Jack and I had only been apart for a week and a half and I felt like shit the entire time. Not only did I constantly feel anxious in the back of my mind, I couldn’t sleep. Literally, I just couldn’t. I would get in my bunk super tired, almost falling asleep throughout the day, and then just not be able to fall asleep. It wasn’t even like I was up on my phone or laptop. There was nothing keeping me up, not even noise. On the rare occasion that I did fall asleep, I would be woken up by myself in no time.

It was frustrating. I was literally running on no sleep.

But, hey, at least I was going to be reunited with Jack again. He had already been in Norway for a few days to rehearse with All Time Low. They had stayed in a hotel and had only recently moved to their tour bus. I, however, had been in a tour bus since we came to England, and we had to drive all the way to Norway to begin. It was a long fucking journey.

Once we arrived in Norway, it was around 11am. Our bus was parked right next to All Time Low’s bus. I was one of the few people actually up. Or actually, I was the only person other than Colton who was up and about. The others might have been awake or not, but they were all still in their bunks.

“Hey, Colt,” I approached the front lounge and got his attention from where he was sitting at the table doing work on his laptop, “I’m going to go out and see if I can find Jack.”

“Okay,” he nodded, looking up from his screen, “just remember you’ve got an interview to go to at four.”

“Right,” I nodded. I was still getting used to the routine of doing interviews. People were wanting to do more interviews with us here than back home. I didn’t know exactly why that was. For Jack, it made sense because they didn’t come over here often, but we weren’t a big deal like them.

I hopped out of the tour bus and looked around a bit. There was nothing much to see. We were already at the venue for the evening, but we couldn’t go in until three. Only the crew was allowed to bring in a few things. It was somebody about the venue needing time to take down equipment and clean up after an event the night before that had only ended at six in the morning.

I walked to All Time Low’s bus, and entered easily. Nobody had bothered to lock the door, which seemed like a stupid decision to me. It was a bit more lively in this bus. Zack was already up, just coming back from a workout. Rian was out of his bunk eating breakfast, and I saw Jack at the bunks in his pyjamas, also known as just boxers. Alex was nowhere to be seen, so I assumed he was still asleep.

“Hey, guys,” I announced my presence and closed the door behind myself, “we made it here in one piece.”

“Ireland, hey!” Rian created through a mouth full of food.

“Isle!” Jack looked up at me with excitement and came waltzing over. He enveloped me into a big hug and pressed a kiss to my lips.

“They’re here?” Alex popped out of his bunk, not having been asleep like I thought he had. He rolled out and came into the front lounge as well. When he had a closer look at me, he commented, “you look like shit.”

He definitely had taken Jack’s comment about me wanting to hear the truth back when I was sick very literally.

“Awe, thanks,” I mocked him and rubbed my eyes. “I’m running on six hours of sleep.”

“That’s not too bad,” he returned and crossed his arms, “I only got four last night.”

“It’s not a competition, don’t be proud about that,” I scoffed and hugged Jack tightly. “Also, I meant six hours since we flew into London, not since last night.”

“Isle!” Jack gasped in a scolding tone and pulled away from me to look down.

“Oh, like I enjoy not being able to sleep.” I rolled my eyes and ran my fingers through my hair. “If I knew why, I would have fixed it by now. I don’t know how I’m still awake.”

Jack frowned at me almost as if expecting me to tell him the real reason under the pressure. But, to be honest, I really didn’t know why I was sleeping. I wasn’t hiding anything, I wasn’t keeping secrets. This wasn’t the beginning of the year. I told him everything now.

“Okay, well, we are going to watch a movie if you’d like to join,” he finally said instead.

“Sure,” I nodded and followed him to the bunk, where he grabbed some black jeans, and went into the back lounge.

It wasn’t like I could do anything back on my bus, everybody was still asleep there.

Jack pulled on his jeans and turned on the TV in the back lounge while Alex and Rian joined as well. They sat down so Jack and I could still sit next to each other. I even got to put my feet up. It reminded me a lot of the first time I visited Jack on tour. We also watched a movie on their bus then. Only that time I passed out and had a seizure. That wasn’t going to happen this time.

Well, that was only partially true.

They put on some movie they all loved and I hadn’t heard of before. For a better view and to get more comfortable, I put my head on Jack’s chest and Jack put his arm around me. I didn’t even get to the point where they started to quote along with the movie, which usually started very early on. My eyes just couldn’t stay open. I was exhausted. Somehow, I fell asleep.

I only realised I was asleep when I was woken up later. Somebody was shaking me softly and saying my name. I opened my eyes to see I was still in the back lounge and also still cuddled into Jack’s side. The TV had been turned off and everybody else was gone. I had no idea what time it was and what was going on.

“Huh?” I raised my head and rubbed my eyes.

“It’s ten to four,” Jack told me and kissed the top of my head. “Colton’s been texting you about an interview at four.”

“Oh, right.” I nodded and sat up. Time had flown by. It was only eleven in the morning the last time I checked.

“Everybody’s already gone into the venue, but you were sleeping so deeply and I didn’t want to wake you up, especially with how little sleep you got before.”

“Thanks.” I smiled at him and reached my hands above my head, stretching out my back. “What have you been doing this entire time?”

“I’ve just been on my phone, which is almost dead now.” He wiggled the device in front of me.

“Aren’t you in pain from sitting in the same position the entire time?” I stood up and held my hands out for him.

He grabbed them and let me pull him up as he let out a groan. “A bit.”

I gave him a small pout and kissed him as another thank you. It was only a short one, a more casual one, one that was acceptable in public. The bus may have been empty, and it would have been a great opportunity, but now wasn’t the time. Five minutes wasn’t going to be enough time. I was already impressed that Jack hadn’t woken me up earlier. But then again, I probably wouldn’t have been in the mood if he had done that.

“I’m definitely going to be late if we don’t go now,” I still stated.

“I know, especially since I have no idea where we get in,” he replied and scratched his head.

I grabbed his hand and started pulling him along. “I know, I was outside before I came here.”

I kept hold of his hand as we exited the bus. He stopped us for a second to close the door behind himself, and then we started to go for the door. Although the bus hid us quite well from any view of the street, it didn’t quite cover one-hundred-percent. If you were stood at the entrance of the building, you could see us come out and walk to the artists’ entrance. And, it wouldn’t be a good All Time Low show if fans didn’t start showing up early. It was only a group of around fifteen or so people, but they were definitely there. As one person spots you, suddenly they all do.

It wasn’t all of them, but a group of five girls and one guy came up to us. I let go of Jack’s hand, knowing exactly what was going to happen next as they shouted out his name. They weren’t rude or anything, they were quite the opposite actually. There was no running or screaming. They calmly approached and Jack took a step closer to them. I knew he’d usually already been long in the dressing room by now, but he couldn’t avoid it not without seeming like an asshole.

To my surprise, though, only four girls went to Jack while one and the boy came up to me.

“Can we have a photo with you?” The boy asked timidly in an accent. Although he was wearing an All Time Low zip up hoodie, the shirt underneath was one of my band. It clearly said Her Words and I could recognise it as something Cameron had once proudly talked to me about.

I looked at them, a bit flabbergasted. It was almost like I was the one starstruck. I actually started stammering. “Yes. Well, yes, but I really need to go inside. I’m going to be late for an interview. So, I really need to go. But I promise I’ll come back afterwards.”

“Awe, okay,” the girl seemed a little disappointed.

I didn’t want to disappoint them. I really didn’t. But I did have to leave. I held out my little finger. “Pinky promise.”

I gave both of them a pinky promise, getting a smile out of them. Before I left, I ran back up to Jack, who the two fans were also going to now, and pressed a kiss to his cheek. I told him I was going to go and then quickly jogged to the entrance. As I entered, I checked my phone and saw that Colton had luckily sent me where to go to. It wasn’t in our dressing room, but in this room next to All Time Low’s dressing room.

As I entered, I saw Alex there talking to the male interviewer and a cameraman. I had no idea he was going to be doing an interview as well. Honestly, I didn’t mind if he was going to be in the room. He’d probably judge me and laugh at me for my poor skills, but at least he would be able to tell me what to improve afterwards.

“Hey, you’re here!” Alex threw his hands up in a mixture of relief and joy.

“Yeah,” I shook my head and brushed some hair behind my ear, walking into the room and joining him, “I just woke up ten minutes ago, people approached me asking for a photo, and I’m so confused.”

He laughed and nudged me. “That’s called having fans.”

I rolled my eyes. Of course I knew that they miraculously were fans. “I was deep asleep literally minutes ago. I think I’m awake, but if I seem out of it, that’s probably why.”

“Would you like a minute?” The interviewer asked me, being very considerate.

“No, it’s okay, I’ll be fine,” I politely declined. I didn’t want to take away from the time he had to record and interview.

“Okay. Well, I’m Kasper,” he held out his hand for me to shake and then pointed to his colleague, “and that’s Erik.”

I greeted them back and then Kasper started telling us what he wanted us to do. He pointed at the couch that was pushed up against the wall. A nice camera was already pointed at it on a tripod right behind a table that had a small box about the size of half a shoebox on it.

“So, you guys just sit down somewhere on the couch and then answer the questions in the box,” Kasper explained. “You don’t have to do all of them, we’ll stop you when it’s time.”

“Oh, we’re doing this interview together!” I said with excitement as I jumped over to the couch and sat down on one side.

“What did you think we were doing?” Alex chuckled as he sat next to me.

“I don’t know. Colton just tells me stuff as a reminder, but I never know what I had to do before that. He expects me to read stuff, which is a horrible expectation to have.”

“I feel that,” Alex stressed. Just like us, they also had a schedule they never looked at. Usually, I would try to read it in the morning, or I’d at least try to find out a bit more about what I was expected to do. Sleep deprivation did not help.

But now, I had an extra five hours of sleep in me, and I was ready for that interview. Alex and I were practically interviewing each other. We took turns taking a piece of paper from the box and then reading the question out loud. The questions ranged from ‘this or that’ questions, like choosing between summer or winter, and deeper questions such as the importance of music in our lives. Although, we were told we didn’t have to answer them all, we were powering through.

I pulled out the next piece of paper and unfolded it. “How did you meet for the first time?” I turned to look at Alex and repeated the question in my own way, “how did we meet for the first time?”

He furrowed his eyebrows and started thinking. “I don’t actually remember.”

I tried to think back to the day as well. “Yeah… was it back home, or…?”

“I only remember not knowing you, Jack’s stories, and then knowing you–”

Just the mention of Jack brought back the entire memory. “Oh, wait, I was visiting Jack when you guys were on tour!”

“Oh, right!” He nodded and put his arm on the backrest. “Your plane was delayed and your phone was dead. I’ve never seen Jack so worried in my life.”

All I wanted to blurt out was ‘serves him right’, but there were certain things we had to keep to ourselves. I didn’t need everybody out there to know every little detail, even though there were probably people who would have loved to know. Jack never even knew if I was going to show up that day. We had had a big fight after he lied to me about Abagail and we hadn’t made up before he left for tour. The only reason I forgave him was because Abagail came to talk to me and clarify everything. God, I despised that girl now.

One thing that I was very open about was the fact that I had spent most of the year before in the hospital. For some reason, I could talk freely about it but had trouble even getting close to a conversation about PTSD in an interview. “That was right before I got very sick. Or, well, right after I was diagnosed.”

Another small white lie. We all knew how that trip unfolded. I got sick, I had nose bleeds, I hid everything from Jack. It had broken his heart. He was afraid of losing me. It was quite the dramatic times. If we ignored the little mishap at the beginning of the year, that was definitely Jack and I’s most rocky point.

“That seems like ages ago.” Alex shook his head in disbelief. We had gotten far since then.

I agreed and let Alex take the next question. Honestly, I still couldn’t really believe everything I had been through since I met Jack. A confusing beginning to our relationship, a horrible illness, a death, mental health issues. The past two years had been insane. But I still wanted to be with him for the rest of my life.

After the interview ended, Alex and I parted ways again. I was glad that we were good friends again. Just months ago, he would have had to force himself to even smile in my direction. I didn’t blame him, but I didn’t blame myself either. Just another thing that had happened in those two years.

Alex went back to his dressing room while I had a promise to keep. I went back down the stairs and outside. The queue had grown significantly since I had left the bus with Jack. Fans were chattering away, waiting to get inside in two hours. Most of them didn’t really seem to pay much mind to me leaving. I mean, I was keeping my head down just in case. The problem with this tour was that I’d probably be recognised more often as Jack’s girlfriend than the lead singer of my own band.

I looked around, hoping to see the two kids that had approached me before. With how many people there were now, I was almost afraid that I wouldn’t be able to find them. There was a promise, and I didn’t want to break it. Luckily, they were still at the front since they were some of the few people who arrived very early.

I jogged up to the barrier that was now in place. They didn’t seem to notice me yet and were talking in a language that sounded so familiar yet not at all at the same time. Maybe it was just the fact that is was a Scandinavian language and I occasionally heard my grandma and mom exchange words in Swedish.

“Hey!” I said to get their attention.

They turned to look at me and their eyes went wide. The boy was the first to say something again, “you came back!”

“Of course, I did,” I chuckled.

They seemed so surprised that I actually did come back. Their smiles were all worth it. I took some photos with them and stayed for a bit longer to talk as well. Some people around us joined in as well. Even though they didn’t know me, they were still being very nice considering I was just in a support band.

However, I was taken out of the conversation a little when my phone was buzzing. I took it out of my pocket to check what was going on and saw texts from Jack.

Jacky-Baby: Hey, where are you?
Jacky-Baby: Isle
Jacky-Baby: Where you at?
Jacky-Baby: It’s been 30 seconds, why aren’t you replying
Jacky-Baby: I’m clingy and needy
Jacky-Baby: Where are you?

I rolled my eyes and asked the people around me if they wanted to be in my photo to Jack. They all seemed more than excited to be. I turned on the selfie camera and people started to huddle up, even people who hadn’t been in our conversation before. Although it wasn’t the best photo, I sent it to Jack as an answer. He must have recognised the fans from before, and all the other people around must have shown that I was outside.

Not even two seconds later, a window on the second floor opened. However, I wasn’t the only one to notice it. There were screams coming from all around me and I just stood there in shock, looking at Jack. His eyes scanned the queue until they landed on me. He pointed at me and I just shook my head.

“Isle!” He shouted, just loud enough for me to hear over everybody yelling his name and trying to get his attention. “Get back inside!”

I held up my middle finger. There was no way I was going to try to shout back. Not only would it be useless, but it could also possibly ruin my voice. That wasn’t a great thing to do on the first day of tour.

“You’ve gotta go to soundcheck!” He yelled.

I rolled my eyes. Why couldn’t he have just texted me that? But I followed his instructions and said goodbye to the people I was talking to. He closed the window and I went back into the venue.

Notes

Another chapter just two weeks later. I'd almost say I'm on a roll!