Dirty Laundry
13
2007
"I cannot believe that you are leaving for London tomorrow," Brian sighed, stretching his arms over his head.
Riley lifted her head from his chest and sat up. "Please don't..."
"What?" he laughed. "I'm just saying I can't believe how quickly this summer went by."
Riley's eyes quickly drifted away from him and towards the TV on the other side of his bedroom. It displayed the menu screen for the last DVD in the collection for season three of The OC. Brian had bought all four seasons on DVD for him and Riley to finish before she left, but with only a few hours left together, it didn't look like that was going to happen.
"That's probably because this summer started off way different than any other summer we've ever had together," Riley said quietly, almost just to herself.
"Hey," Brian sat up and reached for her hand. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Riley nodded, standing from the bed to switch to the next DVD in the set.
Brian sighed as he watched her move around. Since the day he picked her up from the Planned Parenthood, they hadn't talked about what happened in there. It was sort of an unspoken agreement that it would never be mentioned again - which made it easier for Riley since she hadn't gone through with the procedure.
The first episode of season four of The OC began to play as Riley crawled back onto Brian's bed. They sat in a bit of an awkward silence for a little while before Riley relaxed again and rested her head against Brian's shoulder.
"Brian..." Riley said quietly half way through the episode.
"What's up?"
"Thank you for my going away party."
Brian laughed. "Oh, so now you've decided to thank me."
As the day Riley would be leaving for London came closer, she made Brian swear he wasn't going to throw her a going away party. She didn't want him go through all the hassle and she certainly didn't want to make a big deal about her leaving.
Naturally, he didn't listen and threw a relatively tame party in his backyard the night before. It was convenient since his parents were away for the weekend to celebrate their anniversary. Riley pretended to be mad at Brian for the party but she secretly was really grateful for it as it would be the last time she was together with all her friends.
"Yes," she said, looking up at him with a sleepy smile. "Thank you."
"It was nothing," he assured her, pressing a light kiss to her forehead before they both brought their attention back to the TV.
A little while longer had passed before either of them broke the silence. This time it was Brian.
"I think if we ever find ourselves in the position where you're pregnant again, and we're older and actually ready for it, if it's a girl, I totally vote naming her Summer."
Riley slowly lifted her head from Brian's shoulder and stared at him while she processed what he just said. He easily could have just said "if I ever have a daughter, I'd name her Summer," but he had to go the extra step and include having that daughter with Riley. Thinking about it too much made Riley feel sick.
"I'm sorry," Brian mumbled. "It may have been too soon to say something like that... But I was just referring to the character on the show," he nervously paused to gesture at the TV screen where Rachel Bilson's character Summer Roberts was going off about something. "I feel like if I ever had a daughter, she'd be all sassy like Summer."
Riley swallowed hard and tried to suppress any of her emotions. "But it has nothing to do with your big ole crush on Rachel Bilson?" she asked with a forced smirk on her face.
Brian shook his head, relaxing slightly when he saw the expression on Riley's face. Thankfully he hadn't noticed how fake it was. "Absolutely not."
"Well, I'm sorry to break it to you, but if you ever name a kid Summer, no one will believe that the name came from an early 2000's teen drama, Mr. Lead Singer of The Summer Set," Riley teased.
"Damn," Brian laughed. "I didn't even think of that."
"Of course you didn't," Riley said with a giggle as Brian pulled on her arm until she was next to him again.
He was quiet for a second before he lightly touched her cheek. "I'm going to miss yo-"
"Please don't," Riley said again, pressing her index finger against his lips to hush him. She didn't want to spend their last few hours together weeping about how much they were going to miss each other.
Brian lightly kissed her index finger before pushing it away. "You can keep avoiding the topic, Riles, but it doesn't make it any less true."
Riley sighed and turned her attention back to the TV even though she knew Brian's attention was still solely on her. "I don't think we're going to get through all sixteen episodes of this last season," she said, sort of changing the subject.
"That's okay," Brian shrugged. "It will give us something to look forward to do the next time we see each other."
"Okay," was all she could say.
"Hey, you never said if you approved of the name Summer or not."
Riley did her best to keep her face still and not show any emotion. "I guess it's not my place to approve until I know for sure you're not having that daughter with someone else. Besides, you know I'm more of a Blair and Serena girl anyway."
While she didn't know the sex of the baby at this point, this conversation made her feel so uncomfortable that she almost confessed everything.
"Come on," Brian laughed slightly and shrugged his shoulder, deciding to completely ignore her Gossip Girl comment. "You know there'll never be someone else."
"You don't know that," Riley said softly, looking away from him.
"Trust me," Brian said, touching her cheek again and causing her attention back to him. "I know," he said before placing his lips over Riley's.
Their bodies quickly went into autopilot after that. The second their lips touched, Riley's arms instinctively wrapped around Brian's neck as he rolled his body on top of hers.
Their kisses went from hot and hungry to soft and sweet and back again in a matter for seconds. But it wasn't until Riley gently ran her finger tips down Brian's back, underneath his tee shirt, that he started to think clearly and pulled back.
"Hang on," he said sort of muffled as Riley immediately tried kissing him again.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"Should we be doing this?"
Riley let out a soft laugh. "We've been doing this for over three years. Why are you questioning it now?"
"For a few reasons actually. One being that thing you experienced less than two months ago. And two, we specially talked about not doing this anymore before you left," Brian stated all matter-of-factly.
"The first one isn't a problem," she said quickly, hoping to dismiss the entire issue completely. "And the second one is up to you."
Brian sighed, resting his forehead against her shoulder as he paused to think.
"I think it might be the best way for us to say goodbye," Riley said softly after a few seconds of no reply from Brian.
He lifted his head and looked down at her. "That's what I was thinking."
"Okay," she said before Brian's lips were back on hers and they began to strip off each other's clothes.
-----
After Brian and Riley were both satisfied, they clung to each other under one blanket. While sharing one last night like that was a nice way to say goodbye, it didn't help Riley keep herself calm knowing that goodbye was going to be permanent.
"Riley," Brian said into the quiet of the room. At some point they'd managed to turn off the TV.
"Brian," she replied.
"You know that I love you, right?"
Riley was glad the room was dark before there was no way she would have been able to hide the expression on her face after hearing him say that. But of course she knew. She always knew. And she also always knew she felt the same way.
Riley lifted her head from Brian's chest and nodded. "You know that I love you, too, right?"
"Oh, I know," Brian said with a chuckle, the irony of them saying this the night before she was leaving and they were going to be away from each other for really the first time in ten years was not lost on him.
"We literally have the worst timing," Riley said before she leaned down and kissed his mouth lightly.
"I know," he laughed against her kiss.
"No, like literally," she said, sitting up, pulling the sheet with her and gesturing to the alarm clock next to the bed. "It's getting late and I have to get home."
Brian frowned. "Already?"
She nodded. "I have a few things I still need to get ready for tomorrow. We leave for the airport early so I should try and get a good night's sleep and I don't want to have to rush in the morning and stress myself out more than I know I already will..." she rambled.
Brian leaned forward and silenced her with a kiss. "I get it."
"I'm sorry," she frowned.
"Don't be," he smiled, kissing her again before they both stood from the bed to get dressed.
Once Riley was sure she'd gathered all her things, Brian grabbed his keys and headed downstairs.
Before they walked out, Brian grabbed his jean jacket that hung on the hook next to the door. It wasn't a particularly cooler night, since it was Arizona but the article of clothing was something of a security blanket for Riley. Even though it was Brian's, he was pretty sure Riley wore it more than he ever did.
"One last time," he said, before passing her the jacket when they were in the car and she immediately put it on without a word.
As Brian pulled away from the curb and drove down the street, Riley couldn't help but stare longingly out the window at her old house. After she graduated high school, her parents had decided to move into a smaller house. Riley knew she had no say since her plan was ultimately to move out the first chance she got - she always assumed California or New York, never London - but she hated leaving the house she grew up in and she hated not living next to the Dales family as long as she was in Arizona.
She remembered feeling so uncomfortable the first night sleeping in her new house that she called Brian and he almost immediately offered to drive over and stay with her until she fell asleep. The fact that she almost instantly fell asleep once he was there made her realize how much she depended on him to always be around. She didn't know how she was possibly going to survive London without him.
They'd been driving for about ten minutes with the only sound coming from Bruce Springsteen's song 'Thunder Road' playing from the radio softly before Riley said anything. Before that, she had been so quiet, Brian would have forgotten she was in the car, if not for the fact that she let him hold her hand across the center console.
"Can you promise me something?"
Brian glanced over at her quickly before bringing his attention back to the road. "Anything..."
"Don't come by tomorrow before I leave for the airport with my parents."
"What? Why not?"
"B-Because," she stammered. "I'm going to be a mess as it is and if I see you before I'm supposed to get on that plane, I'm afraid I won't go," she admitted.
"I wouldn't let that happen," he said. "And neither would your parents for that matter."
"Brian, please. I'm serious about this one... I let the surprise party slide, but this promise I'm going to beg to you keep."
"Okay," he squeezed her hand. "I won't come."
"Thank you," she whispered, before turning to look out the window. She was trying to take in everything they passed. She didn't want to forget anything about the town she grew up in.
As they approached the block she lived on, Riley's heart rate stared to increase and tears pricked the back of her eyes and once her house was in view, tears were freely streaming down her cheeks.
Brian pushed his car in park and looked up at her with a shake of his head. "I could kill you for starting to cry already."
"I'm sorry," she sniffled, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of his jean jacket.
"It's okay," he said, letting her hand go. "It's kind of flattering."
Riley laughed through her tears before taking off her seatbelt and reaching over the middle of the car to hug Brian.
He squeezed her back tightly. "If you think we're saying goodbye like this, you're insane," he said, kissing the top of her head before letting her go and undoing his own seatbelt. He turned off the engine and shoved his keys in this pocket before exiting the car.
Riley sat for an extra few seconds to take a deep breath and prepare herself for the heartbreaking action she was about to take.
Almost as soon as she was out of the car, Brian was pulling her into a hug.
"I am so proud of you for getting this opportunity and having the guts to take it. I know you are absolutely going to do amazing things," he said into her ear.
For her part, all Riley could do was hug him tighter and cry harder into his shoulder.
"I know that the distance is going to suck for a while but I promise we won't go three whole years without seeing each other. That's just crazy," he continued. He kept one arm wrapped around Riley and used his other hand to gently lift her head so she was looking at him. "This isn't a permanent goodbye, okay?"
She just shook her head.
"Why are you shaking your head?" he asked, a nervous feeling flaring up in the pit of his stomach.
Riley swallowed hard and untangled her body from his and took a step back. "I'm sorry..." she said, trying to control her tears.
"Riley, don't be sorry. You're doing this to further you career, just like I am with going on tour. It's going to be fi-"
"No," she interrupted him. It was now or never. "I'm sorry because this is a permanent goodbye."
"Don't be silly, Riley. You're not going to be in London forever. And I'm not going to be unable to go to London forever."
She shook her head. "You don't get it, Brian," she sighed. "I can't do this," she gestured between them, "- whatever this is- I can't do it anymore. After everything that happened this summer, I just need to start fresh in London."
"What are you saying, Riley?" Brian asked, terrified of the answer.
"I'm saying goodbye."
Brian let out an uncomfortable laugh. "You're saying goodbye? That's it? After everything we've gone through this summer and the last ten or eleven summers we've had together, you're just going to say goodbye?"
Riley nodded. "I am. I'm not going to be able to move on with a constant reminder of what happened..."
"So now I'm just a constant reminder of a shitty thing we had to do? What about me? How am I supposed to move on? When I get upset about it, I want to talk to you. How can I do that if you cut me off?"
Riley was trying so hard to do this as painless as she could. But she should have known better that Brian wouldn't give her up without a fight.
"You'll be fine," she assured him. "As soon as you're out on the road, you'll forget all about this summer. And me."
Again, he let out an uncomfortable laugh. "You really think I'd forget about you on tour? Riley, do you not remember less than two hours ago when I told you I still thought about having babies with you and that I fucking loved you? Do you really think I'd say all that if I planned to forget about you in a few weeks?"
Of course the answer was no but she just shrugged anyway.
"But you knew. You fucking knew the whole time that you were going to do this, didn't you? How long have you been planning this?" he asked, angrily.
He felt his blood boil with rage as what was going on began to settle in. How could she think he'd let her abandon him just like that?
"I-I haven't been planning anything. It's just how I feel now," she lied.
"Bull shit, Riley," he scoffed.
They stared at each other in angry silence for a while, the only sound coming from the occasion sniffle from Riley while she wiped tears away with the sleeve of the jacket.
"So, that's just it?" Brian asked. "You get on a plane to London in the morning and I'm out of your life?"
Riley didn't say anything. She just averted her eyes to the ground.
"Fine," he caved. "I guess that's it. But answer me one question; it's the least you could do."
Riley just looked up at him, waiting for his question.
"Did you mean it when you said you loved me too?" he asked hopeful.
Riley took a deep breath. This was the moment she'd been looking for. It would absolutely destroy him but she knew her answer would finally end things.
"No," she said flatly. It was a damn lie though.
"Great," he said, his voice cracking and breaking the word into two as he tried to keep his emotions together. "Have a nice life, Riley."
Fresh tears began to pool in her eyes as she watched him make his way back to his car. As she lifted her hand to wipe away more tears, she realized she was still wearing his jacket.
"Brian, wait," she called after him against her better judgment.
He quickly spun around, silently hoping and praying she'd had a last minute change of heart.
"Your jacket..." she said, slipping it from her shoulders and holding it out for him.
"Yeah, thanks," he mumbled, yanking the jacket from her hands and rushing back to his car. He didn't even wait to watch if Riley made it inside her house safely. He just needed to get out of there fast.
The entire drive home he tried to convince himself that Riley had only done what she did because she was afraid of being apart and stressed out by the whole moving to another country thing. He did a good job because by the time he got home, he decided that he would give Riley a few days to settle into London and then he would call her and hopefully they'd work the whole thing out.
He gave it three days before he tried to call her and when he finally did he was greeted with an automated message telling him that number had been disconnected. He was in his car parked outside the Summer Set's practice space, a little early for rehearsal when he decided to make that call. He tried five or six more times and after the seventh he realized Riley had been serious. It really was a permanent goodbye.
He slammed his phone shut and when he threw it to the passenger's seat in frustration he saw his jean jacket and suddenly wanted nothing more than to light the damn thing on fire.
***
"I cannot believe that you are leaving for London tomorrow," Brian sighed, stretching his arms over his head.
Riley lifted her head from his chest and sat up. "Please don't..."
"What?" he laughed. "I'm just saying I can't believe how quickly this summer went by."
Riley's eyes quickly drifted away from him and towards the TV on the other side of his bedroom. It displayed the menu screen for the last DVD in the collection for season three of The OC. Brian had bought all four seasons on DVD for him and Riley to finish before she left, but with only a few hours left together, it didn't look like that was going to happen.
"That's probably because this summer started off way different than any other summer we've ever had together," Riley said quietly, almost just to herself.
"Hey," Brian sat up and reached for her hand. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Riley nodded, standing from the bed to switch to the next DVD in the set.
Brian sighed as he watched her move around. Since the day he picked her up from the Planned Parenthood, they hadn't talked about what happened in there. It was sort of an unspoken agreement that it would never be mentioned again - which made it easier for Riley since she hadn't gone through with the procedure.
The first episode of season four of The OC began to play as Riley crawled back onto Brian's bed. They sat in a bit of an awkward silence for a little while before Riley relaxed again and rested her head against Brian's shoulder.
"Brian..." Riley said quietly half way through the episode.
"What's up?"
"Thank you for my going away party."
Brian laughed. "Oh, so now you've decided to thank me."
As the day Riley would be leaving for London came closer, she made Brian swear he wasn't going to throw her a going away party. She didn't want him go through all the hassle and she certainly didn't want to make a big deal about her leaving.
Naturally, he didn't listen and threw a relatively tame party in his backyard the night before. It was convenient since his parents were away for the weekend to celebrate their anniversary. Riley pretended to be mad at Brian for the party but she secretly was really grateful for it as it would be the last time she was together with all her friends.
"Yes," she said, looking up at him with a sleepy smile. "Thank you."
"It was nothing," he assured her, pressing a light kiss to her forehead before they both brought their attention back to the TV.
A little while longer had passed before either of them broke the silence. This time it was Brian.
"I think if we ever find ourselves in the position where you're pregnant again, and we're older and actually ready for it, if it's a girl, I totally vote naming her Summer."
Riley slowly lifted her head from Brian's shoulder and stared at him while she processed what he just said. He easily could have just said "if I ever have a daughter, I'd name her Summer," but he had to go the extra step and include having that daughter with Riley. Thinking about it too much made Riley feel sick.
"I'm sorry," Brian mumbled. "It may have been too soon to say something like that... But I was just referring to the character on the show," he nervously paused to gesture at the TV screen where Rachel Bilson's character Summer Roberts was going off about something. "I feel like if I ever had a daughter, she'd be all sassy like Summer."
Riley swallowed hard and tried to suppress any of her emotions. "But it has nothing to do with your big ole crush on Rachel Bilson?" she asked with a forced smirk on her face.
Brian shook his head, relaxing slightly when he saw the expression on Riley's face. Thankfully he hadn't noticed how fake it was. "Absolutely not."
"Well, I'm sorry to break it to you, but if you ever name a kid Summer, no one will believe that the name came from an early 2000's teen drama, Mr. Lead Singer of The Summer Set," Riley teased.
"Damn," Brian laughed. "I didn't even think of that."
"Of course you didn't," Riley said with a giggle as Brian pulled on her arm until she was next to him again.
He was quiet for a second before he lightly touched her cheek. "I'm going to miss yo-"
"Please don't," Riley said again, pressing her index finger against his lips to hush him. She didn't want to spend their last few hours together weeping about how much they were going to miss each other.
Brian lightly kissed her index finger before pushing it away. "You can keep avoiding the topic, Riles, but it doesn't make it any less true."
Riley sighed and turned her attention back to the TV even though she knew Brian's attention was still solely on her. "I don't think we're going to get through all sixteen episodes of this last season," she said, sort of changing the subject.
"That's okay," Brian shrugged. "It will give us something to look forward to do the next time we see each other."
"Okay," was all she could say.
"Hey, you never said if you approved of the name Summer or not."
Riley did her best to keep her face still and not show any emotion. "I guess it's not my place to approve until I know for sure you're not having that daughter with someone else. Besides, you know I'm more of a Blair and Serena girl anyway."
While she didn't know the sex of the baby at this point, this conversation made her feel so uncomfortable that she almost confessed everything.
"Come on," Brian laughed slightly and shrugged his shoulder, deciding to completely ignore her Gossip Girl comment. "You know there'll never be someone else."
"You don't know that," Riley said softly, looking away from him.
"Trust me," Brian said, touching her cheek again and causing her attention back to him. "I know," he said before placing his lips over Riley's.
Their bodies quickly went into autopilot after that. The second their lips touched, Riley's arms instinctively wrapped around Brian's neck as he rolled his body on top of hers.
Their kisses went from hot and hungry to soft and sweet and back again in a matter for seconds. But it wasn't until Riley gently ran her finger tips down Brian's back, underneath his tee shirt, that he started to think clearly and pulled back.
"Hang on," he said sort of muffled as Riley immediately tried kissing him again.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"Should we be doing this?"
Riley let out a soft laugh. "We've been doing this for over three years. Why are you questioning it now?"
"For a few reasons actually. One being that thing you experienced less than two months ago. And two, we specially talked about not doing this anymore before you left," Brian stated all matter-of-factly.
"The first one isn't a problem," she said quickly, hoping to dismiss the entire issue completely. "And the second one is up to you."
Brian sighed, resting his forehead against her shoulder as he paused to think.
"I think it might be the best way for us to say goodbye," Riley said softly after a few seconds of no reply from Brian.
He lifted his head and looked down at her. "That's what I was thinking."
"Okay," she said before Brian's lips were back on hers and they began to strip off each other's clothes.
-----
After Brian and Riley were both satisfied, they clung to each other under one blanket. While sharing one last night like that was a nice way to say goodbye, it didn't help Riley keep herself calm knowing that goodbye was going to be permanent.
"Riley," Brian said into the quiet of the room. At some point they'd managed to turn off the TV.
"Brian," she replied.
"You know that I love you, right?"
Riley was glad the room was dark before there was no way she would have been able to hide the expression on her face after hearing him say that. But of course she knew. She always knew. And she also always knew she felt the same way.
Riley lifted her head from Brian's chest and nodded. "You know that I love you, too, right?"
"Oh, I know," Brian said with a chuckle, the irony of them saying this the night before she was leaving and they were going to be away from each other for really the first time in ten years was not lost on him.
"We literally have the worst timing," Riley said before she leaned down and kissed his mouth lightly.
"I know," he laughed against her kiss.
"No, like literally," she said, sitting up, pulling the sheet with her and gesturing to the alarm clock next to the bed. "It's getting late and I have to get home."
Brian frowned. "Already?"
She nodded. "I have a few things I still need to get ready for tomorrow. We leave for the airport early so I should try and get a good night's sleep and I don't want to have to rush in the morning and stress myself out more than I know I already will..." she rambled.
Brian leaned forward and silenced her with a kiss. "I get it."
"I'm sorry," she frowned.
"Don't be," he smiled, kissing her again before they both stood from the bed to get dressed.
Once Riley was sure she'd gathered all her things, Brian grabbed his keys and headed downstairs.
Before they walked out, Brian grabbed his jean jacket that hung on the hook next to the door. It wasn't a particularly cooler night, since it was Arizona but the article of clothing was something of a security blanket for Riley. Even though it was Brian's, he was pretty sure Riley wore it more than he ever did.
"One last time," he said, before passing her the jacket when they were in the car and she immediately put it on without a word.
As Brian pulled away from the curb and drove down the street, Riley couldn't help but stare longingly out the window at her old house. After she graduated high school, her parents had decided to move into a smaller house. Riley knew she had no say since her plan was ultimately to move out the first chance she got - she always assumed California or New York, never London - but she hated leaving the house she grew up in and she hated not living next to the Dales family as long as she was in Arizona.
She remembered feeling so uncomfortable the first night sleeping in her new house that she called Brian and he almost immediately offered to drive over and stay with her until she fell asleep. The fact that she almost instantly fell asleep once he was there made her realize how much she depended on him to always be around. She didn't know how she was possibly going to survive London without him.
They'd been driving for about ten minutes with the only sound coming from Bruce Springsteen's song 'Thunder Road' playing from the radio softly before Riley said anything. Before that, she had been so quiet, Brian would have forgotten she was in the car, if not for the fact that she let him hold her hand across the center console.
"Can you promise me something?"
Brian glanced over at her quickly before bringing his attention back to the road. "Anything..."
"Don't come by tomorrow before I leave for the airport with my parents."
"What? Why not?"
"B-Because," she stammered. "I'm going to be a mess as it is and if I see you before I'm supposed to get on that plane, I'm afraid I won't go," she admitted.
"I wouldn't let that happen," he said. "And neither would your parents for that matter."
"Brian, please. I'm serious about this one... I let the surprise party slide, but this promise I'm going to beg to you keep."
"Okay," he squeezed her hand. "I won't come."
"Thank you," she whispered, before turning to look out the window. She was trying to take in everything they passed. She didn't want to forget anything about the town she grew up in.
As they approached the block she lived on, Riley's heart rate stared to increase and tears pricked the back of her eyes and once her house was in view, tears were freely streaming down her cheeks.
Brian pushed his car in park and looked up at her with a shake of his head. "I could kill you for starting to cry already."
"I'm sorry," she sniffled, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of his jean jacket.
"It's okay," he said, letting her hand go. "It's kind of flattering."
Riley laughed through her tears before taking off her seatbelt and reaching over the middle of the car to hug Brian.
He squeezed her back tightly. "If you think we're saying goodbye like this, you're insane," he said, kissing the top of her head before letting her go and undoing his own seatbelt. He turned off the engine and shoved his keys in this pocket before exiting the car.
Riley sat for an extra few seconds to take a deep breath and prepare herself for the heartbreaking action she was about to take.
Almost as soon as she was out of the car, Brian was pulling her into a hug.
"I am so proud of you for getting this opportunity and having the guts to take it. I know you are absolutely going to do amazing things," he said into her ear.
For her part, all Riley could do was hug him tighter and cry harder into his shoulder.
"I know that the distance is going to suck for a while but I promise we won't go three whole years without seeing each other. That's just crazy," he continued. He kept one arm wrapped around Riley and used his other hand to gently lift her head so she was looking at him. "This isn't a permanent goodbye, okay?"
She just shook her head.
"Why are you shaking your head?" he asked, a nervous feeling flaring up in the pit of his stomach.
Riley swallowed hard and untangled her body from his and took a step back. "I'm sorry..." she said, trying to control her tears.
"Riley, don't be sorry. You're doing this to further you career, just like I am with going on tour. It's going to be fi-"
"No," she interrupted him. It was now or never. "I'm sorry because this is a permanent goodbye."
"Don't be silly, Riley. You're not going to be in London forever. And I'm not going to be unable to go to London forever."
She shook her head. "You don't get it, Brian," she sighed. "I can't do this," she gestured between them, "- whatever this is- I can't do it anymore. After everything that happened this summer, I just need to start fresh in London."
"What are you saying, Riley?" Brian asked, terrified of the answer.
"I'm saying goodbye."
Brian let out an uncomfortable laugh. "You're saying goodbye? That's it? After everything we've gone through this summer and the last ten or eleven summers we've had together, you're just going to say goodbye?"
Riley nodded. "I am. I'm not going to be able to move on with a constant reminder of what happened..."
"So now I'm just a constant reminder of a shitty thing we had to do? What about me? How am I supposed to move on? When I get upset about it, I want to talk to you. How can I do that if you cut me off?"
Riley was trying so hard to do this as painless as she could. But she should have known better that Brian wouldn't give her up without a fight.
"You'll be fine," she assured him. "As soon as you're out on the road, you'll forget all about this summer. And me."
Again, he let out an uncomfortable laugh. "You really think I'd forget about you on tour? Riley, do you not remember less than two hours ago when I told you I still thought about having babies with you and that I fucking loved you? Do you really think I'd say all that if I planned to forget about you in a few weeks?"
Of course the answer was no but she just shrugged anyway.
"But you knew. You fucking knew the whole time that you were going to do this, didn't you? How long have you been planning this?" he asked, angrily.
He felt his blood boil with rage as what was going on began to settle in. How could she think he'd let her abandon him just like that?
"I-I haven't been planning anything. It's just how I feel now," she lied.
"Bull shit, Riley," he scoffed.
They stared at each other in angry silence for a while, the only sound coming from the occasion sniffle from Riley while she wiped tears away with the sleeve of the jacket.
"So, that's just it?" Brian asked. "You get on a plane to London in the morning and I'm out of your life?"
Riley didn't say anything. She just averted her eyes to the ground.
"Fine," he caved. "I guess that's it. But answer me one question; it's the least you could do."
Riley just looked up at him, waiting for his question.
"Did you mean it when you said you loved me too?" he asked hopeful.
Riley took a deep breath. This was the moment she'd been looking for. It would absolutely destroy him but she knew her answer would finally end things.
"No," she said flatly. It was a damn lie though.
"Great," he said, his voice cracking and breaking the word into two as he tried to keep his emotions together. "Have a nice life, Riley."
Fresh tears began to pool in her eyes as she watched him make his way back to his car. As she lifted her hand to wipe away more tears, she realized she was still wearing his jacket.
"Brian, wait," she called after him against her better judgment.
He quickly spun around, silently hoping and praying she'd had a last minute change of heart.
"Your jacket..." she said, slipping it from her shoulders and holding it out for him.
"Yeah, thanks," he mumbled, yanking the jacket from her hands and rushing back to his car. He didn't even wait to watch if Riley made it inside her house safely. He just needed to get out of there fast.
The entire drive home he tried to convince himself that Riley had only done what she did because she was afraid of being apart and stressed out by the whole moving to another country thing. He did a good job because by the time he got home, he decided that he would give Riley a few days to settle into London and then he would call her and hopefully they'd work the whole thing out.
He gave it three days before he tried to call her and when he finally did he was greeted with an automated message telling him that number had been disconnected. He was in his car parked outside the Summer Set's practice space, a little early for rehearsal when he decided to make that call. He tried five or six more times and after the seventh he realized Riley had been serious. It really was a permanent goodbye.
He slammed his phone shut and when he threw it to the passenger's seat in frustration he saw his jean jacket and suddenly wanted nothing more than to light the damn thing on fire.
***
Notes
Story Title: All Time Low- Dirty Laundry
I couldn't sleep, so you guys get this... :)
What are the odds that you guys think Brian will forgive Riley after all this? Do you think she deserves it? What do YOU want to see happen? (past or present)
PS, it's after three in the morning here, so disregard any silly errors, I'll go back and proofread better when the sun's up.
XO!
If you could come back and update, that'd be great <3
1/23/19