I looked out the window as we slowly came to a halt. There were large buses with tinted windows surrounding us, people having arrived before us and other coming right after us. Just a day before, we had taken a flight all the way from small old Maryland (technically, DC) to Washington so we could hop onto our bus and drive to the first date of the tour. Jack and I had had literally two weeks with each other before I had to fly off again. Life was way more hectic than I had ever expected it to be. When we were recording, I thought things couldn't get worse then they had been then, but I had been mistaken.

First, we had to get our gear to the airport in DC, then we actually had to get in on the plane. Irregular sized and heavy luggage wasn’t exactly optimal for either of those tasks, and it wasn’t even most of the important gear which had already been shipped over a few days with some crew members prior to us going. Then we had to get said luggage in the trailer and we also had to bring our personal belongings on. When all that was settled, the first long bus journey started. Only, I knew that it was most likely going to be one of the shorter ones I was going to experience that tour.

I was just sat in the back with my legs pulled up, my head resting in my hand as I stared outside. The sun was already starting to set. My stomach started getting queasy the closer we got and as soon as we actually stopped in our designated parking spot for the day. I either felt like I was going to pass out or throw up. Either way, the feeling was horrible with multiple excited men--excuse me, boys--jumping around with excitement.

This was Warped Tour, it was all they had ever dreamt about. All I ever dreamt about was quietly exploring the world as a nature photographer. Hell, that wasn’t even my dream. I had no clue what my dream ever was. It was probably being a professional soccer player when I was a teenager and then either something to do with dancing or photography after my accident. I never really thought about it. No matter what, it most definitely was not being on the road for two months in the hot summer with multiple guys in one bus.

“Oh my god, Ireland!” Carter gasped in a high-pitched voice as he bolted from the front lounge all the way to the back. “We’re here!”

“I know we are,” I grumbled in response. “Can you please stop being so loud.”

“Hungover, much?” he teased and bounced back to the front of the bus, anxious to get off and explore what he had been hyping up his entire life.

I rolled my eyes and sighed as I looked out of the window again. At first, I could also see countless buses, but now I also saw people walking in between them all. People were hugging each other, the heat not having affected them yet, happy to see old friends again. There were already small groups walking around and people laughing.

It was how I imagined the first day of school to go. Only, not everybody was in a new environment. It was like the first day at a new school. There were cliques everywhere, friendships that were unbreakable. It would be more than difficult to fit in somewhere. Everybody knew their place and change was unwanted. Or at least, that was what it felt like.

I just sat there for another couple of minutes, wondering if I could get away with hiding out on the bus and only going up on stage during our set. Somebody else could bring back food from catering for me. We had a shower in our bus, so I was set for that. The only other thing I’d have to come out for was the bathroom. But other than that, there was no need for me to show my face.

“Come on,” Charlie walked into the room, his voice at a normal volume, “there’s a barbecue for everybody. We gotta go have some food.”

“I’m not that hungry,” I excused, not turning my head to look in his direction. The queasy feeling in my stomach hadn’t gotten any less.

“I don’t care. You’ve got to eat something.” He shook his head, staying in the doorway. “I’m going to make sure you eat every day. Why? I don’t know. But I’m not going to let you risk your health with this hot weather.”

I groaned and turned my gaze away from all the interesting people walking past. “I’d rather get some sleep instead. I don’t want to be like a zombie tomorrow.”

“You’ll still be worth nothing if you don’t get anything to eat.”

I stared at him, hoping he’d just get the hint and leave me alone. Of course, I knew it looked bad. We hadn’t even been on the bus for two days yet, and I was already getting fed up with everything. All I wanted was to be left alone.

“Oh, I get it.” Charlie nodded, but didn’t leave like I wanted him to. He did the opposite and sat down next to me. “You’re nervous about meeting new people.”

My silence was enough for him. I didn’t have to give a verbal confirmation. My emotionless face slowly turned into a subtle sullen look. I was only disappointed in myself. For so long, I had been doing so well, I had been going around meeting new people like I did it every day. I even went as far to figure things out before we had a manager and were signed to a label. But having to go out in this large swarm of people just wasn’t for me. This was too much.

“You guys coming or what?!” Carter skipped to the back again, close to jumping up and down.

“You guys go, we’ll be there in a bit,” Charlie told him, gesturing his head for them to go outside.

“Suit yourself.” Carter shrugged and practically pulled everybody else along with him as he left the bus.

Charlie laughed softly before going back to the conversation I had been hoping to skip over. “You’re going to have to go out someday. You know that, right?”

“Not necessarily…” I replied, ready to recount my entire plan which I had thought about earlier.

“Oh, so you’re going to hide out here for two months?” he challenged.

I nodded with confidence. “Yep. I’ll be like a ghost. People only happen to see me in specific places and when they go out to find me, I’m nowhere. Very mysterious.”

“Hmm… I feel like you’re more likely to make a fool out of yourself by being that girl who is unsociable than by embarrassing yourself when you go outside to meet people. At least you’re taking initiative.”

“But then I’ll be known for being that one quiet shy person who nobody likes just because she isn’t outgoing.”

“I think you’ll be just fine. You always freak yourself out about it before it actually happens, but then when you’re in the situation, you know how to deal with it,” he told me his observation. “I think you should just go out there with a blank slate and let yourself make friends without overthinking.”

“Kinda too late for that now,” I breathed out with a roll of my eyes.

“No, it’s not. You were preparing yourself to be out there all by yourself like a fish surrounded by sharks, but I’m going to be there with you,” Charlie encouraged knowing his hand against my knee to give me a motivational ‘push’, “we’re in this together. For all I care, you’re going to be my little shadow the entire night.”

“I don’t know…” I grumbled yet still let my feet slip down so they were on the floor and I was sitting normally.

“I’m not going to force you to do anything. You want to hide behind me? Hide behind me. You want me to make all the introductions? I will. You don’t want to say anything? That’s cool. You want to speak to people? I’m all for it. But I’m not going to let you sulk in this bus all alone.”

I looked at him as if second guessing what he was telling me. It was like I wanted to believe him but was too afraid that he’d just leave me to fend for myself. What if I trusted him only to end up standing by myself in the dark? I probably wouldn’t even know how to get back to our bus if I ever needed to come back myself.

“Fine,” I sighed and stood up before Charlie could.

“Good.” He hooked his arm around my neck and walked me out of the bus, grabbing his phone from the table in the front along with him.

It wasn’t long until we found the large group of people, both musicians and crew, all in one place for the barbecue. There were multiple grills places around and other fireplaces to light up the place a little. I was overwhelmed with how many people there were either eating or drinking or just simply talking. It was like there was a cluster of noise surrounding me, automatically making me shuffle closer to Charlie as he figured out where to go.

I don’t know how it happened, but a while later we were actually included in a group that was actually chatting with us and actually didn’t give a fuck that we didn’t know anybody here. If anything, it made us more interesting since they didn’t know a thing about us. Well, it was mainly Charlie who did the talking while I stood silently beside him, only sometimes contributing a couple of words.

“Hey, you ok?” he eventually asked me personally as I pulled out my phone and was more focused on trying to unlock it since my fingerprint didn’t want to work.

“Huh?” I looked up as I finally put in my passcode correctly. “Yeah, just got a notification. Why?”

“You haven’t even finished your first beer…” he pointed at the bottle in my other hand, his voice becoming a little louder so it no longer was just a conversation between us two.

“What? Want me to chug it or something?” I snorted and brought it to my lips, planning on doing just that. However, after two large gulps, I got a glance of what said notification was for.

The twitter app had opened directly to Jack’s new post with the caption ‘I blue myself’. I immediately choked on the beer, making some of it go up into my nose. A chorus of ‘ooh’ was heard around me as they thought I just fucked up my chugging. But that was far from what happened.

“The fuck did he do?!” I practically screamed, the first loud thing I said that entire evening. I tapped on the photo to get a better look and saw the weird selfie he had taken, his newly blue-dyed hair blending into the sky.

“Oh, shit!” Charlie laughed when he saw the image on my phone, making everybody else in the group huddle around and take a peak as well.

“He went blue alright,” Lynn from Pvris chuckled as well and all the others agreed with her. But we could all say that it really didn’t look all that bad.

“Did he send you that just now?” Charlie asked, looking at the photo one more time.

“Nope, it’s on his twitter,” I shook my head and clumsily took a screenshot, “but I’m nearly one-hundred-percent sure that he’s at home waiting for me to send him a message. I’ll do that a little later, though.”

“Awe, no! We want to see his reaction to your reaction!” Lynn argued with a smile on her face.

“Okay, fine…” I rolled my eyes playfully, but was so happy I didn’t have to make him wait. I didn’t want him thinking that he was already less important that this tour to me.

However, before I could ask anybody to help me come up with something funny to reply to Jack, Charlie's name was called out from behind us. Both Charlie and I naturally turned around to see who it was; I because I wanted to know who was trying to steal him away from me, and Charlie… well, because it was his name. It was only John, asking him to help with Carter. The latter somehow managed to get way too drunk already.

“I’ll be right back,” Charlie promised me and touched my shoulder in a supportive way before jogging away to help stabilize our oh-so innocent drummer.

And then I was all alone, just like I had feared. I tried to act cool about it and attached the screenshot I had taken to a text I was sending to Jack, but on the inside I was freaking out. My mind was racing, trying to figure out what to do if I never found Charlie ever again that night. I didn’t know my way back, just like I had expected as well.

I just quickly typed out a text to Jack, hoping it would let me stall a little. Forgetting about wanting to involve others to think of something witty, I just retold what had actually happened: ‘you made me spit out my beer’.

“So…” Lynn started up again, noticing the silence. “Are you and Barakat a thing or are you and Charlie a thing?”

I looked up at her, shocked with the question. I had had people be surprised about me dating Jack before, but I had never gotten a question about that also involving Charlie.

“She and Barakat are a thing,” Jack Fowler from Sleeping With Sirens filled in for her. He was probably the only reason why they were referring to my Jack as 'Barakat', just to make sure things didn’t get mixed up.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” she nodded. “But you guys seemed pretty close too. I don’t want to just assume things, ya know?”

“Charlie and I would never date,” I clarified for her. “He’s like my brother.”

“That’s what they all say,” she teased jokingly.

I just shuddered, knowing she wasn’t being serious but also not wanting to leave it open. “No, he really is like my brother. I have a very similar relationship with him as I had with my brother. It would be like incest.”

After that, the conversation slowly shifted. They started discussing all the relationships that could have or actually were happening on Warped Tour grounds. I couldn’t keep up. I didn’t know most of the people they were talking about. If I had been Cam, I would have followed everything completely. He knew his shit, he belonged in this music scene. I, not so much.

Slowly but surely, the groups also started changing, however Lynn stayed with me until Charlie came back. I only continued my conversation with Jack as soon as I got in the bunk, now being able to put full attention toward him and not having to use him as an escape from everybody else.

Notes

It's been a while. I've had major writing block and my final exams are in like a week. Every single time I've had some free time, I've just felt like not doing anything. All I can do is watch useless youtube videos, I'm even too restless to watch something on Netflix. Hopefully things will get better soon, though.

Also, I know this isn't really the line up that happened last year. Deal with it. As much as I love following reality, it's getting quite difficult.