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Dear Sister, Here's Some Advice

My Brother's Legacy

I woke up around six am the next day. After discovering the box of letter Cam had left behind for me, I left the room altogether. I retraced all my steps turning off all the lights this time and pulled my suitcase up the wooden stairs. Not much longer afterward, I had changed into one of Jack’s large shirts I had stolen, and climbed into bed. While I had expected to get countless of nightmares that night, just like all the previous nights, I actually couldn’t remember that I had dreamt of something when I woke up.

There was just one problem. I didn’t bring any food with me when I went here and there wasn’t exactly anything for me to eat in the cupboards. So, whether I wanted to or not, I was going to have to go into the village to buy myself some food at the local store to keep me going for the time I was staying. But I really didn’t feel like driving there.

So, what did I do?
Something I had been wanting to do for a while.

I put on my outdoor sport’s gear and running shoes and just went for it. The dark road I had been driving on the evening before now didn’t look as frightening anymore with the sunlight pouring in past all of the empty branches. It actually was pretty calming to run through the cold freezing air, my breath turning into clouds right in front of my face. If only it weren't for me running out of breath in no time.

Although I knew my stamina was so bad because of not working out for months on end and that it wasn’t going to get any better quickly, I still beat myself up about it. I really needed to get back into shape even if it were only for myself (I didn’t know whether or not I still wanted that personal trainer job). So, after walking for a little while as I tried to catch my breath, I tried starting back up again.

It was a difficult journey. I stopped way more often than I wanted to, but I continued to push myself. The thought of not haven eaten for a while contributing to my terrible performance had only crossed my mind a few times. For some reason, it felt better to blame it all on me not bothering to work out for so long than to blame it on something so small. It wasn’t that I was trying to be a perfectionist, I just hated the fact that all the things I had been good at were taken away from me.

Eventually, at a much later time than when I had left the house, I arrived at the small village that didn’t consist of much more than one main road and houses built around it. I decided to stop my run and walk instead, not wanting to be the center of attention too much. The village was small enough for people to know who did and who didn’t live there, so I didn’t need to attract any more looks than what I would already get.

As I made my way to the store, I came past a tattoo shop. Usually, I’d just continue walking, never thinking of getting something permanently tattooed on my body. But this time was different. I actually stopped and looked through the window. The place didn’t look sketchy or anything, it looked perfectly fine. The floor was tiled, everything seemed clean, and somebody was seated at the desk. I just didn’t know why I’d want to go in, yet I still did.

A bell rang as I pushed the door open and let it fall closed behind me again. The person behind the reception looked up immediately from what she was doing and smiled at me even though I probably looked completely lost. Trying to reciprocate the friendly smile, I walked up to her and stood at the tall reception desk that I could easily rest my arms on.

“How can I help you?” She asked in a friendly tone, despite her appearance stereotypically suggesting otherwise. Her hair was a dark purple, tattoos covered her entire body as far as I could tell, and she had multiple piercings.

“I, umm, I’m not sure, actually”, I stuttered back while looking around at all the sketches that were placed underneath the glass sheet on top of the desk and hung up on the walls. They actually didn’t look half that bad.

“Well, I can tell you that you’re at a tattoo shop, so normally people come for tattoos,” she joked.

I shook my head at my stupid remark and laughed along with her. “I actually do know that. I’m just not sure what I’m here for. I kind of walked in on impulse.”

“Impulsive tattoos can be pretty fun, but many of them are regretted later on, so I would think about it for a little. Have you ever gotten a tattoo before?”

“No…” I sighed a little as I looked down at my fingers thinking if I really did want to do this. “My twin brother died just a week or so ago, and I was thinking of getting something in memory of him.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” the girl frowned in genuine concern, but there wasn’t anything she could do about it, “I’d happily help you create something, we don’t have any appointments today, so I’ll have as much time as we need. Did you have anything in mind?”

“Well, there was this one thing he said in a letter he left behind for me…”

----

It was around half past four (in the afternoon, of course) when my tattoos were bandaged and I was given some antiseptic spray to use on it. The pain was quite strange when she had still been tattooing me. Rather than it causing me to scream out as soon as she got working, the pain always settled in a little later and it was a dull-achy pain rather than a sharp one. In a weird sense, it was quite pleasant.

I had gotten two tattoos that day. One was on the base of my neck, which had been the more painful of the two, but it still didn’t hurt all that much. It was a small black and white tattoo of two birds sitting on a branch with some lyrics of a song that Cam had written: “I just wanna be more than a memory”. This one wasn’t based on the letter, and the entire song had a different meaning, but I thought the line fit well. I couldn’t imagine Cam having gone without leaving something big behind for people, and I wanted to give that to him. Then, the second tattoo was much larger, but also in black and white. It covered most of my left forearm. There was an old compass that had the date of Cam’s death ‘engraved’ on it in very small roman numerals in the place a watch’s brand would often be, a rose had been wrapped around it with the thorns still on. It referred back to the part in the letter of him saying that no matter where he was, he’d still be there.

I didn’t feel bad that I now had a ‘piece’ of Cam with me forever, even when I’d get old and wrinkly. It was something I’d always have with me and would never forget.

After paying the total amount with my credit card since I knew nobody had access to it and couldn’t track me down, I thanked the woman who had tattooed me again (I found out her name was Charlotte before she started). The only thing left to do was do some grocery shopping and then figure out how I’d get back to the boat house.

I only bought some essentials, such as bread, condiments, some meals for dinner, and anything else I told myself I needed. It did, however, end up with me having three large bags of groceries to take back all the way. There was no way I could go running again with my hands so full, and I started cursing myself for not just having taken the car. I was going to have to walk and that would probably take me over an hour to almost two hours. There was no way I was going to do that. Taking a taxi was an option, but there were only a couple driving around, and none of them were close to me.

“Hey, are you Cameron’s sister?” A man who looked to be in his early thirties or late twenties came up to me. He had the classic hipster beard and haircut, but his clothing didn’t fit with it making sure he didn’t look like a pretentious asshole.

I frowned, not sure where they would have known each other from and whether or not this was just a coincidence. “Umm…”

“Cameron Knight,” he clarified for me, “we often hang out whenever he comes over here. I’ve helped him write songs during many late night sessions. And please stop me if I’m incorrect so I don’t make some more awkward mistakes.”

“No, yeah, that’s me,” I told him, surprised I had never heard Cam tell me about some guy he wrote songs with before.

“I thought you guys looked similar!” The guy grinned. “That, and he’s shown me photos… Anyway, my name’s Greg.”

“Hi…” I shook his hand.

He pointed at the plastic bags at my feet. “You look like you need a little help.”

“Yeah… I didn’t take my car with me from the boat house since I decided to go out for a run. I realized a little too late that I couldn’t take it all back.”

“I’ll happily help you, my truck is parked just a block over.”

I don’t know why, but I decided to trust the stranger who claimed he knew Cam. He could have been some creepy stalker who happened to know everything about us, but something told me that that wasn’t all too likely here. I was probably just intrigued by this person who nobody knew about. Maybe he had been credited on the album but only in the small print?

“So, is Cameron here with you?” Greg wondered as we sat in the truck and he turned on the engine.

I looked at him with widened eyes until realizing he probably didn’t know if nobody knew that he was a friend of Cam’s. “He, umm… no… He got in a car accident a week ago and didn’t make it…”

“Oh…” He went silent. “I-- I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t worry, I’m fed up with everybody feeling sorry for me and giving me their condolences. I’d rather have people be quiet unless they have something genuine to say.”

The rest of the ride, we didn’t talk to each other anymore. It wasn’t that the situation had gotten awkward or anything, it was just that neither of us knew what to say. We probably would have connected over Cam if he had still been alive, but now neither of us said a thing about him anymore. It was going to take a while getting used to having him gone.

The only comforting thing was that Greg knew how to get to the boat house without needing any directions, meaning he had been there a few times before.

As we arrived, he helped me get the bags out of the backseat even though I could have easily done it by myself. It was what he said just before we said our goodbyes that got me. “I’m pretty sure you’ve heard this a lot as well, but I want you to know that Cam is probably looking out for you and that he will be proud no matter what. That, or he will try to scare the living shit out of you by doing ghostly things.”

“Thanks,” I smiled, this being the first thing I heard from somebody that I felt like they really did mean it. It was something simple and not all too meaningful, but it still did something to me.

He waited for me to get inside before driving off and I quickly put away all my groceries, or at least the items that had to go into the fridge. There was one more thing I wanted to do for Cam. Something that would definitely make him proud without doubt.

I carefully entered the study again, not getting the same cold feeling as before, and let my fingers lightly run over the guitars, plucking the strings to hear what they sounded like. It was quite obviously out of tune, but it still made a smile cross my face. I didn’t want to tune them without having any reason to. However, there soon was going to be.

I sat down in the chair Cam had been sitting in when writing all the letters in the box to my right, and took a deep breath. It wasn’t as difficult as I expected it to be to pick up the pen he had used and to take a clean piece of paper he had on a pile that he still had plans for, whether it be another letter, a song, or a simple doodle.

I just had one purpose, though.

Slowly lowering down the pen onto the paper, and started writing down words just like Cam did for a living:
I'm losing my patience and I'm losing myself
Someone rescue me I need help


Now all there was to come was the hard work and sleepless nights for the rest of my stay.

Notes


Sorry for not updating in so long. I had a terrible case of writer's block. Not for this chapter, but for a later chapter. As most of you know by now, I like to write ahead so I can go back and change last minute things to make the story flow better, however it's pretty difficult if I can't think of anything. I managed to write something, it's very short, but it's not this chapter. Just watch out for chapter seven, because it might be a little disappointing.

Comments

@settle for me.
I usually just post a chapter a day or every other day. Sometimes less, sometimes more frequently. No need to force it in a short amount of time.
Well, two stories are close to finishing, so a new one will arise. It's based on an idea I got years ago, but I made it a bit more sophisticated. If a story about an age gap intrigues you, keep your eye out for it.

@aweirdkindofyellow
I remember you saying and I did say I was going to do the same but I just honestly never got around to it.
I have been told nothing about any of your new ones, just that you have lots on the go.

@settle for me.
I've been transferring everything to Wattpad and AO3 for quite a while now. Given up on Mibba though. Never liked that interface and layout, so couldn't be bothered.
I'm going to start another story soon (after I finish some that I am currently writing). And I'll still post it here, but you'll just have to actively search for it yourself if you want to read it. I don't know if you've been told anything about it yet, but you might like it or hate it.

@aweirdkindofyellow
Same! No one else updates anymore and I need to start on another site but I just... don't have the energy?
I'm going to be absolutely lost when you finish the ones I'm subscribed to. I honestly won't have anything to do.

@settle for me.
I've also really been missing reading other people's new stories. Seriously, the only story I still read right now is yours. I just can't find anything else.
I've actually been trying to figure out a way how to change the sequel to this story so it's not as long and officially ends there as well.