I stirred around the contents of the pan, having just added all the water to the ingredients that were already in it before. It was the weekend, and I had the house to myself and Emily. John and Trisha were out of town, getting some time to themselves. All I really wanted was to pay them in some sort of way for letting me stay here. But better way than letting them go out without the interruption of a child?

Colton was also over. No, it wasn’t because I asked him to come over for company. He actually needed to pick up something needed for the whole organization of getting us to Canada. He just happened to linger around for a bit afterward, when Emily begged him to play. Although I usually loved Emily to pieces, I actually remembered why I thought kids weren’t for me. I was all good with babysitting for a day or so, but having to do everything for more than that was tiring. She had been in my ‘possession’ for only one and a half days and I was already trying to find ways to get some quiet time.

She insisted on watching the same movie over and over. Luckily it wasn’t Frozen, or I probably would have broken the TV by then. But I definitely could already sing along with all the songs from Beauty and The Beast (the 1991 version). The first two times, I didn’t really mind her love for the movie, but I couldn’t stand it anymore. Whatever we did, that movie was on. She didn’t mean any harm, but really?

Oh, and she constantly wanted to play with me, whether that be dress up, dolls, drawing, or anything else she could think of. When Trisha and John were home, she was completely fine doing some of those things on her own, but she was taking full advantage of the situation. She was a hyper monkey that swore she couldn’t survive if she was away from me for too long.

I put the spoon back down and turned the gas of the stove down a little. All I was making was some mac and cheese for us to eat. It was nearly dinner time and I honestly did feel like making anything that didn’t require me throwing the contents of two packets together and then mixing it until it turned into something edible. The only and best option I could think of was mac and cheese. I did add some extra grated cheese along with the powder just to make it seem a little more like I wasn’t eating something completely processed. It for sure was too much for both of us to finish, and Colton said he wasn’t going to stay over for dinner, so I probably was going to keep it for the next day or something. Honestly, I had already thrown everything into the pan and realized too late how much it actually was.

I was about to start setting up the table when the doorbell rang. Rather than telling Colton to go while I kept an eye on the food, I ignored my first preoccupation and went straight for the front door. I wasn’t sure who I was expecting to be there, but I definitely wasn’t expecting the person who was standing in front of me. He also didn’t seem to have expected to see me here.

“Jack,” I gasped as if I was pleasantly surprised to see him here. “I just saw your texts today. You’re here for your suitcase, right?”

“Bullshit,” he stated, his startled expression switched out with a frown.

“What?” I asked, not sure how to act around him. Was I supposed to get mad? Did I have to feel sad? Maybe I just had to act like nothing had happened and that we were acquaintances? Or did I have to be happy to see him? It was all so strange.

He did, however, look horrible. His entire face showed that he was tired; bags underneath his eyes, his eyelids barely managing to stay open, his expression dazed. Even his hair looked like quite a mess and his scruff uneven. There obvious was an attempt to style it like he normally did, but it didn’t look like it had been very successful.

“Bullshit, you haven’t just seen my texts today,” he clarified, staring right at me with piercing eyes.

“Ok, my wording was a bit off,” I agreed and leaned against the door a bit more, noticing that this conversation wasn’t going to be short, “I saw that you sent them, but I didn’t read them until today when Emily opened them.”

Jack was about to say something back, but there was a loud ruckus coming from inside the house. Colton yelled out to me, “hey, Ireland, your mac and cheese is burning!”

“Oh, crap!” I shouted and ran to the kitchen.

Colton was standing at the stove, having taken the pan off and turned down the gas. I quickly went up to him and took over to assess the damage. I had expected it to be pretty bad and not edible at all, but he had come in time. Only the bottom layer was stuck to the pan and the rest was cooked perfectly.

I sighed out in relief and put the pan back on the turned-off stove. “Oh my god, you just saved me. I think I can get away with ruining a pan, but not with burning the house down.”

“This is why you chose me to handle all the complicated stuff.” He winked and left me to do whatever I needed without interrupting. “I need to get going, though.”

“Ok, just don’t forget the file you initially came here for.”

“Yeah… where did I put that thing down again…. Emily?!” He called out, having figured out in no time that she had probably stolen it so he couldn’t leave.

“I don’t have it!” She squealed without even having heard what Colton was looking for in the first place. The biggest giveaway ever. Kids always betrayed themselves like that.

“Oh, woah, random dude in the living room!” Was the next subject Colton switched to as he went to go to the stairs to find Emily who had disappeared into her room.

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and was about to ask who it was when I remembered I had left Jack at the door. He probably let himself in, having come here for a reason that I hadn’t figured out yet. “That’s Jack.”

“Jack… Jack… you told me about a Jack… Oh… The guy you broke up with!” There was a small silence after that, nobody saying a word, even Emily was very quiet upstairs. “Well, as much as I’d love to figure out what’s going on here, I really do have to go. So, back to chasing down Emily.”

When Colton rushed up the stairs, I was busy finishing off dinner. Jack and I didn’t exchange a word either as I stayed in the kitchen to transfer all the good pasta to a different bowl to place on the table. Even when I walked into the dining/living room to set the table, we stayed completely quiet. I could feel his eyes on me, but I was too afraid to acknowledge him. When everything was ready, I knew I had to face Jack, but Colton managed to interrupt just before.

“Ok, I blackmailed her into giving it to me,” he panted as if he had just wrestled an alligator. “Anyway, if I don’t leave now I probably won’t leave until three in the morning. I’ll probably call you tomorrow.”

He kissed my cheek just like every other time we greeted each other or said goodbye. It was our thing. Oh, and down worry, there was nothing behind it other than friendship. While he did admit to being attracted to me when we first met, there was nothing between us and there were no feelings. Even Colton said that he would never imagine being in a romantic or sexual relationship with me. We were just great friends that hit it off really quickly

I called Emily to dinner and decided to break the awkward tension between Jack and I. “Do you also want to eat something? I made too much food.”

He gave a simple nod and went to sit down at the table. It was only then that I realized that I had already put down three plates. I hadn’t made the conscious decision to make space for three people. And I also couldn’t use the excuse that I was used to setting the table up for John and Trisha as well, because that meant there had to be four. Maybe I subconsciously wanted Jack to stay? I didn’t know.

I didn’t know anything. Not how to act, not what to say, not whether letting him in was the right thing. What did I even want?

“Uncle Jacky!” Emily shrieked as she entered the room. She dropped the stuffed animal in her hands and ran to him as quickly as her short legs would let her.

Jack picked her up and embraced her, but not as enthusiastically as he usually did. It nearly made me cry. Emily had no idea what was going on between Jack and I. She loved him so much as well, and she probably wouldn’t understand if Jack and I were to cut all ties completely. All she saw was that we were both people who she liked, but she wouldn’t understand the consequences. John was my friend, so that meant I was going to be around, but Jack came later. It was just like me no longer being able to be friends with Lisa.

Dinner was completely silent and awkward. Emily had begged me to turn on the TV so we could watch Beauty and The Beast again, but I absolutely refused. I told her it was fine if she chose another movie, but she wouldn’t have any of it and instead gave me the silent treatment. The whole tension between Jack and I already existed and I knew that it wasn’t avoidable, however it managed to get even worse. Sometimes we’d make accidental eye contact, and I’d immediately look away. Jack, on the other hand, would stare at me for a little longer. It was almost as if he was actually trying to get me to look at him.

When we all finished eating, I quickly cleaned up and put everything in the dishwasher. There was no leftover food for me to keep for the next day, fortunately. Honestly, I wanted to procrastinate having to talk to Jack, but I knew that it would be better to get it over with. The faster it happened, the faster he could also leave. Talking it out and ending it was better than always having this open ending we had now.

Emily, however, was a problem once again. She wouldn’t let us talk by ourselves, so I bribed her by putting on Beauty and The Beast. While we were practically in the same room, I knew Emily was too concentrated on her movie to hear us talk as long as we didn’t start shouting at each other. That was probably the one thing I was most afraid of; it turning into a screaming match again, only ending it off worse than last time.

We sat at the dining table, across from each other while Emily’s movie was playing in the background. I decided to start off the conversation. “So, are you here to pick up your suitcase, or…?”

Jack shook his head and massaged his temples. “I didn’t even know you were here. I-- Lisa said she saw you with some guy yesterday. I just wanted to know what was going before people were going to tell me lies. I knew you were around John a lot because of your social media… I just-- how the hell did you move on to another guy so quick?”

I really wanted to make a comment about him missing the fancy car out on the driveway, but I didn’t want to be rude, so I just answered his actual question. “Colton and I aren’t in a relationship. We’re just friends. I met him at a club a little while back and used him to let Charlie and Carter believe I hooked up with somebody. Nothing happened, though, we just ate a butt-load of ice cream. He’s our new manager, which is why he’s around a lot.”

“But Lisa said you guys were working out together and apparently looked like you were having fun…”

“Yeah, I work out with him because I finally found somebody who wants to. I don’t want to go out by myself. And, yeah, we’re just friends. I actually saw Lisa and immediately felt bad because of what it probably looked like.” I answered truthfully. “But I can say the same about you. Before Charlie forced me to unfollow you on all social media, you weren’t exactly not enjoying girls’ company.”

Jack froze up as if I had caught him on something he didn’t believe I knew. “Well, I went to bars, got drunk as fuck, hung around girls, but didn’t feel it. Nothing ever happened. I always ended up back home all by myself, drunk off my ass, and Alex disappointed at me.”

I wanted to say something about his swearing, but Emily was so quiet it led me to believe she couldn’t hear us. Usually, if somebody said a bad word, she’d be the one getting mad. “So, we’ve concluded that neither of us has been with another. Quite surprising to hear that from somebody who’s time I was wasting.”

“You know I didn’t mean that…” He looked up at me, his eyes watering as his finger stayed interlocked above the table.

“Do I?”

“I got so mad at Alex for what he said before you left. I blamed him for making you leave. He, however, got me to realize how you probably already planned on not coming back. He’s been trying to get me to get over you, but I think he considers it’s taking too long.”

I shook my head, not believing what Alex had been saying. “I actually wasn’t going to leave. All I was going to do was go to Taco Bell or something, get Lisa to text me when they left, come back with food and give you one last chance. But his comment made me realize that that would have been so stupid after everything you said.”

“I’m so sorry,” he practically begged, reaching out for my hand, but I moved it away before he could touch it.

“Sorry for what?” I sternly asked, not being fooled by how upset he was feeling. “I can’t forgive you for anything if you don’t know what you’re sorry for.”

“Isle…” He sighed as a tear dropped from his left eye. He rubbed his face with his hands a couple of times. “How the hell are you ok with all of this? I’m over here feeling the worst I ever have, and you look like nothing’s even happened.”

“Denial,” I shrugged, leaning back in my chair, “I somehow fooled myself into thinking I was ok by telling others that I was. My mom got me to break a couple days ago. Now I’m just at the point where I’m accepting that it might take me a while to fully get over it all, but I’m not going to let it hold me back.”

“Where exactly did I go wrong?” He whispered.

“It started off with me griefing in the weirdest way possible. Now, I completely understand how hard that must have been to deal with. I don’t think you were wrong sending me to a psychologist even though I didn’t want to go at the time. I do, however, think you were wrong for not believing me when I said I wasn’t depressed and disagreed with the diagnosis. Not everything has to be an immediate mental disorder. You could have talked to me rather than think everything was going to break me. Also, listening would have been a good thing. What if I actually was depressed? How would anything you said have helped me?”

“Oh my god, I screwed up so bad.” He rested his head on the table, his arm underneath his forehead, and sniffled.

“Of course you can also blame me because my behavior wasn’t good at all. First I was being unemotional, then I was being reckless, and then I tried to distract myself by overworking myself. I just didn’t realize at the time. Maybe instead of acting like I was taking the medication, I should have talked to you about it.”

“No… you tried to do that, but I didn’t want to listen.” He slowly raised his head again, but was still slouched over. “I know you’re trying to not blame me for everything, I know you’re trying to see the faults in your actions, but there aren't any. This is all on me.”

“You didn’t know how to act either, you can’t say that.” I disagreed and was this time the one to hold Jack’s hand in return. When I looked at our hands, I noticed that we were both still wearing our rings. That had to mean something, right?

“I don’t understand. You should be mad at me right now, not acting calm.”

“I mean, I could be mad at you if you wanted me to. I could scream. But why would I want to? It’s not going to resolve anything and I sure as hell have nothing to scream about. And, no, I will not scream out your name.”

Jack snorted a little before trying to compose himself and mumbling, “sorry. I don’t know what to do, I wasn’t prepare for this. I was going to find out your whereabouts and then figure out a way to get you back, not suddenly be face to face with you.”

“Just do what you feel is right.” I smiled and ran my thumb along his knuckles. If he said the right things now, there was no way I was going to be able to say no. Although I didn’t want him to take all the blame, I could also feel that he wanted to do this. Not just for me, but also for himself.

“Ok, well,” he took a deep breath, “the last couple of days or weeks, I don’t even know anymore, have been the worst in my life. Alex keeps trying to convince me that I’m off better now, but every single day I feel worse and worse. How am I supposed to get better if all I can think about how much I miss you? And I don’t just mean missing all the things we used to do and the good memories, I miss you. I hate not being able to start a day with you and seeing what the future is going to bring to us; I hate not being able to hold you and know that everything’s going to be alright; and I hate not being able to stay sane without you around. I know that I’ve done so much wrong the last month, and I know that it’s going to take a while for us to fully get over it and continue on normally, but honestly I’ll be off worse without you. I should have listened, I should have believed you, but I was too stuck on thinking you had to be acting out for a reason other than you griefing and other than me treating you like you were fragile. I mean, Taco keep looking at me as if I’ve committed a horrible crime. And I actually feel like I have…”

“Oh, so this is what this is all about. You just want Taco to love you again,” I joked, biting my lip to hold back the grin forming on my face.

“No, of course not!" He stuttered. "Why would you even think that!"

“Okay.” I breathed out.

“Okay, what?”

I stood up, pushing the chair back, and walked over to the other side of the table. Jack stared up at me, a slight fear hinting in his eyes. But my smile showed he had nothing to be afraid of. “Okay, I’ll come back.”

Jack shot up from his chair and enveloped me into a hug. The tears that had been threatening to fall the entire conversation finally did as I buried my face into the crook of his neck. I didn’t ever want to let him go again. Although he smelled like he hadn’t taken a proper shower in a while, his scent still comforted me. I knew that I was never going to fit this well with anybody else.

“We’ve been through so much together, we can get through this as well,” I told him as I pulled away a little bit.

He nodded in return and cupped my cheek with one hand. “I love you so much,” he confessed before kissing me softly.

I melted into his touch, having missed this for so long. Our bodies hadn’t forgotten the routine, falling into place immediately.

“Eww,” a high-pitched voice beside us squeaked out.

Jack and I broke apart to see Emily watching us from the couch. The credits had started rolling in on the TV, meaning she was no longer distracted. I laughed as I wiped away my tears, taking a step back from my boyfriend.

“Why you crying?” Emily asked and ran up to us. She clutched onto Jack’s leg, who swiftly picked her up again, only this time with a much bigger smile.

“It doesn’t matter,” I told her, knowing she wouldn’t understand, “but Uncle Jacky should be going soon.”

“No! Why?!” She screamed, grabbing two fistfuls of Jack’s shirt so he couldn’t let go. Jack’s face mirrored exactly what Emily was protesting.

“Because your mommy and daddy don’t know he’s here,” I took her from him as she reluctantly let go, “and I’m supposed to be babysitting you. It won’t look good if they come back tomorrow and see him here.”

“We can call them and ask if he can stay!”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea at seven pm. Plus, you should be going to bed soon.”

“No! I don’t wanna!”

“Well, if you don’t go to bed, your mommy and daddy are going to be mad at me and I won’t ever be allowed to babysit you again,” I blackmailed her, probably in a similar fashion Colton had used early on that evening.”

“No, no, no.” She shook her head and tried to get down. As soon as I put her on the floor, she ran up to her bedroom to start getting ready for bed.

I turned to Jack, “really, though, you should be going before I put Emily to bed. John and Trisha are coming back tomorrow and I don’t want them to get the wrong idea. If you leave after Emily’s gone to sleep, she will somehow tell them that you stayed for quite long, making it seem like we did only one thing.”

“Ok, ok, I don’t want to be the reason why Emily will never be allowed to see you again.” He smirked, understanding exactly what I had meant.

I started leading him to the front door. “But, you can pick me up tomorrow afternoon after Trisha and John come back. I can’t exactly leave before they do.”

“I’ll show up around four then, okay?” He stepped through the door I had opened for him and turned around to look at me for the last couple of second we had together that evening.

“Okay.”

He leaned down to kiss me one last time before going back to his car that was parked on the street.

Notes

GUESS WHO'S BACK, BACK AGAIN, JALAND'S BACK, TELL A FRIEND!!!!

This make-up might have been pretty short, but the chapter was so long already. So, you're going to have to do with this and imagine anything else around it if you want.

I hope the title of the chapter didn't throw you off or give away what was going to happen...