I woke up in a single twin-sized bed in a room on the smaller side. After listening to me breaking down and trying to comfort me, John checked with Trisha if I could stay here for a while until I figured out where to go next. Emily was very excited to hear that I was going to be around for awhile even though her parents had told her that I probably wouldn’t be up for playing with her for the time being. I just thought it might do me good to try to forget a little and focus on the simple happiness even a four-year-old possessed. But that didn’t mean I was going to start playing dress up with her the first proper day I was there.

The sun poured in from the sides of the blinds in front of the small roof window. I was staying in the smallest spare room they had and it was practically in the attic. It wasn’t that they didn’t want me to occupy their usual guest room, but that there just simply was no space for me there. They were busy renovating it, so I couldn’t exactly sleep in a room that barely existed.

It was fairly late when I decided to get out of bed. My eyes were still crusty and painful from the crying I had done the evening before. Since I didn’t have any clothes with me, I had gotten some pajama shorts from Trisha and a t-shirt from John to wear to bed. I was going to have to figure out a solution for that soon. I couldn’t just go around wearing the same clothes for days on end, and what would I wear when I put them in the wash? Either I needed to get my stuff or I needed to buy things, and I didn’t exactly have the money to buy a whole new wardrobe for myself.

At around one pm, I decided it really was time to go downstairs. It wasn’t that I had been lying around in bed for hours waiting for time to pass, because I honestly had only woken up a bit before. I just knew that if I wasn’t going to get out of bed then, I wasn’t going to get out at all. Eventually, I would consider the fact that it was already getting late and that I was going to go back to bed soon anyway, so there wasn’t really a point to wake up in the first place. But that really was the wrong mentality.

So, out of bed, I got. After throwing off the covers and standing up on my feet, I reached out to open the curtain of the roof window, letting the light in fully. I changed back into the clothes from the day before and left the room as if I were sneaking out of a stranger’s bedroom. Almost right outside the door, I had to go down the pretty steep steps before I reached the floor with all the other bedrooms. I decided to quickly run to the bathroom before I went and showed myself to everybody else.

Looking in the mirror, my appearance reflected exactly the way I felt: tired and gloomy. I splashed some water in my face and tried to convince myself that everything was going to be ok. Maybe it was going to take a while, but I couldn’t let it control my life. I was determined to get over it. I did not feel like letting my life stay in this low part.

When I came downstairs so find some food, Emily came charging at me while giggling. I picked her up and greeted her while she clutched to my body, and walked towards the kitchen. Trisha was sitting at the simple table, reading a book. She looked up when she heard my footsteps and smiled.

“Come on, Emily, let Ireland be,” she told her daughter, already getting up to take her from me.

Being the stubborn girl she was, Emily held on to me even tighter and shook her head. “No.”

“It’s ok,” I dismissed before an unnecessary fight would start, “however, I am afraid your daughter is turning into a monkey.”

When I leaned down to put her on a chair, she did let go of me and immediately requested a banana to continue my joke. Trisha gave her one with an eye roll, happy enough that her daughter was actually asking to eat fruit. I made a bowl of cereal for myself while she made us both a cup of coffee.

“So, what do you want to do today?” Trisha asked carefully, holding the hot cup in her hands.

I shrugged and finished chewing what I had in my mouth before talking. “I was thinking of doing a drive by to check if I can pick up any clothes and other essentials. Then when I get back, I’ll probably try to figure out what to do next with my life.”

“You know you can stay here as long as you like, right? There’s no need to rush it all. Just take your time, take as much time as you need.”

“Yeah, I know,” I nodded as John came back from running errands and entered the house through the kitchen door, “but I don’t want to overstay my welcome. I’ll probably stay with my parents if I know it’s going to take another while to find a place to move into.”

“What’s happening?” John asked as he threw his keys on one of the countertops and took his jacket off.

“Ireland is going to go check if she can pick up some stuff from Jack’s house,” she whispered the last two words and tried covering her mouth a little, “and she wants to go look if she can find some place to live, but I told her she doesn’t have to rush into it at all.”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” he nodded in agreement and joined us at the table (Emily was already somewhere else probably playing with some of her toys). “Do you want me to come with you to get your belongings?”

“I’ll do it myself,” I told him as I finished my coffee, “I only want to go in if nobody’s there, and I’ll probably be faster by myself since I know where everything is, what I want, and how to be sneaky.”

“Are you sure? Not even a lift?”

“Yeah. Me being here shouldn’t suddenly change the way you plan out your days. You go do whatever it is you normally do.”

“If you insist.”

----

Not much later, I was sat in my car, driving slowly along the road where I used to live. It probably looked very suspicious, somebody scoping the area while going way under the speed limit, but I didn’t want to suddenly catch Jack and anybody else going the other direction and seeing me. Once I got up to the house, I quickly looked at the driveway and was relieved to see that there wasn’t a car on it already. So, I quickly pulled over and entered the house with the key I still had in possession.

And then the dirty work began.

The first thing I put in the small hallway at the front door was the box of letters and the list from Cam. The small cute notes Jack had written me and I had kept were all ripped off the board and torn into little pieces that could now be found on the floor. I sucked it up and tried to not let it get to me. Those notes didn’t matter anymore. Maybe there had been a time when they meant something, but with the way we acted yesterday, there was no way they had any value anymore.

Next, I ran upstairs and grabbed the biggest suitcase I could find. I didn’t care that it was the one that Jack always took on tour with him because all of his clothes would fit in it; I didn’t care that he’d probably never find a suitcase just as good as it; I didn’t care that he’d probably hate me more for taking it. I needed it right now, and he was going to have to deal with it.

Before putting as many clothes as I could in it, I ran to the guest bathroom and grabbed all the toiletries I had there. If I had managed to survive using only those for a week, I could survive another long while. So, they were all thrown into a plastic bag and placed into the large suitcase. Next, I turned to the closet and only picked out the clothes I wanted to take with me the most, including underwear. If I had space left over, I could always through some more stuff in it.

However, when it was nearly full, there was an unexpected addition. And that addition looked at me with small beady eyes.

“Taco!” I gasped in shock, completely having forgotten about her, while she meowed at me. “You can’t go in here.”

I picked her up and put her on the bed instead. Smuggling a cat in a fairly airtight contraption wasn’t the best idea ever.

“I’m sorry,” I pouted and stroked her soft fur as she continued to stare at me with wide eyes, “I can’t take you with me. I’m staying with somebody else right now and I can’t really just show up with you and expect them to be ok with it. But as soon as I get my own place, I will come back for you. Right now, it’s best for you to stay with Jack, as much as I don’t enjoy that. Just know I will not abandon you and leave you here forever. Cam gave you to me when Jack and I had our first serious fight, so you’re also going to stay with me after our last serious fight. You’re technically mine, so he can’t get mad at me for that.”

She meowed at me once again when I zipped the suitcase shut and said goodbye to her. I didn’t want to leave her behind, but I didn’t have a choice.

The last thing I had to pick up was Cam’s guitars. It might sound a bit ironic considering Taco, but there was no way I was going to leave them here with Jack. There were prized possessions of Cam, and I wasn’t going to leave them in a place like this. It wasn’t that I believed that Jack was going to break them the next chance he got, I just didn’t want to leave something behind that had such a sentimental value.

So, I put them back into their cases and took them with me as well. It took a couple of trips to take it all out to the car, and it took me a while to figure out how to make it all fit, but eventually I was backing out of the driveway for what could possibly be the last time in a while (until I came to pick up Taco, of course).

I just wished that Cam had written a letter to help me through this, but there wasn’t even a mention of writing a letter to help me through a breakup on the list. He had had too much faith in me. I was going to have to go through this without any of his help, and that thought scared me.

Notes

It's almost been a week! (Or has it already been?) Oh my god!

I didn't have any time to write until yesterday evening. One reason was I SAW ALL TIME LOW LIVE. FUCK IT WAS GREAT. It definitely my favorite concert I've been to. We waited in line for ages, and despite the fact that we only arrived at like a bit after six, we still got pretty good spaces (not in the front, of course, but I don't need to be squashed). The first few seconds it was so strange to see them in 3D, but, holy shit, I screamed along the lyrics. My throat was so painful the next day. They started later because not everybody was inside yet, which sucked because they had to skip out a song, but it's so nice of them to make sure nobody would miss out. I WANT TO GO BACK. I took so many videos, which I absolutely usually refuse to do. Somehow I knew all the lyrics to Last Young Renegade? I don't know how, cause I haven't listened to it much. 10/10 would recommend going. Sucks that somehow at concerts my ears seem to filter out the low tones, so they all sounded like chipmunks to me. They played a few of my favorite songs. I WANT TO GO BACKKKK SO BADLY. Now whenever I listen to their music I get so upset because I have the, as I'll put it, 'concert blues'. I wish I could watch them again. I so hope they're going to come back soon.

Second reason. I started another story. You might have seen it in between all the new stuff. It has a shitty cover, but I didn't want to give away the story. You should totally check it out. I tried writing it in a different style, and I actually like it. http://www.alltimelowfanfiction.com/Story/88867/Radio-Silence/ The whole idea behind it that people (like you) will suggest 'oneshots' for them, which is why I call it snapshots. I ant to write what you want to read!