to stop by home before practice to show my parents I'm not dead." I said and he chuckled.

"Are you going to go by and check on Jack too?"

"Uhh I'll probably stop by after practice. I want to clear my mind and not think about that right now."

Cass opened the back door and threw trash bags at us. "Here. You guys can start cleaning in the backyard." She told us.

"What about you?" I asked.

"The birthday girl doesn't have to clean up." She teased.

"Your birthday was yesterday so you're not the birthday girl anymore." Rian joked and handed her a trash bag. She grumbled angrily and went inside to start there.

"Come on." Rian said when he noticed I had went back to deep thinking. He extended his hand to help me up and I woke up from my thoughts. I thanked him and took his hand.

Rian and I cleaned for the next twenty minutes throwing away cups and empty beer cans. His background was covered in trash. Luckily it wouldn't take long to clean with the three of us.

I bent over to pick up another can off the ground and my phone started ringing in my back pocket. I pulled it out and saw that it was Zack calling.

"Hey Zack, what's up?" I answered.

"Nothing much. I just wanted to check on you. I know I left pretty fast after you told us about you cheating on Jack. I just didn't want to seem unconcerned like a bad friend or anything." He said and I smiled.

"You're nowhere near a bad friend. And yeah I think I'll be okay. I’m just debating if I should tell him or not." I said honestly.

There was a long pause on Zack's end. I looked at the screen to make sure our phone call was still going. "Zack? Can you hear me?" I asked. I was about to hang up, but I began to hear him again.

"I think I have bad service. I'll call you back later." He said and hung up.

I looked down at my phone and shrugged before putting it back into my pocket.

I was lucky to have friends that actually cared about me.

Notes

Does anyone already not trust Zack?

Title credit: Take Cover by ATL